Title- The Return of Jess

Chapter Title- I'm Crazy

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

I sat on the swing for a long time wondering if I would've killed her. I felt like I could and I had the opportunity. Now I was in fight with her, mad at Steve and I think Michelle was mad at me. I was wondering whether I would stay out here or go back to Soda's. I was tempted to go back when it started to rain, but I decided not too. It was quiet out here, even if it was cold.

"Jessica," Sara yelled. She ran towards me.

"C'mon Jess, everybody is worried about you." She grabbed my arm and pulled me up. I followed her, I wasn't paying attention. I was in thought, but I have no idea about what. She walked to Soda's house and knocked on the door. Darry answered it.

"I found her," she said and walked back. I was tempted to run, but I was pulled into the house.

"God, you're soaked Jessi." I didn't say anything. I sat on the couch and looked ahead. It wasn't the nothingness. I was aware of what was going on, I could see people and I could feel things. I was feeling scared.

"You're gonna get sick." Somebody threw a blanket at me. I let it fall near me, but I didn't bother to pick it up. They didn't care about me a lot. I wanted to go to the nothingness. I felt good when I went to the nothingness. I pulled my legs to my body and closed my eyes. My body shivered slightly, but I didn't mind. I started to hum Twinkle Twinkle Little Star hoping that it would maybe send me into the nothingness.

"Didn't she do this yesterday? Nobody call her crazy." They could call me crazy, I was crazy. I knew it. I would've killed Lisa. I would've killed her; there was no doubt in my mind now. I couldn't go to the nothingness; I wasn't mad enough, or upset enough.

Finally, I opened my eyes and leaned back.

"I would've killed her. I would've killed her."

"What're you talking about?"

"Remember when I went outside at the DX today? Jess was there, she had my switchblade up to that other waitress. She could've killed her." Thanks for telling them Steve. The room went deathly silent and I closed my eyes. I started humming really loud; I wanted to get out of here. I swayed back and forth quickly, probably scaring the shit out of half the people there. I went into the nothingness. I couldn't see anything or heard anything. I wasn't sure if I was humming anymore.

I felt somebody grab me and I tried to move but I couldn't. Somebody was saying something, but I couldn't tell what it was. I started to relax because I realized I couldn't fight these people. I leaned into whoever was holding me.

"You what?" somebody screamed at me when I opened my eyes. I pulled out of Soda's arms and ran out of the house. I went to the park and screamed.

"I SHOULD'VE KILLED HER!" I sat down in the middle of the park and cried. I fell asleep there and woke up when the rain stopped and the sun started to shine. I walked to Soda's and looked through the window. Nobody was inside, which was good. I checked the clock it was around 8. I took a shower and went into the kitchen. There was a note on the table.

Jessi-

If you stop by here, don't stay here. Come to DX to see me. I want to know what happened yesterday.

I decided I'd go, he couldn't be that mad at me. He was outside; it was kind of nice out now. The ground had puddles on it. I walked over to him and waved. I looked to my feet because I was nervous.

"Was Steve telling the truth last night, were you going to kill that girl?"

"I would've, if he hadn't stopped me." My eyes were wearing a hole into my shoe.

"You can hate me, I'll still love you."

"I wouldn't hate you. She said those things about you, but I can't believe you almost killed her. Isn't she gonna tell her step-dad?"

"Her mom and he divorced." Why was it? She was cheating on him and she was pregnant? Yeah, that sounded right. I kept looking at my feet.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm crazy, Steve's mad at me and so is Michelle." I thought she was one of my best friends.

"They aren't mad at you. Steve couldn't believe how he found you and Michelle, well, I don't know."

"I can't even apologize now 'cause they're at school." I'm so stupid I dropped out. I could've been finishing school and then going to college.

"Will they stop by at lunch?"

"No," they were mad at me. When was school over anyway?

"I gotta go, I wanna get there before Lisa tears my stuff apart. Bye." I ran my fingers through my hair and then kissed him. He quickly kissed me back before his boss came out.

"Bye," he called out as I walked down the road. I wasn't going to switch my shift; I wasn't going to give into her.