Disclaimer – I do not own Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time or any materials relating to the Novels.

A/N: I would like to apologize to Moiraine for misspelling her name, hehe.

The Dark Lordz easily score the extra point with a kick from Semirhage's powerful, sinewy leg and the teams line up for the kick off.

"Let me receive the ball," Egwene orders and Nynaeve scowls at her, but quickly turns away. Cadsuane runs onto the field, waving her hands in everyone's faces,

"In my humble opinion, you should generate the play I created, what happens is that I—"

"Get off the field!" Aviendha yells, veiling herself, and chases Cadsuane back to the sideline.

"Five thousand silver pennies that Semirhage's kick goes further than Elayne's." Rahvin laughs from the booth as he eats his pizza and Mat high fives him,

"Decrepit old Noal could kick further than her!"

"Who you call'n decrepit, sonny!" Noal yells from his seat at the 50 yard line, shaking his bony fist.

"Let it go, Noal, we've got more important things to 'handle'." Thom answers and Rhuarc bursts into laughter,

"Hehehe, you wetlanders' sexual innuendo is so enjoyable."

Perrin blows the whistle and ball launches through the air in a burning spiral. All eyes look up to the watch with open mouths and the Dark Lordz rush forwards furiously, laughing maniacally.

"I've got it!" Moiraine calls and takes a step forwards, but as the ball dives downwards, she dodges away from it. The ball lands in the end zone and Leane grabs it but squirms,

"Ugh, I don't want anything rough on my smooth, smooth hands." She throws the ball away and Aviendha slaps her own forehead,

"Someone pick it up and down it! Don't let the other team—" Sumeko tosses the ball to Aviendha and her eyes widen as every member of the Dark Lordz leap onto her.

"Ooooh, that looked painful." Mat cringes and Rahvin looks over and laughs,

"You wussy. People die in football, it's part of the game."

"Serious?"

"Hell if I know, I'm eat'n." Rahvin takes another bite and Mat looks back down to the field.

Luckily the Light Sabers get the ball at the 20 yard line and Aviendha is still alive. Kiruna hikes the ball to Egwene and she back steps quickly as Katerine and Galina rush forwards. Sumeko jumps away in terror but Kiruna growls and rushes forwards to block. Egwene quickly hands the ball to Nynaeve and she rushes forwards.

"Oh, a handoff! Exactly what I had planned!" Cadsuane cackles from the sideline and Rand looks over and exhales, regretting allowing her on the team.

Nynaeve rushes down the left side of the field, flailing her braid crazily as defenders charge at her. Moghedien and Liandrin both get a braid across the face and Min and Berelain begin shaking their pom-poms vigorously.

"Give me an N!" Berelain yells and Aram shakes his head and slaps her wrist. Berelain pouts, tears working in her eyes and Aram scowls,

"You're doing it all wrong, now we're going to sit here all day until you get it right!"

Nynaeve is finally dragged down at the 50 yard line by Mesaana from behind and the Forces of Light cheer loudly.

"Good job, Nynaeve." Egwene pats her on the back and Nynaeve smiles through ecstasy,

"Really, Mother? You think I did well!"

"Seriously, what's wrong with you?" Egwene claps her hands, calling for the huddle and the seven women gather in a circle, heads together.

"Okay, this is what I suppose…" Egwene begins talking as boyish giggling is heard underneath.

"Oh, Slayer, you've outdone yourself this time." Sammael says from the post underground, beneath the Dragon Banner emblem on the 50 which just happens to be glass underneath. He, Slayer, and Daved Hanlon all have drinks and chips on the table beside them, and crane their necks to look up.

"I'm lovin those outfits, heehee." Daved tosses a dorito into his mouth and Slayer nods his head, leaning back comfortably,

"We'll be here all day, don't run out of snacks early or we'll have to eat Hopper."

"What?" The wolf brings his head out of a chip bag and Slayer bursts into laughter,

"I'm kiddin, buddy. Come enjoy some human women for a change."

"The braid is useful, but I dunno how much more abuse it can take." Mat wonders as Nynaeve rushes for another ten yards and is brought down by Lanfear's long smooth legs.

"I'd have to think the Dark Lordz are becoming angry about now." Rahvin adds as he flicks a pepperoni off his slice.

"Hike!" Egwene tosses the ball to Nynaeve for the third time and being smart for once, the Dark Team anticipates the attack, uh, play. Galina and Katerine both jump at Nynaeve's feet, stopping her in her tracks and Semirhage bursts forwards and catches the flailing braid. The Forces of Light all gasp as Semirhage jerks the braid downwards and Nynaeve's groan echoes all the way to Shara.

"What was that?" Taim asks, surrounded by beautiful tattoo faced women in a massive dome of gold. Grady shrugs his shoulders indifferently, eating a two hundred pound steak and Kajima continues singing karaoke.

"Holy shiat, Nynaeve has just been scalped!" Mat yells as the squealing Nynaeve is dragged from the field and Semirhage dances around, waving her trophy in the air.

"That must really suck." Rahvin says as he runs his hands through his slick, fine black hair.

"Rand, who do you want to substitute in?" Bashere asks from the sideline and Rand studies his bench : Elayne, who is still crying from her pitiful kickoff, Cadsuane who waves her hands in air yelping annoyingly and Elza who waves a flag that says 'Go Dark Lordz' in the air.

"Elza, I can surely trust you. You're in." Rand points and Elza snickers viciously and rushes onto the field and Cadsuane hurls an orange cone at Rand's head, but he stops it with a flow of air,

"Don't overstep yourself."

"Sorry!" Cadsuane jumps underneath the bench and the next play begins.

"Hike!" Egwene pans back and Semirhage rushes forwards at her, but Kiruna rushes forwards and clotheslines her. Egwene snickers and throws the ball to Moiraine. Moiraine stops running up the field and holds her hands into the air, but the ball flies in between them and sails out of bounds.

"Why'd you stop!" Aviendha yells and Moiraine shrugs and walks slowly back to the huddle as the crowd boos her.

"I doubt she'll get the ball ever again." Mat says and Rahvin tosses the pizza box on the floor and belches,

"It just seems like Rand has set his team up for failure."

"Oh, no, really!" Mat asks sarcastically and Rahvin scowls.

"Hand the ball off to me!" Cadsuane rushes onto the field and Aviendha growls and chases her off again as Elza pulls the opposing team's tank top over her head.

"What are you doing?" Egwene asks and Elza quickly pulls it off and clears her throat,

"Just trying it on…"

"Do you want me to throw it to you?"

"Sure." Elza snickers and Egwene claps for the huddle.

"Hike!" Egwene immediately tosses the ball over to Elza and she rushes forwards, directly to Semirhage and Mesaana, bowing down,

"What do you wish of me, High Chosen?"

"Excellent." Mesaana rubs her hands together through snickers and Semirhage snatches the ball and rushes down the field.

"Wait, what just happened!" Egwene asks dumbfounded as the team watches Semirhage run down the field unblocked and Moiraine sighs annoyed and sneaks off the field. Aviendha flashes maiden hand talk to the Light Forces of the crowd and twenty veiled Maidens jump from the bleachers, sending Elza running and screaming the other way.

"Well you didn't see that coming." Rahvin laughs as Semirhage scores and Perrin blows the whistle, signaling the end of the First Quarter.

"What's the score, 14-0?" Mat asks, counting on his fingers and Rahvin nods,

"Yea, a big ole goose egg for the woooooonderful Light Sabers."

"Hey, Rahv, what came first? The goose or the egg?"

Rahvin rubs his chin pondering and then stands up violently,

"My foot!" Rahvin brings his boot down onto the egg beneath the desk and Mat shrieks, grabbing his mouth,

"You monster! I named him Olver!"

"But you named me 'Olver'!" A big eared ten year old kid runs into the booth and Mat spins around with wide eyes,

"Olver!"

"Daddy!"

"Daddy?"

"DADDY!" Olver rushes forwards and Mat shakes his head and backs away,

"Noooo! I aintcho daddy! What you yell'n about!"

"You know what he's yell'n about!" A short, pudgy, big eared woman rushes into the booth and Mat cringes.

"I've been look'n for you a long time, Matrim, Mr. 'No Child Support'!" She yells and Mat's throat goes dry,

"I've never seen you before in my life."

"What about ten summers ago in Cairhien!"

"Ten summers ago? I was uh…uh, I was…ya know what?"

"What?" She asks acidly and Mat sighs and frowns,

"I know I haven't been there when I should have been, so I'm gonna say this next word as gently as possible…BALEFIRE!" Mat leaps to the ground as Rahvin launches a white beam of light from his finger and the short woman winks out of existence.

"Damn, Mat, you poor, poor soul. You know the mathematical equation to get hot babes right?"

"What's that?" Rahvin pops out his bottle and squirts blue gel into Mat's face,

"RYNE VENEMAR'S MAGIC HAIR GEL, BITCH!"