Disclaimer – I do not own Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time or any materials relating to the Novels nor do I hold Russell Crowe responsible for decking that weasel. (Yea, I used your famous line, I apologize)
"For the illegal scratching of eyes, the Light Sabers get the ball on the…" Bael nods his head back and forth and finally decides, "The 7 yard line. My favorite number."
"I knew we would get our way." Alanna says smugly with her arms crossed and Aviendha scoffs,
"Yea, and 'gasp' you didn't have to sleep with anyone." Alanna grabs an orange cone and begins swinging it, but Birgitte grabs her arm gently,
"Come on girls, we mustn't fight. We're a team." Alanna nods, truly touched by the wonderful words of encouragement.
"I understand now…my eyes…have been opened. I'm sorry, Avi." Alanna opens her arms wide to Aviendha with a forgiving smile, but Aviendha turns away,
"Go to hell, whore."
"I've got the perfect play!" Cadsuane demands and Birgitte turns towards her with a raised brow, "You throw it to me and I score and win for us."
"I'm not sure if you know what the score is."
"Who does?" Leane asks, sitting on the ground, filing her nails and everyone looks up at Rahvin in the announcer's booth.
"Oooh, good question…uhh…," Rahvin ducks down beneath the desk and Olver smiles and waves,
"You wanna play Trucks?"
"Shut it, boy! What's the score!"
"Well the Dump Truck and the Police Car—" Rahvin snatches the toy cars out of the boys hands and throws them across the room. Then kicks him for emphasis.
"Do not panic, my dear boy." A voice echoes throughout the room accompanied by low, morose notes from a well tuned harp. Rahvin peaks out from his hiding place and his eyes widen at seeing Asmodean decked out in a black and grey FUBU sweat suit with a golden harp medallion around his neck, "Yo!"
"What the hell are you doing here!" Rahvin demands angrily and Asmodean snickers,
"I figured if a minor character like Nalesean can come back, why the hell can't I? And plus, I know the score! Three to nothing and since and football is done in sevens, that makes it…" Asmodean looks around suspiciously and then begins counting on his fingers.
"Ok, three to nothin, easy enough." Bael blows his whistle and the teams line up at the seven yard line. Birgitte hikes the ball and pans backwards as Semirhage breaks through the lines. Birgitte stares her down fearlessly and twirls away from the tackle with a brilliant spin.
"Me, me!" Cadsuane yells, waving her hands in the air out of bounds and Birgitte sighs and throws the ball to Elayne. Mesaana and Liandrin both leap up for the ball, but Elayne skies above both of them with a flip and catches the ball in the air. She lands in a crouch and the crowd falls into a stunned silence.
"She's beginning to believe…" Noal whispers and Thom nods his head, looking down as his personal damane-masseuse begins combating his bunions in a never ending war of comfort.
"And the Light Sabers score!" Rahvin yells and the Light Forces of the crowd burst into applause and Min and Berelain leap into each other's arms, groping each other's pom-poms.
"This is no time for that!" Aram yells through aggravation, "We have to think of a cheer!" Min and Berelain ignore him as they continue dancing around entwined.
"Good catch, M—Elayne!" Birgitte high fives Elayne and she smiles and nods, but doesn't say anything in response. Moghedien raises an eyebrow suspiciously as the Dark Lordz walk down to the other side of the field.
"There is something different about that slightly masculine 'Elayne' and I'm going to put my finger on it…"
"If you put your lips on it, call me!" Beslan yells, waving from the crowd and Moghedien hurls a cone at his head, sending him crashing to the floor.
"Let me kick it, let me kick it!" Cadsuane yells as she runs around the football stand and Birgitte shakes her head,
"You are only on the field because we are a player short. If you don't be quiet, I'll choke you." Cadsuane sits down and pouts and Aviendha snickers.
Bael blows the whistle and Aviendha rushes forwards and slashes the ball through the air, spiraling it to the twenty where Lanfear catches it and rushes back. Semirhage, Graendal, and Liandrin create an invincible barrier around her as they roar back up the field. Leane and Cadsuane jump out of the way as Alanna is trampled, but Birgitte rallies the others at the fifty.
"Kiruna, now!" She orders and Kiruna leaps at Semirhage's feet, sending the behemoth crashing down and Elayne leaps forwards and wraps her arms around Lanfear's hips, crashing her backwards to the ground.
"Yippee! They've been stopped!" Min giggles and Berelain nods her head happily,
"Wait, you have a little S'redit burger sauce on your lip." Berelain leans forwards and wipes the smudge from the blushing Min's face.
"Thank…thank you. You know, Berelain…there's something I never told you…"
"Well, well, what's all this then?" Daved, Slayer, and Sammael all disregard the game to watch the new unfolding plot between the cheerleaders, the girls, not Aram.
"Hut, hut, Hike!" Lanfear quickly hands the ball off to Liandrin who rushes behind her, drawing Birgitte's rush, but Liandrin throws the ball through the air, sailing towards Moghedien. She reaches up into the air, but Elayne spins in front and rips the ball out of the air.
"Interception! Holy shizzle!" Rand yells, leaping up from the bench as Elayne rushes the ball back down field with the furious Moghedien rushing after her. Lanfear growls and leaps at her, but Elayne stiff arms her in the chest, squeezing inappropriately in the process and Lanfear squeals scandalized as she hits the ground.
"Woah, did she just do what I think she did!" Asmodean asks with wide eyes and Rahvin wipes the drool from his chin,
"Duuude, Slayer, tell me you got that on tape!" Slayer attempts to look up with one eye, keeping the other glued on Min and Berelain's topless pom-pom fight,
"Bro, where are you lookin!"
Moghedien finally rushes in front of Elayne and Elayne slides to a halt at the twenty yard line, the two teams rushing from behind.
"You aren't Elayne. I had a quite intimate compulsion session with her, and you're…different." 'Elayne' clinches her jaw nervously and Moghedien scowls, "I knew it! An imposter! What is your name?"
'Elayne' clears her throat, looks up with a serious face, and speaks in a voice which attempts to be feminine,
"My name is Gladiator."
"That voice…I almost recognize it…" Moghedien bites her lower lip in quandary and Logain pulls out his cell phone and slides it open,
"Operator! I need a Matrix-Unplug at the Field of Lances. Thanks." Logain puts on his black glasses and leans back in his seat smugly as Moghedien up and collapses to the ground. 'Elayne' looks around confused, but then takes off and rushes into the end zone.
"What the hell just happened!" Rahvin yells as the whistle blows and the crowd erupts into more cheers.
"I think she fainted…" Asmodean says indifferently, "Yea, she probably saw a spider…" Rahvin looks over confused and then groans at the dumbass attempt of a joke.
"Good job, Elayne!" Aviendha leaps into 'Elayne's arms and 'Elayne' hugs her tightly, her hands holding places they shouldn't be and Aviendha clears her throat, "You can let me down now."
"Damnit! I can't watch both at once!" Noal yells as he twists his neck from the field and then back to Berelain and Min's pom-pom fight evolving into a confetti fest using certain oils and other slippery substances.
"Well that makes it 3-2 in a quick turn of events," Asmodean says strumming his harp, "I wonder if—" A loud crash of thunder sounds from overhead the announcer's booth and both Forsaken's throats go dry. The door flies open and black clad servant of evil himself, Shaidar Haran bursts through. Rahvin squeals and leaps under the desk, covering himself in toy cars to hide. Asmodean attempts to work moisture into his throat as the towering Fade looks down with his terrifying gaze.