Disclaimer – I do not own Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time or any materials relating to the Novels.
All is silent, taut with terror as Asmodean fumbles for his harp and Shaidar Haran opens his mouth, thunder roaring from above as the screech of eagles escapes his mouth,
"I know I told you baby-sit my old, sick mom, boy! If she don't get her sponge bath, mommy gets ever so aggravated!" Asmodean shivers from the thought and scrambles to his feet, grabbing his Magical Harp and pointing it at the towering Fade,
"She's like a million years old! Just let her pass, damnit! The Dark One take you, I aint going back to them crusty-ass feet!" Asmodean yells out as he summons his power, "HARP BLAST X 10!" He launches a blast of black and blue musical notes at Shaidar Haran who throws his black cloaked hand outwards,
"Shield of Deaf…ness." The blast is deflected and Asmodean squeals as he turns to run, but Shaidar Haran reaches out, catching him by the back of the neck, "There is no escape, my son."
"Shaidar Haran's your daddy!" Olver asks excitedly from under the desk and Rahvin groans through annoyance and stabs the boy in the side with his finger.
"Please, I'll serve! I live to serve, Great Master! I'll come back to the Dark Side, I swear it!" Asmodean cries hysterically as he is hoisted into the air and Shaidar Haran places him over his shoulder,
"I'll just have to leash you to her, stop crying, you brought it upon yourself." Shaidar Haran disappears through the doors and the thunder storm from above lifts and the sunlight hesitantly returns from hiding.
"Well…" Rahvin quickly stands back up, situating himself in his seat, placing his headphones back on, "Back to where we were…uh, kick off from the Light Sabers."
Aviendha kicks the ball spiraling through the air and Lanfear receives once again, but this time rather than surrounding her, the Dark Lordz rush down the field aggressively. Cadsuane turns and runs behind the un-used field goal post and Leane curls up in a ball on the field.
"Do not let dread overtake your very special and unique bodies, girls, we're a powerful force, not to be taken lightly!" Birgitte rallies the remaining players and they all charge forwards to meet the rush, except for 'Elayne' who leaps over both lines, and lands in front of Lanfear.
"You again! You intercepted my halfback option play…I know you're not Elayne." Lanfear says smugly, placing the football underneath her arm and 'Elayne' nods her head, speaking in the same 'attempted feminine' voice,
"Amazing detective skills you have. Make it easy and just give me the ball!"
"I'll give you the ball if you remove your clothes and reveal who you are!" Lanfear demands and 'Elayne' shakes her head rigorously,
"I'm not getting naked in front of people I don't know! I'm not trying to earn the Accepted Dress…or the Aes Sedai Ring…or raising my hand to ask if I can place my name in the novice book…or working up the courage to ask an Aes Sedai if her ageless look isn't botox…"
'Elayne' continues rambling and Lanfear sighs and rushes away down the field, practically unblocked since all the Light Sabers except Birgitte are being pinned to the ground by a Dark Lord, Semirhage gripping the legs of both Kiruna and the squealing Sumeko.
"Elayne, you lazy git!" Birgitte yells as she dodges a punch from Liandrin and then trips the legs out from beneath Alviarin. 'Elayne' quickly regains herself and rushes after Lanfear who runs down the sidelines, well out of the reach of Birgitte. The Dark Forces of the crowd cheer and the Light Forces bid their time between watching the giggling Min and Berelain who have knocked over three bins of Gatorade and watching whatever's happening on the field.
"I have a larger lung capacity ya know!" 'Elayne' catches up and Lanfear's eyes widen as she looks behind herself and Elayne leaps at her legs, accidentally grabbing too high and catching waist band…or was it on purpose? Lanfear gasps as her shorts slip down around her knees and Rahvin leaps to his feet and cheers,
"I can die happy! I have seen the Thong That Cannot Be Seen! Black with little white flowers…awwww."
"Damn, I really need TIVO." Noal yells as he continues whipping his head back and forth and Thom shakes his head and points to Min and Berelain barely wearing a piece of clothing between the both of them,
"Cheerleaders cost more on the internet than transsexuals. Watch free while you can!"
"How dare you! I'm not one of Graendal's Pretties!" Lanfear protests as she hobbles down the field after 'Elayne' whom now has the ball, but she can't keep up and trips to the ground. 'Elayne' dances into the End Zone and Bael blows the whistle.
"It's all tied up! And because the world is more interested in Min and Berelain's 'inappropriate' coupling, because they aren't Aiel, they shouldn't be able to steal our customs damnit! Anyways, I have a lopar steak dinner waiting at home and this was more of a publicity stunt, next point wins."
The Light Sabers huddle at the thirty five yard line and Birgitte looks over to the panting 'Elayne' with a look of concern on her face,
"Do you have anymore of your tricks left? We can't slack now." 'Elayne' nods her head with grim determination and Birgitte motions for Aviendha to kick the ball.
"Oooh, this is getting exciting!" Rahvin says as he rubs his hands together, no longer watching the game, but interested at the welcoming of Myrelle to Min and Berelain's 'special event'.
"Oh, there's no way that'll fit!" Sammael says as Myrelle pulls the Choedan Kal out of nowhere with a twinkle in her eye,
"Wanna bet?"