Conjuring kittens

Snape and Angelina sat in Snape's office with their fuzzy gel-pens and hot sexy milkshakes planning a bachelor party for Hagrid and that other giant lady

Snape closed the door. "So," he said, "Decorations. I'm thinking…."

"Pink," Angelina interrupted. "With bows. But mostly pink. Lots and lots of pink." And she smiled, taking a pink umbrella from her bag.

'I'm thinking giant pictures of kitten's doing it and pink lace doilies,' said Snape

"Enough!" Snape said imperiously, looking very imperious. "What I say goes, because I am, male, and male I am. So my saying is what will happen and goes…" he trailed off in a confused trail, but quickly regained focus. "Anyway, I say STRIPPERS. BOOOOOOZE. PORN. BREASTS!"

'Well whatever happens we HAVE to have Umbridge as the stripper I hear she does a mean strip to Symphony No. 3 the fact that she is part toad is a natural advantage' continued Angelina. "She'll look really weird in lingerie."

Suddenly, Snape paused. "You smell," he stated.

"Really?" Angelina asked, pleased. "Like what?"

Snape moved close, sniffing her violently and delicately alternately. "Like… cat poo."

Several times during the evening Angelina tried to "get off" with Severus but he pushed away her sexual urges , not wanting her to know he was wearing Tellitubbie underwear.

"I've got it! Cried Angelina "We should get in the Triple Breasted Whore of Eroticon III! She's great!"

Snapes eyes began to glow. He liked that idea. Cracking open a beer, he began to list things down.

"NOW! LOCATION!' Snape cried with manly man-like –ness. He messily scrawled LO…LOCT…PLACE on the list. "I'm Thinking Eroticon 5 the home of Lusterbation."

Angelina looked doubtful. "I dunno… I've had some bad experiences ordering out of catalogues…"

Angelina swigged her drink and started crudely drawing porn on the list page.

"I've got it!" yelled Snape! "We'll go to that web site with the porno pictures of Umbridge that I posted, print them out, and use them as coasters! We can have a different one for every guest, and get her to sign them!"

"Wow," marvelled Angelina. "I thought that site was just an urban legend! You mean it actually exists?"

"Oh yeah," Snape confirmed. "She founded it herself, actually. Some of the stuff on there is pretty… uh… well, frankly it gave me nightmares."

'And ! WE should write them a speech!." Snape jumped awkwardly onto the table knocking everything off including several kittens. "It should go ,' he cleared his throat

"Dear Hagid and whoserwhatit

may you be some together with lots of SEX ! BOZZE AND PORN! AND BOOZE AND SEX And kittens ."

He fell off the table started to laughed uncontrollably

"YES!" yelled Angelina. "And… we need… BOOOOOOZE! A huge pile of BOOOOOOZE!" And she took a long swig of a fresh bottle of vodka.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Well dah. It's a bachelor party. Of course there'll be booze. We're MEN."

" We need FOOD to go with the BOOZE… I was thinking cocktaildoodles Cocktails wieners King prawns and cherries and whipped cream,' said Angelina

Snapes eyes widened. "Trucks!" he cried! "We can get in a pile of trucks!"

Angelina looked horrified through her beer. "Trucks? Are you mad?" and she whacked him with her booze bottle.

Before he went down cold, Snape managed to get one in with his booze bottle. The pair fell into a deep, pissed-induced coma that lasted several hours, before waking up with no memory of the evening at 7am the next morning. They resolved to plan the party the next evening.