I Could Die For the Words That You Say

Entry 5:

So after the incident in the park seeing Nick, I started to be really cautious when leaving the loft alone. Normally, I didn't. Brian would walk me to my car and I'd have no problem getting to school and work and home by myself. It was the initial leaving that was the hardest part. Brian was very patient and supportive and encouraging.

One afternoon, he met me for lunch. I was don with classes for the day and he decided to take the rest of the day off. We went to the diner to join everyone there, because by this time they should all be arriving from their prospective jobs, minus Ted because he still felt a little weird around us all after the whole crystal incident.

Brian sat in the booth first and I curled in beside him and he wrapped one arm around me, I cuddled in close. Everyone kind of stared at us as we went over the menu together, like we didn't know it, analyzing all the possibilities for lunch. Neither of us noticed everyone until Deb cleared her throat for our orders. I blushed and Brian grinned.

"I'll have my usual and Justin will have a grilled cheese with extra fries and both of us… no I will have a Coke and he will have a Pepsi." Brian stated, putting the menu back and then the other's ordered.

I nuzzled against him; happy he could always remember my order. It was a true sign of love being able to know exactly what your lover wants or is going to say at any given moment. I knew everything he was going to say before he said it which was a very difficult task when it came to Brian Kinney. Mikey commented that it was a sign that I was indeed in love with him and that it would never change, nor would it erode away with time. I liked the idea of Mikey supporting the relationship between Brian and I. It made it that much easier.

"I love you," Brian said.

"I love you more," I taunted.

"Not possible," Brian responded, then kissed me.

I kissed back and giggled as Ben, Emmett, Michael and Deb looked at us as if we'd both gone insane and been taken over by body snatchers. No one had ever seen us so warm and loving toward each other, especially not Brian. That was mostly our fault because the majority of it took place when it was just the two of us, and Soleil, but he'd never tell. I have to say that this was the first time in my life that I could say I was completely and genuinely happy. The rape was beginning to be a distant memory, I was getting used to being called "Sunshine" again and Brian was the best with me he'd ever been. Everything was perfect.

This would be when you'd expect everything to go wrong right? Well you're wrong. This perfect was here to stay and nothing made me happier. Though there was a brief moment when I questioned Brian and our relationship… for the last time.

I came home from class, the last day before spring break and Brian was packing bags. I was flashing back to our ill-fated trip to Vermont and I swallowed hard when I saw it. I don't think he noticed it at first, that I was there watching him intently. He was packing things that didn't look like a business trip though. It looked like stuff for going to Vermont. I was really hoping that would be the outcome, so much so that my heart was beating faster with nervousness of when he'd look up and see me standing there. He looked at me and smiled.

"Hey JT better start packin," He said, putting some socks in his bag and zipping it up.

"Where are we going Rage?" I asked playing his little game.

"Vermont!"

My eyes lit up and he came over and spun me around like I was a little kid. He picked me up and spun me around. What the fuck? What a so not Brian thing to do! But he did and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped from my lips. I couldn't believe this. In just a matter of months Brian had become someone completely and utterly different from the man I first met on Liberty Ave. But I didn't really mind. I liked the change. I liked that Brian wanted me and only me. I liked that Brian was happy to just spend the day with me whenever. I liked that he wanted to go on trips and fuck in the park and take care of a dog and treat me like I was special. I loved Brian. More than I knew I could.

"Why Vermont?" I asked as if I didn't know.

"I owe you a trip to Vermont to snowboard, the bed and breakfast allows pets so you can bring Soleil. It will be a blast."

I smiled and began to pack my bags. In retrospect, I take it back. I said that the prom was the best night of my life. I said that the day in the park was the best after that. Okay, I take them both back now. Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember.