Prologue - Part B
[b]~Liz~[/b]
I sigh when I feel Kyle pull me more tightly against him. My father is still snapping pictures, but Kyle seems oblivious now. "This is a mistake Liz," he says quietly. "We can make this work."
"Kyle."
"Liz, please. Don't do this. We love each other. A little distance can't just end that."
I look over at my father. He has lowered his camera, seems aware that maybe he shouldn't be standing there anymore, that maybe he's witnessing something best kept private. "Dad, can you just give us a minute?"
"Of course, Sweetie," my dad says. "Mom and I'll wait by the car. See ya, Kyle."
"Bye, Mr. Parker," Kyle says, but he doesn't take his eyes off of me.
"Kyle," I say firmly. I pull away, put both my hands on his shoulders and push him until he has backed behind the tree in front of which we're standing. "We've been over this. We agreed."
"I know, Liz, but I just know that I'm not going to want to date anyone else," Kyle tells me. I can see that he really means it. His blue eyes are as earnest as they've ever been. For the captain of the football team, my soon to be ex-boyfriend fits none of the stereotypes. He isn't a bohunk, he isn't a jerk. He's just a really great guy.
But he's not for me. Not anymore. I love Kyle, but I'm not [I]in[/I] love with him. And that's just the way it is. This fact doesn't mean that I want to hurt him though. I don't. But I still know that this is the best thing.
College is going to be a fresh start for me - a chance to decide who I am out of the fishbowl that is the town I grew up in. It is about finally getting out of Roswell, New Mexico and I am not planning to leave anything - or anyone - behind that might make me feel even the slightest bit attached to this place.
"Kyle, you're going to be at a big school," I remind him. "You're going to be the star of the football team. I swear you're going to forget all about me as soon as you get there." I place my hands on either side of his face, make him meet my eyes. "We [I]have[/I] to do this Kyle. It's time."
"But why now? Why can't we have the summer?" Kyle complains. "Why does it have to be today?"
I sigh. "Kyle, there's something I haven't told you."
He frowns. "What? Is there someone else?" He begins to look around suspiciously.
"No, Kyle! I swear! It's just that." I start to tell him that I just got the call this morning, that I have been accepted to the summer program at Harvard, that I'm leaving the very next day, but he has completely tuned me out now.
"There [I]is[/I], isn't there?" I stare at him when I realize that his eyes have come to rest on someone in the crowd. He scowls. "It's [I]him.[/I]"
I turn my head, following his gaze, feel my eyes widen in surprise when I understand that he is talking about Max Evans, my lab partner, who is standing at the edge of the crowd. He doesn't seem to be looking at us, but he isn't talking to anyone else either.
But then, that's Max. Getting that boy to say two words is like pulling teeth. I have found over the past four years that I sometimes say really shocking things to him, just to see if I can get a reaction. I once told him I was giving up on Harvard to be a stripper in Vegas and he just smiled slightly and said, "That's nice." He then asked me to pass him the Bunsen burner.
Okay, I didn't really tell him that. But if I had, that's what he would have done.
Besides, if I [I]had[/I] said it, Max would have known I was joking, being as how everyone knows that I'm going to Harvard. Everyone has known it since I was five years old and my dad started telling them so.
My life has been planned out since the day of my birth. Not that I don't love my life, but I'm ready for a change, ready to make some of my own decisions, ready to meet new people and have new experiences.
Just because it's at the school my parents chose for me doesn't mean anything. Really, it doesn't. I [I]want[/I] to go to Harvard. I [I]want[/I] to be a doctor.
Well, I usually want to be a doctor. When I don't want to be a writer that is.
I once told Max that, during one of our many one-sided biology conversations. I really don't know why. It just came out.
"Would you be shocked if I told you I might not want to be a doctor?" I asked him abruptly.
He blinked at me in that way he has, like he's been on some other planet momentarily and I'm dragging him back to Earth. Not that he ever seems to mind. The instant I speak to him, his attention is always right on me.
For once, he actually momentarily continued the conversation too. "What would you be instead?" he asked, like he really cared.
When I told him a writer, he said, "I could see that."
That was the end of it, but it made me feel very warm inside at the time. Like, for once, someone understood that maybe I wasn't as predictable as everyone always makes me out to be.
Of course, he probably wasn't thinking that at all. Max was probably thinking "Why is this strange girl telling me this? I barely know her." (This being Roswell though, that isn't entirely true either. We've known each other since the third grade, but you know what I mean.) That's the thing with Max though. He might be thinking these things, but he never, ever shows it on his face. Which makes him easy to talk to.
After that, he sort of became a sounding board of sorts for me. Because, when someone refuses to talk about themselves, or talk at all, sometimes a girl just decides to talk about herself. Since Max never seems to mind, it happens a lot.
In fact, he was the first person I told I was breaking up with Kyle. All he said was, "I'm sure you'll make the right decision," and then he changed the subject to test-tubes. It was actually very weird, considering there were no test tubes in front of us at the time.
Weird, but intriguing. Because [I]what[/I] is he really thinking when he answers me? I lied before. I do care. I want to [I]know[/I].
Okay, I'll admit it. Max has always fascinated me. Who wouldn't want to know what someone that quiet is thinking about? Plus he is [I]very[/I] hot in a tall, dark and mysterious kind of way. (Although there's really no mystery - he lives on Murray Lane, he has a sister named Isabel, who is a major bitch, and two nice parents. He really likes Will Smith burgers. I also know he was adopted after he and his sister were abandoned in the desert one night. Roswell - no real secrets in this town! You see why I want out.)
But why Kyle might think we're having a clandestine relationship is beyond me. Although, I must admit, at the moment, Max does sort of look like he's waiting to speak to me. How odd. I don't think he's ever sought me out in the entire ten years of our acquaintance. Well, except maybe that one time that he needed notes. Which was peculiar in and of itself, considering Max is never sick. I found out later they were for Michael Guerin, his best friend, who is almost [I]always[/I] away.
In fact, I'm a little surprised that Michael graduated, but that has nothing to do with anything, so forget that.
When I asked him why Michael couldn't just have [I]his[/I] notes, Max stared at me for a full minute. He truly seemed to have no answer for me. I felt so sorry for him, I gave him the notes.
He never asked for notes again after that. I sort of wish I hadn't said anything, because he's never initiated a conversation again either.
"Max?" I say to Kyle now. "Are you crazy? Of course not!"
I know I sound more incredulous than I should. I mean, it's not like Max isn't hot. But the boy doesn't talk. How can one develop a relationship with a mute? Not to mention, when, [I]ever[/I], has Kyle seen me speak to Max Evans? My boyfriend is many things, but an AP Science candidate is not one of them. And the only place I've ever held a conversation with Max is at the lab table (if you can call his side of it part of a conversation). His standing Will Smith order at the Crashdown does not count either.
"Are you sure?" Kyle demands, meeting my eyes again. "I've noticed the way that guy looks at you, Liz."
"What?" I shake my head, not understanding. "Max is my lab partner. I barely know him."
"Liz, he's in the Crashdown practically everyday," Kyle reminds me, although he no longer seems angry. I think he can see that I'm truly shocked that he might think that there is something going on between Max and me.
"He just really likes Will Smith burgers," I say, but I am sneaking a peek at Max again, past Kyle's shoulder. The crowd is starting to thin out and I can see that he's disappeared. It is quite obvious now that he wasn't looking for me at all.
"No one likes Will Smith burgers [I]that[/I] much, Liz," Kyle mutters.
"Um, listen, Kyle, can we talk about this later?" I ask. Because I really do not want to talk about this right now. He knows how I feel about breaking up. It doesn't matter if we do it today or three years from now. It's going to happen eventually after all. We're just not meant to be together.
He does deserve to know why we can't have one last great summer together though. But the mere thought of going into the whole explanation now exhausts me.
"Liz!"
I stand on my tip-toes, give him a light kiss on the lips. "I swear I'll fill you in on everything at the party. I want to have one more great night with you, Kyle. Let's not do this now, okay?"
He sighs heavily. I feel guilty again, but I still know I'm doing the right thing. "Okay," he says as he starts to trudge away. I watch him go, sighing too.
Why does everything have to be so hard? Kyle and I are not soul mates. We've had a great time all through high school, he'll always be my first love, but he has to know as much as I do that we're not going to end up together.
I can't explain why that is, but I just [I]know[/I] it. He is not the one for me. My whole life is still out there waiting for me. I can't have a boyfriend right now. I just [I]can't[/I].
My life exists far away from Roswell, New Mexico. And this includes the people in it. I want to have a chance to explore the world without everyone in my sphere having known me for my entire life, without everyone being able to pass judgment because they think they know everything about me, just because they knew me in diapers.
I cross my arms over my chest, lower my eyes, trying to figure out exactly how I'm going to finally make Kyle see this. How am I going to make him understand?
I shake my head though, refusing to think about this right now. This is my graduation. I still need to find my best friends, Alex and Maria, hug them and see what they thought of my speech. I also know that Maria was going to try to talk to Michael Guerin today, if only just to say she had made him address her.
My best friend is obsessed with Michael, has been for years. He fascinates her, but she's never done anything about it. Everyone sees that Michael wants nothing to do with anyone other than Max and Isabel Evans. I don't really blame him actually. His foster father is kind of a big jerk. I don't think he's ever learned how to interact with other people.
How he and Max ended up friends, I'll never know. The two guys could not be more different. Max is studious, kind of preppy and normal - well, except for the not speaking part. Michael is your quintessential rebel without a cause.
It must be the mute factor that brings them together. Neither expects the other to talk.
Of course, that really doesn't make sense either. Because they do speak to each other. I see them talking to each other on a regular basis, at the Crashdown, when they come in and sit in the corner booth for hours.
I frown slightly at the thought. For one brief moment, I wonder if Kyle is right. [I]Does[/I] Max Evans have a thing for me? I mean, he [I]is[/I] in my parents' restaurant almost every day. He can't like Will Smith burgers [I]that[/I] much!
[I]Full of yourself much Liz?[/I] A small voice in the back of my head asks. I can feel my face heating up slightly, wonder if it's at the thought that Max might like me or whether it's because I am so ludicrously off base.
I'm losing it.
It's this town. It makes people weird, including me. Which is another reason I can't wait to get out of here.
Thinking of Max again reminds me that he is nearby and I look back towards where he was standing a few minutes ago. He is still gone. I wonder why I feel disappointed.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear his voice behind me. "Liz."
I whirl. "Max! Where the heck did you come from?"
"Um, from behind the tree," Max replies, gesturing behind him. I stare in the direction in which he's pointing, confused. "I was waiting for you to be done with Kyle."
"So, you were standing behind the tree?" I ask, unsure what he's talking about.
"No," Max says quickly. He obviously thinks [I]I[/I] think he was eavesdropping. "I was just waiting."
"Okay." I trail off uncertainly. His eyes are glued to the ground and he is shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Max, are you okay?"
I watch him take a deep breath. "I'm fine," he says firmly, meeting my gaze. "I really liked your speech."
I smile at that. It was cheezy crap and I'll be the first person to admit it. But I can see that he really means it. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," he says. We then stand there for what feels like ten minutes staring at each other.
I watch in fascination as his face starts to turn red right down to his cute ears, which sort of stick out. The slight imperfection only makes him more gorgeous. I haven't really noticed how beautiful his eyes are before actually. I mean, I've always known intellectually that my lab partner is a cute guy, but having him standing right in front of me, the sunlight filtering through the leaves on the tree, making his face half-shadowed, accentuating the brightness of his eyes, I feel my heart skip a beat.
I blink when he abruptly thrusts something at me, breaking the moment. I reach out and take it, realize it's a yearbook. "I was wondering if you'd sign it," he says in a rush.
"Sure," I say readily. I frown slightly though, wonder what to write. We just had a very strange moment, Max and I. I don't feel particularly comfortable plopping down on the ground in front of him and writing some stupid, generic message. I'm not sure why this is, but it's the way I feel. "Can I give it back to you later?"
He looks surprised. "I guess so."
"Are you coming to my party?" I ask. "I can give it to you then."
"Okay."
"Okay, then." I smile at him again, still feeling a little peculiar. "I'll see you there. Bye, Max."
I tuck the yearbook under my arm, turn and start to walk away.
I can feel his eyes following me the whole way.
[b]~Liz~[/b]
I sigh when I feel Kyle pull me more tightly against him. My father is still snapping pictures, but Kyle seems oblivious now. "This is a mistake Liz," he says quietly. "We can make this work."
"Kyle."
"Liz, please. Don't do this. We love each other. A little distance can't just end that."
I look over at my father. He has lowered his camera, seems aware that maybe he shouldn't be standing there anymore, that maybe he's witnessing something best kept private. "Dad, can you just give us a minute?"
"Of course, Sweetie," my dad says. "Mom and I'll wait by the car. See ya, Kyle."
"Bye, Mr. Parker," Kyle says, but he doesn't take his eyes off of me.
"Kyle," I say firmly. I pull away, put both my hands on his shoulders and push him until he has backed behind the tree in front of which we're standing. "We've been over this. We agreed."
"I know, Liz, but I just know that I'm not going to want to date anyone else," Kyle tells me. I can see that he really means it. His blue eyes are as earnest as they've ever been. For the captain of the football team, my soon to be ex-boyfriend fits none of the stereotypes. He isn't a bohunk, he isn't a jerk. He's just a really great guy.
But he's not for me. Not anymore. I love Kyle, but I'm not [I]in[/I] love with him. And that's just the way it is. This fact doesn't mean that I want to hurt him though. I don't. But I still know that this is the best thing.
College is going to be a fresh start for me - a chance to decide who I am out of the fishbowl that is the town I grew up in. It is about finally getting out of Roswell, New Mexico and I am not planning to leave anything - or anyone - behind that might make me feel even the slightest bit attached to this place.
"Kyle, you're going to be at a big school," I remind him. "You're going to be the star of the football team. I swear you're going to forget all about me as soon as you get there." I place my hands on either side of his face, make him meet my eyes. "We [I]have[/I] to do this Kyle. It's time."
"But why now? Why can't we have the summer?" Kyle complains. "Why does it have to be today?"
I sigh. "Kyle, there's something I haven't told you."
He frowns. "What? Is there someone else?" He begins to look around suspiciously.
"No, Kyle! I swear! It's just that." I start to tell him that I just got the call this morning, that I have been accepted to the summer program at Harvard, that I'm leaving the very next day, but he has completely tuned me out now.
"There [I]is[/I], isn't there?" I stare at him when I realize that his eyes have come to rest on someone in the crowd. He scowls. "It's [I]him.[/I]"
I turn my head, following his gaze, feel my eyes widen in surprise when I understand that he is talking about Max Evans, my lab partner, who is standing at the edge of the crowd. He doesn't seem to be looking at us, but he isn't talking to anyone else either.
But then, that's Max. Getting that boy to say two words is like pulling teeth. I have found over the past four years that I sometimes say really shocking things to him, just to see if I can get a reaction. I once told him I was giving up on Harvard to be a stripper in Vegas and he just smiled slightly and said, "That's nice." He then asked me to pass him the Bunsen burner.
Okay, I didn't really tell him that. But if I had, that's what he would have done.
Besides, if I [I]had[/I] said it, Max would have known I was joking, being as how everyone knows that I'm going to Harvard. Everyone has known it since I was five years old and my dad started telling them so.
My life has been planned out since the day of my birth. Not that I don't love my life, but I'm ready for a change, ready to make some of my own decisions, ready to meet new people and have new experiences.
Just because it's at the school my parents chose for me doesn't mean anything. Really, it doesn't. I [I]want[/I] to go to Harvard. I [I]want[/I] to be a doctor.
Well, I usually want to be a doctor. When I don't want to be a writer that is.
I once told Max that, during one of our many one-sided biology conversations. I really don't know why. It just came out.
"Would you be shocked if I told you I might not want to be a doctor?" I asked him abruptly.
He blinked at me in that way he has, like he's been on some other planet momentarily and I'm dragging him back to Earth. Not that he ever seems to mind. The instant I speak to him, his attention is always right on me.
For once, he actually momentarily continued the conversation too. "What would you be instead?" he asked, like he really cared.
When I told him a writer, he said, "I could see that."
That was the end of it, but it made me feel very warm inside at the time. Like, for once, someone understood that maybe I wasn't as predictable as everyone always makes me out to be.
Of course, he probably wasn't thinking that at all. Max was probably thinking "Why is this strange girl telling me this? I barely know her." (This being Roswell though, that isn't entirely true either. We've known each other since the third grade, but you know what I mean.) That's the thing with Max though. He might be thinking these things, but he never, ever shows it on his face. Which makes him easy to talk to.
After that, he sort of became a sounding board of sorts for me. Because, when someone refuses to talk about themselves, or talk at all, sometimes a girl just decides to talk about herself. Since Max never seems to mind, it happens a lot.
In fact, he was the first person I told I was breaking up with Kyle. All he said was, "I'm sure you'll make the right decision," and then he changed the subject to test-tubes. It was actually very weird, considering there were no test tubes in front of us at the time.
Weird, but intriguing. Because [I]what[/I] is he really thinking when he answers me? I lied before. I do care. I want to [I]know[/I].
Okay, I'll admit it. Max has always fascinated me. Who wouldn't want to know what someone that quiet is thinking about? Plus he is [I]very[/I] hot in a tall, dark and mysterious kind of way. (Although there's really no mystery - he lives on Murray Lane, he has a sister named Isabel, who is a major bitch, and two nice parents. He really likes Will Smith burgers. I also know he was adopted after he and his sister were abandoned in the desert one night. Roswell - no real secrets in this town! You see why I want out.)
But why Kyle might think we're having a clandestine relationship is beyond me. Although, I must admit, at the moment, Max does sort of look like he's waiting to speak to me. How odd. I don't think he's ever sought me out in the entire ten years of our acquaintance. Well, except maybe that one time that he needed notes. Which was peculiar in and of itself, considering Max is never sick. I found out later they were for Michael Guerin, his best friend, who is almost [I]always[/I] away.
In fact, I'm a little surprised that Michael graduated, but that has nothing to do with anything, so forget that.
When I asked him why Michael couldn't just have [I]his[/I] notes, Max stared at me for a full minute. He truly seemed to have no answer for me. I felt so sorry for him, I gave him the notes.
He never asked for notes again after that. I sort of wish I hadn't said anything, because he's never initiated a conversation again either.
"Max?" I say to Kyle now. "Are you crazy? Of course not!"
I know I sound more incredulous than I should. I mean, it's not like Max isn't hot. But the boy doesn't talk. How can one develop a relationship with a mute? Not to mention, when, [I]ever[/I], has Kyle seen me speak to Max Evans? My boyfriend is many things, but an AP Science candidate is not one of them. And the only place I've ever held a conversation with Max is at the lab table (if you can call his side of it part of a conversation). His standing Will Smith order at the Crashdown does not count either.
"Are you sure?" Kyle demands, meeting my eyes again. "I've noticed the way that guy looks at you, Liz."
"What?" I shake my head, not understanding. "Max is my lab partner. I barely know him."
"Liz, he's in the Crashdown practically everyday," Kyle reminds me, although he no longer seems angry. I think he can see that I'm truly shocked that he might think that there is something going on between Max and me.
"He just really likes Will Smith burgers," I say, but I am sneaking a peek at Max again, past Kyle's shoulder. The crowd is starting to thin out and I can see that he's disappeared. It is quite obvious now that he wasn't looking for me at all.
"No one likes Will Smith burgers [I]that[/I] much, Liz," Kyle mutters.
"Um, listen, Kyle, can we talk about this later?" I ask. Because I really do not want to talk about this right now. He knows how I feel about breaking up. It doesn't matter if we do it today or three years from now. It's going to happen eventually after all. We're just not meant to be together.
He does deserve to know why we can't have one last great summer together though. But the mere thought of going into the whole explanation now exhausts me.
"Liz!"
I stand on my tip-toes, give him a light kiss on the lips. "I swear I'll fill you in on everything at the party. I want to have one more great night with you, Kyle. Let's not do this now, okay?"
He sighs heavily. I feel guilty again, but I still know I'm doing the right thing. "Okay," he says as he starts to trudge away. I watch him go, sighing too.
Why does everything have to be so hard? Kyle and I are not soul mates. We've had a great time all through high school, he'll always be my first love, but he has to know as much as I do that we're not going to end up together.
I can't explain why that is, but I just [I]know[/I] it. He is not the one for me. My whole life is still out there waiting for me. I can't have a boyfriend right now. I just [I]can't[/I].
My life exists far away from Roswell, New Mexico. And this includes the people in it. I want to have a chance to explore the world without everyone in my sphere having known me for my entire life, without everyone being able to pass judgment because they think they know everything about me, just because they knew me in diapers.
I cross my arms over my chest, lower my eyes, trying to figure out exactly how I'm going to finally make Kyle see this. How am I going to make him understand?
I shake my head though, refusing to think about this right now. This is my graduation. I still need to find my best friends, Alex and Maria, hug them and see what they thought of my speech. I also know that Maria was going to try to talk to Michael Guerin today, if only just to say she had made him address her.
My best friend is obsessed with Michael, has been for years. He fascinates her, but she's never done anything about it. Everyone sees that Michael wants nothing to do with anyone other than Max and Isabel Evans. I don't really blame him actually. His foster father is kind of a big jerk. I don't think he's ever learned how to interact with other people.
How he and Max ended up friends, I'll never know. The two guys could not be more different. Max is studious, kind of preppy and normal - well, except for the not speaking part. Michael is your quintessential rebel without a cause.
It must be the mute factor that brings them together. Neither expects the other to talk.
Of course, that really doesn't make sense either. Because they do speak to each other. I see them talking to each other on a regular basis, at the Crashdown, when they come in and sit in the corner booth for hours.
I frown slightly at the thought. For one brief moment, I wonder if Kyle is right. [I]Does[/I] Max Evans have a thing for me? I mean, he [I]is[/I] in my parents' restaurant almost every day. He can't like Will Smith burgers [I]that[/I] much!
[I]Full of yourself much Liz?[/I] A small voice in the back of my head asks. I can feel my face heating up slightly, wonder if it's at the thought that Max might like me or whether it's because I am so ludicrously off base.
I'm losing it.
It's this town. It makes people weird, including me. Which is another reason I can't wait to get out of here.
Thinking of Max again reminds me that he is nearby and I look back towards where he was standing a few minutes ago. He is still gone. I wonder why I feel disappointed.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear his voice behind me. "Liz."
I whirl. "Max! Where the heck did you come from?"
"Um, from behind the tree," Max replies, gesturing behind him. I stare in the direction in which he's pointing, confused. "I was waiting for you to be done with Kyle."
"So, you were standing behind the tree?" I ask, unsure what he's talking about.
"No," Max says quickly. He obviously thinks [I]I[/I] think he was eavesdropping. "I was just waiting."
"Okay." I trail off uncertainly. His eyes are glued to the ground and he is shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Max, are you okay?"
I watch him take a deep breath. "I'm fine," he says firmly, meeting my gaze. "I really liked your speech."
I smile at that. It was cheezy crap and I'll be the first person to admit it. But I can see that he really means it. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," he says. We then stand there for what feels like ten minutes staring at each other.
I watch in fascination as his face starts to turn red right down to his cute ears, which sort of stick out. The slight imperfection only makes him more gorgeous. I haven't really noticed how beautiful his eyes are before actually. I mean, I've always known intellectually that my lab partner is a cute guy, but having him standing right in front of me, the sunlight filtering through the leaves on the tree, making his face half-shadowed, accentuating the brightness of his eyes, I feel my heart skip a beat.
I blink when he abruptly thrusts something at me, breaking the moment. I reach out and take it, realize it's a yearbook. "I was wondering if you'd sign it," he says in a rush.
"Sure," I say readily. I frown slightly though, wonder what to write. We just had a very strange moment, Max and I. I don't feel particularly comfortable plopping down on the ground in front of him and writing some stupid, generic message. I'm not sure why this is, but it's the way I feel. "Can I give it back to you later?"
He looks surprised. "I guess so."
"Are you coming to my party?" I ask. "I can give it to you then."
"Okay."
"Okay, then." I smile at him again, still feeling a little peculiar. "I'll see you there. Bye, Max."
I tuck the yearbook under my arm, turn and start to walk away.
I can feel his eyes following me the whole way.