A/N: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'm back! And I'm UPDATING! Amazing, isn't it?
Sorry that I couldn't update for over a month, but that's all ff.net's
fault! For a full story, check my profile page. Anyway, thank you SO much
for the reviews! Here are the more specific thank-yous:
Adam - Thanks for the review! Yes, Adam's entry will be quite different from Charlie's. It'll be a bit darker (not that much, though), and he'll be feeling kind of confused. Oh yes, and I love making characters turn all schizophrenic! So Charlie definitely falls under that category lol! Please keep reviewing!
geometrygal - Thanks for reviewing! Of --course-- Charlie's in love . . . he just doesn't know it yet. Heh heh. I know, Chadam ROCKS, doesn't it? Please continue reviewing - I'm glad you like it!
Bottles - Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that you are a simply AWESOME writer - I have read practically all your works . . . but I have yet to review them.
LB - Thanks for reviewing! Yay, I hoped that I got his character down alright! I mean, writing Banksie - piece of cake. But writing Charlie? Umm . . . well, let's just say that it took a while to write his second entry lol. Please keep reviewing!
crazy4nc128 - And here it is! Thanks for the review, and please continue reviewing!
KShyne99 - Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you like the thing with the journals! Keep on reviewing!
~~~~~~~~ Behind The Walls ~~~~~~
ENTRY ONE - Adam
Dear Journal,
Why.
Why did this have to happen to me?
Why why why why WHY did I have to make the Varsity?
Dad was finally proud of me (for the 'first time' in his 'long life', I quote him), but . . . what was the point of getting onto Varsity if I lost all my friends?
They all hate me now. The Mighty Ducks, I mean. Only they're not the Mighty Ducks anymore. They are now the 'Eden Hall Warriors' - no doubt the Dean made up the name. Dead original.
So, as I was saying, the 'Eden Hall Warriors' all hate me now, Especially Charlie.
WHY does he have to hate me? I mean, we've been best friends for AGES, and as soon as I get onto the Varsity . . .
It's all my fault. Not his. Mine.
I keep moving. Moving houses, moving teams . . .
The Hawks to the Mighty Ducks.
The Mighty Ducks to Varsity.
I hate my life sometimes.
Sure all my ex-friends think that I have everything - hockey skills, money, a good home life . . . they don't know how far from the truth they are.
I'm good at hockey, sure, but that's only cause I've been practicing ever since I was six. I didn't even want to start it! I was too afraid that I'd slip on the ice and hurt myself, can you believe.
Money? Well, money can't buy you happiness. Or love. Two things that I am deprived of at home. In fact, the only time I've ever been truly happy was with the Ducks. But now . . . now that's gone down the drain.
A good home life. Something that I've never had. I mean, Mum practically ignores me unless she's cooking me dinner or taking me to some fancy party with her, my older brother Brad's never home and when he is, he's piss drunk and in no mood to talk cos he keeps slurring his words and saying nonsense, and my father . . . well, my father's just a . . . to sum him up in one word (now I know that I don't swear and stuff, but this calls for a change): bastard.
He's always pressurizing me to be the best in EVERYTHING - something that I will never be able to achieve. All my life I have had it drilled into me that if I have money, I should make the most of it and become the best. In fact, I'm sure that my dear old dad bought me onto the Hawks. Everything I do is a disappointment to him - the only time he's proud of me is when I get onto Varsity - and I'm being torn apart inside.
If he's not lecturing me to be the best in everything, or asking me if me and my team beat some other hockey team, or if my grades are straight As, he ignores me. Completely. Never a 'hello', or a 'good morning', or a 'goodnight', or a 'how was school, Adam?'. In fact, I'm pretty sure that my dad's forgotten my name. Because after all, when he looks at me, all he sees is himself.
Idiot.
And sometimes, he comes home drunk - completely smashed. Even more than Brad, who always manages to sleep it off, and only gets away with a headache in the morning. But when Dad's drunk . . . let's just say that I always hope that I'm asleep when he comes home.
I usually am, in fact, and he has to take to smashing up chairs, and in the morning, blame it on me, and say that if I wasn't always such an 'insolent little shit', he wouldn't be drinking. So, of course, it's my fault, as usual. In fact, he came home drunk just before I got into Eden Hall. He told me that it was my fault that I got INTO Eden Hall - which didn't really make sense, but hey, he was drunk. And it was 'all my fault', as always. I've still got the bruises to prove it.
But he doesn't hit me often. It only happens a few times a month - nothing bad, really. Just a few nosebleeds, headaches and stitches. Nothing big. OK, I'm repeating myself here.
But sometimes, I really do wish that I had someone to talk to about it. Charlie was the person I came closest to telling . . . but now he hates me. And there's no one else I can possibly think of telling.
Julie's still nice to me - you can see that she's trying to ignore it when her friends slag me off - I sure do, since my Dad insults me and puts me down every other second - and she's in most of my Advanced classes, but I'm no where near as close to her as I was to Charlie.
Could I tell someone in Varsity? Highly unlikely. Even though I'm on their team, I don't feel like I belong. I even asked specifically to have my own dorm room, since my house was too far away for me to get there everyday - and I didn't want to come home. And I also didn't want to have to share my room with any seniors.
I mean, the whole of the Varsity hockey team is made up of seniors . . . apart from me. I'm just a lowly freshman.
Plus, I don't like any of them, really. The only one of them that seems alright is Scooter (and no, it's not his real name). Me and him have something in common; we both think that Cole is as thick as a brick. I mean, honestly - although he's really big and bulky and all that, he has the intelligence of a TOMATO. Oh, and we like hockey. Scooter and I, I mean. Only he's the goalie and I'm the shooter.
But still, I don't feel as close to him as I do - I mean DID - to Charlie.
Just thinking about him pangs. These days I'm so lonely - I have no one to talk to apart from my team mates and I've already been here a week.
Come to think of it, Riley (the captain) has been pretty friendly to me for one reason or another. He keeps wanting to talk to me and sit next to me at lunch. And I can't say that I mind conversing with someone who doesn't flinch at the sight of me, ignores me, or starts slagging me off to my face. But I can't say that it's been exactly comfortable either.
I don't like him that much, anyway. I mean, all he does is insult other people. Then he tells me he likes the way I do my hair. Then he continues insulting people. In fact, one time, I could've sworn that he said that I had a sexy voice . . . but he was probably just kidding around. I sure hope he was - it would have put me in a very awkward position if he was attempting to hit on me. Because he just . . . isn't my type. The types of guys (yes, I'm gay, and, yes, a great age to decide that at, Adam - gay at fourteen, wow, your father sure must be proud of you - as if he knows) I like are quite tall with an athletic build, and dark, curly hair, and chocolate brown eyes that-
Oh my.
I think that . . . I think that I was just imagining Charlie.
No, no, I'm sure I wasn't. I was just . . . just imagining . . . an imaginary . . . person. Yeah, that's it. And imaginary person that I made up.
Actually, Charlie's being a bit of a prick at the moment. I mean, it's not like I CHOSE to play to Varsity - Coach Orion put me there.
Charlie.
It's just Charlie, Charlie, Charlie these days.
He's the one thing that's constantly on my mind. I miss him. I used to be able to tell him things. Not everything, mind you, since I knew he'd blow his top if he found out how things were at home - he's very protective of his friends - but I still told him some things.
Like that I'm gay.
I was so nervous when I told him. I was afraid that he'd lose it and start yelling at me, or something like that. But he didn't. He was understanding, and he even told me that it's nothing to be ashamed about.
Oh damn, I've just had a thought . . . what if Charlie . . . what if . . . what if he . . . what if he hates me so much that he spreads it around? I'll be in so much trouble with my dad, with my team mates, with EVERYONE. I know how they treat 'fags' in this school . . . and it isn't good.
But Charlie wouldn't tell anyone, would he? He's trustworthy. He can keep a secret, ever if I'm on the opposite team.
Can't he?
- Adam Leonarde Banks, currently Newbie In Varsity
Adam - Thanks for the review! Yes, Adam's entry will be quite different from Charlie's. It'll be a bit darker (not that much, though), and he'll be feeling kind of confused. Oh yes, and I love making characters turn all schizophrenic! So Charlie definitely falls under that category lol! Please keep reviewing!
geometrygal - Thanks for reviewing! Of --course-- Charlie's in love . . . he just doesn't know it yet. Heh heh. I know, Chadam ROCKS, doesn't it? Please continue reviewing - I'm glad you like it!
Bottles - Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that you are a simply AWESOME writer - I have read practically all your works . . . but I have yet to review them.
LB - Thanks for reviewing! Yay, I hoped that I got his character down alright! I mean, writing Banksie - piece of cake. But writing Charlie? Umm . . . well, let's just say that it took a while to write his second entry lol. Please keep reviewing!
crazy4nc128 - And here it is! Thanks for the review, and please continue reviewing!
KShyne99 - Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you like the thing with the journals! Keep on reviewing!
~~~~~~~~ Behind The Walls ~~~~~~
ENTRY ONE - Adam
Dear Journal,
Why.
Why did this have to happen to me?
Why why why why WHY did I have to make the Varsity?
Dad was finally proud of me (for the 'first time' in his 'long life', I quote him), but . . . what was the point of getting onto Varsity if I lost all my friends?
They all hate me now. The Mighty Ducks, I mean. Only they're not the Mighty Ducks anymore. They are now the 'Eden Hall Warriors' - no doubt the Dean made up the name. Dead original.
So, as I was saying, the 'Eden Hall Warriors' all hate me now, Especially Charlie.
WHY does he have to hate me? I mean, we've been best friends for AGES, and as soon as I get onto the Varsity . . .
It's all my fault. Not his. Mine.
I keep moving. Moving houses, moving teams . . .
The Hawks to the Mighty Ducks.
The Mighty Ducks to Varsity.
I hate my life sometimes.
Sure all my ex-friends think that I have everything - hockey skills, money, a good home life . . . they don't know how far from the truth they are.
I'm good at hockey, sure, but that's only cause I've been practicing ever since I was six. I didn't even want to start it! I was too afraid that I'd slip on the ice and hurt myself, can you believe.
Money? Well, money can't buy you happiness. Or love. Two things that I am deprived of at home. In fact, the only time I've ever been truly happy was with the Ducks. But now . . . now that's gone down the drain.
A good home life. Something that I've never had. I mean, Mum practically ignores me unless she's cooking me dinner or taking me to some fancy party with her, my older brother Brad's never home and when he is, he's piss drunk and in no mood to talk cos he keeps slurring his words and saying nonsense, and my father . . . well, my father's just a . . . to sum him up in one word (now I know that I don't swear and stuff, but this calls for a change): bastard.
He's always pressurizing me to be the best in EVERYTHING - something that I will never be able to achieve. All my life I have had it drilled into me that if I have money, I should make the most of it and become the best. In fact, I'm sure that my dear old dad bought me onto the Hawks. Everything I do is a disappointment to him - the only time he's proud of me is when I get onto Varsity - and I'm being torn apart inside.
If he's not lecturing me to be the best in everything, or asking me if me and my team beat some other hockey team, or if my grades are straight As, he ignores me. Completely. Never a 'hello', or a 'good morning', or a 'goodnight', or a 'how was school, Adam?'. In fact, I'm pretty sure that my dad's forgotten my name. Because after all, when he looks at me, all he sees is himself.
Idiot.
And sometimes, he comes home drunk - completely smashed. Even more than Brad, who always manages to sleep it off, and only gets away with a headache in the morning. But when Dad's drunk . . . let's just say that I always hope that I'm asleep when he comes home.
I usually am, in fact, and he has to take to smashing up chairs, and in the morning, blame it on me, and say that if I wasn't always such an 'insolent little shit', he wouldn't be drinking. So, of course, it's my fault, as usual. In fact, he came home drunk just before I got into Eden Hall. He told me that it was my fault that I got INTO Eden Hall - which didn't really make sense, but hey, he was drunk. And it was 'all my fault', as always. I've still got the bruises to prove it.
But he doesn't hit me often. It only happens a few times a month - nothing bad, really. Just a few nosebleeds, headaches and stitches. Nothing big. OK, I'm repeating myself here.
But sometimes, I really do wish that I had someone to talk to about it. Charlie was the person I came closest to telling . . . but now he hates me. And there's no one else I can possibly think of telling.
Julie's still nice to me - you can see that she's trying to ignore it when her friends slag me off - I sure do, since my Dad insults me and puts me down every other second - and she's in most of my Advanced classes, but I'm no where near as close to her as I was to Charlie.
Could I tell someone in Varsity? Highly unlikely. Even though I'm on their team, I don't feel like I belong. I even asked specifically to have my own dorm room, since my house was too far away for me to get there everyday - and I didn't want to come home. And I also didn't want to have to share my room with any seniors.
I mean, the whole of the Varsity hockey team is made up of seniors . . . apart from me. I'm just a lowly freshman.
Plus, I don't like any of them, really. The only one of them that seems alright is Scooter (and no, it's not his real name). Me and him have something in common; we both think that Cole is as thick as a brick. I mean, honestly - although he's really big and bulky and all that, he has the intelligence of a TOMATO. Oh, and we like hockey. Scooter and I, I mean. Only he's the goalie and I'm the shooter.
But still, I don't feel as close to him as I do - I mean DID - to Charlie.
Just thinking about him pangs. These days I'm so lonely - I have no one to talk to apart from my team mates and I've already been here a week.
Come to think of it, Riley (the captain) has been pretty friendly to me for one reason or another. He keeps wanting to talk to me and sit next to me at lunch. And I can't say that I mind conversing with someone who doesn't flinch at the sight of me, ignores me, or starts slagging me off to my face. But I can't say that it's been exactly comfortable either.
I don't like him that much, anyway. I mean, all he does is insult other people. Then he tells me he likes the way I do my hair. Then he continues insulting people. In fact, one time, I could've sworn that he said that I had a sexy voice . . . but he was probably just kidding around. I sure hope he was - it would have put me in a very awkward position if he was attempting to hit on me. Because he just . . . isn't my type. The types of guys (yes, I'm gay, and, yes, a great age to decide that at, Adam - gay at fourteen, wow, your father sure must be proud of you - as if he knows) I like are quite tall with an athletic build, and dark, curly hair, and chocolate brown eyes that-
Oh my.
I think that . . . I think that I was just imagining Charlie.
No, no, I'm sure I wasn't. I was just . . . just imagining . . . an imaginary . . . person. Yeah, that's it. And imaginary person that I made up.
Actually, Charlie's being a bit of a prick at the moment. I mean, it's not like I CHOSE to play to Varsity - Coach Orion put me there.
Charlie.
It's just Charlie, Charlie, Charlie these days.
He's the one thing that's constantly on my mind. I miss him. I used to be able to tell him things. Not everything, mind you, since I knew he'd blow his top if he found out how things were at home - he's very protective of his friends - but I still told him some things.
Like that I'm gay.
I was so nervous when I told him. I was afraid that he'd lose it and start yelling at me, or something like that. But he didn't. He was understanding, and he even told me that it's nothing to be ashamed about.
Oh damn, I've just had a thought . . . what if Charlie . . . what if . . . what if he . . . what if he hates me so much that he spreads it around? I'll be in so much trouble with my dad, with my team mates, with EVERYONE. I know how they treat 'fags' in this school . . . and it isn't good.
But Charlie wouldn't tell anyone, would he? He's trustworthy. He can keep a secret, ever if I'm on the opposite team.
Can't he?
- Adam Leonarde Banks, currently Newbie In Varsity