Part 3
~Max~
"So, tell me about Liz Parker."
Until Sean's ugly mug suddenly appears over me, I have been lying on my bed, glaring at my ceiling, wondering how the hell I could possibly be so unlucky. How did I manage to so completely miss my chance with Liz in such a short amount of time? I am also wondering how I ended up with the most annoying room-mate on the face of this planet (or any other as far as I'm concerned). I clench my jaw and stare up at Sean, wondering what it is that makes him so attractive to the opposite sex. Particularly as the very sight of his face makes me want to punch him.
Or blast him.
At times like these, it would be very nice to have Michael's gift. Or something equally deadly anyway. Healing shmealing. I'm in the mood for some good-old fashioned alien death ray eyes right about now.
What is it about this slime bucket that has made Liz agree to go out with him?
I sit up, swing my legs over the side of the bed and get to my feet. "Maybe you should tell me about Liz Parker," I reply, trying to keep my voice steady. "What was up with that sign? You told me you'd only put that up when I couldn't come in. She came to see me!"
Sean blinks, takes a step back. This is likely the first time I have actually strung more than two sentences together in his presence, so his surprise is not unwarranted. Mostly he has just talked at me, telling me how things are going to be in our room. Since I am generally an agreeable person, and since I have rarely had the opportunity to interact with anyone on a regular basis other than Isabel and Michael, up until this point I have stayed carefully, anonymously cooperative with my room-mate. I was willing to just go with the flow.
Until Liz. Until he had to go and make a move on Liz. Of course he did. The bastard.
"I told you, I forgot it was there," Sean tells me mildly. He narrows his eyes. "You have a thing for her, don't you?"
I don't say anything to that, just snap, "Liz is a nice girl. If you're planning to just screw her and then toss her aside, you've got another thing coming. She's not like that. And I won't allow it either."
Sean raises an eyebrow. "I have absolutely no intention of doing any such thing. She [I]is[/I] nice. I like her." He continues to watch me carefully. "But if you like her too, then I'll call it off. Seriously, man. Just say the word."
"Why would you do that?" I demand. "You barely know me."
"I have to live with you all year," Sean replies. "There are other fish in the sea."
I eye him suspiciously. I don't trust him. Why would he do this for me? Not to mention, in order for him to call of his date with Liz, I'm going to have to tell him that she is important to me.
I repeat, I do not trust him. And, so, I do not want him to know anything about me, particularly my most cherished secret.
Not to mention, what reason would he give Liz for breaking it off that wouldn't totally embarrass me? Because it would be completely humiliating now. The fact that she even accepted his offer at all means that the last thing I want is for Liz to even suspect that I came here because of her.
I do realize that it's not really Sean I'm angry with. It's myself. Because the fact that Liz has agreed to go on a date with Sean can mean only one thing: she has absolutely no interest in me. In spite of what I thought she was trying to tell me in my yearbook, Liz has no intention of dating me.
It hurts more than I ever could have imagined. I mean, I've been telling myself that my hopes aren't high, that she might not have meant anything by writing that she wished that she'd gotten to know me better (yes, I have it memorized.so sue me!), by writing that not doing so was a regret in her life. That's what I've been telling myself - over and over again.
Boy. When I lie to myself, I tell whoppers, don't I? Of course my hopes were high.
I came here because of Liz. Because I thought she was trying to tell me that she has secretly yearned for me all these years too.
Crap. I am Felicity.
I really did think that I was going to come here and Liz and I were going to see each other again and it would be perfect. It would be everything I have always wished for. I am realizing with embarrassment that I sort of even had this weird little fantasy that our eyes would meet across a crowded room, or down a long hallway, and she'd just walk up and kiss me and it would be destiny, fate, and we would spend the rest of our lives living happily ever after.
All because of one yearbook entry. One yearbook entry that, now that I'm looking at it from Liz's point of view, suddenly doesn't seem nearly as momentous.
Jeez. Not only am I Felicity, I'm pretty damn sad, because this exact same thing happened to Felicity too! She followed Ben to New York and he couldn't even remember her name for God's sake. Am, or am I not, the WB junkie? I should have known this was going to happen.
Okay, well, at least Liz knows my name. But, still. I should have been prepared.
Why did I ever listen to Maria Deluca? I should have listened to Michael. He's told me forever that I act like a girl when it comes to Liz Parker - that he wonders if I didn't accidentally get some female DNA in my pod because my mooning was just not how guys are supposed to behave.
Guys are supposed to act like Sean. We're supposed to try and get every girl on the planet into bed and then we're supposed to ditch them in the morning. Because apparently this is what girls want.
How did I miss this? I have a sister. You'd think I'd know these things! Maybe it's a human thing. Maybe I missed it by not gestating in a real womb. But that can't be right either. Because Michael knows.
Nope. Obviously there's just something wrong with me.
On the other hand, I don't want to be like those other guys. I'm [I]not[/I] like them Realistically, I know that Michael would never treat women the way Sean does either. He may be a [I]guy[/I], but he's not an ass.
Because, even if Liz doesn't want to date me, the last thing I want is for her to go out with Sean. As I have stated - I do not trust him. I've only known him for two days, but it is long enough for me to have decided that I wouldn't want him to date Isabel. When I meet new guys, they generally fall into two camps: those I would allow my sister to date and those I would not. By the way, Isabel doesn't know this. She would kick my ass if she did, but, what can I say? She's my sister.
Sean fell squarely into the latter category upon his first use of the "Do Not Disturb" sign. I don't really judge guys I wouldn't want Isabel to go out with. Okay, yes I do. I can't help it if I was raised to respect women. I don't generally have time for guys who treat women like play things and who don't treat them well. Sean is one of those guys.
If he's being truthful that he won't date Liz if I'm interested in her, shouldn't I say so, if only to protect her?
But, yet again, I wonder what he will tell her. Not to mention, what right do I have to interfere? None whatsoever. She certainly isn't my sister, nor is she my girlfriend. I'm not even sure that we're friends. Didn't Liz tell me in my yearbook that she feels like she barely knows me?
I have no right to tell her anything about Sean.
Maybe he was just sowing his wild oats? Maybe he does really like Liz and he'll treat her well. He's not really a bad guy. He's been perfectly friendly to me and I think he's sincere about offering to break the date. Isn't that the sign of a nice person?
He failed the Isabel dateworthiness test though. And I don't care if it's none of my business. It's Liz.
"Max?" Sean is staring at me like he's beginning to wonder if I'm half- nuts. It really shouldn't be taking me this long to tell him to back off.
"What did you talk about?" I ask abruptly. I need more information.
Sean looks momentarily uncomfortable, but he says, "Just about where we're from and stuff like that."
I can tell that he wants to say more. "What stuff?" I demand.
"Listen, I'm dead serious that I won't date her if you don't want me too," he says in a rush. "But I have to tell you why she came to see you. She wanted to make sure that you hadn't come to Manhattan thinking that anything was going to happen between you. I just want to warn you."
I don't believe him. He's just trying to get out of his offer now. Why would Liz tell Sean this? Why him, of all people? "I don't believe you," I say firmly.
"Max, I'm not lying here. It's true," Sean says sadly. "She said that she really likes you, but that she thinks you might have gotten the wrong idea about something. She didn't specify what, but she seemed to think that she might have led you on in some way." He shrugs. "How could I know that if she hadn't said it?" He looks at me closely. "Because it's true, isn't it? You did come here because of her?"
I don't hear this last part though. At the words "might have led you on in some way," my entire heart has cracked down the middle. I kid you not. I'm reflecting on the fact that I've always thought that the phrase "a broken heart" was merely a metaphor, but I'm here to tell you it's not. It is really possible. And, so I'm not listening, nor can I answer him.
I turn on my heel and stalk to the door, not saying a single word.
I need air - desperately. I am in the elevator before I even think about going outside, randomly stab at the buttons. I just want to be away from his smug face.
I stumble out a few minutes later, glad that no one else has joined me in the lift. I really don't want to have to explain why I'm about to burst into tears. I mean, in spite of the fact that I am Felicity apparently, I am also still a guy. Or at least I pretend to be. Because, as stated above, I don't think that I really am. Because I just don't get being a guy if it means being like Sean Covington.
It takes me a moment to realize that I have ended up on the roof. I look around in surprise, feel a flash of wonder in spite of myself. The entire city is spread out below, lights just beginning to wink on in the buildings surrounding me.
It's enough to take my breath away again - but this time in a good way. I'm from Roswell, New Mexico after all. This kind of hugeness is all new to me.
I make my way to the edge, stuffing my hands into my pockets, forcing myself to take deep, even breaths. I am not used to being this upset. But, then, I'm also not used to emotionally investing in anything. And it wasn't until my hopes were completely shot down that I even understood how completely I had convinced myself that by coming to New York, somehow, some way, all my dreams about Liz Parker were about to come true.
I stare down at the cars below, mesmerized. All those people.More in this small section of the city than in Roswell itself. It's unbelievable and it's also enough to make me realize that, in the grand scheme of things, my problems are pretty insignificant. But they sure don't feel like it at the moment.
It hurts like hell, being disappointed like this. I almost can't believe how much it hurts. I guess that was one positive thing about never getting involved with anyone back in Roswell. Hiding behind the tree hasn't just been good for keeping my otherworldly secret. It has also been very effective at helping me to avoid feeling like this.
I believe Sean. I hate him, but I believe him, because why would he lie about this? How could he even lie? His words make perfect sense with what did happen. Liz did write something that could have been interpreted either way. I just chose to interpret it the wrong way. And Liz suspects that. She knows.
I wonder briefly if Maria told her. I can't believe it though. I know she's Liz's best friend, but I just don't think she would have. She's not like that.
What am I going to do?
The answer comes to me so quickly, I blink.
I can't stay here. Not now. I just can't. There is now no reason for me to be in New York at all.
I'm going home.
***
I stay on the roof for a while after making my decision, trying to figure out how I am going to break the news to Isabel. She's going to be seriously ticked. I know she doesn't need me, but I don't think she knows it yet. But I can deal with Isabel after I find out how to withdraw from all my classes. I wonder if I'm going to be the first person in history to drop out of Manhattan University before the semester even begins.
I dread going back to my room. The mere thought of laying eyes on Sean again is enough to make me want to puke, but I have no choice. I have packing to do.
When I get there, I thrust the door open, ignoring the "Do Not Disturb" sign that still hangs from the knob (bastard!) Fortunately, Sean isn't there. I hurry to my closet, pull down my suitcase and toss it on the bed. I start pulling shirts off their hangers, throwing them onto the bed too.
"What are you doing?"
It's only when I hear the voice that I realize that I haven't closed my door. I turn, stare at Tess, the R.A. I met earlier. She watches as I throw another shirt towards my suitcase.
"I'm packing," I reply.
"Why?"
"Because I'm leaving."
She comes further into the room, shifting from one foot to the other. "Is everything okay? Did something happen at home?"
"No," I say. I am staring down at the mess I've made on my bed, wondering how the hell I fit all of this into my suitcase in the first place. How many black sweaters do I have anyway?
"You do realize that you're threatening my job?" She sounds nervous, like she's not quite comfortable joking. Because I can tell that's what she's trying to do.
I look at her blankly. "What?"
"How is it going to look if one of my advisees leaves school before it even starts?" She perches gingerly on the chair near my desk. "Maybe." She swallows. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," I reply firmly. "I made a mistake. So I'm going home."
"What makes you think you made a mistake? Are you homesick?"
I frown. Could this girl be any more annoying? "Listen, I know you're just trying to help, but this is really none of your business. I'm going home. That's all."
"Does this have something to do with that girl?"
I have started to fold my clothes, my movements jerky, angry, but I pause when she says this. Am I really that obvious?
"What girl?"
"That Liz," Tess replies. "The one Alex introduced me too after you slammed your door in her face." She leans forward. "Was she your girlfriend?"
Only in my own deluded fantasies. "No."
"It is her though, isn't it?"
I look at her. I can see the openness on her face, the willingness to listen, and suddenly I feel an overwhelming urge to tell her everything.
And, so, after pushing a bunch of my clothes off the bed and onto the floor, I do.
It takes a really long time, mainly because I'm not used to unloading myself on anyone like this, so I start off slow. Even with Michael and Isabel, I don't really confide in them. They confide in [I]me[/I]. They have enough to worry about, what with keeping our secret. Michael has his whole foster father issue and Isabel has her own problems. They don't need to know about my constant inner turmoil on top of that.
But Tess is very easy to talk to. She listens to the whole story of my obsession with Liz Parker, how I have loved her for years, how I've always been too shy (or alien.because I'm not really [I]shy[/I]. I'm just careful, but I don't tell her that part of course) to do anything about it, how I followed her here because of what she wrote in my yearbook, and how she is now about to go out on a date with my Casanova of a room-mate.
It feels like a three thousand pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders with every word I say to her. She shakes her head sympathetically in all the right places, frowns when she's supposed to, and sides with me after reading the yearbook entry.
"I can see why you misinterpreted this," she assures me, stroking her fingers across Liz's handwriting. "You shouldn't feel bad about it."
"I feel like a total moron," I admit, running my hands through my hair in frustration.
"You shouldn't," Tess repeats. "It's perfectly understandable. But I don't think you should leave. I think you should play it cool. Don't let her know that she's the reason you came here."
"I wasn't planning on it," I mutter. "Trust me."
"I'm sure," Tess says, sounding sympathetic again. "No, what I meant was, if you leave, you'll be proving it to her. That you came here because of her. Right now, she doesn't know that for sure. I know it's upsetting, that it doesn't look like you're going to get together with her, but I can't believe that you really just came here because of her. I mean, you obviously applied here. You got in. Some small part of you must have wanted to get out Roswell even before Liz wrote what she wrote. You're in New York, Max. You have your whole life ahead of you. You made your decision to come here based on a girl, but maybe it was fate."
I frown. "What do you mean?"
"You told me that you really have no idea what you want to do, right?"
"Right."
"Well, what better place to find out than here?" she asks. "I mean, stay. I really believe that everything in life happens for a reason. And I can't believe that you really came all this way just because of a girl."
Liz isn't just a girl. Maybe Tess doesn't really understand. But how can she? She doesn't know what Liz Parker really represents to me - how she is everything that is normal and pure and good. How if someone like Liz could love me, then maybe I'm not as a big a freak as I have always felt like.
She can't understand that loving Liz makes me feel human. That if I stop, there will be nothing normal about me at all.
"I can't just watch her date Sean," I say. "I can't do it, Tess. But I can't tell him not to either because then she'll know I did."
"So, tell her the truth yourself," Tess suggests. "Tell her what Sean really is."
"How can I do that?" I ask. "I've only known him for two days. Maybe he just went a little crazy at first, being away from home. He's from a small town too after all. Maybe he's really a nice guy. I don't have any claim on her. I can't interfere in her life like that."
"She interfered in yours," Tess reminds me. "By writing what she did, she changed your path. And I think, that even if things don't turn out exactly as you envisioned them, you like New York. This was the right place for you. Don't you think so?"
"I don't know." And I don't. But I remember feeling comfortable up on the roof, interested in the city spread out before me. I do like New York I realize. Maybe it's because it's so big and it's easier for someone like me to get lost in it. Maybe it's because there are people I've seen on the sidewalk who are even weirder than I am, in spite of the fact that they're entirely human.
Maybe it's because I'm finally ready to accept that my life is going to be lived out on this planet and, like Isabel said on the plane, it's time for all of us to actually start living.
"Now you have the chance to make sure that she doesn't take the wrong one," Tess is saying. "You need to tell her, Max. As a woman, I'm guarantee you, I'd want to know. If you are going to be friends with her, you need to tell her. It's what friends do."
"She didn't know how I feel about her though. She didn't know that she was affecting my path. It's not the same thing at all."
Tess shrugs. "All I know is that I think it's a mistake for you to leave. Your sister's here, you're enrolled in one of the best schools in the country, and the girl you have a crush on wants to be your friend. She wants to get to know you better, Max. Who's to say that things won't work out in the end anyway? I think you should talk to her. And I think you should stay."
I stare at her, amazed that this girl has been able to change my mind so completely.
Because it has been changed. I am beginning to realize that, deep down, I don't want to leave New York. I think back again to that feeling of awe I had on the roof, not more than an hour ago. This city fascinates me, calls to me in a way I don't understand.
In a way that has nothing at all to do with Liz Parker.
I can't stay here and watch her date Sean though. I just can not do it. But I also don't think that I'm strong enough to tell her why myself without giving away my true feelings.
She cannot suspect how I feel about her. Because Tess is right. Liz wants to be friends with me. She wants to get to know me better. In spite of how I misinterpreted what she really meant, that is the truth. And, for me, being friends with Liz Parker - real friends, not just lab partners - is better than nothing.
But I also can't not warn her about Sean.
Luckily for me, I have another option.
I stand up. "Thanks, Tess. You've given me some stuff to think about."
She gets up too, smiles. "So, you're not leaving?"
"No," I assure her, a bit embarrassed now that I even considered such a rash move. I mean, what the hell would I have told my parents? "I've already made one life-altering decision based on Liz Parker. I don't think I better jump into another one. Not yet, anyway."
"Good," Tess says. "It'll work out, Max. Trust me. You're doing the right thing."
"I hope so," I reply, still not entirely convinced, but sure that I do have to at least give Manhattan a chance.
Tess leaves a few minutes later. Mere moments after that, I follow her out and head straight to Alex's door down the hall. I grimace slightly at the racket that is emerging from behind it. I knock anyway.
Alex pulls the door open almost immediately. He has his bass guitar over his shoulder and his expression is apologetic. "Sorry, am I bothering." He trails off. "Oh, hey, Max. C'mon in." He glances over his shoulder. "This is Edwin, by the way."
I nod at Alex's room-mate, who is sitting at his desk, a fish tank in front of him. He is staring intently into it, ignoring me completely. I look at Alex questioningly. He simply rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Weirdo," he mouths. "What's up?" he then asks aloud.
I glance once more at Edwin, slightly perplexed, then say, "Listen, Liz is going on a date with Sean, right?"
"I think so," Alex replies. "Why?"
"Well, I told you that I haven't been able to get into my room because of him."
Alex narrows his eyes. "And?"
"What I didn't tell you was that he was with a different girl all three times."
Alex scowls. "Are you telling me that he's just trying to get her into bed?"
"I don't know," I admit. "But I do think Liz has a right to know this before she goes out with him - if only so she can be on her guard."
Alex nods pensively. "You're right." He then looks at me again. "Why don't you just tell her yourself?"
I grimace. "I don't really feel like I know her well enough to tell her what to do."
"Liz doesn't let anyone tell her what to do," Alex sighs. "But I can see where you're coming from." He tilts his head slightly, eyeing me. "Let's me honest with each other here though, Max. You have ulterior motives for not wanting her to go out with Sean."
I swallow. I could deny it, but what would be the point? "I may like Liz, but that's not the reason that I'm telling you this. I just think she needs to know. If she decides to still go out with him, I'll keep my mouth shut and never mention it again."
Alex shakes his head, sympathetic. "I still think you should tell her. She won't believe me."
"Why not?"
"I barely know him. I'm going to have to tell her where I got the info."
I sigh. "Well, if you have to, you have my permission to tell her. But I just don't feel right about telling her myself."
"I have an even better idea," Alex says. He has clearly been thinking. "I'm going to invite her out to dinner with us tomorrow. She can bring him and we can get a read on the guy - see what his real intentions are. If she doesn't agree to that, then I'll tell her about the other girls."
I stare at him. Is he really asking me to sit through Liz and Sean's date? But, on the other hand, it would give me the chance to judge Sean's real character on my own too.
I decide not to think about the fact that it will also give me the chance to judge if Liz is really interested in him. I shouldn't be thinking about that. Because I know for a fact that she is in no way interested in me anyway.
No, this is entirely about Sean. It has to be. She will date other people. I'm sure there is some guy out there nice enough for Liz. She did pretty well with Kyle after all. It's Sean I want to check out, Sean I want to make sure is good enough.
As I mentioned before, I'm pretty good at lying to myself. Because I actually make myself believe this until we're all out on Liz and Sean's date the next night.
***
"I told her," Alex mutters to me as he slides into the booth across the table. We're at a Mexican place near Manhattan called Carlos and Murphy's. Alex and I were actually here earlier. I ran into him in the Student Union and since we were both starved, we came here to eat. We liked it so much, we decided to come back. The spicy food appeals to my alien palate and Alex says that it reminds him of home.
Isabel stood to allow him entrance to the booth, as she likes to sit on the end. Better to adjourn to the Ladies Room for make-up touch-ups. My sister is entirely predictable. Anyway, it's during the seconds between her greeting Alex warmly (very warmly for Isabel. What is that about?) and her sitting back down, that he tells me this.
I know that Alex is talking about Liz - that he had to tell her about Sean's nocturnal activities of the last few days. Which means that she wasn't willing to come with us before that. I feel my heart drop slightly.
"Where's Liz?" Isabel asks Alex. Up to this point my sister is unaware that Liz is bringing a date. I've been scared to tell her. She'll interfere. I know she will. I don't want to give her time to think about ways to be mean to Liz. Because she will be. The instant she knows how this entire Sean mess is eating me up inside, she'll turn on her. But if she doesn't have time to think about it, at least we might have a few minutes of peace before she thinks of something suitably rude to say. Isabel is not naturally a bitch, in spite of what some people back in Roswell might tell you. She does have to think about it most of the time.
It's not fair to Liz. She didn't ask for me to follow her here and she didn't ask me to be in love with her. But my sister is predictable, as stated. When either Michael or I are hurt, she is a tigress. Even against people who have no idea they've even done anything.
"She's on her way," Alex replies. "I just talked to her. She and Sean are.."
He trails off at the look that crosses my sister's face. "Sean?" She asks pleasantly, looking at me. Too pleasantly, might I add.
"Yes, Isabel," I say calmly. "My room-mate Sean is joining us."
Her brow wrinkles. "Really? I thought you hated him."
Alex snorts. I sigh. I knew I shouldn't have confirmed my long-term crush on Liz to him last night. But, he knew anyway. Still, this dinner is shaping up to be a disaster. "He's okay," I mumble, looking down at the table so that I can't meet Isabel's suspicious gaze.
She lets it go for the moment as the waitress arrives with our menus. "Hey guys!"
I look up in surprise. It's Tess. "You work here?" I ask, dumbfounded.
"Yup," Tess replies. "My dad didn't want me to come to school in New York so I pay for most of it myself. He only covers tuition."
"You make enough?" Alex asks, sounding surprised.
"Most of the time," Tess says, laughing slightly. "Sometimes I have to exist on peanut butter, when I get tired of eating here. I don't buy the meal plan." She looks at Isabel. "Hi! I'm Tess."
"Oh, sorry," I say, reddening slightly. "This is my sister, Isabel. Isabel, Tess, our R.A."
My sister doesn't say anything. I look at her, surprised. Since when is Isabel at a loss for words? She is staring at Tess, a slight frown on her face. Finally, when she seems to be aware of Tess waiting for a hello and of me glaring at her, she says, "Sorry. Have we met before? You seem familiar."
I look back at Tess, whose smile has faltered slightly. "I do?" she finally says, giggling a little. It's high-pitched, not the laugh I've heard from her before, so I can tell that Isabel has made her uncomfortable for some reason. "I guess I must just have one of those faces. I mean, trust me, I've never been to Roswell."
Isabel shrugs. "Okay. Well, it's nice to meet you." The tone of her voice indicates that the exact opposite is true. I notice Alex looking at her strangely, like he's not sure what happened to the warm girl from moments ago.
"You too," Tess replies. She looks back at me, a little paler than she was. I sometimes forget how intimidating Isabel is when she wants to be, because she can't overawe me. I wonder what it is about Tess that made my sister pull out the ice queen act like that. Because there is no question she did. I mentally remind myself to ask her about it later. "So, what can I get you people to drink?"
I order my usual cherry cola, Alex orders an orange soda on the rocks and Isabel orders a Diet Coke. Just as Tess moves to leave, she turns back and says under her breath, "Liz and Sean are here." I realize that she doesn't know that we're all together. I feel a pang of affection for her that she is trying to warn me. I've barely known this girl for twenty-four hours, but I feel already that we're going to be good friends.
Anyway, sure enough, Liz and Sean have arrived. I feel my heart start to beat more quickly in my chest, as it typically does in Liz Parker's presence. She is moving through the tables in our direction, looking so beautiful it momentarily takes my breath away. Her dark hair is hanging loose against her black leather jacket, swinging gracefully around her shoulders, and, not for the first time, I have a brief vision of that hair falling into my face as she leans over to kiss me.
God. I need to get a grip. I am a sad, sad alien.
"Hey everyone," Liz says. She slides into the booth next to me. I tense up instantly. I haven't been this close to her since our last bio lab back at West Roswell, and my heart just about can't take it. I wonder if it's possible to die of cardiac arrest at eighteen. "Hi, Isabel," she greets my sister. "It's great to see you!"
"Hi, Liz," Isabel says, eyeing Sean, a slightly disdainful expression on her face. Uh oh. Damn. She's onto them already. It has to be the way that Sean is helping Liz out of her jacket. He is being a perfect gentleman. The bastard. It has resulted in it being too much to hope that Isabel would think it was a coincidence that they came here together. "And you must be Sean."
He grins, pulling a chair out from another table and flopping into it at the end of ours. "I am. Max's sister, I presume?"
Isabel narrows her gaze, glances at me, briefly at Liz, then replies, "You presume correctly." She says nothing else, simply sits back, folds her arms, and stares at me. Oh dear.
I look at Liz, who is looking at Isabel, a bemused expression on her face.
"So, dinner!" Alex says, too heartily. I look at him and his eyes widen as they meet mine. I just shake my head. "Max and I had the burritos for lunch. They're awesome."
"You came here for lunch?" Liz asks, sounding amused. She turns her head, looks at the condiments at the end of the table. "I should have known." She reaches past me and for one, brief moment, her long hair brushes against the skin on my arm. I bless my lucky stars that I wore short sleeves. After I have managed to get a hold of myself, I realize that she has picked up the bottle of Tabasco sitting near the salt and pepper. "Just making sure there's enough in here for you, Max," she teases, shaking it in my face.
I stare at her. "What?"
Liz smiles, glances at Sean. " Max is really into spicy food," she tells him. "My dad practically had to mortgage the Crashdown to keep him in Tabasco."
I can't help it. I'm pleased that she remembers. She might not think that she knows me very well, but she obviously found some things memorable.
"So, you must have eaten there a lot, huh, Max?" This comes from Sean. I look at him. I don't quite understand his tone, but he sounds a bit too knowing for comfort. I've avoided him all day, not wanting him to ask again whether I wanted him to call off his date. I may have said yes and then I would have ended up in an even more awkward position than the one in which I now find myself.
"We all did," Isabel says frostily. "Roswell's a small town. It's not like we had a lot of choice."
I sigh, glare at my sister. "I liked it," I say hurriedly, hoping Isabel hasn't hurt Liz's feelings.
"Yeah, I've heard," Sean says, smiling at Liz. "I know the feeling." She smiles back and my heart drops again.
"Here we go," Tess says, coming up to the table just then, balancing a tray with our drinks. She sees that Sean and Liz have joined us and looks at bit surprised. "You guys are all together?"
"Yup," I say, staring at her warningly. She raises an eyebrow, but simply says, "Nice to see you both. What can I get you?"
And, somehow, we manage to get through dinner. Alex, Sean and Liz work at keeping the conversation light and fun. Isabel even bends slightly and laughs at a few of Alex's jokes. I don't talk very much, too aware of Liz sitting beside me, and also too aware of how well Liz and Sean are getting along. He is funny, charming, and continues to be a perfect gentleman. Of course, I don't know what I expected. Did I think he was going to try and jump her at the table? While this would have helped my case, it was highly unlikely.
He does touch her far too often though. I even see him glancing at me once when he does it, to see if it bothers me. I stare back at him, stony-faced. He frowns, but doesn't move his hand off Liz's knee. Nor does she make him move it.
Finally, when Tess comes to leave the bill on the table, Sean turns to Liz and says, "If we want to make that movie, we should get going." He looks at me. "Thanks for inviting us, Evans. This was fun." Am I the only one who hears the amused note in his voice? Glancing at Tess, who is still standing there, I can see that I'm not. She seems concerned, looks at me meaningfully. I don't quite understand what she's trying to tell me.
The expression on Tess's face.I think she wants me to find a way to be alone with Liz - to tell her what kind of guy Sean really is. She doesn't trust him either.
It suddenly dawns on me what is going on here. Sean never had any intention of breaking off his date with Liz. He's enjoying this. He is an ass. This is all a complete act. The grin that crosses his face when I stare at him, my eyes wide with understanding, only confirms it.
I set my jaw, look at Liz. I can't let her go off with him. I just [I]can't[/I]. She is too innocent. She just doesn't understand what this guy intends to do to her. For some reason, he's decided to torture me, and he's using her to do it.
She is standing, he's helping her to put her jacket back on, and I can't move. I cannot do anything. I am frozen.
She won't believe me.
Alex already told her what I know about him and she went out with him anyway. She's going to continue the date because he hasn't done anything to show that he's in this for only one thing. He's only tipped his cards to me. I don't understand why, but this guy is out to get me.
"Bye everyone," Liz says. Tess is standing behind her. She moves her head, stares at me around her shoulder, like she can't believe I'm not moving. I can't believe it either. But I don't.
I can't do anything. I am too big a coward. I can't bear the thought of having Liz know why I came here - that I came to New York because of her. And if I try and get her alone now, try to interfere in what, to her, must seem like a fairly standard date, she's going to know. She'll know for sure how I feel about her.
How can I make her see that I am beginning to realize that my room-mate is evil? She'll never understand, because she'll think my concern stems from my feelings for her. It will make her uncomfortable, she'll feel sorry for me, and, then, she'll start to avoid me. Because that's what people do when other people they're not interested in show their true feelings. That's just the way things are.
If she avoids me, I'll have absolutely no way to protect her. At least this way, I can make sure that Sean treats her half way decently. If he doesn't, then I can kill him. But I can't do anything until he actually hurts her.
The thought of him hurting her.Maybe I should just kill him now and get it over with.
But, I can't. I need to know who this guy is, what his problem with me is.
And, until I do, there is nothing I can do except watch them leave together.
***
"He seemed okay to me," Alex says on the subway platform. We are returning from Columbia, where we've just dropped Isabel off at her dorm. "Don't you think?"
I don't say anything, just shrug. He talks about my sister the whole way back to our own dorm at Manhattan. "Do you think that she'll say yes if I ask her out on my own?" he finally asks.
I force myself to think about it. Isabel did seem to enjoy herself tonight. She even behaved herself towards Liz, which must have indicated that she didn't want to come across as too big a bitch. It must have been for Alex's benefit. She certainly has no qualms about being a bitch in front of me. "I think she probably would," I tell him. I hope she does. Alex is the kind of guy I want my sister to date after all. He's a nice guy.
He's nothing like Sean.
I am relieved to see that the "Do Not Disturb" sign has failed to appear on our doorknob. I shouldn't really be surprised. The movie Liz and Sean went to probably isn't even over yet, but I was still worried about it. I don't enter my room though. Instead, I go back up to the roof and stare out over the city for a while, thinking about Sean, wondering what it is about him that makes me so nervous.
This is about more than the fact that he's a ladies' man. He is out to get me for some reason and I need to figure out why. It can't just be because we're so different, can it? He can't be dating Liz just because he enjoys seeing my pain? Are there really humans so cruel?
I haven't figured anything out by the time I head back down to my room, feeling cold. It sometimes snows in Roswell, but it's never as chilly there in September as it is here. I'm going to have to start wearing a jacket. I take the stairs this time, trying to warm myself up a bit.
When I reach the tenth floor, I pause.
Liz's floor.
I wonder if I should go knock on her door, make sure she made it back safely. Because, if they're not back by now - glancing at my watch, I see that it's after one - I don't know what I'll do. I need to know that she's safe - at least for tonight. I'll worry about the rest of it tomorrow.
I open the door leading to the tenth floor, hurry to the room I know is hers. I haven't been here yet, but Alex told me because we're supposed to meet up here tomorrow to help Liz move her bed. I knock immediately, before I lose my nerve. A strange voice comes from behind the door. Liz's room- mate. "Just a minute!"
The door opens and I'm staring at a pretty redhead. One who is wearing pajamas. One I have clearly woken. "Um, hi. Sorry. Is Liz here?"
She narrows her eyes. "Who are you?"
"Oh, sorry. I'm Max." My hands are in my pockets. Why, oh why, didn't I remember that I was going to be bothering her room-mate if Liz wasn't home yet?
Her eyes soften. "Oh. Max." She sounds like it might be familiar. "She came home. She's just in the bathroom showering." She indicates down the hallway towards the communal washrooms. "She should be back any minute."
In fact, any minute is right now, because Liz is walking towards us, wearing a pair of pajamas bottoms, a red tank top and a towel on her head. I see her eyes widen at the sight of me. I don't blame her. It's practically the middle of the night.
"Hey," she says when she reaches us. She glances at her room-mate. The girl looks back at her, obviously trying to say something to her with her eyes. I briefly wonder if they've talked about me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? "What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you," I say quickly. Because I realize now that I'm crazy to think I can bear to let Liz date Sean. If I have to tell her the truth about how I feel to make her believe me, I will. I'll tell her that it has nothing to do with me, but with her, that I'm worried about her.
I don't care what I have to tell her. I just want her to stay away from him.
Liz hands her shower stuff to her room-mate, keeping a brush in her hand. "Okay. Let's go to the common room."
"Sorry I woke you up." I trail off because I realize I don't know the room- mate's name.
"Charlotte," she says. "It's okay. I wasn't really asleep."
I follow Liz, who hasn't said anything else. She enters the common room, which is, surprisingly, empty, the lights dim because of it. The common room on our floor always has people in it, even in the middle of the night. She turns and regards me, her dark eyes serious in the slight light. "What's going on, Max?"
"I." I swallow. I have to talk dammit! This might be Liz, in whose presence I seem incapable of stringing together three words, but I have to warn her. "I just wanted to make sure you'd made it back all right," I manage to say in a rush.
"Sure," she says. She pulls the towel off her head, begins to run the brush through her long dark locks. I stare at her, my knees weakening with desire. I very briefly wonder what she would do if I just grab her and kiss her. Could I make her feel something - anything - for me by doing so?
But, of course, I don't. Instead I say, "Didn't Alex tell you about Sean?"
"About the other girls you mean?" Liz asks. She sighs. "He told me."
"And it doesn't bug you?"
"Sean told me himself," Liz admits. "He said that he didn't really do anything with them. He was homesick, so he brought them back to your room to talk."
"You believe that?" I ask, beginning to feel a little annoyed. Why was she being so deliberately blind?
Liz smiles slightly. "No. I'm not an idiot, Max. But I like him. He's been okay with me. I can't hold his past behavior against him."
"Why not?" I demand.
"Because it's not fair. Everyone needs a chance to change. I think he really likes me."
I don't have anything to say to that. She doesn't care about what happened before her. He's treating her well and that's all that matters to her. She's clearly insane.
She clearly really likes him.
I realize that she is watching me quietly. "Max, why do you care anyway?" she finally asks.
"Because he's my room-mate," I say. "I'm the one who got evicted from our room three times so that he could make time with those girls. I don't want you to be just another notch on his bed-post."
She frowns slightly. "Do you really think I'd do that? I mean, on the first date?"
"No," I say quickly. "Of course not. I just don't trust him."
There is a long pause, then she says, in a rush, like it's difficult for her. "Max, is this about what I wrote in your yearbook?"
And, just like that, it's all out in the open. She confirms what I've been suspecting all along. She knows how I feel about her.
But I lie anyway. "No," I say. "I wouldn't want him going out with any girl I knew," I tell her. Which is the truth. But not really. There is no other girl, except for maybe Isabel, who would make me interfere like this.
"Max, I need to talk to you about what I wrote," Liz says, obviously not believing me.
"Liz, what you wrote was nice and all, but this isn't about that. I'm just worried about you. This isn't Roswell. You have to be careful! We barely know that guy. And what I do know, I don't like." I sound very firm. Almost like I'm talking to Isabel. Whoa. I actually sound pretty convincing. I almost believe me.
"So, you didn't come here because of it?" She asks. She sounds kind of weird. I don't think it's disappointment exactly, more just surprise.
"Who would do that?" I ask. "I mean, really, Liz. That would be crazy - to change your entire life plan because of someone else. Don't you think so?" Well, I'm just being truthful. It is crazy. We all know I'm insane by now. "Did you think I thought we'd get together or something?" Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Might as well throw her completely off.
She shifts slightly, obviously a bit embarrassed. "You must think I'm pretty full of myself."
"No," I say. "I can understand where you might have gotten the wrong idea. I did change my mind at the last minute. I swear it wasn't about you though."
"Really?" I am listening to the tone of her voice, hoping to hear even the slightest bit of disappointment, but she just sounds relieved.
I'm doing the right thing. I am avoiding complete humiliation. And, because I am now in full-on defensive mode, I take it one step too far. "Yeah. I swear. In fact, I'm actually interested in someone else."
She blinks at this. What the hell am I talking about? Where did that come from? "You are? Who?" She is beginning to sound suspicious. I don't blame her. I mean, when have I had time? I frantically search my mind for any female name. I'll find the person to fit it later.
And, suddenly, inspiration hits. I actually do know a girl! "You know her. Tess."
"Your R.A.?" She is staring at me like she's trying to see right into my head, to tell if I'm lying or not.
"Yeah." I am a complete loser. I am so dead, I can actually see my life passing before my eyes.
"Do you think she's interested in you?" Liz asks, sounding interested.
"I don't know," I say quickly. "I'm not very good with girls." Clearly. That is such an understatement, it's ridiculous.
"She'd be crazy not to be," Liz tells me. She smiles at me. "But this is so great, Max! I was really worried. I didn't want you to have the wrong idea."
"No wrong idea here." Nope. Just Lies-R-Us.
"I meant everything I said, Max," she says. "I do want to get to know you better. I want us to be friends."
"We are friends, Liz," I tell her. "That's why I'm here. I'm worried about you." Back to trying to convince her not to date Sean. Maybe she'll be more susceptible now that she's not worried that I'm trying to win her over for myself.
Liz is quiet for a moment, then she asks, "So, you really don't want me to date him?"
"It's not about what I want," I assure her. "It's about you being careful. I'm not going to tell you not to go out with him." But if she'd listen to me, I would. "I just wanted to make sure that you were going into it with all the information you need."
She smiles slightly. "I'll be careful. I promise." She pauses, then adds, "People can change you know. I mean, look at us."
"What do you mean?" I have no idea what she's talking about.
"I'm not at Harvard. I've actually made my own decision about what I want to do with my life. That's pretty amazing."
I nod, unsure what she wants me to say.
"And, look at you. You're actually talking to me. I'd say that's a pretty major change."
I feel my face reddening slightly. "I used to talk to you," I mutter.
"To ask me to pass you the Bunsen burner, yes," she agrees. "But not much else. Why do you think I don't know you?" I raise my eyes, meet her gaze. My heart starts to thunder in my chest. God. She is just so beautiful. How have I gotten myself into this mess? "I like the new you, Max. I'm glad that you think we're friends. I was never sure."
"I've always been your friend, Liz."
She reaches out and takes me hand. I stare down at where we are connected in amazement. She's touching me! On purpose. Maybe this "friends" thing won't be so bad after all. "And now I know it," she says. "Thank you for worrying about me. But I'm going to be fine. I promise. In fact, I'm going to be so fine, I'm going to help you get together with Tess. Then we'll both be blissfully happy together."
I stare at her, helpless. This has gone from bad, to worse. She is so confident, so sure. How can I convince her? But I can tell already that she won't be convinced. I do not have the gift of prophecy, but I do know Liz Parker. Watching her for close to ten years has taught me pretty much everything about her. She is determined to do this, is determined to learn the truth about Sean the hard way.
But, at least if we're friends - which she clearly thinks we are - I can be there to help her pick up the pieces when this all goes completely to hell.
~Max~
"So, tell me about Liz Parker."
Until Sean's ugly mug suddenly appears over me, I have been lying on my bed, glaring at my ceiling, wondering how the hell I could possibly be so unlucky. How did I manage to so completely miss my chance with Liz in such a short amount of time? I am also wondering how I ended up with the most annoying room-mate on the face of this planet (or any other as far as I'm concerned). I clench my jaw and stare up at Sean, wondering what it is that makes him so attractive to the opposite sex. Particularly as the very sight of his face makes me want to punch him.
Or blast him.
At times like these, it would be very nice to have Michael's gift. Or something equally deadly anyway. Healing shmealing. I'm in the mood for some good-old fashioned alien death ray eyes right about now.
What is it about this slime bucket that has made Liz agree to go out with him?
I sit up, swing my legs over the side of the bed and get to my feet. "Maybe you should tell me about Liz Parker," I reply, trying to keep my voice steady. "What was up with that sign? You told me you'd only put that up when I couldn't come in. She came to see me!"
Sean blinks, takes a step back. This is likely the first time I have actually strung more than two sentences together in his presence, so his surprise is not unwarranted. Mostly he has just talked at me, telling me how things are going to be in our room. Since I am generally an agreeable person, and since I have rarely had the opportunity to interact with anyone on a regular basis other than Isabel and Michael, up until this point I have stayed carefully, anonymously cooperative with my room-mate. I was willing to just go with the flow.
Until Liz. Until he had to go and make a move on Liz. Of course he did. The bastard.
"I told you, I forgot it was there," Sean tells me mildly. He narrows his eyes. "You have a thing for her, don't you?"
I don't say anything to that, just snap, "Liz is a nice girl. If you're planning to just screw her and then toss her aside, you've got another thing coming. She's not like that. And I won't allow it either."
Sean raises an eyebrow. "I have absolutely no intention of doing any such thing. She [I]is[/I] nice. I like her." He continues to watch me carefully. "But if you like her too, then I'll call it off. Seriously, man. Just say the word."
"Why would you do that?" I demand. "You barely know me."
"I have to live with you all year," Sean replies. "There are other fish in the sea."
I eye him suspiciously. I don't trust him. Why would he do this for me? Not to mention, in order for him to call of his date with Liz, I'm going to have to tell him that she is important to me.
I repeat, I do not trust him. And, so, I do not want him to know anything about me, particularly my most cherished secret.
Not to mention, what reason would he give Liz for breaking it off that wouldn't totally embarrass me? Because it would be completely humiliating now. The fact that she even accepted his offer at all means that the last thing I want is for Liz to even suspect that I came here because of her.
I do realize that it's not really Sean I'm angry with. It's myself. Because the fact that Liz has agreed to go on a date with Sean can mean only one thing: she has absolutely no interest in me. In spite of what I thought she was trying to tell me in my yearbook, Liz has no intention of dating me.
It hurts more than I ever could have imagined. I mean, I've been telling myself that my hopes aren't high, that she might not have meant anything by writing that she wished that she'd gotten to know me better (yes, I have it memorized.so sue me!), by writing that not doing so was a regret in her life. That's what I've been telling myself - over and over again.
Boy. When I lie to myself, I tell whoppers, don't I? Of course my hopes were high.
I came here because of Liz. Because I thought she was trying to tell me that she has secretly yearned for me all these years too.
Crap. I am Felicity.
I really did think that I was going to come here and Liz and I were going to see each other again and it would be perfect. It would be everything I have always wished for. I am realizing with embarrassment that I sort of even had this weird little fantasy that our eyes would meet across a crowded room, or down a long hallway, and she'd just walk up and kiss me and it would be destiny, fate, and we would spend the rest of our lives living happily ever after.
All because of one yearbook entry. One yearbook entry that, now that I'm looking at it from Liz's point of view, suddenly doesn't seem nearly as momentous.
Jeez. Not only am I Felicity, I'm pretty damn sad, because this exact same thing happened to Felicity too! She followed Ben to New York and he couldn't even remember her name for God's sake. Am, or am I not, the WB junkie? I should have known this was going to happen.
Okay, well, at least Liz knows my name. But, still. I should have been prepared.
Why did I ever listen to Maria Deluca? I should have listened to Michael. He's told me forever that I act like a girl when it comes to Liz Parker - that he wonders if I didn't accidentally get some female DNA in my pod because my mooning was just not how guys are supposed to behave.
Guys are supposed to act like Sean. We're supposed to try and get every girl on the planet into bed and then we're supposed to ditch them in the morning. Because apparently this is what girls want.
How did I miss this? I have a sister. You'd think I'd know these things! Maybe it's a human thing. Maybe I missed it by not gestating in a real womb. But that can't be right either. Because Michael knows.
Nope. Obviously there's just something wrong with me.
On the other hand, I don't want to be like those other guys. I'm [I]not[/I] like them Realistically, I know that Michael would never treat women the way Sean does either. He may be a [I]guy[/I], but he's not an ass.
Because, even if Liz doesn't want to date me, the last thing I want is for her to go out with Sean. As I have stated - I do not trust him. I've only known him for two days, but it is long enough for me to have decided that I wouldn't want him to date Isabel. When I meet new guys, they generally fall into two camps: those I would allow my sister to date and those I would not. By the way, Isabel doesn't know this. She would kick my ass if she did, but, what can I say? She's my sister.
Sean fell squarely into the latter category upon his first use of the "Do Not Disturb" sign. I don't really judge guys I wouldn't want Isabel to go out with. Okay, yes I do. I can't help it if I was raised to respect women. I don't generally have time for guys who treat women like play things and who don't treat them well. Sean is one of those guys.
If he's being truthful that he won't date Liz if I'm interested in her, shouldn't I say so, if only to protect her?
But, yet again, I wonder what he will tell her. Not to mention, what right do I have to interfere? None whatsoever. She certainly isn't my sister, nor is she my girlfriend. I'm not even sure that we're friends. Didn't Liz tell me in my yearbook that she feels like she barely knows me?
I have no right to tell her anything about Sean.
Maybe he was just sowing his wild oats? Maybe he does really like Liz and he'll treat her well. He's not really a bad guy. He's been perfectly friendly to me and I think he's sincere about offering to break the date. Isn't that the sign of a nice person?
He failed the Isabel dateworthiness test though. And I don't care if it's none of my business. It's Liz.
"Max?" Sean is staring at me like he's beginning to wonder if I'm half- nuts. It really shouldn't be taking me this long to tell him to back off.
"What did you talk about?" I ask abruptly. I need more information.
Sean looks momentarily uncomfortable, but he says, "Just about where we're from and stuff like that."
I can tell that he wants to say more. "What stuff?" I demand.
"Listen, I'm dead serious that I won't date her if you don't want me too," he says in a rush. "But I have to tell you why she came to see you. She wanted to make sure that you hadn't come to Manhattan thinking that anything was going to happen between you. I just want to warn you."
I don't believe him. He's just trying to get out of his offer now. Why would Liz tell Sean this? Why him, of all people? "I don't believe you," I say firmly.
"Max, I'm not lying here. It's true," Sean says sadly. "She said that she really likes you, but that she thinks you might have gotten the wrong idea about something. She didn't specify what, but she seemed to think that she might have led you on in some way." He shrugs. "How could I know that if she hadn't said it?" He looks at me closely. "Because it's true, isn't it? You did come here because of her?"
I don't hear this last part though. At the words "might have led you on in some way," my entire heart has cracked down the middle. I kid you not. I'm reflecting on the fact that I've always thought that the phrase "a broken heart" was merely a metaphor, but I'm here to tell you it's not. It is really possible. And, so I'm not listening, nor can I answer him.
I turn on my heel and stalk to the door, not saying a single word.
I need air - desperately. I am in the elevator before I even think about going outside, randomly stab at the buttons. I just want to be away from his smug face.
I stumble out a few minutes later, glad that no one else has joined me in the lift. I really don't want to have to explain why I'm about to burst into tears. I mean, in spite of the fact that I am Felicity apparently, I am also still a guy. Or at least I pretend to be. Because, as stated above, I don't think that I really am. Because I just don't get being a guy if it means being like Sean Covington.
It takes me a moment to realize that I have ended up on the roof. I look around in surprise, feel a flash of wonder in spite of myself. The entire city is spread out below, lights just beginning to wink on in the buildings surrounding me.
It's enough to take my breath away again - but this time in a good way. I'm from Roswell, New Mexico after all. This kind of hugeness is all new to me.
I make my way to the edge, stuffing my hands into my pockets, forcing myself to take deep, even breaths. I am not used to being this upset. But, then, I'm also not used to emotionally investing in anything. And it wasn't until my hopes were completely shot down that I even understood how completely I had convinced myself that by coming to New York, somehow, some way, all my dreams about Liz Parker were about to come true.
I stare down at the cars below, mesmerized. All those people.More in this small section of the city than in Roswell itself. It's unbelievable and it's also enough to make me realize that, in the grand scheme of things, my problems are pretty insignificant. But they sure don't feel like it at the moment.
It hurts like hell, being disappointed like this. I almost can't believe how much it hurts. I guess that was one positive thing about never getting involved with anyone back in Roswell. Hiding behind the tree hasn't just been good for keeping my otherworldly secret. It has also been very effective at helping me to avoid feeling like this.
I believe Sean. I hate him, but I believe him, because why would he lie about this? How could he even lie? His words make perfect sense with what did happen. Liz did write something that could have been interpreted either way. I just chose to interpret it the wrong way. And Liz suspects that. She knows.
I wonder briefly if Maria told her. I can't believe it though. I know she's Liz's best friend, but I just don't think she would have. She's not like that.
What am I going to do?
The answer comes to me so quickly, I blink.
I can't stay here. Not now. I just can't. There is now no reason for me to be in New York at all.
I'm going home.
***
I stay on the roof for a while after making my decision, trying to figure out how I am going to break the news to Isabel. She's going to be seriously ticked. I know she doesn't need me, but I don't think she knows it yet. But I can deal with Isabel after I find out how to withdraw from all my classes. I wonder if I'm going to be the first person in history to drop out of Manhattan University before the semester even begins.
I dread going back to my room. The mere thought of laying eyes on Sean again is enough to make me want to puke, but I have no choice. I have packing to do.
When I get there, I thrust the door open, ignoring the "Do Not Disturb" sign that still hangs from the knob (bastard!) Fortunately, Sean isn't there. I hurry to my closet, pull down my suitcase and toss it on the bed. I start pulling shirts off their hangers, throwing them onto the bed too.
"What are you doing?"
It's only when I hear the voice that I realize that I haven't closed my door. I turn, stare at Tess, the R.A. I met earlier. She watches as I throw another shirt towards my suitcase.
"I'm packing," I reply.
"Why?"
"Because I'm leaving."
She comes further into the room, shifting from one foot to the other. "Is everything okay? Did something happen at home?"
"No," I say. I am staring down at the mess I've made on my bed, wondering how the hell I fit all of this into my suitcase in the first place. How many black sweaters do I have anyway?
"You do realize that you're threatening my job?" She sounds nervous, like she's not quite comfortable joking. Because I can tell that's what she's trying to do.
I look at her blankly. "What?"
"How is it going to look if one of my advisees leaves school before it even starts?" She perches gingerly on the chair near my desk. "Maybe." She swallows. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," I reply firmly. "I made a mistake. So I'm going home."
"What makes you think you made a mistake? Are you homesick?"
I frown. Could this girl be any more annoying? "Listen, I know you're just trying to help, but this is really none of your business. I'm going home. That's all."
"Does this have something to do with that girl?"
I have started to fold my clothes, my movements jerky, angry, but I pause when she says this. Am I really that obvious?
"What girl?"
"That Liz," Tess replies. "The one Alex introduced me too after you slammed your door in her face." She leans forward. "Was she your girlfriend?"
Only in my own deluded fantasies. "No."
"It is her though, isn't it?"
I look at her. I can see the openness on her face, the willingness to listen, and suddenly I feel an overwhelming urge to tell her everything.
And, so, after pushing a bunch of my clothes off the bed and onto the floor, I do.
It takes a really long time, mainly because I'm not used to unloading myself on anyone like this, so I start off slow. Even with Michael and Isabel, I don't really confide in them. They confide in [I]me[/I]. They have enough to worry about, what with keeping our secret. Michael has his whole foster father issue and Isabel has her own problems. They don't need to know about my constant inner turmoil on top of that.
But Tess is very easy to talk to. She listens to the whole story of my obsession with Liz Parker, how I have loved her for years, how I've always been too shy (or alien.because I'm not really [I]shy[/I]. I'm just careful, but I don't tell her that part of course) to do anything about it, how I followed her here because of what she wrote in my yearbook, and how she is now about to go out on a date with my Casanova of a room-mate.
It feels like a three thousand pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders with every word I say to her. She shakes her head sympathetically in all the right places, frowns when she's supposed to, and sides with me after reading the yearbook entry.
"I can see why you misinterpreted this," she assures me, stroking her fingers across Liz's handwriting. "You shouldn't feel bad about it."
"I feel like a total moron," I admit, running my hands through my hair in frustration.
"You shouldn't," Tess repeats. "It's perfectly understandable. But I don't think you should leave. I think you should play it cool. Don't let her know that she's the reason you came here."
"I wasn't planning on it," I mutter. "Trust me."
"I'm sure," Tess says, sounding sympathetic again. "No, what I meant was, if you leave, you'll be proving it to her. That you came here because of her. Right now, she doesn't know that for sure. I know it's upsetting, that it doesn't look like you're going to get together with her, but I can't believe that you really just came here because of her. I mean, you obviously applied here. You got in. Some small part of you must have wanted to get out Roswell even before Liz wrote what she wrote. You're in New York, Max. You have your whole life ahead of you. You made your decision to come here based on a girl, but maybe it was fate."
I frown. "What do you mean?"
"You told me that you really have no idea what you want to do, right?"
"Right."
"Well, what better place to find out than here?" she asks. "I mean, stay. I really believe that everything in life happens for a reason. And I can't believe that you really came all this way just because of a girl."
Liz isn't just a girl. Maybe Tess doesn't really understand. But how can she? She doesn't know what Liz Parker really represents to me - how she is everything that is normal and pure and good. How if someone like Liz could love me, then maybe I'm not as a big a freak as I have always felt like.
She can't understand that loving Liz makes me feel human. That if I stop, there will be nothing normal about me at all.
"I can't just watch her date Sean," I say. "I can't do it, Tess. But I can't tell him not to either because then she'll know I did."
"So, tell her the truth yourself," Tess suggests. "Tell her what Sean really is."
"How can I do that?" I ask. "I've only known him for two days. Maybe he just went a little crazy at first, being away from home. He's from a small town too after all. Maybe he's really a nice guy. I don't have any claim on her. I can't interfere in her life like that."
"She interfered in yours," Tess reminds me. "By writing what she did, she changed your path. And I think, that even if things don't turn out exactly as you envisioned them, you like New York. This was the right place for you. Don't you think so?"
"I don't know." And I don't. But I remember feeling comfortable up on the roof, interested in the city spread out before me. I do like New York I realize. Maybe it's because it's so big and it's easier for someone like me to get lost in it. Maybe it's because there are people I've seen on the sidewalk who are even weirder than I am, in spite of the fact that they're entirely human.
Maybe it's because I'm finally ready to accept that my life is going to be lived out on this planet and, like Isabel said on the plane, it's time for all of us to actually start living.
"Now you have the chance to make sure that she doesn't take the wrong one," Tess is saying. "You need to tell her, Max. As a woman, I'm guarantee you, I'd want to know. If you are going to be friends with her, you need to tell her. It's what friends do."
"She didn't know how I feel about her though. She didn't know that she was affecting my path. It's not the same thing at all."
Tess shrugs. "All I know is that I think it's a mistake for you to leave. Your sister's here, you're enrolled in one of the best schools in the country, and the girl you have a crush on wants to be your friend. She wants to get to know you better, Max. Who's to say that things won't work out in the end anyway? I think you should talk to her. And I think you should stay."
I stare at her, amazed that this girl has been able to change my mind so completely.
Because it has been changed. I am beginning to realize that, deep down, I don't want to leave New York. I think back again to that feeling of awe I had on the roof, not more than an hour ago. This city fascinates me, calls to me in a way I don't understand.
In a way that has nothing at all to do with Liz Parker.
I can't stay here and watch her date Sean though. I just can not do it. But I also don't think that I'm strong enough to tell her why myself without giving away my true feelings.
She cannot suspect how I feel about her. Because Tess is right. Liz wants to be friends with me. She wants to get to know me better. In spite of how I misinterpreted what she really meant, that is the truth. And, for me, being friends with Liz Parker - real friends, not just lab partners - is better than nothing.
But I also can't not warn her about Sean.
Luckily for me, I have another option.
I stand up. "Thanks, Tess. You've given me some stuff to think about."
She gets up too, smiles. "So, you're not leaving?"
"No," I assure her, a bit embarrassed now that I even considered such a rash move. I mean, what the hell would I have told my parents? "I've already made one life-altering decision based on Liz Parker. I don't think I better jump into another one. Not yet, anyway."
"Good," Tess says. "It'll work out, Max. Trust me. You're doing the right thing."
"I hope so," I reply, still not entirely convinced, but sure that I do have to at least give Manhattan a chance.
Tess leaves a few minutes later. Mere moments after that, I follow her out and head straight to Alex's door down the hall. I grimace slightly at the racket that is emerging from behind it. I knock anyway.
Alex pulls the door open almost immediately. He has his bass guitar over his shoulder and his expression is apologetic. "Sorry, am I bothering." He trails off. "Oh, hey, Max. C'mon in." He glances over his shoulder. "This is Edwin, by the way."
I nod at Alex's room-mate, who is sitting at his desk, a fish tank in front of him. He is staring intently into it, ignoring me completely. I look at Alex questioningly. He simply rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Weirdo," he mouths. "What's up?" he then asks aloud.
I glance once more at Edwin, slightly perplexed, then say, "Listen, Liz is going on a date with Sean, right?"
"I think so," Alex replies. "Why?"
"Well, I told you that I haven't been able to get into my room because of him."
Alex narrows his eyes. "And?"
"What I didn't tell you was that he was with a different girl all three times."
Alex scowls. "Are you telling me that he's just trying to get her into bed?"
"I don't know," I admit. "But I do think Liz has a right to know this before she goes out with him - if only so she can be on her guard."
Alex nods pensively. "You're right." He then looks at me again. "Why don't you just tell her yourself?"
I grimace. "I don't really feel like I know her well enough to tell her what to do."
"Liz doesn't let anyone tell her what to do," Alex sighs. "But I can see where you're coming from." He tilts his head slightly, eyeing me. "Let's me honest with each other here though, Max. You have ulterior motives for not wanting her to go out with Sean."
I swallow. I could deny it, but what would be the point? "I may like Liz, but that's not the reason that I'm telling you this. I just think she needs to know. If she decides to still go out with him, I'll keep my mouth shut and never mention it again."
Alex shakes his head, sympathetic. "I still think you should tell her. She won't believe me."
"Why not?"
"I barely know him. I'm going to have to tell her where I got the info."
I sigh. "Well, if you have to, you have my permission to tell her. But I just don't feel right about telling her myself."
"I have an even better idea," Alex says. He has clearly been thinking. "I'm going to invite her out to dinner with us tomorrow. She can bring him and we can get a read on the guy - see what his real intentions are. If she doesn't agree to that, then I'll tell her about the other girls."
I stare at him. Is he really asking me to sit through Liz and Sean's date? But, on the other hand, it would give me the chance to judge Sean's real character on my own too.
I decide not to think about the fact that it will also give me the chance to judge if Liz is really interested in him. I shouldn't be thinking about that. Because I know for a fact that she is in no way interested in me anyway.
No, this is entirely about Sean. It has to be. She will date other people. I'm sure there is some guy out there nice enough for Liz. She did pretty well with Kyle after all. It's Sean I want to check out, Sean I want to make sure is good enough.
As I mentioned before, I'm pretty good at lying to myself. Because I actually make myself believe this until we're all out on Liz and Sean's date the next night.
***
"I told her," Alex mutters to me as he slides into the booth across the table. We're at a Mexican place near Manhattan called Carlos and Murphy's. Alex and I were actually here earlier. I ran into him in the Student Union and since we were both starved, we came here to eat. We liked it so much, we decided to come back. The spicy food appeals to my alien palate and Alex says that it reminds him of home.
Isabel stood to allow him entrance to the booth, as she likes to sit on the end. Better to adjourn to the Ladies Room for make-up touch-ups. My sister is entirely predictable. Anyway, it's during the seconds between her greeting Alex warmly (very warmly for Isabel. What is that about?) and her sitting back down, that he tells me this.
I know that Alex is talking about Liz - that he had to tell her about Sean's nocturnal activities of the last few days. Which means that she wasn't willing to come with us before that. I feel my heart drop slightly.
"Where's Liz?" Isabel asks Alex. Up to this point my sister is unaware that Liz is bringing a date. I've been scared to tell her. She'll interfere. I know she will. I don't want to give her time to think about ways to be mean to Liz. Because she will be. The instant she knows how this entire Sean mess is eating me up inside, she'll turn on her. But if she doesn't have time to think about it, at least we might have a few minutes of peace before she thinks of something suitably rude to say. Isabel is not naturally a bitch, in spite of what some people back in Roswell might tell you. She does have to think about it most of the time.
It's not fair to Liz. She didn't ask for me to follow her here and she didn't ask me to be in love with her. But my sister is predictable, as stated. When either Michael or I are hurt, she is a tigress. Even against people who have no idea they've even done anything.
"She's on her way," Alex replies. "I just talked to her. She and Sean are.."
He trails off at the look that crosses my sister's face. "Sean?" She asks pleasantly, looking at me. Too pleasantly, might I add.
"Yes, Isabel," I say calmly. "My room-mate Sean is joining us."
Her brow wrinkles. "Really? I thought you hated him."
Alex snorts. I sigh. I knew I shouldn't have confirmed my long-term crush on Liz to him last night. But, he knew anyway. Still, this dinner is shaping up to be a disaster. "He's okay," I mumble, looking down at the table so that I can't meet Isabel's suspicious gaze.
She lets it go for the moment as the waitress arrives with our menus. "Hey guys!"
I look up in surprise. It's Tess. "You work here?" I ask, dumbfounded.
"Yup," Tess replies. "My dad didn't want me to come to school in New York so I pay for most of it myself. He only covers tuition."
"You make enough?" Alex asks, sounding surprised.
"Most of the time," Tess says, laughing slightly. "Sometimes I have to exist on peanut butter, when I get tired of eating here. I don't buy the meal plan." She looks at Isabel. "Hi! I'm Tess."
"Oh, sorry," I say, reddening slightly. "This is my sister, Isabel. Isabel, Tess, our R.A."
My sister doesn't say anything. I look at her, surprised. Since when is Isabel at a loss for words? She is staring at Tess, a slight frown on her face. Finally, when she seems to be aware of Tess waiting for a hello and of me glaring at her, she says, "Sorry. Have we met before? You seem familiar."
I look back at Tess, whose smile has faltered slightly. "I do?" she finally says, giggling a little. It's high-pitched, not the laugh I've heard from her before, so I can tell that Isabel has made her uncomfortable for some reason. "I guess I must just have one of those faces. I mean, trust me, I've never been to Roswell."
Isabel shrugs. "Okay. Well, it's nice to meet you." The tone of her voice indicates that the exact opposite is true. I notice Alex looking at her strangely, like he's not sure what happened to the warm girl from moments ago.
"You too," Tess replies. She looks back at me, a little paler than she was. I sometimes forget how intimidating Isabel is when she wants to be, because she can't overawe me. I wonder what it is about Tess that made my sister pull out the ice queen act like that. Because there is no question she did. I mentally remind myself to ask her about it later. "So, what can I get you people to drink?"
I order my usual cherry cola, Alex orders an orange soda on the rocks and Isabel orders a Diet Coke. Just as Tess moves to leave, she turns back and says under her breath, "Liz and Sean are here." I realize that she doesn't know that we're all together. I feel a pang of affection for her that she is trying to warn me. I've barely known this girl for twenty-four hours, but I feel already that we're going to be good friends.
Anyway, sure enough, Liz and Sean have arrived. I feel my heart start to beat more quickly in my chest, as it typically does in Liz Parker's presence. She is moving through the tables in our direction, looking so beautiful it momentarily takes my breath away. Her dark hair is hanging loose against her black leather jacket, swinging gracefully around her shoulders, and, not for the first time, I have a brief vision of that hair falling into my face as she leans over to kiss me.
God. I need to get a grip. I am a sad, sad alien.
"Hey everyone," Liz says. She slides into the booth next to me. I tense up instantly. I haven't been this close to her since our last bio lab back at West Roswell, and my heart just about can't take it. I wonder if it's possible to die of cardiac arrest at eighteen. "Hi, Isabel," she greets my sister. "It's great to see you!"
"Hi, Liz," Isabel says, eyeing Sean, a slightly disdainful expression on her face. Uh oh. Damn. She's onto them already. It has to be the way that Sean is helping Liz out of her jacket. He is being a perfect gentleman. The bastard. It has resulted in it being too much to hope that Isabel would think it was a coincidence that they came here together. "And you must be Sean."
He grins, pulling a chair out from another table and flopping into it at the end of ours. "I am. Max's sister, I presume?"
Isabel narrows her gaze, glances at me, briefly at Liz, then replies, "You presume correctly." She says nothing else, simply sits back, folds her arms, and stares at me. Oh dear.
I look at Liz, who is looking at Isabel, a bemused expression on her face.
"So, dinner!" Alex says, too heartily. I look at him and his eyes widen as they meet mine. I just shake my head. "Max and I had the burritos for lunch. They're awesome."
"You came here for lunch?" Liz asks, sounding amused. She turns her head, looks at the condiments at the end of the table. "I should have known." She reaches past me and for one, brief moment, her long hair brushes against the skin on my arm. I bless my lucky stars that I wore short sleeves. After I have managed to get a hold of myself, I realize that she has picked up the bottle of Tabasco sitting near the salt and pepper. "Just making sure there's enough in here for you, Max," she teases, shaking it in my face.
I stare at her. "What?"
Liz smiles, glances at Sean. " Max is really into spicy food," she tells him. "My dad practically had to mortgage the Crashdown to keep him in Tabasco."
I can't help it. I'm pleased that she remembers. She might not think that she knows me very well, but she obviously found some things memorable.
"So, you must have eaten there a lot, huh, Max?" This comes from Sean. I look at him. I don't quite understand his tone, but he sounds a bit too knowing for comfort. I've avoided him all day, not wanting him to ask again whether I wanted him to call off his date. I may have said yes and then I would have ended up in an even more awkward position than the one in which I now find myself.
"We all did," Isabel says frostily. "Roswell's a small town. It's not like we had a lot of choice."
I sigh, glare at my sister. "I liked it," I say hurriedly, hoping Isabel hasn't hurt Liz's feelings.
"Yeah, I've heard," Sean says, smiling at Liz. "I know the feeling." She smiles back and my heart drops again.
"Here we go," Tess says, coming up to the table just then, balancing a tray with our drinks. She sees that Sean and Liz have joined us and looks at bit surprised. "You guys are all together?"
"Yup," I say, staring at her warningly. She raises an eyebrow, but simply says, "Nice to see you both. What can I get you?"
And, somehow, we manage to get through dinner. Alex, Sean and Liz work at keeping the conversation light and fun. Isabel even bends slightly and laughs at a few of Alex's jokes. I don't talk very much, too aware of Liz sitting beside me, and also too aware of how well Liz and Sean are getting along. He is funny, charming, and continues to be a perfect gentleman. Of course, I don't know what I expected. Did I think he was going to try and jump her at the table? While this would have helped my case, it was highly unlikely.
He does touch her far too often though. I even see him glancing at me once when he does it, to see if it bothers me. I stare back at him, stony-faced. He frowns, but doesn't move his hand off Liz's knee. Nor does she make him move it.
Finally, when Tess comes to leave the bill on the table, Sean turns to Liz and says, "If we want to make that movie, we should get going." He looks at me. "Thanks for inviting us, Evans. This was fun." Am I the only one who hears the amused note in his voice? Glancing at Tess, who is still standing there, I can see that I'm not. She seems concerned, looks at me meaningfully. I don't quite understand what she's trying to tell me.
The expression on Tess's face.I think she wants me to find a way to be alone with Liz - to tell her what kind of guy Sean really is. She doesn't trust him either.
It suddenly dawns on me what is going on here. Sean never had any intention of breaking off his date with Liz. He's enjoying this. He is an ass. This is all a complete act. The grin that crosses his face when I stare at him, my eyes wide with understanding, only confirms it.
I set my jaw, look at Liz. I can't let her go off with him. I just [I]can't[/I]. She is too innocent. She just doesn't understand what this guy intends to do to her. For some reason, he's decided to torture me, and he's using her to do it.
She is standing, he's helping her to put her jacket back on, and I can't move. I cannot do anything. I am frozen.
She won't believe me.
Alex already told her what I know about him and she went out with him anyway. She's going to continue the date because he hasn't done anything to show that he's in this for only one thing. He's only tipped his cards to me. I don't understand why, but this guy is out to get me.
"Bye everyone," Liz says. Tess is standing behind her. She moves her head, stares at me around her shoulder, like she can't believe I'm not moving. I can't believe it either. But I don't.
I can't do anything. I am too big a coward. I can't bear the thought of having Liz know why I came here - that I came to New York because of her. And if I try and get her alone now, try to interfere in what, to her, must seem like a fairly standard date, she's going to know. She'll know for sure how I feel about her.
How can I make her see that I am beginning to realize that my room-mate is evil? She'll never understand, because she'll think my concern stems from my feelings for her. It will make her uncomfortable, she'll feel sorry for me, and, then, she'll start to avoid me. Because that's what people do when other people they're not interested in show their true feelings. That's just the way things are.
If she avoids me, I'll have absolutely no way to protect her. At least this way, I can make sure that Sean treats her half way decently. If he doesn't, then I can kill him. But I can't do anything until he actually hurts her.
The thought of him hurting her.Maybe I should just kill him now and get it over with.
But, I can't. I need to know who this guy is, what his problem with me is.
And, until I do, there is nothing I can do except watch them leave together.
***
"He seemed okay to me," Alex says on the subway platform. We are returning from Columbia, where we've just dropped Isabel off at her dorm. "Don't you think?"
I don't say anything, just shrug. He talks about my sister the whole way back to our own dorm at Manhattan. "Do you think that she'll say yes if I ask her out on my own?" he finally asks.
I force myself to think about it. Isabel did seem to enjoy herself tonight. She even behaved herself towards Liz, which must have indicated that she didn't want to come across as too big a bitch. It must have been for Alex's benefit. She certainly has no qualms about being a bitch in front of me. "I think she probably would," I tell him. I hope she does. Alex is the kind of guy I want my sister to date after all. He's a nice guy.
He's nothing like Sean.
I am relieved to see that the "Do Not Disturb" sign has failed to appear on our doorknob. I shouldn't really be surprised. The movie Liz and Sean went to probably isn't even over yet, but I was still worried about it. I don't enter my room though. Instead, I go back up to the roof and stare out over the city for a while, thinking about Sean, wondering what it is about him that makes me so nervous.
This is about more than the fact that he's a ladies' man. He is out to get me for some reason and I need to figure out why. It can't just be because we're so different, can it? He can't be dating Liz just because he enjoys seeing my pain? Are there really humans so cruel?
I haven't figured anything out by the time I head back down to my room, feeling cold. It sometimes snows in Roswell, but it's never as chilly there in September as it is here. I'm going to have to start wearing a jacket. I take the stairs this time, trying to warm myself up a bit.
When I reach the tenth floor, I pause.
Liz's floor.
I wonder if I should go knock on her door, make sure she made it back safely. Because, if they're not back by now - glancing at my watch, I see that it's after one - I don't know what I'll do. I need to know that she's safe - at least for tonight. I'll worry about the rest of it tomorrow.
I open the door leading to the tenth floor, hurry to the room I know is hers. I haven't been here yet, but Alex told me because we're supposed to meet up here tomorrow to help Liz move her bed. I knock immediately, before I lose my nerve. A strange voice comes from behind the door. Liz's room- mate. "Just a minute!"
The door opens and I'm staring at a pretty redhead. One who is wearing pajamas. One I have clearly woken. "Um, hi. Sorry. Is Liz here?"
She narrows her eyes. "Who are you?"
"Oh, sorry. I'm Max." My hands are in my pockets. Why, oh why, didn't I remember that I was going to be bothering her room-mate if Liz wasn't home yet?
Her eyes soften. "Oh. Max." She sounds like it might be familiar. "She came home. She's just in the bathroom showering." She indicates down the hallway towards the communal washrooms. "She should be back any minute."
In fact, any minute is right now, because Liz is walking towards us, wearing a pair of pajamas bottoms, a red tank top and a towel on her head. I see her eyes widen at the sight of me. I don't blame her. It's practically the middle of the night.
"Hey," she says when she reaches us. She glances at her room-mate. The girl looks back at her, obviously trying to say something to her with her eyes. I briefly wonder if they've talked about me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? "What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you," I say quickly. Because I realize now that I'm crazy to think I can bear to let Liz date Sean. If I have to tell her the truth about how I feel to make her believe me, I will. I'll tell her that it has nothing to do with me, but with her, that I'm worried about her.
I don't care what I have to tell her. I just want her to stay away from him.
Liz hands her shower stuff to her room-mate, keeping a brush in her hand. "Okay. Let's go to the common room."
"Sorry I woke you up." I trail off because I realize I don't know the room- mate's name.
"Charlotte," she says. "It's okay. I wasn't really asleep."
I follow Liz, who hasn't said anything else. She enters the common room, which is, surprisingly, empty, the lights dim because of it. The common room on our floor always has people in it, even in the middle of the night. She turns and regards me, her dark eyes serious in the slight light. "What's going on, Max?"
"I." I swallow. I have to talk dammit! This might be Liz, in whose presence I seem incapable of stringing together three words, but I have to warn her. "I just wanted to make sure you'd made it back all right," I manage to say in a rush.
"Sure," she says. She pulls the towel off her head, begins to run the brush through her long dark locks. I stare at her, my knees weakening with desire. I very briefly wonder what she would do if I just grab her and kiss her. Could I make her feel something - anything - for me by doing so?
But, of course, I don't. Instead I say, "Didn't Alex tell you about Sean?"
"About the other girls you mean?" Liz asks. She sighs. "He told me."
"And it doesn't bug you?"
"Sean told me himself," Liz admits. "He said that he didn't really do anything with them. He was homesick, so he brought them back to your room to talk."
"You believe that?" I ask, beginning to feel a little annoyed. Why was she being so deliberately blind?
Liz smiles slightly. "No. I'm not an idiot, Max. But I like him. He's been okay with me. I can't hold his past behavior against him."
"Why not?" I demand.
"Because it's not fair. Everyone needs a chance to change. I think he really likes me."
I don't have anything to say to that. She doesn't care about what happened before her. He's treating her well and that's all that matters to her. She's clearly insane.
She clearly really likes him.
I realize that she is watching me quietly. "Max, why do you care anyway?" she finally asks.
"Because he's my room-mate," I say. "I'm the one who got evicted from our room three times so that he could make time with those girls. I don't want you to be just another notch on his bed-post."
She frowns slightly. "Do you really think I'd do that? I mean, on the first date?"
"No," I say quickly. "Of course not. I just don't trust him."
There is a long pause, then she says, in a rush, like it's difficult for her. "Max, is this about what I wrote in your yearbook?"
And, just like that, it's all out in the open. She confirms what I've been suspecting all along. She knows how I feel about her.
But I lie anyway. "No," I say. "I wouldn't want him going out with any girl I knew," I tell her. Which is the truth. But not really. There is no other girl, except for maybe Isabel, who would make me interfere like this.
"Max, I need to talk to you about what I wrote," Liz says, obviously not believing me.
"Liz, what you wrote was nice and all, but this isn't about that. I'm just worried about you. This isn't Roswell. You have to be careful! We barely know that guy. And what I do know, I don't like." I sound very firm. Almost like I'm talking to Isabel. Whoa. I actually sound pretty convincing. I almost believe me.
"So, you didn't come here because of it?" She asks. She sounds kind of weird. I don't think it's disappointment exactly, more just surprise.
"Who would do that?" I ask. "I mean, really, Liz. That would be crazy - to change your entire life plan because of someone else. Don't you think so?" Well, I'm just being truthful. It is crazy. We all know I'm insane by now. "Did you think I thought we'd get together or something?" Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Might as well throw her completely off.
She shifts slightly, obviously a bit embarrassed. "You must think I'm pretty full of myself."
"No," I say. "I can understand where you might have gotten the wrong idea. I did change my mind at the last minute. I swear it wasn't about you though."
"Really?" I am listening to the tone of her voice, hoping to hear even the slightest bit of disappointment, but she just sounds relieved.
I'm doing the right thing. I am avoiding complete humiliation. And, because I am now in full-on defensive mode, I take it one step too far. "Yeah. I swear. In fact, I'm actually interested in someone else."
She blinks at this. What the hell am I talking about? Where did that come from? "You are? Who?" She is beginning to sound suspicious. I don't blame her. I mean, when have I had time? I frantically search my mind for any female name. I'll find the person to fit it later.
And, suddenly, inspiration hits. I actually do know a girl! "You know her. Tess."
"Your R.A.?" She is staring at me like she's trying to see right into my head, to tell if I'm lying or not.
"Yeah." I am a complete loser. I am so dead, I can actually see my life passing before my eyes.
"Do you think she's interested in you?" Liz asks, sounding interested.
"I don't know," I say quickly. "I'm not very good with girls." Clearly. That is such an understatement, it's ridiculous.
"She'd be crazy not to be," Liz tells me. She smiles at me. "But this is so great, Max! I was really worried. I didn't want you to have the wrong idea."
"No wrong idea here." Nope. Just Lies-R-Us.
"I meant everything I said, Max," she says. "I do want to get to know you better. I want us to be friends."
"We are friends, Liz," I tell her. "That's why I'm here. I'm worried about you." Back to trying to convince her not to date Sean. Maybe she'll be more susceptible now that she's not worried that I'm trying to win her over for myself.
Liz is quiet for a moment, then she asks, "So, you really don't want me to date him?"
"It's not about what I want," I assure her. "It's about you being careful. I'm not going to tell you not to go out with him." But if she'd listen to me, I would. "I just wanted to make sure that you were going into it with all the information you need."
She smiles slightly. "I'll be careful. I promise." She pauses, then adds, "People can change you know. I mean, look at us."
"What do you mean?" I have no idea what she's talking about.
"I'm not at Harvard. I've actually made my own decision about what I want to do with my life. That's pretty amazing."
I nod, unsure what she wants me to say.
"And, look at you. You're actually talking to me. I'd say that's a pretty major change."
I feel my face reddening slightly. "I used to talk to you," I mutter.
"To ask me to pass you the Bunsen burner, yes," she agrees. "But not much else. Why do you think I don't know you?" I raise my eyes, meet her gaze. My heart starts to thunder in my chest. God. She is just so beautiful. How have I gotten myself into this mess? "I like the new you, Max. I'm glad that you think we're friends. I was never sure."
"I've always been your friend, Liz."
She reaches out and takes me hand. I stare down at where we are connected in amazement. She's touching me! On purpose. Maybe this "friends" thing won't be so bad after all. "And now I know it," she says. "Thank you for worrying about me. But I'm going to be fine. I promise. In fact, I'm going to be so fine, I'm going to help you get together with Tess. Then we'll both be blissfully happy together."
I stare at her, helpless. This has gone from bad, to worse. She is so confident, so sure. How can I convince her? But I can tell already that she won't be convinced. I do not have the gift of prophecy, but I do know Liz Parker. Watching her for close to ten years has taught me pretty much everything about her. She is determined to do this, is determined to learn the truth about Sean the hard way.
But, at least if we're friends - which she clearly thinks we are - I can be there to help her pick up the pieces when this all goes completely to hell.