A/N: There's a looong note at the end. Quickly here though I just have to say, the person who compared Pete to Lauren Reed from Alias - that really cracked me up. I suppose the feelings of intense hatred are a bit more justifiable for Ms. Reed, but still, it was an excellent comparison.
Ch 6: Stitching
After their conversation on the roof just before the birthday party had come to an abrupt end, Jack couldn't help but wonder if his 2IC might be secretly harboring some precognitive abilities. Talk about things falling apart! It had just been one crisis after another for so long that while Jack hadn't been able to talk to her about anything not related to work at all, he had spent what little spare time he had worrying about how all of these new changes were going to affect her.
They had talked about losing things, and then they had lost Daniel again, for a while. Then they had lost her father, forever. He was ready for it all to become too much, for it to finally make her fall apart too. Just for a little while; he knew her well enough to know she'd put herself back together faster than anybody could be expected to. But it never even happened.
She fixed something she had held herself responsible for for nearly a year: her Replicator duplicate. She fixed that problem, then went ahead and fixed the Replicator problem for the whole known universe on top of that. A lot of things got fixed. The Jaffa were free, the weapon was destroyed. Daniel came back again, this time choosing to land his naked ass in Jack's office early one morning. But her dad was still gone, so not all of the sudden wave of changes were good. She had surprised him yet again, making complete peace with the loss before he was even gone, telling him she was grateful for the time Selmak had given him.
Maybe he had a little ESP too, he thought as he remembered telling her that when things seemed impossible to fix, he just sat back and waited for her to fix them. She hadn't believed it was possible when he had said it, but he was starting to think that maybe she did now.
A soft knock on the door of his room brought him out of his introspective musings. "Sir, are you ready? General Hammond says we should go ahead and go."
He checked his tie in the mirror and called, "Yeah, I'm ready." They were in General Hammond's new Alexandria home, staying with him for Jacob's funeral. Hammond said the President was insisting on a burial at Arlington with full ceremony. Jack had only been mildly surprised to learn that President Hayes had known Jacob Carter for a long time – he and Hammond knew each other well, after all, and Hammond had known Jacob way before Carter was even born. But Jacob, being Jacob, had never mentioned it.
Jack opened the door and wasn't surprised to find Carter already in the proper mindset for an officer in her dress blues. They had a memorial service for Jacob as they had done for Janet, at home in the Gate room, the day after Daniel came back. Sam wanted Jack to do all the speaking at that one, and at that one she had been a daughter mourning the very personal loss of her father.
While Jack spoke to the crowded Gate room, able to say much more than would be said at this Arlington burial due to security issues, Teal'c and Daniel had stood on either side of her, Daniel holding her hand tightly and Teal'c with his arm around her for physical and emotional support, his hand settled on her shoulder. She had cried during the ceremony, and cried even more in Jack's office afterwards, while everyone else stayed in the Gate room for a wake of sorts.
Jack knew that today she'd put on the same blank, schooled look he would, and be every inch the proper USAF Lieutenant Colonel that she always was.
His prediction was accurate. Maybe they stood slightly closer to each other than most ranking officers usually did, but during the entire lengthy ceremony she never so much as shifted on her feet or darted her eyes to the right or left. Since he was standing next to her doing the same thing, it was a bit of an assumption on his part, but not really. He would have just known if she had started to lose it, even for a split second. He was ready for it, even though he knew it wasn't going to happen. Jacob was the reason she had joined the Air Force in the first place – she would be nothing less than the perfect soldier at his funeral.
After the ceremony, Jack was still standing next to her, although they were both slightly more relaxed. Sam was watching her brother and his family, who were a few yards away. Jack was just about to suggest that she go talk to them while he caught up to Hammond when she surprised him by saying the three little words he had only dared hope he'd ever hear from her.
"Wanna go fishing?"
It took him a few moments to form a response, as he wasn't entirely sure he had heard her correctly. She stepped in front of him with a slightly amused look in her eyes, knowing she had shocked the hell out of him.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do," he finally said with a half-smile. "I need to talk to Hammond first."
She started to say she hadn't meant right this very second but decided against it. In for a penny... as the cliché went. It was her turn to look a little bit surprised, but she nodded in her brother's direction and said, "I'll be..."
"Right."
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General Hammond wasn't surprised when only General O'Neill and Colonel Carter came to Arlington. He knew they had their own ceremony for Jacob back home that the rest of SG1, and probably the entire base as well would attend, and he himself would have preferred going to that one in all honesty, but his schedule wouldn't allow it, unfortunately. He'd been glad to have the General and Colonel stay with him even for such a short time, and knew Jacob would be proud of how his daughter was handling his death.
Hammond also wasn't surprised when Jack O'Neill walked up to him as he spoke quietly with the President, looked back and forth between both of them, and said simply, "We need to talk."
Hammond exchanged a 'well, this is it' look with President Hayes, already knowing what O'Neill was about to say. Hammond had, truth be told, been waiting for this for a good many years, on one level or another. But when he had picked his two favorite officers up at the airport, he had just known that it was going to happen now, on this trip. He had warned the President, but they still weren't sure exactly what they were going to do about it, but they both agreed they had to do something, find some sort of compromise that O'Neill could live with, at least for a while, that wouldn't completely deprive the program of one of its most valuable assets. Hammond nodded somberly and said, "Yeah, Jack, we do. But not right now."
"George..."
"One week," President Hayes interrupted them both, patting Jack's shoulder encouragingly.
"Sir?" Jack asked, clearly trying to remain respectful.
"We'll talk in one week," the President repeated. "Report to the White House then. For the moment, would you please go tell your Colonel Carter I'd like a word with her? I don't want to interrupt her family, and the Secret Service guys can be a little intimidating, especially for the kids. Jacob's grandchildren?"
"Yes, sir," Hammond answered.
"I'll... go get her, sir," Jack said distractedly, nodding to them both and walking away, clearly preoccupied with the sub-text of their entire conversation, not the least of which was the President's strange choice of possessive pronouns.
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Jack pushed the cryptic conversation to the back of his mind as he approached the Carter family. "Oh, Carter, the President is asking for you," he said in a loud and casual voice, glancing quickly at her niece and nephew, who looked suitably impressed, no doubt thinking they had the coolest Aunt on the planet. If they only knew, Jack thought, concealing a smile.
"Thank you, sir," she replied, quickly excusing herself. Jack watched her go and turned back to her family a bit reluctantly. He wasn't sure what to say or do around her brother – he knew he was close friends with Pete and had actually introduced them, so he was probably a little bit upset about the broken-off engagement.
Mark's wife, luckily, was a woman who exuded friendliness. "It's been nice to finally get to meet you, General O'Neill, even under these circumstances. Jacob always spoke very highly of you."
"Thank you, Karen," Jack said sincerely. Sam was coming back over to them, looking mildly distracted. "What's up?"
"He said I'm on an emergency personal leave of absence for at least a week. I'm not sure why he was making such a big deal about drawing out the specifics of my downtime, but he repeated it twice," Sam said, shrugging it off as unimportant. "Then he said some really nice things about my father, and told me a really sweet story about Dad borrowing his car one time when his wouldn't start in the base parking lot, to get home for my first dance recital."
"Sounds like Dad, all right," Jack agreed. "I'm not so sure about the dance recital part though," he added lightly with a small smirk.
She closed her eyes briefly as though summoning up patience from some hidden reservoir and said, "General Hammond is waiting for us if you're ready to leave."
"Ready when you are."
She nodded. They said goodbye to her brother's family, knowing they would all be over at Hammond's for dinner that night, then joined General Hammond again. The President had just left. They followed Hammond out to his car, Sam climbing in the backseat before Jack could argue about it. He settled in the front, which was really much better for his knees. Nobody spoke until they were a good distance from the cemetery. Then Hammond said casually, "I'm thinking of dropping by the SGC for a few days... maybe a long weekend."
Jack glanced sideways at him, but Hammond was looking resolutely ahead. Jack correctly interpreted the offer Hammond was extending and pulled out his cell phone, waiting impatiently for Daniel to pick up. When he finally answered, Jack said, "Daniel, we're finishing our interrupted party. You and Teal'c meet us at the cabin. Bring my truck, my dog, your fishing rods, and the beer. Hell, bring Quarks while you're at it too."
"Wh..." Daniel started on the other end of the line, but Jack flipped the phone shut without waiting for an argument. He glanced at Sam in the rearview mirror, but she didn't offer any objections.
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Unfortunately, Jack's spur-of-the-moment plan was thwarted when Daniel interrupted dinner with the Hammonds and Carters to tell Jack that a crate containing a ZPM and 'some even weirder stuff' had been found right in their own backyard, relatively speaking. On Earth, at any rate. Why was it always one extreme or the other? Egypt or Antarctica... you'd think the Goa'uld would have chosen nicer spots. Something tropical, maybe...
Jack sighed as he pocketed his cell phone and went to go tell Carter. She'd be thrilled, of course, and Jack was too, deep down on the inside. But it had taken eight years to get her to agree to go up to the cabin, and now their plans were postponed for what would probably be a good long while. Ah, well. At least it wouldn't be eight more years.
When he rejoined the group, Sam was holding her youngest nephew, Michael, on her lap, even though Jack thought the kid looked way too big to be sitting on anyone's lap. He reluctantly dragged her away from the kid and into the next room, locking eyes with Hammond on the way so that he followed them in there as well. He quickly filled them in and had to roll his eyes at how excited the letters 'ZPM' made his 2IC. "We have to get back there immediately!" she exclaimed, turning to Hammond. "Sir, is there any way you can arrange for a..."
"Consider it done, Colonel," Hammond said, just as happy about the discovery as she was. Just happier in a much subtler way. "Go pack."
Sam turned to go but Jack stopped her by saying casually, "Carter, aren't you forgetting something?"
She gave him a blank look.
"I seem to recall you being put on a leave of absence recently..." he hinted.
"Oh, come on, sir, you have to order me back on active duty!" She actually looked scared for a moment that she'd be left out of the big find. "Please?" she added belatedly.
"All right, fine, go." He waved her away, trying not to act like it bothered him that she apparently hadn't even noticed this meant cancelling their flight to Minnesota for later that evening. He turned to George once they were alone and said, "Any chance of a rain check on that babysitting gig, sir? After we finish up with this little 'discovery,' of course?"
"All right, Jack. I'll go brief the President and make your travel arrangements. Be sure to keep me posted."
"As always, sir."
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In Jack's opinion the 'big discovery' turned out to really be a 'big waste of time and frequent flier miles.' They went back to Colorado only to have Daniel update them and learn that they didn't need to do anything, for a change. Apparently they already had, two weeks from now, so they didn't have to now. Or something like that. It was complicated. All Jack really cared about was the 'we do nothing, fishing trip back on' part.
Just to be sure, he volunteered to take the ZPM up to the eager little scientists, who hovered around him as soon as they saw the crate, like gnats. Extra-annoying gnats (because the comparison to gnats did not adequately describe how irritating these guys could be, especially Felger) with glasses and lab coats. Still, if he had let Carter bring it up herself, there was a very real possibility she'd be a willing captive there for a loooong time. Geeks and their toys. So, he carried the crate up to the geek department himself while he sent Carter off to pack, then went to find Daniel and Teal'c and tell them the trip/continued birthday party was back on.
He was surprised when they didn't seem too excited about it. "What's wrong, guys?"
"We both have much work to do here, O'Neill," Teal'c stated.
"Really?" Jack asked, surprised.
"Indeed," Teal'c confirmed, giving Daniel a look.
Daniel quickly added, "Lots to do. Cataloguing, translating... all that stuff that came with the ZPM... hey, here's an idea. Why don't you and Sam head on up there today, that'll give us time to get our work done tomorrow, and Teal'c and I will join you... tomorrow night?"
"You bring the beer," Jack stipulated as he left them, waving on his way out as an afterthought.
After he was gone, Daniel turned to Teal'c.
"We have much work to do?" he questioned, knowing very well that there was nothing that couldn't wait a few days.
Teal'c shrugged slightly, his right eyebrow and the right side of his mouth both going up in tandem.
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Jack, Maggie standing beside him and hitting him repeatedly in the leg with her wagging tail, knocked on Sam's door loudly, impatient to get out of Colorado Springs before somebody found some other reason to keep them here. When he failed to get a response, he tried the door, surprised that it was open.
"You know, I've been told it's not very wise to leave your front door unlocked," he called as he entered and started looking around for Sam. Of course, it was Maggie who found her first. By the time he got to her bedroom, his dog was already lying in the middle of Sam's bed next to an open bag halfway full of clothes, sprawled on her back happily while Sam scratched the dog's tummy.
"At least the people breaking into my house are people I know, sir," Sam commented, going back over to her closet to finish packing.
"Good point. Although technically we do know Kinsey and I sort of knew Joe."
"True," she conceded.
Jack watched Quarks leap up onto the bed and dive bomb Maggie by way of greeting. "Need any help?" Jack offered.
Sam shook her head, zipped up her bag, and said, "I'm ready." She leaned over the bed to pet Quarks and said, "Bye, have fun with Morgan."
"I thought you were bringing him," Jack said as they headed for the door.
"I thought you were joking when you told Daniel to bring him," she countered.
"Well... but Maggie's coming."
"Quarks doesn't like car rides, sir. Lots of cats don't. It would be torturous for all of us. Just taking him to the vet is an ordeal, and that's only about three miles from my house. Maybe if it was a longer stay, I could give him a tranquilizer... but it's not worth all the trouble."
"Oh. Too bad for you, Mags," Jack commented as they got into the truck.
Once they were well on their way, an uncomfortable silence fell over the truck. The awkwardness that often sprung up between them when they were alone and off-duty (sometimes on-duty as well) was back with a vengeance.
Jack drove thru a place for something to eat since they couldn't leave Maggie alone in the car. Sam, who hadn't really eaten very much since her father died, picked at her sandwich absently while Maggie leaned over her seat from behind, eyeing Sam's meal hopefully. Sam carefully tore off a large piece, glanced over at Jack to make sure he was preoccupied with driving and eating his own meal, and started to slip it to Maggie.
The silence of the truck was shattered with a familiar, "ACK!" that made Sam jump guiltily in her seat and give Maggie an apologetic, "Don't blame it on me."
"If you feed her in the truck she might throw up in the truck. And from where she's sitting right now, you'd be the prime target anyway," Jack pointed out.
"Oh. I'm sorry, I can't eat all this, I'm not hungry."
"Try," he said around a big mouthful of his own sandwich.
They ate quietly for several minutes. Maggie used the back of the front bench seat as a drool napkin. Finally, Sam said, "Did you mean it?"
"Mean what?"
"What you said to Daniel. About finishing our party at the cabin."
"Sure," he shrugged
"Does that... did you mean picking up where we left off?"
"Nope." He waited for a few seconds, unable to resist teasing her a bit. She just looked so surprised, and a little bit offended. Before she had a chance to get all ruffled, he clarified, "We can't do that."
"Why not?" Ooo-kay, she thought immediately to herself. Let's just try to dial back the petulance just a little bit, shall we?
"Things have changed," he said simply.
"Yeah, you're right," she agreed slowly. They smiled at each other a bit awkwardly before Jack turned his attention back to the road.
"Figured it out yet?" Jack asked a few minutes later.
"Hmm?"
"Why the President and Hammond kept telling you that you're on a leave of absence," Jack prompted.
"Oh... no."
"Want me to explain it to you?" he asked patiently.
She rolled her eyes. "You're having a lot of fun with this, aren't you sir?"
"Yup." He grabbed a few of her French fries.
"All right, explain it to me," Sam said impatiently, internally adding, there's something I'm not used to saying to the General.
"If you're on a leave of absence it means that no matter what you do, you're not responsible to the Air Force. You can't be court-martialed or anything." He looked at her steadily, waiting for her mind to fill in the gaps of that, and realize all of its implications.
She looked at him in surprise, realizing he was right, but then furrowed her brow. "So? If you're saying what I think you're saying, that doesn't really make much difference. First of all, you've just got a few days off, so you're still very much responsible to the Air Force. Second of all, I'm not about to take some break from reality for a few days and then go back and pret..." she stopped, frowned, and looked at him sharply. "You're quitting," she stated.
"Not really. They won't let me quit. I've got a meeting with Hammond and the President in about a week. They won't let me retire, I know that much. I mean, Hammond still isn't retired himself. I don't know what's going to happen, to tell you the truth but..."
"But you're leaving the SGC," she pressed, looking disappointed and more than a little betrayed.
"I'm not leaving you," he said simply. "Or Daniel, or Teal'c. Look, maybe I did a decent job there, but there are other people who can do that job too. You were right before, that night on the roof. It was taking a lot out of me. And keeping a lot from me."
They traveled in silence for several moments, not saying anything, just like they hadn't really said anything when she told him about breaking up with Pete. When she had told him, Jack had just nodded thoughtfully and said, "So... we're done with all that?" She nodded and got uncomfortable, then quickly made up a reason to leave before things got too awkward. He hadn't minded - as soon as the door closed he did a little happy dance in his chair that he didn't want anybody to know about. Ever.
There seemed to be a silent agreement on both their parts from that point on that they didn't really need to talked about it. Sam was about to break some parts of that agreement.
Eventually, she asked, "Were you really going to kiss me goodbye that night? Before Daniel showed up?" She knew he had been, of course, but it was the only way she could think of to bring that situation back up at the moment.
"Yeah, but I didn't think it was really going to be goodbye," he said, as though discussing the weather. He pulled into a gas station to fill the tank and let Maggie out.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked, crumpling up the remnants of her meal and shoving them into a paper bag to dispose of them.
"Nothing. Just... I don't know how to explain it." He twisted in his seat so he could give her an apologetic look, temporarily ignoring the impatient dog in the backseat, who was getting antsy since they had stopped moving and not let her get out.
Sam was getting frustrated. He was being particularly obtuse, and doing it deliberately. Maybe she needed to try being even more direct than she already was. "Show me."
"Are you giving me orders now?" he asked, his tone mildly amused.
"You said the Air Force can't hold me responsible for anything I do this week," she reminded him.
"Hmm, good thing Daniel and Teal'c are joining us tomorrow then, huh." She actually blushed, which made Jack laugh. "All right, all right. If you're going to order me to show you... You know what a stickler I am for following orders..." He unbuckled his seatbelt and scooted closer to her on the bench seat. She was already facing him, looking a little nervous - this was stretching their 'tradition' a lot further than they ever had before. "Let's see, if I recall, my hand was... here," he said lightly, cupping her cheek in his hand. "Yup, that's where it was."
She smiled and he could feel it against his palm. "I was going to make myself kiss you happy birthday/goodbye like this." He leaned forward, tilted his head slightly and pressed his mouth against hers softly at first, then more firmly as he shifted and trapped her bottom lip between both of his. He lingered for a few seconds and pulled away, staying close enough so that when she opened her eyes all she could really see was his face.
It was definitely more than friendly, but it was also much less passionate than any of their other kisses had ever been, even the one (okay, two, she had sort of cheated a little bit on that one, sneaking that second one in on a technicality) from the year Daniel was gone and they had a private party, just the two of them. It was not, to put it bluntly, the sort of madly passionate 'Don't leave me please' liplock she remembered expecting (and hoping for) that night on top of his freezing roof.
He smiled and got out of the truck before she could say anything, busying himself with pumping the gas. Sam turned to Maggie, who was looking at her with a sort of 'what was that' look. "I'm not sure," Sam answered quietly as she clipped Maggie's leash to her collar and got out. After seeing to Maggie's toilet needs, she returned the dog to Jack and then saw to her own, buying coffee inside for both of them. Jack was ready to go by the time she got back to the truck.
"All set?" he asked as Maggie hopped back over into the backseat.
"Sure. Want me to drive for a while?"
"Sure." He handed over the keys and went round to the other side. Sam was mildly surprised that he had agreed so easily, but was glad to have something else to focus on besides the current path their conversation was taking. And that puzzling kiss, which she supposed was technically a leftover from the birthday party.
"So... what do you mean, made yourself?" Sam asked after they were back on the highway.
"Huh?" He played dumb to stall, but she wasn't falling for it.
"What did you mean you would have made yourself do it like that?" Hey, she figured that was a better way to phrase her inquiry rather than something along the lines of, 'well, that was more than a little disappointing, what's up with that, sir?'
"Well... if I really thought it was goodbye... it would have been a lot different," he hedged, watching her carefully from the passenger seat. With her driving, he could watch her reactions a lot better, but he also didn't have a lot with which to distract himself when he needed to.
"Different how?" she pressed.
He gave her the 'you asked for it' look and said simply, "I never would have stopped."
Her cheeks turned pink again and it made him smile. "What made you so sure it wasn't?" she asked quietly after several moments of silence.
"I just knew. I know you, Carter. You're the smartest person in the galaxy. I knew you were never going to marry Pete."
"I was engaged to him for a long time..." she argued. Was he saying he didn't take her seriously? That he thought she had just treated everyone's feelings: his, hers, and Pete's, so lightly for almost a year? She realized she had started speeding, pressing harder on the gas pedal the more frustrated she got. She eased up and set the cruise control. If he caused her to get a speeding ticket he'd never let her hear the end of it.
"You were engaged a long time ago too," he reminded her in the tone of voice he always used when he wanted to calm her down before she got too upset. "You broke it off with Jonas when you realized it wasn't right. And you were just a kid then. Why should I expect anything different from you now, after... everything? Daniel and Teal'c thought I'd lost my mind completely, and Cassie wanted to strangle me, but, well, if there's one thing I've learned since I've met you it's that you always make good, smart decisions. That doesn't mean it was easy waiting around for you to stop being so stubborn though," he added lightly.
Despite the repeated faith that she would make the 'smart' decision, he was making her feel stubborn and stupid, two things she really, really couldn't stand. Still, it was sort of endearing that he had truly believed she would never actually marry Pete. He'd definitely been the only one who felt that way, at any rate. "You could have saved your patience and you could have saved me a lot of confusion and frustration if you just would have said something, you know!"
"Yeah, I know," he agreed, nodding. "That was another one of those things that made everyone want to kill me."
"Me included, at times," Sam admitted.
"Don't you get it though, Sam?" Her eyes widened slightly and she shook her head. "Wow, I don't remember ever being the one doing so much explaining."
"I wouldn't get used to it, sir."
"Is that snippiness?" he asked, looking way too entertained by all of this. He really needed to be thrown off-balance, badly. Maybe later. Right now, Sam wanted to hear everything she could get out of him.
"Sir."
"Okay. See, I didn't want you to break up with Pete because I told you to, or even because I wanted you to. Especially when, at the time, it would have just meant we'd both be alone again, for some other indeterminable length of time. That sounds a lot less selfish than it actually was. I just... I've spent most of the time I've known you telling you to do things, knowing you'd do them just because I told you to. That's the whole point of a chain of command, and I think after all we've been through we could both write a book on the subject. I didn't want anything that might eventually happen with us personally to have anything to do with that."
She watched him carefully for a few moments as all of that sank in and finally said, "Well, you certainly made your point."
"Yeah, I guess I did."
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"How did you do it?"
"Do what?" Jack asked. The truck had been completely silent for quite a while, so he wasn't sure if they were continuing their earlier conversation or restarting an even older one.
"I mean... no offence, sir, but usually you're not the most patient person around, and... well, you didn't say anything for a long time. And, well... this is kind of embarrassing to admit but I clearly couldn't have done what you did."
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean... the thing with Kerry Johnson... even when I just saw her in your office, and Pete was in town to plan the wedding and meet Dad, and I didn't even know there was anything going on I still..."
"You were jealous?" Jack asked, unable to keep the smug grin off his face. She didn't say yes, but she didn't say no either. She focused her attention back on driving.
"Maybe," she finally mumbled.
"I wasn't trying to make you jealous with Kerry, but I'm not saying that's not kind of... fun to hear. I honestly didn't want anybody to find out about that, because it was just... a bad idea. I knew that going into it. I guess it was sort of an experiment or something. But I wasn't expecting it to work."
"So you were..."
"I wasn't using her or anything," Jack said quickly. "Not really. I never would have thought of it in the first place if she hadn't um, you know, come onto me. First. And... fairly... strongly. And then right after that you asked if Pete could come on the base to meet Dad... I don't know. She said she wasn't looking for anything serious too so it's not like I..."
"You don't have to explain anything, sir. Least of all to me after all I did."
"Okay... just out of curiosity, you didn't mention anything about Kerry to Daniel or Teal'c, did you?" While Sam wasn't making a fuss about it, Jack had no doubt that her two overprotective teammates would each give them their own particular brands of hell for that little disaster if they knew about it.
"No. If there hadn't been so many other things happening, I would have. But, no."
"Good to know."
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They rode in silence for a long time. Sam tried the radio but they were in a dead zone. She punched it off and they rode in silence some more.
"So..." Jack finally started.
"So... what now?"
"This trip was your idea, I don't know!"
"Sir..."
"If you want, you could try... not saying that every ten seconds," he suggested.
She looked at him sharply. He held up both hands and said, "No pressure. Just... try it. If you want. Then maybe see if you can say my name without a meteor hitting us or something. You did it once before."
"You remember that?" she asked, surprised. He had been so far gone to the Ancient knowledge in his head and being drained from using the chair device that she had always assumed it had never even registered with him in the first place.
"Yeah, I remember that," he said quietly, looking around for something to do with his hands. He started tapping out a rhythm on the windowsill.
"God, this is really awkward, isn't it?" Sam asked.
"Kind of," he agreed. "It reminds me of..."
"My second birthday party?" Sam guessed, since that's what she had been thinking of.
"I wasn't at your second birthday party, Carter. But I bet you smushed cake all over your face and only played with the boxes."
"Very funny. You know what I meant. The second year you threw a birthday party for Daniel and me," she clarified.
"Oh. That. Yeah, actually."
"Yeah," she agreed. "I can't believe you're leaving the SGC," Sam said, shaking her head sadly.
"Nothing's been decided yet. Or even talked about. But... yeah."
"Daniel and Teal'c are going to freak out."
"Yeah, I was thinking maybe you want to tell them?" he tried hopefully. She gave him her biggest 'you've got to be kidding me' look and he said, "Okay, maybe not. But let's not mention it to them on this trip, okay? I don't want them to be thinking about all that. I just want everyone to have a good time."
"I'm sure we will."
They smiled a bit nervously and looked away.
Jack cleared his throat and said, "You know, this would be a lot less awkward if we had some cake."
"Huh?"
"Well, I mean... it was only awkward that second time, right? Every year after that, we didn't talk all that much, at least about... well, you know... feelings and stuff. Our feelings. We talked about yours and Daniel's. Crap. Never mind. I guess that would be cheating anyway, right? Even if we had cake."
"What would?"
"We already kissed for this year."
"True. Although... we have bent the rules in the past. Um. Quite a few times, actually. So I don't really think that's the problem here."
"Then what's the problem? I mean, I know things have always been pretty awkward between us in situations like this, but not... not on your birthday. That was always like the holiday from all that crap."
"I know, but... I think... all those other times we knew exactly what was going to happen. All year long, we knew that at the end of my birthday party we'd kiss. But then we also knew that would be it. There weren't any other choices or possibilities or... unknowns or anything. And we got so good at following all the rules because we had no choice that now that the Air Force rules aren't important, we're still having trouble getting rid of the ones we set up for ourselves as well."
"Yeah. Okay then. I have a plan. I think I've done more talking today than I usually do in a week. And I know you're just itching to start reading those books that you've been dragging around with you. And I could use a pit stop, so I'm guessing you and Maggie could as well. So, let's just... get off at the next exit, stop, take a quick break. I'll fill up my thermos with coffee and drive the rest of the way. You read or sleep or whatever, just try to relax a little bit. It'll be really late when we get to the cabin, we just get some sleep, do whatever we want tomorrow, then tomorrow night when Teal'c and Daniel get there we'll finish your birthday party and then just... see. Sort of a Restart. For everything that... that happened last time. Sound... okay?"
"That sounds great actually."
Sam quickly found a well-lit convenience store and pulled into the near-empty parking lot, stopped the car, and turned to face him, but couldn't quite look him fully in the eye. "I'm sorry. Sorry this is so weird. I don't know..."
"You're missing the whole part where I said relax. That what fishing is all about, you're not going to catch anything tomorrow if you don't calm down a little bit," he teased.
She laughed and got out of the truck, calling, "I seriously doubt that'll be the reason I don't catch anything in your empty lake!"
"It's not empty!" he insisted as he fumbled with Maggie's leash while Sam headed off.
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It got better after that. They still rode in silence, mostly, but it was comfortable. Sam fished one of her new books out of her bag and curled up sideways on the bench seat with it, her back against the door. She had her legs bent so that her feet were still flat on the seat, but had already taken off her shoes, and Jack figured eventually she'd relax further and stretch out across the seat.
The silence was broken by Sam randomly laughing at whatever she was reading. Finally, Jack had to ask. "What's so funny in... what are you reading anyway?"
"Just Six Numbers: The Deep Forces that Shape the Universe," she told him.
"Sounds like a laugh riot," Jack said sarcastically, but she could tell he was amused by the fact that she was amused.
"It's just... some of it's all right, some of it's pretty good actually, but a lot of it is so reductive... and it generalizes and..." she stopped and smiled apologetically at him. He was driving, so he wasn't looking at her, but even only in profile, in the dimly lit cabin of the truck, she could tell he was bored. "And... you don't care."
"No, I care!" he insisted, mainly just to keep her talking. Bizarrely, reading complex theoretical science junk was, for whatever reason, actually relaxing to her. "Six numbers, huh? Even I can remember six numbers. Let's hear 'em."
"Oh... okay. Well I haven't finished it yet, but I'm pretty sure I know where he's going... there's epsilon, nu, omega, delta, lamda, and Q."
"Those aren't numbers," he stated.
"Actually, they are. Nu is a ratio that compares the strength of electrical forces that can hold atoms together to the force of gravity, which of course is ten to the 37th power..."
"Of course," he agreed, shooting her an 'amused by your geekiness' look.
"The others are... slightly more complicated," she said.
"Well, I can see why it has you laughing so much... actually, no I can't. Carter, haven't you ever heard of light reading?"
"This is light reading!" she insisted. "It's... fun to see how misguided some of the popular efforts are, is all. It used to frustrate the hell out of me, actually. When we first started working at the SGC. Seeing new publications by people considered 'experts' that I knew as students or had as old professors... seeing them praised for things I knew for fact to be completely inaccurate... it was hard."
"I can imagine," he said with genuine sympathy. If her job wasn't top secret, no doubt she'd be one of the most famous scientists today... although admittedly that would really only make her famous to other scientists...
"Anyway. At some point, and after watching Daniel and talking to him about that type of thing for a long time, I figured, hey, it's really just free disinformation when you think about it. And then I started to get a kick out of it. Eventually."
"I still think you could do with some lighter reading," Jack informed her. "When we get to the cabin, you can borrow my Homer book and my Bart book."
"Thanks," she said sweetly. "And you can borrow this one."
"Er... thanks."
She laughed and said, "So, since there's no television at your cabin, you've stocked it with books about a television show."
"The Simpsons is not just a television show, Sam."
"How do you do that?" she asked curiously.
"Do what?"
"You call me Carter most of the time but sometimes you call me Sam and it still sounds... normal."
He shrugged. "It's your name."
"I know that, but..."
"But you still can't say anything other than 'sir' and 'General," he finished. "That's okay. At least you haven't said 'sir' in a while. Maybe it's because I already call you by a name most of the time, so going from Carter to Sam isn't as big a deal?"
"Maybe," she agreed, furrowing her brow as she tried to figure out why it was such a big deal to her and not to him.
"Hey, cut it out, you're supposed to be relaxing," Jack interrupted her thoughts. "Don't try to force it, just... I don't know. Let it happen when it happens. Get back to your book about the wacky funny numbers."
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When it got dark, he leaned over and fished a small flashlight out of the glove compartment so she could keep reading. "Thanks, J...General."
He raised his eyebrows but didn't comment on the aborted attempt.
A few hours from the cabin, she fell asleep. It was a pretty boring trip after that, and he was glad to finally pull up to his isolated cabin - he really, really had to go to the bathroom. So badly in fact that he left Sam and Maggie in the truck as he made a mad dash inside to use the facilities, only stopping to grab their bags and toss them down just inside the door on his way. He justified it to himself by saying that he needed to thoughtfully turn on a few lights so that Sam would be able to see where she was going.
He returned to the truck, let Maggie out, and woke Sam up. She blinked at him drowsily and looked around. "We're here already?"
"Yeah. Go on in, I turned on some lights already. I'm going to walk Maggie real quick."
"Kay," she said around a big yawn, clearly only half awake.
When Jack and Maggie went back inside, Jack's arms full of various supplies, he was surprised to find that Sam was still practically asleep on her feet. She'd obviously found the bathroom and had already changed into her pajamas. "I didn't know where..." she started.
"Oh. Right. Er, follow me." He showed her into his bedroom and grabbed a pillow and blanket from the closet for himself. He'd just sleep on the couch - it would be easier than sleeping in one of the twin beds in the other tiny bedroom and then having to change the sheets for Teal'c or Daniel. "Just... let me know if you need anything. I'll show you around in the morning."
She'd already collapsed onto the bed and hadn't bothered to burrow under the covers yet, and he was fairly sure she'd already fallen asleep again, so he started out the door, surprised when she mumbled, "Wait."
"What?" he asked, trying not to sound nervous. If she was even remotely conscious she'd demand to know where he was sleeping and put up a fight about who got the couch or whatever.
"Can I have Maggie?"
"What? Oh... yeah, all right. Maggie!" he called. The dog came trotting into the room, spotted Sam on the bed, and started slinking towards her, glancing back at Jack repeatedly as though she thought she was getting away with something. He laughed at his funny dog and said, "I know what you're doing, it's okay just this once. Get on the bed."
Maggie took a flying leap that alarmed Jack, but she had aimed herself carefully and landed lightly next to Sam without squashing her.
"I'm gonna leave the door open so she can get out in the morning, okay?"
"Kay. Night, Jack."
He smiled and wondered if she'd remember saying it in the morning. "Night, Sam."
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A/N: This chapter required massive amounts of rewriting. Luckily, my sister (who gets all of these chapters before you guys do - sorry) caught a mistake. This chapter takes place after Reckoning, Threads, and Moebius, except it's before the very last scene of Threads and Moebius. I think it makes sense when you read it (hopefully.) Anyway, originally, I had Jack and Sam leaving for Minnesota right from DC, but my sis reminded me about that scene with the ZPM in a crate, where Jack says Sam needs to go pack. Since I had the whole thing already written, we came up with two solutions to the problem: he meant pack for DC, or this story takes place before the final scene of Threads, but NOT the final scene of Moebius... but I didn't like either of those. The 'you've got packing to do' line was a bit too suggestive for a trip to her father's funeral for me to justify it... so I rewrote, and moved a conversation from the cabin to the truck on the way to the cabin... Also, when you get an e-mail response to a chapter that says 'Have you been watching X-Files? You've Mulderized your Jack and Scullyfied your Sam,' and as a matter of fact, you have been watching X-Files with your stepson all week... well, that'll make you do some rewriting as well. Anyway, I really hope it makes sense. It was a bit tricky trying to incorporate the events of the last 5 episodes without turning the end of my own series into a post-Threads story. The next chapter will go back to normal BT stuff more. I hope.