Author's Note: I'm sorry for such a late update guys… I've been really sick lately and writing Reality's Difference makes my inspiration take a long nosedive. I hate that damn story. :P I feel so weak lately and that's why I haven't been typing but then I keep thinking about it day and night so I know I have to start typing soon or I'm going to go crazy… I'm glad this story touched so many of you, because this is one of my most proudly written stories too, because it hold deeper meaning.
FAQHere are the questions you askedLilacBlu, and because you asked I'll answer them.
Q: sakura is gonna die, right?
A: Yep.
Q: why was syaoran so hesitant in staying?
A: This is one of the things you'll find out next chapter.
Q: is lori and kevin really an important aspect?
A: They're not important, but I keep them in, because in the end you'll see, we all get what we deserve.
Q:what does orubia have to do with yelan?
A: Nothing until she wants to find out something on her own after reading Sakura's diary…
Q:orubia is a girl right?
A: Lol yes.
Q: why is the next chappy the last of s and s?
A: Sakura'll be dead.
Q: what is the percentage of the importance of orubia in da story?
A: Very much if you want your unanswered questions to be answered.
Q: in orubia's time how many days have passed since sakura's last entry in the diary?
A: Well it takes long for me to write these chapters but in real days there has only been maybe 4 hours that's passed…
Q: how many chapters will this story go?
A: I'm not too sure… But maybe around a total of 8 or 9?
Q: does syaoran have any possible feeligns for sakura... and how deep is ur estimate?
A: Well I can't answer that… :)
I hope that clears things up for you!
)Yuri Sawamura( - Right, everything but hope… I'm sorry this story made you cried… well, it proves it's touching but sorry I had you emotional like that… don't worry, Sakura and Syaoran will get the ending they deserve…
)Manuca( Yes, the nicely written ones are actually quite… okay to read… but it's just that the plot has been written out so many times and there are only a certain number of possibilities… the more you hate a person the more you care, I agree but I don't agree that you can end up falling in love with them… I dunno, maybe that's just me because when I feel something I basically set the line down right there and if I hate you, you're going to live through hell for every year I have to see you… I'm not one to change my mind even if I feel something may be different… but perhaps others are different…? But yes, if the person is a good author and are into the story they're writing, something repetitive CAN turn out to be quite well done.
)pick22( - Yes, Syaoran's really rich… you'll see in this chapter… :) Yes, the lady in the beginning with Orubia's Madeleine too, this story is written in flashback meaning Sakura's obviously already dead in story present time… any other questions I can't answer just yet. :)
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Chapter Six
Li Syaoran; my Final Wish
-
I woke up the next morning and yawned happily snuggling closer to Syaoran.
What the hell… why is he fuzzy?
I opened my eyes and saw something white. Opening my eyes further I realized that he was gone, and the thing in my arms was my Christmas present—the teddy bear. "Damn you!" I growled throwing the bear on the ground.
What's the meaning of this! How dare he? How dare he! I ask one thing of him and he can't complete it. What's wrong with him? Is he really that afraid of my disease? Everybody knows AIDS can't be passed on by casual contact! Goddammit, he can't just fool me with a stupid bear! Does he think this is funny or something? UGH!
Minutes later I calmed myself down and realized I was throwing an unnecessary fit. He had given me the happiest day of my life and yet all I could do was be an ungrateful brat and complain. Still, I wish he would come. I wish he would come to visit me again so badly…
It's only February 27th right now, and if my assumptions were correct, I still have to live through the entire month of March, and then he'll be here on April 1st, my birthday…
But I don't know if I can live that long… because lately, I've finally started feeling the real pain of AIDS, and realized that before, all the problems were caused by me… yet now, as time draws closer to an ending, I feel my body abandoning me, and I can almost smell death, the decay of body, my immune system fighting with the virus, and losing… I find myself sleeping more and more everyday… not very noticeably, but I'm waking up averagely 5 minutes later every 4 days. It's not something any normal person would take notice of… but when you have all the time in the world to ponder, you think about things and notice the smallest detail. I hope I won't end up sleeping one day and never waking up…
No… at least not yet… I can't die just yet… I must hold on, and at least see Syaoran one last time… that's right… I just have to hold on for one more month, and everything's going to be fine…
March 22nd
I took a walk in the hospital garden with Madeleine today. I honestly have no idea why I volunteered to push her in her wheelchair when I should be reserving all my energy into living past April 1st. But I offered, and there was no going back.
Madeleine told me her daughter's name was Madina, who was the same age as me. She also told me she was only 31 right now, which after some calculation showed me Madeleine must've had her child when she was only around 14 or 15.
"Correct." She replied. "I had my Madina very early… and I was very immature at the time, that's why I suppose we never really bonded much… and when I was finally ready to be a mother, it was already too late for me… I had to live at the hospital, and from then, we saw each other even less than before…"
"Pardon me for asking…" I said after a thoughtful minute. "But AIDS can be passed on through body fluids and that includes breast milk… did you get AIDS after you got pregnant with her, or before? Because you do realize she could have this deadly disease inside of her right now…"
Madeleine chuckled as she pulled a dandelion from the ground. "To tell you the truth I'm not very sure… I slept with other guys as much I had before after she was born… but I do not think she's sentenced to hell… because a person can be a carrier for only so long… up to 15 years or so they say… she's been this way for 17 years now… if anything were to happen, it would've happened already…"
"Oh… well that's good… it would seem unfair that she's born with a such a disease when she hasn't done anything…"
Madeleine laughed softly. "She's sleeping with guys as often as I had nowadays… I wouldn't be surprise if she ends up in here one day too…"
I raised an eyebrow. "And you're just going to lie here and not tell her the consequences?"
"She knows… oh, she knows… but she doesn't care… every time I try to warn her, she just throw it all back in my face, and tell me how I had no right to tell her anything because she's only following my example… and now we don't even see each other anymore… I can't even communicate with her… she has phone display and never pick up when I call… our relationship is lost…"
"Oh. That's sad."
"Yes, but it's all right, dear, because you do look so much like her…"
I blinked. That's great. Her real daughter hates her and her daughter look alike isn't any better. I sighed, feeling guilty once again.
"So, who was that young man that visited you on Valentine's day? Was he also your 'special visitor' for New Year's Eve?"
I snorted. "I wish. No, he's not… my 'special visitor' was a complete arrogant bastard. Syaoran's nothing like that."
She chuckled. "I see you've taken quite a liking to him… it's too bad he only visits so little…"
I looked away frowning a bit. "Well, I mean, I don't mind at all… he told me… he told me he's busy preparing for the next time we meet so that's why… and besides, it's not that big a deal, I can survive just fine without him…." My ass. I'm practically begging every shooting star that ever existed to bring him to me.
"Wow… he certainly takes a while to prepare… I bet they're heavenly though…"
"Oh, yes, they definitely are…" I smiled to myself remembering the last Valentine's Day. "They most definitely are…"
About another 20 minutes later Dr. Ada came along and said it was time for my blood exchanging shit so we went back. After that I just sort of lost interest, and spent the rest of the day in my normal schedule: Sleep, blood exchange, eat, sleep.
This is all Syaoran's fault. Every time he comes the doctors are so nice because he's a "legal volunteer" and I don't have to go through all this crap… but that irresponsible guy is constantly away! Boy am I going to give him a piece of my mind…
March 31st
Finally! I managed to live till this day, although I feel incredibly weak and most of the time I feel tired simply by standing. I feel like everything's being drawn to the ground and gravity has multiplied by 20. Whenever I stand I feel my legs weak, and the rest of my body heavy. I really hope I won't be crippled again…
Now for more important matters. I'm going to bed right now, and tomorrow morning, I know—I hope—that Syaoran will be here and will treat me to somewhere special. But I must control myself, and remember to scream in his face for leaving me all by myself for long.
Damn right. He's not just going to come every time and have me greet him with a smiling face! Why should he always be welcomed when I have to suffer so much? It's just not fair! So tomorrow he's going to get a piece of my mind and whether he likes it or not that's his problem. I'm going to have my opinions heard.
That's right.
I scolded myself one last time, before pulling my blanket over my chest.
Something's stroking my hair.
My eyelid fluttered as I adjusted to the bright sun. Who the damn hell opened up my curtains?
I opened my eyes and saw someone's legs. Looking up some more I saw his face. Oh God. He's here! Oh my God! Yes! Yes! He's here! "Syaoran!" I squealed hugging him tightly. "Oh my Gosh you're here!"
He grinned that usual grin that I loved so much. "Hey. Did I wake you up?"
"Yeah." I replied with a huge smile. "But that's okay. I'm so glad to see you! So, where are we going today?"
"Well…" He said thoughtfully. "I want to take you somewhere special…"
"You know I'm always up for an adventure. Anywhere you want to take me is fine." I removed my arms from around his neck and looked through my drawers for something nice to where.
"I want to take you somewhere far away."
"No problem. No one would miss me."
He chuckled. "Say… how about… Hong Kong?"
I paused, then looked up with sparkling eyes. "Really?" I gushed.
"Yeah, it's a very special occasion after all…"
I could've cried then. I can't believe this! He's taking me all the way to Hong Kong for my birthday! How sweet and thoughtful! "You remembered…" I murmured with joy.
"Of course! How can I forget? It's April Fool's Day!"
"HUH?" I blinked. Did he just say April Fool's Day!
Oh well that's just amazingly wonderful. He could've been the most romantic guy but instead he had to ruin it. Nice going. I growled and turned away from him pretending to busy myself trying to find some cloth. "Oh, right, I get it. Ha-ha. Very funny. So that was just a joke. I should've seen that coming."
"Hey, I just said it was April Fool's I never said we weren't going to Hong Kong!" He defended.
"Right. Seriously, where are we going?" I grumbled. This is just wonderful. He forgot my fucking birthday. How smooth.
"I told you, Hong Kong."
I rolled my eyes. He's not giving up is he? "Fine, I believe you." I lied not really caring where we're going any ways. "So let me get my stuff and we'll go." I pulled out a pair of white pants and a baby blue t-shirt with a matching white sweater.
He chuckled. "You trust me too much, you know. You don't say yes so casually to someone who's taking you to another country… For all you know, I could take you all the way there where you know no one and no one knows you and then take advantage of you."
"Go ahead." I shot back. "But boy are you going to regret it when you end up in the hospital a few years from now with AIDS."
He burst out laughing. "Good point. But what if I decide to murder you instead?"
"Why not. Saves me from a few more months of misery. I'll be dead within 3 months anyways."
"Well, we're certainly positive today…"
"Turn around I'm going to change."
"Sure."
I put on all of my clothing, still angry with him for forgetting my birthday and refusing to look at him, I asked, "All right, where are we going?"
"Hong Kong."
"Oh my God! You just never know when to quit do you?"
I turned away from him and searched for the locket that Madeleine gave me. I carried it with me everywhere I went so Syaoran (his picture) was always near me. But at that moment I was ready to rip the picture out and replace it with some other random guy's just to piss him off for pissing me off.
But suddenly, he was right behind me, his chest was touching my back and I froze.
He held out two pieces of rectangular paper and held it under my eyes from behind me.
I looked down.
Oh. My. God.
Two plane tickets to Hong Kong.
He leaned down some more until his mouth was right besides my ear. "Happy birthday, angel." He whispered.
I spun around in shock. "Y-You really did remember…" I muttered.
"Of course." He replied with a huge, triumphant grin. "How could I forget?"
"B-But… but you were saying it was April Fools and all and how you made it seem it was a joke and then like you forgot my birthday so I thought you remember April Fools instead of my—"
"Yes, I said it was April Fool's, and it is. But you assumed I forgot your birthday."
"B-But—!"
He shrugged and blinked innocently. "What's the matter? I never said I forgot your birthday… besides, I didn't lie about anything; I told you we were going to Hong Kong and it was you who didn't believe me."
"B-But—!"
He laughed and grabbed my hand. "There's no need to bring anything, we're leaving right now."
"Hey! I still have to pack my suitcases! And call my parents! And tell my doctors! And—"
"I have permission from your dad and doctor. I just have to return you to the hospital before 6:00am tomorrow morning."
"Wow…" I murmured. "Dr. Ada really is going to let me be away for more than 12 hours and miss all my blood exchanges?"
"No, but I bribed him into saying yes."
I raised an eyebrow. "He's bribable?"
"Difficult but not impossible." He winked.
I scoffed. "Save it. So how did you do it?"
"That's my little secret."
"Right." I rolled my eyes.
"All right, we better get going."
"Sure, but aren't you forgetting something?"
"Nope."
"Err… how about we try… the plane tickets!"
"Oh those!" He waved his hand. "I brought those to convince you I wasn't lying. They're not necessary though. It's a private jet."
I gawked at him. "Private!"
"Yeah, I own it."
"Pcha. Don't believe you."
"We'll see then."
Only then did I remember that I was supposed to yell at him. Well, too late now.
Half an hour later I am standing on concrete ground with a small jet in front of me and where there was a butler that called Syaoran 'Master Li'. This is getting really freaky.
"See? I don't lie, my darling."
"How rich are you exactly?"
"More than you originally thought."
"That's for sure."
The stairs descended from the plane and I walked up; boarding.
"You know, I can drive this thing too if you want…"
I looked at him sceptically. "Sure whatever. But I'd prefer to live than die so soon."
"I figured you'd say that. Don't worry, I hired special pilots."
"That's a relief." I paused. "How experienced are they?"
"Very. Don't worry about a thing, sleep, 'cause you're going to need your energy."
"How long will it take before we get to Hong Kong?"
"About two hours or so. Depending on how cooperative the weather is. Buckle your seat belt."
It feels amazing to be here, on a private jet. The seats were wide and comfortable and there were beds to the right of us. This feels like a first-class ticket.
"All ready, sir?" A voice said through a speaker.
"Yes."
"Then away we go."
The plane ran around a couple of circles and began to ascend into the air. It wasn't all that amazing because I've been on a plane before so I gave the window seat to Syaoran. After all, I was far more interested in their service—"A chocolate ice-cream cake please with some strawberries and cherries too maybe?"
"I'm sorry miss, but we don't have ice-cream cakes. We do however have chocolate cakes with strawberries and cherries."
"Okay fine, that'll do. And can you take this away?" I asked gesturing at the cup which was previously filled with hot chocolate and whipped cream and marshmallows.
"Yes miss, is that all?"
"For now, yes."
"Anything for you, Master Li?"
He shook his head lightly, still looking outside the window.
"I would suggest at least some warm water, master Li."
"Yeah okay." He replied still not moving.
The guy bows and left.
"Hey c'mon." I poked him. "Why aren't you taking advantage of this? It's a first-class free-for-all and you're staring outside the window!"
He looked at me dryly. "This is my private jet. Meaning I can come here anytime I want."
"Lucky bum…"
He laughed. "You seem to be liking his royalty life a lot, and that's good. You're going to like my family."
I choked on my cake. "Your family!"
"Well yeah, I mean my family's in Hong Kong and I need to get my bank card from my mom plus we need somewhere to stay for the night—"
"Okay, hold!" I held up my hand. "Listen, we're not engaged, I'm not your girlfriend, that means I don't need to meet your parents."
He raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Meeting the parents doesn't indicate anything. In my case I actually do want to see my family members."
"That's nice. I'll just be waiting for you outside or something."
"You can't. From the gates to the real entrances there's like half a kilometre in distance."
I blinked. "What? What are you talking about?"
"You'll see. Just don't worry about anything, you'll love my family."
"As much as I love my own…" I muttered.
Two hours later we finally arrived. Stepping off the plane there was a black limo waiting for us plus four bodyguards.
"Are those necessary?" I asked pointing at the guys dressed in black.
"Not those, they."
"Whatever."
"And yes they are, 'cause otherwise we'd be squashed to death by reporters."
I snorted. "Who would be interested in your life?"
He laughed. "Everyone but you."
"Damn right."
After another hour of drive we arrived at his house, or should I say, mansion.
There were bodyguards and gates and gardens and fountains and the entire structure was huge. I felt like I was touring some special ancient King's palace or something. All I could do was stare at the house/mansion/castle then at Syaoran, then back at the house/mansion/castle.
Everybody there bows when they saw Syaoran and treated him like a King. It made me feel really out of place especially thinking of the way I treated him before. Gosh I wouldn't be surprised if he really DID take me all the way to Hong Kong to murder me for my bad attitude before.
As we walked some more (he sure wasn't joking when he said the distance between the entrance and the house is about half a kilometre!) and past some more exotic trees and flowers and solid marble statues that looked decades old, more servants and maid rushed out. I assume they were the "closer household people" because they referred to Syaoran as Master Syaoran instead of Master Li.
They were all fussing around as they saw him and it made me wonder just how often did he visit and if he hated his family so much why the hell did he bring me to meet them.
"Oh Master Syaoran! You're back!"
"Master Syaoran, how are you doing?"
"You're back Master Syaoran! Oh, I must inform the Headmistresses and the other mistresses!"
"Welcome home Master Li! Mistress Yelan will be greeting you personally for today, she is utterly surprised to see you here!"
Yet Syaoran simply smiled and nodded at each of them as we continued walking for what seemed like an eternity when we reached two huge golden doors that were gleaming with expensive jewels.
We stood before it. I'm not sure what we were waiting for except Syaoran was standing as still as a tree facing the door as all the servants and maids too faced the same direction but on their knees and touching their forehead to the ground.
We waited for a couple of seconds of complete silence when the door was suddenly swung open as a very stern lady walked out slowly.
"Headmistress Yelan." The servants all said in unison.
She took my breath away.
I saw her and I literally could not breath. She did not smile at all, had very long eyes with a small, tiny but bright red mouth, plus long black pulled back into an elegant pony-tail sort of thing that reached all the way down past her legs. Her eyes held strong power, and she had this way of looking so that she was either looking at you or she was not. She was only focused on one person and that person solely, which happened to be Syaoran at this point. Though I was a guest, I could've been non-existent to her.
She stared at Syaoran in the eyes as he stared back at her.
The servants were still on the ground and she didn't bother telling them to go. She continued to stare at Syaoran as Syaoran stared right back at her. Her eyes were fiery with power and they were piercing; yet Syaoran just stared.
They stood like that for a full ten minutes. Eyes non-blinking, face showing no expressions except when the freaky lady widened her eyes ever so slightly. At last, she gave a thin smile that didn't look too convincing. "Welcome back." She said, then looked at me.
I gulped. "Err… hello… Headmistress…"
"Welcome." Then she held up her arms. "All arise." And the servants stood up as she walked back inside with the hem of her long dress trailing behind.
I let out my breath in relief. "She seems a bit old to be your wife…"
Syaoran raised an eyebrow. Apparently he wasn't disturbed by her evil looks. "She's my mother…"
Well, that certainly explains everything! Syaoran has the ability to read minds, and I bet anything his mom can do the same. "Jeez… Haven't you people ever heard of talking with your mouth?"
Syaoran smiled, but didn't deny it.
"You're back!"
We turned toward the golden doors to find four beautiful women there all staring at Syaoran with teary and wide eyes as the servants went down on their knees again saying 'mistresses'. "Oh I can't believe this, you really are here! Oh Syaoran baby we thought you had to stay in the—"
Syaoran gave them a glare more frightening than his mom's and all the women stopped talking immediately. She went pale for a minute but recovered quickly by hugging Syaoran as the other three followed. "We missed you."
"Yeah, I missed y'all too." He replied though he did not hug them back.
Finally they noticed me. "Why, hello there."
"Hello." I replied timidly.
"Are you Syaoran's girlfriend?"
"Just put a space between the 'girl' and the 'friend'."
She giggled quietly. "You're funny."
"I wasn't being funny." I muttered.
"I'm Fanren, and they are Siefa, Fuutie and Feimei."
"And I'm really going to remember all your names." I said under my breath, but smiled at them. "I'm Sakura."
"Great, now the introductions are done. See you around, maybe." They each gave Syaoran a kiss and walked back into the room forgetting to dismiss the servants. But I suppose they were used to it, for as soon as the four were gone from view, they each stood up, bowing for Syaoran then leaving
I glared at him accusingly. "You know, just because you're rich doesn't mean you can have 4 wives!"
"What's with you and getting married? They're sisters." He corrected. "And I wish I don't."
"Sisters! Oh my God how old is your mother then?"
"Pretty damn old. But the make up keeps her young." He shook his head. "And they say money can't buy everything…"
When he didn't move after another minute, I asked: "Oh are we waiting for your dad to walk out now and grace us with his presence?"
"Huh?" He replied blankly as if just snapping out of a trance. "Oh, no, he's dead."
"Oh… so are we waiting for anyone else?"
"No…"
"So I take it we're not allowed to go in anyways because we're not expensive enough for the floor."
"Oh, right, sorry, go right ahead." He finally said, leading the way.
We ended up in his room, which was probably the size of my house, and it took us 5 full minutes to get there from the entrance. This mansion was truly fit for a king. "You feel like a complete stranger to me now…" I told him honestly. "I used to think you were just a normal, nice guy, but now you're like a faraway, out of reach celebrity and I feel as if I'm not deserving to be your friend."
"Sakura—"
"God, now I know why you have never thought about your future. You have everything all laid out for you!"
"Sakura don't talk like this! I'm still the same person!" He reached out to grab my hand but I backed away. He sighed, but then took a large step towards me and wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulder. "Feel this? Isn't it familiar? That's because I'm the same. I'm not going to act like a big shot now just because I'm back on my throne because I hate this place and the only reason I brought you here was because I didn't have enough money back in Japan to give you a proper birthday present."
Birthday? Who… right. Mine. With all this commotion going on I've forgotten why we're here. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed. "I would've been just as happy with a walk in the park."
"I know, I know… but this is a very special birthday…"
I hugged him tighter. Yes… it's my eighteenth birthday, announcing me to be an official adult… as well as… my last. I wanted to cry then.
"Shh… don't think about such things." He kissed my auburn locks. "We're going to put all the happiness you will have in your future birthdays into this one, all right? This is why this birthday will be so special."
I nodded vigorously. I remember months ago before I met Syaoran I had asked my doctor whether I was going to live past my 18th birthday or not, and he had thought that I wasn't… I should be happy I made it… I should be overjoyed! But I'm not. I realized then that Syaoran has given me enough happiness to fill a lifetime and that my greatest regret, is to no longer be able to spend anymore time with him…
"Hey… stop with all the sad thoughts, all right? We're going to go to all sorts of place today so that you'll leave with no regrets at all… and don't worry about leaving me… because though physically I'm not with you, know that I'm next to you in every other way."
"And what if there is nothing more than the physical? What if when we die our body really just decomposes and there is nothing more than that? What if all this crap about spirituality, special connections, and soul mates were all made up?"
"No." He replied firmly. "If those weren't true then tales about people who can read minds aren't true either. Yet there's proof in front of you."
"Oh, so you admit you can read minds."
"No, I never said that, when I said there's proof right in front of you I meant my mother."
I scowled. "Just admit it will ya? Stop being so damn stubborn." I growled and pushed away from him.
He laughed. "Cheer up. C'mon, I'm going to take you on a tour, but first, since you're staying here tonight, and today is suppose to be perfect, tell me what kind of bed would you like and what sort of room?"
I thought for a bit, then with a slow smile, I replied in a low voice: "I want a room full of bright stars, and a bed that's made out of clouds."
He stared at me.
I smiled.
He paused and looked troubled for a bit, then grinned. "No problem."
"And I want you to sleep beside me tonight. Last time you ran away in the morning, this time you're not going anywhere."
"Fair enough. But this is going to take a while, and there's going to be a change of plans. I'm going to get ready here, and… you can go ask my sisters to take you shopping."
"WHAT?"
"What's wrong?"
I growled. "Thanks a lot. You bring me all the way to Hong Kong just so you can dump me on your freaky sisters? No way! If you don't want me near you you could've just left me in Japan thank you very much! Don't bring me to some foreign country and then tell me to go with some unknown species!"
"No, it's not like that! This is good for you! My sisters know the best shopping malls and they'll buy anything you want! It's going to be fun!"
"What if I just want to stay with you?"
"Well I have to get your room ready tonight, and I don't want to ruin the surprise…"
"Fine, I change my mind. We'll just stay in your room tonight."
"Nonsense. Go talk to Fanren and tell her to take you shopping as a message from me."
"Great. This means she doesn't like me but is only taking me because it's a message from his majesty."
"Sakura, don't be difficult…"
"Difficult? Why would I be difficult? I mean just because you want to keep me 600000 km away from you doesn't mean I'm offended at all!"
"Sakura, it's not like that and you know it… if I didn't like you I wouldn't have came to visit you today and bring you all the way here…"
"Yeah? Well maybe guilt drove you to."
"Please, I do nothing for guilt. I do everything I want."
"So you kicking me away from you means you really want me to get the hell away from you and stop invading your personal bubble."
"Sakura—"
"Hey, don't give me that look, I'm not offended at all! I'll go with your sisters if that's what you want me to." Without letting him explain, I stormed out of the room.
I have to admit. Shopping with his sisters really wasn't that bad, and they certainly weren't as alien as I had expected. They bought me more cloth than I ever had and gave me just about every type of makeup there ever was. And most of all, the four ladies were not the least bit annoying. In fact they were so nice to me the whole time I felt sort of guilty for talking behind their back.
We came home late at night after we had dinner and everything. It was around 8:30 pm when we arrived in the living room of the gigantic mansion. Syaoran was sitting on the couch in his PJs, and smiled when he saw me.
Feimei dragged me upstairs, changed my clothing into one of her nightgowns and brought me back down along with the other three. "So," he asked after his sisters waved goodbye to me and went up the stairs holding all the stuff I bought. "How was it?"
I sighed in defeat. "Okay, okay, you were right, like always. They were really nice to me and I had a lot of fun. I shouldn't have been offended when you made me go with them."
"I thought you said you weren't offended."
"You know what I mean!"
He laughed. "Yeah, I'm just teasing you."
"Well I don't exactly appreciate being teased."
He held out his hand. "We should go to sleep now, after all we do have to get up at 2:30 tomorrow morning since I have to get you back to the hospital at 6:00."
"Oh boy, you're going to have to dump cold water on me to get me awake that early."
"No problem. Consider it done."
I glared at him. "I was being sarcastic."
"So was I. I would never do something as mean as that."
"Right." I rolled my eyes.
He grabbed my hand. "So let's go. Your clouds and stars are waiting."
I raised my eyebrows suspiciously. "I'm going to slap you across the face if you're lying to me."
He winked. "Go right ahead, but I get to do the same to you if I weren't?"
"Guys can't hit girls!" I defended.
"I know. Close your eyes."
"Why?"
"Do you trust me?"
"Sure."
"Then close your eyes."
I did as he told me to, but yelped when I felt him picking me up—one hand supporting my back, the other holding my legs. "What are you doing?"
"Just close your eyes."
I hesitated a bit, but closed my eyes anyways.
I had no idea where we were going, except I soon felt a chill of air, and heard a few clicks, then I was descending slowly, and finally, something puffy and smooth and silky surrounded me… clouds?
"Look straight up and no where else. Open your eyes."
I did what he told me to.
At that moment I blossomed.
I felt my breath caught in my throat as I watched sparkles across the night sky. They were stars… they really were! Bright stars, each with its unique glow and each a different shape and size. I took a deep breath for I felt so overwhelmed I was sure I was going to suffocate. I let my hand fall off my stomach and that's when I remembered the fuzziness near me.
It's true.
A dream come true.
He did keep his promise!
Oh my gosh, I had no idea this was even possible! I was floating on clouds, and among the stars.
It was pitch black everywhere around me, which made the stars multiply by a hundred times. There were more stars than I would ever have been able to see in the city. It was absolutely beautiful. There were so many tiny glows that I was sure it could light up the whole world.
"Syaoran…" I breathed.
He lay down beside me and took my hand. "I never break a promise…"
"But… oh, you really didn't have to…" I could feel tears in my eyes but I didn't want to cry because I have only cried in the past in pain. I didn't want to mix the two emotions together into one.
"Yes I did. It's your birthday, after all."
Yes, my birthday, a day that I will remember, and I know this day I will definitely never forget.
Half an hour later we were still gazing at the stars, when I suddenly asked him a question out of the blue. "Syaoran… do you think… if we had met under different circumstances… like, if I wasn't going to die, we would have maybe dated?"
"Sure." He replied without hesitating. "I certainly don't see why not. We get along better than most people…"
I sighed a bit sadly. "It's too bad we had to meet like this…"
"Actually you know… we could even, you know… date now if only… if only… if only…" He stopped.
"If only what?" I asked curiously turning to him.
"N-Nothing…" He sighed.
"What is it?"
"Don't think too much about it… I think the way we're going now is just fine."
"Yeah…" I replied, then I reached out with my arms and embraced him. I could almost swear that there was a tiny tug at the corner of his lips as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"But then again… if you think about it… if you were still healthy and weren't in the hospital, I don't think we would've ever met… and even if we did, you'd still be with Kevin right now…"
"Screw Kevin. If I saw you I'd ditch him in the blink of an eye."
He chuckled. "You say that now but would you really say that if you never even knew me then? I know how obsessed you are with Kevin…"
"I am not, obsessed—"
He hugged my face to his chest, shutting me up. "Fate is a funny thing. The strangest people meet under the strangest circumstances, yet the way we met, is probably the greatest way we could've met. I believe we could not have met under a better time."
I thought about it, and slowly, I nodded. "Maybe…" I muttered, yawning.
"Exactly. Don't temper with what you can't mess with, and let the world run through all the courses it needs to. Everything will work out in the end…"
"Everything will…"
"Yes… believe in that, and do not ever, be afraid…"
"Don't be afraid…"
"Not even of death…"
"Of death…"
As my eyes slowly closed, as I began losing consciousness, I thought about Syaoran, of the stars, of my comfortable bed that I still don't know what its material is, and I felt as if I were truly one with the sky, and that I was flying high.
"Shit! Get up! Sakura! Up!"
There was screaming and pulling and shaking.
"GET UP! PLEASE! UP!"
I rubbed my eyes. "Syaoran?"
"Yes, it's me!"
I smiled. He really didn't leave this time. It really was the most perfect birthday a girl could've asked for. "Thanks for everything yesterday…"
"Great, I'm glad you're happy but we've really got to go!"
I blinked. What's going on? Why is he suddenly so fussy?"
"Sakura! It's 3:30 and it takes approximately 2 hours to get back to your hospital so we have to be on the plane by 4:00! Even then there's no guarantee if we'll be exactly on time!"
"So what if we're not?" I asked getting up. "It's not that big a deal… the hospital won't mind if I'm just a couple of minutes late…"
"Yes, it is a big deal! Get up and get dressed! Hurry!"
He ran out of the room leaving me dazed at what just happened.
I crawled on my knees and then looked down. Cotton and silk. Smart imitation of clouds.
We were on the plane at 4:05, and by the time the plane was in the sky it was already 4:20. Syaoran looked unnatural nervous as he kept swallowing and frowning. He kept saying it was a big deal if we were late but never quite explained why, so after 6235 times of asking I just sort of gave up.
"Hey Syaoran… my legs feel kind of numb right now…"
"Yeah, maybe something to do with the uncomfortable ride…"
"I don't think so… seriously, it hurts and at the same time I'm losing feeling… it's really creepy…"
"Don't worry about it…" He looked back at his watch.
I frowned a bit. What's going on? He doesn't seem to care about me at all during this moment.
By the time we landed and got out of the plane it was 5:50 and Syaoran was frantic, almost to the point of insanity. "C'mon! We gotta go!" He cried pulling my arm along with him. "Taxi! Taxi! Yes, you over there!" He opened the back door, shoved me in and then got in after me.
I could almost see the beads of sweat rolling down his face as he told the driver the hospital's address. In fact he was so nervous he forgot his safety belt.
Then something really scary happened. After about five minutes passed of nerve-wracking silence in the taxi, Syaoran began to hyperventilate a little. He leaned against the window and he was honestly pale beyond explanation.
I began to get worried. "Syaoran… are you… okay?" I asked testily.
"Fine… just fine… think, caught a cold today morning or, or, o-or, s-something, thing…"
I didn't ask anymore seeing as he was in pain just talking, but that didn't stop me from worrying.
Another five minutes later we were in front of the hospital. God bless the empty traffic and the driver daringly going over speed limit for $200.
"G-go…" Syaoran told me, though his eyes seemed a bit defocused by now.
"Put your arms around me… I'll help you walk."
"No, no… I'm, I'm okay…" He looked at his watch as another sweat rolled down the side of his paste coloured face. "Go…"
Quickly, I registered back at the nurse's front desk and went back in my room with Syaoran behind me. He gave a tired smile. "H-Hope you had a, a, had a, gre-grea-great birth, birthday…"
"I did… Syaoran… thank you so much… really, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me… actually, you're the best thing that ever happened to me…"
He gave another tired smile. "I, I got to, got to g-go…" Carefully, he turned around, only to fall face flat on the ground.
"SYAORAN!"
Horrified, I leapt out of bed and sat on the ground beside him. "Oh God, Syaoran! What's happening to you? What's going on here?"
He twitched violently on the ground. "GAAAAH!" He gave a cry of raw pain, and I felt my heart tearing for him. He withered on the ground and clawed at the concrete, squirming this way and that, as if something's eating him alive inside.
"Oh my God… what's happening to you? Syaoran! Talk to me!" A drop of tear fell on my lap as my vision continues to blur. I glanced down at my watch. 6:02am. What's going here? What's going on? It's not about the doctor is it? It never was! Something's happening to him! Not to me, but him! He wanted me back here by 6:00am so he could escape and not let me see him like this… but why is he like this? What on earth is going on? "Syaoran… don't die on me… I don't know what's happening to you but I'm going to get a doctor… but first just cooperate with me and let me take you to my bed… it's too cold on the ground here."
I stood up on two legs and began to pull him, yet to my surprised, I only moved him about an inch on the ground when I collapsed. "Aaah!" A yelp escaped my lips as I found myself on the ground. "W-What's going on…?" I tried getting up again, only to realize that my legs weren't moving at all."
Syaoran looked up a tiny bit. "You're… you're… you're… crippled… your legs… they've, they've f-f-finally, nally, given up…"
"NO!" I looked down in horror. Not now! Please, not now! I felt the hot tears pour out of my eyes uncontrollably as I tried over and over again to stand. Yet it wasn't a struggle, because my legs were truly broken. Instead, I was more at peace than I had ever been, just that these legs do not belong to me any longer and I cannot control them. "No… not now…" I cried finally falling on top of Syaoran, hugging him to me. "Not now…"
We struggled on the ground like two birds with broken wings, trying to fly back into the air, but the more we supported each other, the weaker the each of us got, and the further away the sky appeared. I was dying, and he seemed to be dying too. The sight was pitiful, how helpless we are yet the harder we tried.
"I-I'm okay…" He grunted in pain as he attempted to stand, only to collapse as another cry of pain escaped his lips.
"Stop… stop it! You're hurting yourself!"
"N-No… I'm, I'm f-fine…" He crawled towards the wall, and leaning on it, inch by inch, he moved up and stood leaned completely against the wall, biting hard into his lips and panting. But that lasted for less than 10 seconds before he was back on the ground, rolling, squirming.
"HELP! Somebody! HELP! PLEASE! HELP US! HELP HIM! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!"
There was a low croaking. "S-Sakura…?"
I looked up, Madeleine has been woken up by my screaming. "H-Help… help him, please…" I begged, and I knew nothing more.
I could never explain what happened to Syaoran because I never found out. Sometimes I think about it and it feels almost like a dream to me, because looking back all I can see are his smiles, his laughs, his chuckles, and the way he was so healthy and nice and happy all the time. That night seemed almost surreal. Yet the sad looks Madeleine and Dr. Ada cast me told me otherwise.
I do not believe Syaoran is dead, because I know he is a fighter. I know that something like that is not normal, but I also know that people who have a dying disease dies slowly, through a period of time, they don't just suddenly die on the floor like that. At the same time I wonder, how did he know it was going to happen at exactly 6:00am? And just what kind of disease is triggered that exact? Certainly my disease never listens to me. Otherwise it would've broke my leg just 2 minutes later.
Nothing seems to make sense to me now, and I can only pray for the best.
Like Syaoran said, everything works out in the end, and usually in the best way.
I lay in my bed now, because my legs have finally exhausted their life, I am now completely crippled and sit in my bed now, waiting for death. I feel everything has become more difficult. The simple gestures of swallowing, breathing, even blinking.
What's going to happen to me?
Death, of course, is the only answer… but is there really no other choice? After all this time I realize I still could not fully accept my fate. Perhaps only when it happens, will I finally understand and know that this is no joke, and it can never be reversed.
However… as selfish as it sounds, as stupid as it sounds… I'm still… still hoping for one thing.
Syaoran.
I do want to see him again, really. To know that he's all right, and to know he will be the last person I see.
I looked at my calendar. The next date is… July 13th. His birthday. There's nothing significant in between.
I sighed. It's June 30th right now, and I cough constantly and breathe poorly and eat very little. My body is failing me and there's nothing I can do. Summer vacation has already started and there are children playing nearby. I can hear their joyous laughter and I'm not jealous, because I constantly think of Syaoran. I have to live… I just have to! Just 13 more days and he'll be here… he never breaks a promise, remember? He never did, never does and never will. On his birthday he will come and we'll celebrate it together… that's right… just live for 13 more days and everything will be fine…
I will stop writing now, because already I am tired by the simple gesture of moving my hands and clutching this pen. I want sleep…
July 11th
11 days. 11 days have passed. Just two more now, and he will be here. Please, God, help me… just pull me through another 2 days and then I will see Syaoran before I die… just two more days… God please, you can't abandon me now!
I cough loudly and spit out some blood. My saliva is tainted with redness and I feel sick to my stomach. My skin is the coloured yellow like a dirty pineapple, my skin has wrinkles already and they're shaded grey, my hands shake uncontrollably and I doubt my words are even readable now. Yet I do keep writing, even though I can't understand why.
I have talked to Madeleine lately. She tells me she goes through the same things as I am right now except she has endured it for a year now. I feel truly sorry for her, yet at times like now, I can truthfully think only about myself.
The locket is still in my pocket. I pray to it, to God, to the stars, to every power in this world to let me see him on his birthday… just one last time… let me live…
July 12th
I woke up right now, though I did not want to. Only by setting my alarm clock an hour after I fell asleep, wake up, set it another hour ahead, wake up and so on, have I been able to live till now. I had been so afraid I might sleep and never wake up, but I also knew that I would not last long to just hold my fatigue and not release it.
It's 11:30pm. Just another half an hour to go. Yet I really do not know if I can make it even if it's that short of a time.
God, please help me! Just another half an hour to go, and at the time the clock strikes 12, Syaoran will walk in, I will see him, and I will die in peace.
I have done a lot of thinking.
I thought about many things, I thought about everything I have ever wanted to do in life and I realize that Syaoran has fulfilled it all for me. Happiness, material items, joy, visits, travelling, dates, fancy dinners; everything a girl can dream of.
He has changed me from the cold-hearted being I was to the loving, caring girl I am now. I have made a friend name Madeleine even though I hated her before; I have forgiven Kevin, Lori, Tomoyo and my father. I hate no one, and I am at peace with myself.
This world is a beautiful place, it really is… the only regret is not everyone can see things the way I see them, because if they did, this world would be perfect. But then I think again, if it were perfect, then life would be dull, there wouldn't be ups and downs, and we can never know happiness unless we know sadness, because we always want more, and the day we reach the max, we shall become like nothingness and live like a soulless corpse.
Like Syaoran said, everything works out for the best in the end. No one needs to meddle with it, really.
Another 10 minutes.
A tear drops on my pages. My entire body aches no matter what I do. Even if I lie down on my bed and relax all my muscles it hurts. Every time I draw in a breath it feels as if my lungs are filled with salty water.
I cannot live any longer… but I have to… just 10 more minutes, goddammit you can't kill me now! You just can't! God, if you exist, you have to bless me, you just have to help me this one last time, and then I will be forever yours. I will be your slave and do your bidding, I will become part of you and you will have full control over every part of me… but just… let me see him on his birthday… just let me…
I have missed his last one, and I cannot miss one again… please…
My wrists are screaming bloody murder, my lungs are going on strike, my entire body is shutting down as the virus continues to eat more and more parts of my body away. Stop. Let everything freeze but time, and the clock will strike and everything will be fine. I will see Syaoran, I will smile, be at peace, and finally pass on.
I regret so much right now thinking about what I did that day when I drank that liquid… why had I been so impatient? He warned me it would take a chunk of my life away… but I didn't listen… I drank it anyways just for that one moment of triumph in standing… If I hadn't drank that shit I could probably live for another 2 days… but no-o-o-o! I'm just so fucked I had to be so fucking stubborn and drink it.
God. It hurts. Everywhere, it hurts.
11:58.
Two more minutes.
Just two. So close, yet so far away.
God. The pain. There's pain everywhere… there's so much pain that it's all I can think about…
I'm going to stop writing…
Honestly, I don't even know why am I writing now when I don't care about anything else but Syaoran. So why am I still writing? Why don't I just drop my pen? I suppose it's because even though no one will find this diary there's that part inside of me that says what if someone does? Then there wouldn't be a proper ending…
So I will conclude it, and I will drop my pen, and I will rest and wait for the clock to strike 12.
Life, is something that everyone can only live, but cannot change. Fate and Destiny can be a major pain in the ass but they always work out in the end. Syaoran has changed me as a person for the best, he got rid of all my hatred and helped me realize that I do not have to be cold and empty to survive, but being friendly and be filled with love will make not only me happy but everyone else around me.
If you, who is reading this gets to the end, I just want you to know, that Syaoran was the greatest man ever existed, he saved me in every way and that my final wish is to see him one last time.
Because I love him.
Oh yes, I do.
God, I love him so much.
Please God, let me have my Last Minute of Life.
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Author's Note: I know that was a sad ending, and I'm sorry this chapter has been kind of crappy, it's only because there's so much to write yet I don't want to write too much… So sorry for that…
And for this part I know probably no body cares but I have to say it. I just came back from Muskoka Woods, a leadership program in my school, and it was honestly, the BEST time in my life. I loved it there. I love everybody now. I love every single soul in my school and I love my school. I am suffering from extreme depression the minute I came back. I hate the city. I hate how there's no stars in the sky and the air smells like dust. God I can't talk anymore… I'm going to go through another depression stage…
GO RED DEVILS!
9714 Words. Holy, shit. That's long.