Since crashetburn is confused I'll explain. Craig is going crazy in this story hence the sudden rush to be confrontational. I don't know if you've seen the episodes where Craig is bipolar (if you haven't I am sorry if I ruined anything for you) but he freaks out and beats up Joey so I kind of extended that a little. As for the Jimmy thing He wasn't really conspiring with Craig he just told him what he saw. He was being of friend the part about Sean and the hatred it was Craig's crazy mind coming up with things.

Manny's POV

He always told me that this would end badly. He told me that if Craig ever found out he'd kill him. If he told me once he told me a million times that he would die young. I didn't believe him. Until now until I am dressing myself in his favorite outfit. I knew that some people would think that my long black and red hippie skirt with the tight black tank top was inappropriate. But I didn't dress like this for them I put these clothes on because I knew that he was watching me and smiling because he approved and his was the only approval I needed.

After that horrific night I became a shell. I just sat in my room and cried. I didn't this for about three months until I remembered my promise to him and I began to set up this memorial for him. I gathered every bit of courage and drive I had. I enlisted Paige's help to make this the greatest remembrance ceremony in the history of ceremonies. I threw myself whole-heartedly into this so that I wouldn't have to think about anything. I invited everyone in school including the entire teaching staff and the principal. I invited his mother and father, his brother, Ellie, and Ellie's mother. I was going to prove to them that he was a better person in his seventeen years then they could ever dream of being. I was intent on making them feel useless and rat like for the way they treated him in his life. Now I had a reason to exist atleast for a little while any way. I immersed myself in this so I wouldn't have to remember that when this thing was over I'd be empty and useless again atleast planning this I had a greater purpose so it was all I thought about.

I would find myself standing at my closet looking for clothes to wear to meet him. I'd be almost dressed then I'd remember that I had no reason to be dressing and I relive that night. When that occurred I would sleep for days after wards I wouldn't eat the only thing I did was plan because he honored me with every breath he took while he was alive so I would honor him after he died.

I lived breathed ate and drank him when he was alive when I wasn't with him I was thinking about him if I wasn't thinking about him I was writing about him when I wasn't writing about him I was drawing him. Now that he was gone my life was empty devoid of any meaning. The colors he had placed in my brain where gone so all that remained where the dark reds of anger, the pale yellows of fear, The inky blackness of depression and the muddy brown of utter despair. So to erase all colors and thoughts I organized this thing for him.

People began packing into the gym there were candles, flowers, cards and pictures, there were letters and teddy bears and all the thing you would expect to see at a memorial every where. Paige was on my right and Marco was on my left. I can say one thing about these people who were shadowing me. They were the best friends a girl could ask for. They helped me and encouraged me. They cried with me and tried to get me to smile. But smiles where a thing of my past. I had little reason to smile. As we stood in front of these people I wanted to feel something. Pride, happiness, grief, anger but all I felt was numbness.

Everyone was settled and I made my way to the podium next to the large picture of Sean and I happy and smiling. AS I studied the picture I realized that the picture was taken just the day before he was killed. I fought urges to run and urges to cr. I tapped into that numbness and began to speak trying to keep my voice even and emotionless.

"Most of you here didn't know Sean very well. You knew what you had heard or you knew what little contact you had with him. I am unsure how well any of you knew him. I can say with complete confidence that none of you knew him like I did. To me he wasn't the thug, or the bully, or the bad boy, or the troublemaker, or the thief that you people knew him as. To me he a savior, a redeeming angel, A golden boy, He saved my life as well as my heart. He saved me from Craig as well as myself. He held me when I cried and smiled even when he hurt. He loved me more in our short time together then most of you will ever be loved in your entire existence and I loved him more then you can even conceive. He heeled me when I was cracked. We were each other's other half. Everything I needed I found in him and everything he that needed I embodied. I can honestly say that none of you have any clue about him or us because that kind of emotion that kind of passion that kind of love would crush your tiny brains with it's intensity. But I am not here to beguile you with how selfish and unfeeling you are. I will only mention once that most of you are here to look like you care because that's what you're suppose to do but you guys wouldn't know Sean if he punched and he has punched a lot of you. I am her to celebrate the life of one of the greatest and most complex people I have ever known."

My resolve to stay calm to be emotionless was slipping fast my knees were beginning to shake and I found myself leaning on Paige for support. I nodded at Marco and he began passing out books that had story of Sean in them and a Grey bracelet for everyone to wear in an ode to him because I figured they all owed him that much and so much more then I could ever make them do. " I have so many stories that I wanted to share and not enough time to tell them in so I wrote them all down. I included the bracelet you see as a reminder of his presence. You can wear it or not. But I beg you not to throw it out. he deserved more. This is all I could do for him and it doesn't seem enough. If I can change even one mind about him then I am satisfied that I tried my hardest." I took my leave of everyone because I couldn't only stand so much empty sympathy.

As I made my way towards the back of the gym I felt a hand on my arm I turned to face the phantom arm. There was jimmy looking all forlorned and guilty. Seeing him look this way gave me the smallest case of happiness but it wasn't enough to erase what he had done. He had killed Sean just because he didn't raise the gun him self didn't mean he didn't play a major role. The anger that I had felt on that ill-fated night ruined with such vengeance I almost fainted at its fury." What do you want?" I asked trying hard to keep the edge from my voice but I failed miserably. I a flinch in his demeanor like I had hit him. "U-m-m-m " he stuttered "I wanted to say I am sorry. I know that will never be enough and I can't hope that it will but I do want to tell you if you need anything just ask and you will get it." I tried cleansing breaths and claming thoughts but all I could think of was jimmy stuffed on a platter with an apple in his mouth. "To be honest Jimmy I am not interested in you apologizes or promises the only thing you could ever do for me is disappear actually you could never exist to start with then Sean would still be alive" with that said I turned from him and stormed away.

Well I had done it I had honored hi memory in the best way I knew how. I had given him a memorial and remind all the people who tried do hard to forget what a great person he was. I had said all the things to that he never got to say. I had made those people realize what I had lost what the whole world had lost when he was killed. This sense of accomplishment settled over me but it was only fleeting because soon the bigger realizations that I had no purpose or reason to be. I had no one to love me. Sure I had friends to care about me but my friends wouldn't hold me and tell me that I was all they ever needed. They just couldn't be what Sean was to me. I felt lost. I was lost in what I had lost and lost in what others have lost because of me. It would take a saint to forgive my sins and my saint had died. I quickly took me leave of Paige and Marco I know they wanted to be there for me. Eventually I would need them when my feelings had finally dwindled down to bad but now that they were so much worst I just needed the one thing I couldn't have.

I stood staring at Sean grave the head stone was so small and insignificant up against what he deserved. I began to pour out every feeling and thought that I had in the last four months. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore then I just sobbed and shook. I spoke because if I stood in silence I would tear my self to pieces. It's not fair but life is never fair. I guess I should have learned that by now. Life, destiny, fate call it what you wan tit is never fair. People think love is the best thing in the world all hearts and flowers and all around goodness. They didn't get the pain. The way it hurts even when it's good. They don't get the way it condemns you. If I didn't love him like I do this wouldn't hurt so much. I hate myself because I couldn't save him or help him. He made me believe in my self and in others most of all he made me believe in love I wish he could make me believe right now because it all seems so fucking pointless. I hat the fact that I can't just lay down and fall through the cracks that I can't quiet fade away. I have to keep going to hold up this brave front that everyone knows is false but are happy believing is real if it means that don't actually have to care. I have all these questions that no one will ever answer and all this guilt no one will ever dispel. I walk through the halls and school and I have become that girl you don't talk about out loud like voicing it loud enough for people to hear makes it real. It is real and scary. No amount of whispering behind directly placed hands makes it any less real or any less my fault.

I wake up every day knowing I had killed the last good thing about my life. All these thoughts and feeling tumbled through my head as I fell into a fitful sleep atop the grave of the one person I knew who deserved to live. Now thanks to me he never would. I don't think I've ever hated anyone more then I do the girl whom stares back at me in the mirror.

This chap is super long and I don't know how I feel about it. I don't think it's my best