My first story.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff (music,anime stuff.)

Karaoke Contest

LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ………, high pitched and off key noises, came from a room crowded where everyone was rehearsing for the once-in-a-lifetime-event-which-will-probably-never-be-held-again singing contest. To fill you in let's begin where this bright idea came from the oddly brained human, Kagome.

After watching American Idol, Kagome came up with a brilliant idea. Kagome would invite everyone, Inuyasha, Shippo, Kikyo, Jacken, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, Rin, Sango, Naraku, and Myoga. There would be judges, a stage, and everything. As Kagome filled everyone in on her idea, they all stood there silently, staring at her deranged head in shock of the words that fell off her lips. Inuyasha breaking the silence, hollered, "Why'd you have to go and do something stupid like that! Why not an eating contest? I woulda won that! Are you ever on my side?" Soon, everyone joined in on the interrogation.

"STOP!" boomed from the lungs of the impatient demon, Naraku. "Can't we all just get along? Fine, then. Why don't we vote? Everyone close their eyes and raise your hand if you don't want a karaoke contest." After counting the hands raised (0), Naraku made the announcement that everyone had to pick a song and sing it. "If you don't, I will devour your delicious, plump, lively, beautiful, young, yummy-in-my-tummy souls!" Naraku drooled. As Naraku drifted off into the land of devouring souls, Kagome took over. " There will be three judges," automatically Inuyasha raised his hand trying to avoid from singing at all, "Naraku, Sango, and dear, sweet Rin." After the demons and humans, ohh, and half-demon, got settled they began to pick their songs and costumes to go with the song.

After 50 years of planning, the Karaoke Contest finally began. The judges sat at the neatly set table with a glass of water and a score sheet to determine the winner. The contestant sat behind the judges and first on stage was Inuyasha, no duh. Inuyasha was soooo frightened and nervous, you could hear his blood pumping through his heart, the sound only one demon would love, Naraku. As Inuyasha walked up the stage, wearing the usual except for the not-so-ordinary-everyday alien antennae that sprung from his oversized head. The music began and Inuyasha's cracking and cackling voice over-powered the music as he sang into the microphone, "I'm sick of being alone when are you coming home, just a glimpse of your face…" Everyone watched in amazement at Inuyasha singing so passionately on stage. As Inuyasha continued to sing, "She has two arms to hold me and four legs wrap around me. She's not your typical girlfriend. She's my alien…" he outstretched his hand toward Kagome. Kagome stared at him with the goofiest smile plastered on her face as saliva slobbered down her chin. Kagome was touched and it wasn't hard to see. "My Alien…She can take me to the place that she calls home and a spaceship that will someday be my own. Please take me to your leader. Tell her I will surrenderrrrrrrrrrrr" During the performance the judges were able to go home take an hour nap and still have time to eat and rate Inuyasha's performance. Finally at the end of the song, the judges spoke."……AHHHHHH……..!" Naraku exclaimed, pulling the hair from his scalp. Sango smacked Naraku in the head and told him to save some for later.

Sango turned to Inuyasha whispering, "You need to get some 'HELP'."

Rin exploded, "You sang like a howler monkey, you, nut case, you. Get off the stage," waving her fist at Inuyasha.

"MMM…holler monkey," oozed Naraku. Everyone sat in shock at what sweet Rin had said. The audience booed Inuyasha off the stage. The judges' total score was 7 out of 100.

Back stage Kagome got ready for her performance, waving a puppy costume at Inuyasha begging him to wear it and help her sing. Inuyasha just wanting to be on stage again, snatched the costume out of her hand and ran to change. Kagome smiled at Inuyasha and told him he had to sit in a glass box. As she walked on stage with Inuyasha crawling on the floor, the audience burst into tears at the hysterical sight of Inuyasha in a puppy costume. Naraku mumbled, "MMM…puppy" Kagome told Inuyasha to sing "WOOF, WOOF!" when ever she looked at him. The music began and the voice of a donkey with a cold sang, "How much is that doggie in the window?" Kagome looked at Inuyasha. He muttered, "woof, woof." Looking away annoyed. "The one with the waggly tail." When Inuyasha sat silently in his box, Kagome screeched, "INUYASHA, SING!"

"NO!" Inuyasha roared.
"YES!" Kagome yelled.

"NO MEANS NO, WOMAN!" howled Inuyasha. Kagome was furious. "SIT BOY" she shouted. BAM Before he knew it, Inuyasha fell right through the stage floor echoing, "WWWOOOOF, ahhHH, WWWWOOOOOOF..." Satisfied with their performance, Kagome smiled innocently at the judges.

Naraku said as he plucked hair off his back trying to fight back the anger, "It was a DELICIOUS display of DOODY!"

Sango exclaimed, "You have pimple problems!"

Kagome questioned, "What does that have to do with singing?"

"NOTHING," replied Sango.

Rin began sweetly, "You sang like a…" she erupted, "a dead donkey continuously being run over by a car, you, fatso, you!"

Next on stage was Kikyo. Kikyo had no clue what to wear for her song. But after watching the movie (The Phantom of the Opera) for the trillionth time, Kikyo got ready for her big debut. She spent several years on her hair, makeup and wardrobe. As Kikyo walked on stage, she wore black, nothing but black. She painted her nails black; she wore black gloves, black veil, a spray painted black wedding dress, black pantyhose, black knee-high boots that you couldn't see under the puffy dress. She even had on black earrings, black eye shadow that made her look like she got beaten up, black lipstick…even her underwear was black! As she stood in the middle of the stage with no distinct expression, her eyes were wide open staring down at the judges then toward Inuyasha. Inuyasha looked in her eyes and jumped out of his seat from the look in her eyes, a dark, deep, black abyss of BLACK. The music began along with the sound of a screeching car singing in the most morbid mood, "Think of me. Think of me, fondly when we say 'Good bye.' Remember me once in a while please promise me you'll try…" Kikyo sang the whole entire song with her eyes wide-open staring at only one thing in particular, Inuyasha. Naraku had fallen in love with Kikyo the moment she walked on the stage and was oh-soooo jealous at the look his true love gave Inuyasha, instead of him.

Kikyo continued to "sing," Inuyasha continued to squirm in his chair calling out," MAMA, SAVE ME, WAHHH" and Naraku, well, he devised an evil scheme to steal Kikyo's heart. Mmm…heart, thought Naraku, haha I know just the perfect plan to win back my one true love. I will secretly devise an evil plan in my wicked mind. I will eat the half-demon. Mmmm…half-demon…

Everyone was sooo terrified by the deep black pit in Kikyo's eyes that looked as if she would defeat them all with one blow of……………..gas. The judges, even Rin, speechless, scared to their carcass and about to pee in the panties, gave her the highest score yet to come.

"Ahh…the opponent up next shall shrivel your eyes to a raisin, literally, Miroku," the announcer, Timmy, spit into the microphone, only causing an ear shrieking blast out from the loudspeaker, which caused the audience to fly out of their chairs in shock. Miroku stepped onto the stage wearing the red leather outfit, Britney Spears wore in her "Oops I Did it Again.." feature music video. "I would like to dedicate this song to Sango," Miroku shouted. Music blared from the amps as Miroku shrieked passionately while using dance moves that he took from his idol, Napoleon Dynamite, "Pretty woman, walking down the street. Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet. Pretty woman." Miroku started towards the judges, but only towards one in particular, Sango. Miroku's plan was to woo Sango into giving him the highest score to win the competition. Miroku reached his hand out to Sango, but to her disappointment, he needed to use that hand to finish a dance move. Miroku kept his eyes on Sango's, knowing this would help him win. Sango blushed, in an awkward way; she believed Miroku was really trying to win her heart. "I don't believe you, you're not the truth. No one could look as good as you. MERCY! All of a sudden an upbeat melody exploded into everyone's eardrums. Miroku in one sudden move did the unthinkable. He tore off his Britney Spears outfit only to reveal a yellow and neon green hibiscus-flowered bikini that would only look good on womanly features and did not bring out any of Miroku's womanly features. He turned around and chanted, "I like big butts and I cannot lie," as he shook his butt in people's faces, but one in specific, Sango. Apparently Miroku thinks that shakin' his booty in Sango's face would also raise his score as he rubbed his butt, like something he would do to Sango and which he thought she liked. "Mmmm…butt flesh," slobbered Naraku.

Turning to Naraku, Sango pointed out, " Eww… you, freak."

"Mmm…freak," responded Naraku. "You other brothers can't deny," all the boys looked behind them to deny the truth, even Inuyasha. "when a girl with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you g…" Sango's rage burst out through her fist, which she used to end the obscene performance by Miroku, who laying on the stage only praying that his life get spared from the terror Sango would bring to his women-magnetic face. The curtains closed for a brief moment as you could hear the beating of Miroku's beautiful face against Sango's iron-like fist. Miroku never got his final score……

"Our ever-changing Shippo will compete next. Ever since Shippo was wee big, he was a natural born singer. But will he be the winner of the contest which determines who is the best singer in the world," the announcer spoke in his best Irish-accent for who knows what reason. As Shippo wearing a bright, sparkly sequin-filled vest and suit, he looked cute, innocent and very shy while holding the electric guitar. Shippo's fan club girls yelped from the audience and cheered yelling encouraging phrases. Shippo shut his eyes tight as the mike hung close to his lips, he passionately and harmonically strummed the guitar while he sang, "This is who I am and this is what I'm like, GC, Sum and Blink and Mxpx rocking my room, if your looking for me, I'll be at the show. I could never find a better place to go," Shippo sang this in order to show that he no longer wanted to be bossed around be the Ohh-I'm-all-big-and-mighty people who think they're the ones in charge. "Until the day I die, I promise I won't change, so you better give up. I don't wanna be told to grow up, and I don't wanna change, I just wanna have fun." Shippo's eyes remained shut through the entire song while his emotions enraged he continuously changed shape, although he specifically sang that he didn't "wanna change." What a liar. Naraku responded to the performance, "You performed well, but next time don't you think you should look the people out here in the eye for once."

While Sango's eyes glittered as she glared at the cutie pie, "I loved it. I LOVE YOU. You are the cutest thing in the world," Miroku's head burst into flames and steam rose out of his ears as he melted to the floor by the words that dropped off his dear sweet Sango's oral cavity.

Deep down Rin really liked his performance, but his routine won't beat awesome Sesshoumaru. "You sang like a howling goose mongrel, you…you big fat goose berry, you!" Rin yelped, whipping her finger in his face, trying to prove a point.

Although one of his comments was horrific, his performance gave him a very high score, which upset Kikyo very much she felt like she needed to kill……something.

"Myoga, the ever annoying, yet helpful flea is up next," exclaimed the announcer, Timmy. As everyone waited and saw no one come on the stage, all the people left because Myoga could not be seen by the naked eye. He was a flea for goodness sake. After seven days, everybody returned to find Myoga sleeping on the stage.

The show went on. Since Myoga was so small, the judges needed microscopes and the microphone was set on the floor. Myoga wore a kung-fu uniform and sang happily to his favorite tune, "Everybody loves Kung-fu Fighting. Hya, hya, hya!" As Myoga persistently screeched, he showed everyone his most powerful kung-fu moves. "Those cats were fast as lighting. Hya, hya, hya!" Not knowing so, the microphone moved with the beat of the amplifiers and slowly rolled towards Myoga. His foot got caught under the microphone, which continued to roll on his poor, small, delicate body. In a situation like this the music stopped, which also means the microphone stops, squishing little Myoga. The ambulance took Myoga to the hospital because he had become dented soo much he could no longer continue.

As the show went on, the next performer was so UGLY he didn't even get an introduction. Jacken stomped onto stage waiting for an applause that would never be heard from the audience. Furious, yet ready to perform, Jacken croaked,"U-G-L-Y, I ain't got no alibi. I'm ugly.." BURP a bubble floated out of Jacken's mouth. Earlier behind the stage Jacken had drunken so much soda that it allowed enormous bubbles to rise from his mouth. " Yeah, uh huh, I'm ugly, yeah, that's right I'm UGLY.." BURP a humungous gaseous bubble grew from his mouth. Ignoring the bubble, Jacken continued to sing, but the gassy smelling burp bubble had grown so big, it swallowed Jacken off the stage. Jacken squirmed inside the bubble yelling for help. Ignoring him. They all left for Burger King.

"…And last but not least, Sesshoumaru," announced Timmy. Backstage Sesshoumaru felt embarrassed as he waddled onto stage hoping that no would laugh as he stood in the middle of the stage in a yellow eyeball suit for his song, "The Eye of the Tiger." Sesshoumaru's head peaked through the top of his costume with two teensy-weensy hands and tiny feet, looking like the poor eyeball had been infected and grown odd growths on the sides of it, which made him, look stubby and short. Weeks before, when preparing for his routine in the Karaoke Contest, Sesshoumaru searched for a tiger costume. Finding none in stock, even after he threatened the manager, Sesshoumaru had to settle for an eyeball costume instead. Sesshoumaru sang like an angel into the microphone, which was out of his lip's reach, "It's the eye of the tiger. It's the cream of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival…" the audience went googly-eyed on Sesshoumaru. They all gazed at him with worship, thinking 'Hail Lord Sesshoumaru, hail Lord Sesshoumaru,' even the guys thought this. " And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night. And he's watching us in the eye of the tiger." For a split millisecond Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, feeling happy, warm, and fuzzy inside, he had waddled towards the right and tripped on his stubby, little feet. He crouched inside the eyeball only following his natural 'TIGER' instincts and he began to roll around the stage in the eyeball. Jacken, out of his burp bubble and all cleaned up, ran to his dear Lord Sesshoumaru's side, "Lord Sesshoumaru, Lord Sesshoumaru," Jacken called out, only to be smooshed by the eyeball, which was very heavy. In one sudden slash, Sesshoumaru burst out of the eyeball using his fang (sword.) Sitting in shock for a few seconds, everyone ruptured out into applause.

"Brilliant, just brilliant. You managed to do the impossible. I give you many points of love," smiled Naraku, almost about to cry.

"You are the BEST. You even manage to injure the 'toad' during your performance," Sango referred to Jacken, "You should totally win," Sango continued with a huge smile on her face trying to hide the waterfalls of liquid from her eyes and mouth (drool.)

" Sesshoumaru, you are the most phantasmagoric performer in the whole universe. I love you, Sesshoumaru, forever and ever," these words came from the ever-so-smart-mouth child who simply adores Sesshoumaru.

"The contestants, who were not injured, please go to the stage to announce the winner cough Sesshoumaru cough," proclaimed the announcer, Timmy in a girlish voice (his normal voice.)"The remaining contestants were Inuyasha, Kagome, Kikyo, Shippo, and wonderful Sesshoumaru!" After receiving the envelope, Timmy declared, "…And the winner of the once-in-a-lifetime-event-which-will-probably-never-be-held-again singing contest is…" (drum roll) "KIKYO!"

Although Kikyo looked expressionless, she felt proud and like she was THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WOLRD, HEE HEE, CONTROLING all the PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Oooo… I feel soo excited. They've just proclaimed that there will a special performance by Inuyasha and his dear brother, Sesshoumaru," revealed the possibly gay announcer, Timmy. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru walked on opposite sides off the stage. The beauty of Sesshoumaru's voice collided with the sour screech of Inuyasha's money shriek, forming …the indescribable. "You and I collide."

Not knowing, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru both headed for the middle of the stage crash they both collided together. "Why you little…"howled Inuyasha.

"Don't blame me for your own stupidity, you half-witted half-demon. WAIT! Let me change that. You barely even have half of ANYTHING!" was Sesshoumaru's response to the crash.

They both drew their swords and began slashing at each other, as the curtains closed and everyone moved slowly away from the soon-to-be very bloody scene.

Note to reader: Several hours before the winner was declared, Naraku threatened Sango and Rin that he would consume their souls and the souls of the ones they truly loved after he would decapitate them ALL, MWHAHAHAHA, snicker, snicker, if Kikyo was not pronounced winner of the once-in-a-lifetime-event-which-will-probably-never-be-held-again singing contest.