Today I died.
At least, I think I might be dead. Today my flight from Sydney to L.A. crashed in the middle of nowhere and I'm sitting here on this beach, surrounded by plane and...dead bodies. Part of me wonders if I'm dead as well. I look out at the waves crashing on the beach and wonder if this could be heaven.
My peaceful thoughts are interrupted by a woman a few feet away. She can barely breathe she's sobbing so hard as she stares down at her dead husband. I'm suddenly reminded this is anything but heaven. The flickering light from the bonfire some Middle Eastern guy made, casts a glow over her face and the pain that's evident there actually makes my heart hurt. All this death, all this destruction, and yet all this beauty. It's almost too much to bear.
As I write all this, I can barely hold my pen my hands are shaking so hard. It all seems so surreal. It was all so fast, I can barely remember how it all happened.
I was sitting in my seat, 12 H, minding my own business, trying to come up with conversation topics to discuss with my father in L.A. The uncomfortable silences were more bearable when I was prepared. The plane shook and I couldn't help but clutch my seat. The jerk next to me chuckled slightly.
"Don't worry, Darlin'," the jerk that had tried to look down my blouse when I was reaching for my purse under the seat had said. "Just a rumble." He seemed barely phased by the turbulence until the plane really started to shake and began to fall. It was like that feeling you get in your stomach when you drive up and down hills really fast...times a thousand.
I closed my eyes like that would make it all go away. Whatever was about to happen, I didn't want to see. Suddenly, I felt someone's hands on my head. I opened my eyes and realized the guy next to me was sliding that little oxygen thing that falls down right before you're about to die around my head. Our eyes held for a second before all hell broke loose and the back of the plane ripped off. I don't remember if I screamed, not that I would have been able to hear it over the sound of falling hundreds of miles an hour through the air. I never so hated the idea of skydiving than at that moment. Then everything went black.
The first thing that hit me, waking up, was the smell of death. It was everywhere. You wouldn't think death had a smell. Dead bodies, yes, but death itself?
Yet, it practically suffocated me, made me choke on the sudden ragged breath I tried to take as I came too. Opening my eyes, I realized I was still in the plane. People were screaming, practically clawing through each other to get out of the plane, if you could still call it that. As my eyes focused, I realized why.
The bodies of my fellow passengers laid everywhere, staring at me with their blank, accusing eyes. I ripped the oxygen mask off and desperately pulled at my seat belt. It wasn't budging. A wave of nausea passed over me as I realized someone was slumped against the back of my seat, dead. His arm touched mine and I shuttered in revulsion. I pulled at the seat belt more desperately, unable to deal with any of this.
On the verge of hysteria, I called out. "I'm stuck! Please. I can't-," but no one was listening. They were too concerned with escaping this tomb themselves. I felt my chin quiver. I was about to lose it. Suddenly, the guy who had been sitting next to me appeared out of nowhere. He pulled a pocket knife from God knows where and sliced through the seat belt. All I could think was 'How the hell did he get a pocket knife on the plane? They made me give up my tweezers.' And before I could say anything he was gone. With shaky legs, I made my way out of the plane and stepped into chaos.
Everyone was screaming and running and crying out for help. I covered my ears and wanted to run right back into the plane where at least it was quiet. I walked through the wreckage, stepping over limbs and plane parts. It wasn't until I took a long shaky breath that I realized I was sobbing. I sobbed for these people around me, dead and alive, but mostly I sobbed for myself.
Wiping my eyes, I pulled my arm away and saw blood. Touching my face, I winced and realized there was a large cut over my left eye. I barely felt the pain.
A girl's screams broke through my numbness. A young girl, the one that I heard bitching about not being in First class just stood there, screaming and screaming. I suddenly felt the urge to smack her. All these people around, needing help and she was just-...but I wasn't much better, was I? Just standing there feeling sorry for myself.
So I threw myself into it. Lending a hand wherever I could. At one point I was looking for pens. I don't really know what was up with that, but whatever. Before I knew it, it was dusk and I found myself sitting there on the beach, alone.
It's funny. For two years I haven't been able to write a word. Not one word. Yet, just an hour ago I was ripping through luggage, desperate to find paper of any kind. Newspaper, magazine, hell, even that little pamphlet about your seat being a life jacket and help the kids first would do. I almost cried with relief when I found a journal. I tore the first few pages out that had been written on, feeling only a minor amount of guilt. I mean, it wasn't like I read it. Okay, I glanced at it, but it was something about some guy named Marcus. Boring. Besides, right now if I didn't write something down, I would explode.
So here I am, stolen journal and all, sitting around the bonfire with a couple other survivors. All dressed up and no place to go. Occasionally, someone here will break the silence and everyone looks surprised, like they forgot anyone else was around. We're all so wrapped up in our heads it's easy to forget that there's someone sitting right next to you. Right now the only comfort we can get or give it so ourselves.
It's funny how humans can be such selfish creatures sometimes. Maybe it would help if we talked to each other. Then again, maybe it wouldn't.
God, I hope the rescue boats get here soon. Those plane meals that big guy was handing out were not looking appetizing at all. I wonder if-
Okay….weird apocalyptic type noises coming from the jungle. Going to see what the hell is going on.