Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem, and I never will.

Day 1:

As our story begins, we find ourselves in Serra's tent. Let's see what happens, shall we?

"I love Erk..." Serra sighed, stars in her eyes.

"HAHAHA!" Lyn laughed, "...Oh, you're serious..."

"Oh, sorry," Florina said, "I'm just here for the atmosphere."

Everyone walks out of the tent, and Serra is greeted by Marcus, who was standing outside of the tent, listening to everything they were saying, for lack of anything better to do.

"I heard you Serra! BLACKMAIL AHOY!" Marcus yelled.

Serra's face fell, "He already knows..."

"Damn," Marcus cursed, walking away.

While this was all happening, Erk randomly poped up right beside Serra.

"Ooo...Hi Erky!"

Erk proceded to pile up bricks, and make a wall around himself to protect him from Serra and her annoyingness.

Day 2:

This time, we're on the battlefield, where it is currently the enemie's move.

"Sir, when do we attack?" Random Archer Number 48 asked, holding is bow in ready position.

"Now you idiot.:

Archer Number 48 aims at Florina, who was directed to fly right over them, and releases his arrow. Florina screams as she plumits to the ground.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED FLORINA!" Lyn yelled.

"YOU BASTARDS!" Eliwood yelled in turn shaking his fist at the archer.

Once again, Erk pops up out of nowhere, thanks to all of the randomly placed plotholes, and kills the boss.

"Oh well, we didn't use her much anyway..." Lyn said gazing Florina's dead body.

Thanks to the various plotholes, Random Archer Number 25 pops up, " I will destroy you!" he cries, then gets slain by Lyn's Mani Katti.

"God, they never end..." Eliwood sighed.

Bartre appears on the battlefield, holding a molotiv cocktail, "Say hello to MY FRIENDS!" he screams, throwing the molotiv, which results in the whole battlefield bursting into flames.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THAT BEFORE!" Everyone on Eliwood's Elite yells.

"I'm drunk..."

Day 3:

"Yo Man! I popped a cap in that ass, he was so downtown in the shiznay!" Bartre said.

Crickets can be heard in the background.

"...Go back to bed..." Lyn said very annoyed.

"Think he has a chance on Ebay?" Eliwood asks.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Dorcas yelled.

Later...

"Roll 'em up, Roll 'em up! The starting bid for Bartre is one dolla! One dolla, I GOT ONE DOLLA! TWO DOLLA! 3 DOLLA! Going once, twice, FIFTY DOLLARS! Sold to the moron that can't see in the back.

Later that night...

"I'm free, I'm free!" Lyn says whilst skipping around the campsite.

"Hey guys! Look what I bought!" Dorcas comes up.

"A brain?" Marcus asked.

"NO! Bartre!" Dorcas replied, Bartre coming up behind him.

"WE NEED GUNS!" Everyone in the campsite screams.

Day 4:

"EMC2," Dorcas said, trying to sound smart for once.

"Go to hell," Lyn said, "Florina already shot herself in the head because of your stupidity...Hey...Wait a second...OH MY GOD! HE KILLED FLORINA!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Eliwood said, glaring and shaking his fist at Dorcas.

"Shut up! I'm trying to set myself on fire!" Erk complained.

"Oh come on Erk," Lyn started, "Dorcas and Bartre aren't THAT bad!"

At a Local Bar...

Dorcas and Bartre are sitting at the bar, extremely drunk, their arms around each other.

"This guy...This guy's COOL!" Dorcas said, pointing at Bartre.

Back at camp...

"...Oh yeah, I'm killing myself..." Erk says after seeing Dorcas and Bartre.

"I got high once," Eliwood said randomly, "I was alone, in an alley. I stole a bum's blanket while he was sleeping, peed on it, then put it back on him...And all of this because the author has writer's block..."

"I took crack once," Lyn said, also because of writer's block.

"And I once set two people on fire that are in this very tent," Erk said threatingly.

"Marcus! Wil! RUN!" Lyn screamed.

"I think he means us..." Eliwood said.

Dorcas and Bartre arrive back at camp and see Erk and Florina dead on the ground.

"Whoa...They partied HARD!" Dorcas said, his voice still slurred because of the alcohol.

Many gunshots are heard in the background. As they look around, they see everyone on the ground, dead.

"OH NO! We have to fend for ourselves for a day!" Dorcas said, nearly falling over.

"Hold me..." Bartre said, hugging Dorcas in fear.

"...Find our own food, fight our enemies, make the tent go back up..."

Another gunshot is heard.

"...Bartre...BARRTREEEEEE!"

Day5:

(They're baaaaack)

"Shut up..." Dorcas told Bartre who was talking about random crap no one cares about.

"Well I never!" Bartre said in a femine voice.

"Go back to heck," Eliwood said, dodging a hand axe thrown by an enemy fighter. As Eliwood dodges, it hits Florina.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED FLORINA!" Lyn screamed in terror.

"YOU BASTARDS!" Eliwood screamed, shaking his fist at the enemy soldiers.

That's all for now...If you liked it, YAY! If you didn't like it...SCREW YOU!