Days on the Island: 4, 11 AM

People always seem to be trying to start over. They try to 'find themselves' by buying a car they wanted as a teenager, by having an affair, or just picking up and leaving their entire life behind…but, the past's a funny thing. No matter how far you run, no matter what you buy to make yourself feel better, it's always there. 'Cause at the end of the day there is no rewind button and there are no 'do overs.' All we have are our memories and the choices we've made.

Yet, when the sun rises and we open our eyes, we have a chance to make it a little better. To take the things we've done, the choices we've made, and learn from them. A new day makes us feel like it might not be so bad…that we might have a chance to start over a little at a time. We wake up and think, 'maybe today will be the day everything will change. Today, the cycle will break.'

I think we all needed to cling to that hope today. It seems strange that spirits are high, that smiles greeted me when I woke up this morning. A man died last night, euthanized by one of our one, there's no sign of rescue, and this island's creep factor grows every day, yet I look around and I can't help but close my eyes, turn my face to the sky and smile.

I'm alive. I'm here.

Today is a new day…and anything can happen. It's a brand new start for all of us…well almost all of us. By the look on Jack and Sawyer's faces this morning, they couldn't forget what happened last night.

When I woke up I saw Jack coming out of the medical tent, looking like he hadn't slept much, if at all. He headed to the edge of the shore, barely seeing the people walking around him, chatting with each other, for the moment not burdened by our predicament. I just watched him for a few minutes before I walked up next to him, but he barely glanced at me.

"Beautiful morning isn't it?" I said quietly.

Jack only smiled bitterly. "I guess." He was silent for a moment before saying, "It seems wrong that anything should be so beautiful after…everything."

"I don't know. Maybe it's like something's telling us that things aren't so bad. That we're going to be okay."

"How can you say that? A man died last night. He was-," Jack broke off, overcome with some emotion. I couldn't tell if it was rage, grief, or guilt. Probably a little bit of all of them.

"You did everything you could," I said softly.

He didn't respond right away, just staring out into the beyond. "Is this what it's going to be like?" He finally said. "Each of us picked off one by one while we wait for a rescue that's 1,000 miles off course?"

"Jack, he wasn't going to make it, no matter how much you did for him. Maybe he just wasn't meant to. You can't take back what happened." I paused, searching his face while he continued to stare at the horizon. "It's not your fault," I said quietly.

"I shouldn't have let her in there alone. I could have stopped him," he muttered.

I laid a hand on his arm. "Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Doesn't make him any less dead and you any more alive."

Jack didn't even manage a smile, only looking mildly surprised that I had been so blunt.

"You have to let go," I whispered.

"How?" he asked, finally looking at me and I wasn't sure we were even talking about the same thing anymore.

The look in his eyes was a look I knew well. I'd already seen it on this island more times than I cared to. It was a look burned into every mirror I looked into…a look of someone who couldn't forgive themself for their past. The Marshal did not put this look into Jack's eyes.

"When I figure that out I'll let you know." I smiled sadly. "They say everyday it gets a little bit better."

"Does it?"

"Yes," I lied.

Some people can't let go. They cling to the past, that one moment that stays with them forever. That pain that they hold close to their heart, almost cherishing it, like it makes them feel more alive. That one moment that will stay with them forever.

But I didn't tell Jack that. Maybe I still have hope…hope that one day the pain will fade just a little bit. One day I'll be able to look into the mirror without seeing her face.

As I looked up at Jack, I realized he was looking past me at Kate, further down the beach talking with Sayid.

"I don't understand her," he muttered.

I was silent for a moment before answering. "Maybe you don't have to. We've all done things we're not proud of," I paused, realizing, for the first time, what this place might be: Our salvation…our chance to let go…the ultimate opportunity to start over. Maybe even a chance to forgive ourselves.

"Why punish her for a past that doesn't exist here?" I said, looking at the sand, trying to make sense of what I was saying. "Maybe this is our chance start over." Maybe it didn't have to just be a hope anymore.

Jack stared out into the water. "Yeah…maybe," he said. He took a deep breath and I knew he had made up his mind. I doubt I had much to do with it, Jack doesn't seem like a 'give me some advice' guy, but I keep offering it anyway. I think it makes me feel better than it helps me.

Jack walked away and I was left alone, lost in my thoughts, but it only took me a second to feel his eyes on me.

"Nice speech, Sunshine. Too bad you just pushed the good doctor right into her arms." I glanced at him, giving him a look of annoyed confusion. Why should I care what Jack and Kate do? He stood next to me, smoking his cigarette, apparently having properly dealt with last night now.

"What do you want, Sawyer?" I asked, not in the mood for him right now.

"Nothin'. Just wondered how you got to be the noblest of them all."

"I'm not noble," I muttered, staring at the waves.

He only chuckled and shook his head. "Whatever you say, Kitten."

When he was gone I smiled. Maybe I could be noble. Maybe I had already started over and didn't even realize it.

I don't know if-…

Is that a dog barking?