Chapter 7

It was empty. Jason was gone. Disappointment rushed through her. No wait, Sonny was just here. He couldn't have left. Her eyes went to the closet. She knew he had to be in there. She looked back to Lucky. She needed to get him out of here. He was standing in front of the painting she had done earlier today. She was happy she had something to show him. But there was another feeling, too. She wasn't sure what it was. She didn't want him to look at it. She didn't want him in the studio. This was Jason's and her place, Lucky was intruding.

"Elizabeth, This is great. Elizabeth? Elizabeth can you hear me?" Lucky moved to her and touched her face. "Elizabeth, are you there?"

"What? Yeah, I'm sorry just lost in thought for a moment." She needed to snap out of this, this whatever she was in. Lucky wasn't intruding. He had a right to be here. The studio was a part of her and Lucky had all of her. "What did you say?"

He looked back to the painting. "I just said this was great. You've never done an abstract before."

She dropped her purse and Jason's dinner on the table. "Yeah, I know, but it just came to me." She looked at the painting, this time with different eyes. It contained everything she'd been feeling lately. She could see the hurt, the sadness and more surprisingly the anger. What was she angry about? She studied Lucky. Did he see it, too? "I guess I'm trying something different."

"Well, it's beautiful," he wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to kiss her. "Just like you."

She almost sighed in relief. He didn't understand the painting. She wouldn't have to explain why she was feeling these emotions. She smiled up at him, "I'm glad you like it." Her eyes went to the closet door again. "It's not finished. I really have to get it done. It's due in a couple of days."

"That's okay, I'll just sit on the couch and watch you work." He moved to the couch. "When you're done, we can go back to Kelly's and make love for the rest of the night."

She gave a nervous giggle. Did Jason just hear that? Probably. "Lucky, please. Just give me a few hours to get this finished and then I'm all yours, okay?"

"Elizabeth, I haven't seen you all day. What's going on? Are you avoiding me?"

"No, no I'm not avoiding you. I just need to get this done. Just like when you are developing your pictures. You know it's okay if we spend one day apart you know."

"No, it's not. We are meant to be together." He came and stood in front of her.

"We are together. A few hours apart is not going to hurt us."

"A few hours, Elizabeth or a few days? Maybe you mean a few months or years." His voice began to rise. "Is this your way of telling me you want to break up?"

"No!" How does she continue to get into these discussions with him? "Lucky, it just means a few hours, nothing more. I love you. I don't want to break up."

He grabbed her waist and pulled her into his embrace. "I love you, too. I don't want to spend any time away from you. I want be with you every minute of the day. That's why this modelling thing is going to be perfect. We'll be together all the time."

He was beginning to scare her. "Lucky, I just need sometime to finish my painting, okay? Then I'll meet you at Kelly's."

He stared into her eyes for so long she began to feel uncomfortable. He wasn't going to agree. She could see it. "Okay, you're right," he told her. "I'll give you two hours no more. Then we'll have a romantic night at Kelly's, okay?" He kissed her again.

"Okay," she said relief washing through her. When he didn't move, she twisted out of his arms as gently as possible. "Lucky."

He chuckled, "Okay, okay, I'm going." He gave her a quick kiss and then went to the door.

"Can you wait a minute, please?" She called out to Jason when she knew Lucky couldn't hear. She needed to calm herself before she saw him. He had heard so much; she didn't think she could face him.

She took a few deep breaths and counted to ten. "All right, come out." He slowly opened the door. "You heard all that, didn't you?" She could tell by the look on his face.

"Yeah, I did." He didn't know what to say, didn't really want to say anything.

"It wasn't what it sounded like." It didn't even sound believable to her. "Lucky's just under a lot of pressure at work."

"Elizabeth."

"He doesn't know what he saying. He's still getting over the stuff from last year. We're really still really getting everything back to the way it was. We still have some adjusting to do." She began clearing the table of brushes and paint tubes. She couldn't look at him, not yet.

"Elizabeth." He reached out to touch her hands from moving. "Elizabeth, look at me." She tipped her head up to look into his eyes. What she saw there made her cry. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she wiped her eyes and sat on the couch.

"For what?" He moved to sit beside her.

"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to think that I only turn to you when I'm having problems," she gave him a weak smile.

"You don't," he replied. He knew it shouldn't but it hurt. She didn't want him to know. She didn't want to confide in him. He didn't think he could hurt more than hearing Lucky talk of them making love.

She gripped his hands, "Yes, Jason, I do. That's all I seem to do. You came here for my help. I didn't want to add to everything that going on with you. You have more important things to do than listen to my problems with Lucky."

"Elizabeth, I decide what is important to me and you are important to me. You're my friend. I'll always be here for you."

"I know but this time I wanted to be here for you. You're always here to listen to me and my problems. I wanted to help you."

"You are helping me. You're letting me stay here. That doesn't mean I can't help you, too." He could see she was fighting with herself about telling him or not. He didn't want to force her to do something if she didn't want to. "It's okay, if you don't want to talk. You don't have to."

She wiped her face again. She could seem to stop crying. "No, you're right. I think I need to talk about it." She got up and paced the room. She didn't know where to begin. "Do you remember when you were here last?" At his nod, she continued, "Lucky was pushing me away and telling me to be with Nicholas. Well, it was all a set up. I told you Lucky was just pretending to so he could beat Helena at her own game, which he did. He out thought her and in the end she died. Lucky killed her. I wasn't there but he said he was protecting himself that she'd tried to kill him.

"When everything was over, he just expected us to get back together. He didn't even apologize for hurting me all those months. He just assumed that I would forgive him and he was right because I did. We got back together immediately. But it wasn't like before. It didn't feel the same. I guess that makes sense, huh. We were different. We had spent more a year apart. I had changed." She looked at him. She didn't need to say more about that. They both knew how much she had changed. "But he'd changed, too. He didn't like that I was living here at the studio. He wanted me to move into Kelly's with him. He wanted to be with me all the time. I couldn't come here to paint. He wanted to come. It was like he couldn't let me out of his sight.

"I don't know what it was like for him during that year, he won't talk about it. But now he needs constant reassurance that I won't leave him that I love him. It seems to be getting worse. And now he won't let go of this idea of us working for Deception. I don't want to be a model." She stopped pacing and sat back down again. It felt good to speak the truth.

"Then tell him."

"I can't. It's not that simple," she covered her face with her hands and took another deep breath. "You heard him. He thinks the modelling is a perfect idea. Then we'll be together 24/7. I don't want to hurt him, Jason. And telling him I don't want to be a model will hurt him. It will destroy him. He'll think I don't want to be with him anymore."

"Would he be right?" He didn't know why he asked that question. He must really be a masochist. What else do you call someone who does something they know will hurt them? Insane?

"No! Maybe –- yes, I don't know." She got up to pace again. She didn't know what she wanted. "I love him. I don't want leave him. But I don't think I can take more either."

He didn't want to bring up what he had heard outside but he knew he had too. "What about Sonny?"

She turned to look at him. "What about Sonny?"
"I heard you guys outside," he admitted.

She flushed, "You heard that too?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know what's going on with Sonny. Out of the blue yesterday Lucky accused me of sleeping with Sonny. I couldn't believe it. We argued. In the end I thought I had convinced him that there was nothing going on, but then today he accuses Sonny. I don't know what to do."

He hesitated. He didn't like to give advice. What did he know that he should be giving advice? But he didn't want Elizabeth to hurt anymore. "I think you should talk to him and tell him everything you're feeling."

"I can't. I told you. I don't want to hurt him."

"But it's okay that you're hurting. I don't understand." He didn't like to see her in so much pain. She seemed to be suffering more now that Lucky was with her than when Lucky was dead.

"Jason, please! He wouldn't understand if I told him the truth. He'll see it as a betrayal." She glanced at the clock on the table. "Oh my God! Is that the time? If I'm not at Kelly's soon, he'll be upset. I've got to go." She grabbed her coat and quickly put it on.

"Wait!"

"No. Jason. I have to get to Kelly's. I'll try to come tomorrow, okay?" She didn't wait for his answer. She hurried out the door without looking back leaving Jason standing in the middle of her studio.

He wanted to run after her and tell her she didn't need to be with Lucky. He wanted to tell her she should be with him, but he knew she wasn't ready to hear that. He knew she cared about him, but love was something different. She stilled loved Lucky or at least she still thought she did. He was beginning wonder if maybe she didn't. When she said she loved Lucky, it had sounded different. He couldn't think of what. Like she said it because she was supposed to say it but it didn't have any feeling behind it.

In fact now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen love coming from her just pain. When they had first began talking about Lucky after he died, Jason could see the love in her eyes and the pain of losing him. Today all he saw was the pain. He didn't know what that meant. All he knew was that she was hurting and he couldn't do anything to help her. He could only stay here and wait for her to come back. He hoped that she wouldn't stay away too long.

Elizabeth hurried to Kelly's. Lucky would be waiting and she didn't want to upset him again. She was doing that enough lately. But maybe Jason was right. Maybe she should sit down and talk to Lucky about everything that has been going on with them. Maybe she was about his reaction. Lucky loved her. He wouldn't want her do anything she didn't want to do. He would understand that she didn't want to be a model. Anyway, they really needed to talk, to reconnect. She felt like they were slipping away from each other and maybe that was her fault for not telling him the truth. They needed to find away to get back to where they were when He was taken. Then everything would be okay. She knew it.

She climbed the stairs with a smile on her face. Once they sat down and talked everything will get back to the way things were before. When they were in love and happy and it was them against the world.

"Lucky," she called out as she opened his door with her key. He was sleep on the bed. She looked at the clock. It was only eight o'clock. He must have been tired to have fallen asleep so early. She didn't have to heart to wake him. If she was honest with herself she was relieved. They could have their talk tomorrow. She turned to leave shutting out he light on her way out and went to her room.