Disclaimers:
The Usual Yada.
Author's Ramble:
Ohhhhh man. I know this is way overdue and I totally didn't live up to my promise to whack a chapter out every two weeks or so. And, this chapter isn't even that long despite the long absence. I really, really have to apologise ;___;
See, I was suddenly caught up with Full Metal Alchemist, shopping, eating, mangas, and other luxuries I'm entitled to enjoy upon my return home for summer break….and my brain just sorta stopped working =____=. I really tried to write, but each time I got stuck I gave up. When I finally have the motivation to continue, I almost never fail to cringe to read what I wrote previously and most had to be removed and rewritten, explaining the sluggish progress of this fic. I've just finished this chapter, and I have a feeling I'll be cringing when I read it later ^___^;; But I'll be doubling my efforts from now on so bear with me!
Right, now on to the important stuff. This Chapter is dedicated to Kaminiko. Cause she's the one who inspired me to write KakaNaru, with her site and all the spectacular fanart and writings in there. Those who haven't visited her site, you HAVE to. She's amazing. I simply adore her to bits, and I can't say how pleased I am for her to like my fic XD
Thank you sooooooooo much!
Alright, on with the chapter I owe you guys ;___;
Chapter 4: Pulse
"Kaaaaakashi senseeee--….!!"
Naruto stopped in mid yell as he tried to overcome his surprise over the fact that there was an additional person in Kakashi's room.
"Naruto?"
Iruka smiled at Naruto as he watched his scatterbrained former pupil try to gain his bearings from his astonishment. Truth be told, he heard Naruto from the noises he made when storming up the stairs at the end of the hall.
While Naruto can be stealthy and efficient when need calls for it, he is, in every manner, careless and brash and scatterbrained most of the time despite Iruka's efforts to drill discipline into him. Iruka sighed inwardly.
"Iruka sensei~!"
Naruto yelled as he hurled himself forward at his favorite sensei, nearly knocking them both out of the window by Kakashi's bed. Iruka struggled to maintain his grip on the window ledge. "N-Naruto…" He growled as he managed to push both himself and his former student to safety. Once they both their feets were standing firmly on the gorund, Iruka rounded on his former student , took a deep breath before he yelled his head off.
"NARUTO!! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU TO THINK BEFORE ACTING ON YOUR IMPULSES?!!"
"Heh heh~"
Naruto put his arms behind his head and grinned insolently up at his sensei, which Iruka felt rather put out when faced with such reaction. Sighing, Iruka turned to face the sleeping Kakashi and adjusted his blankets carefully. Naruto narrowed his eyes as he felt a weird feeling creep into him while watching Iruka fussing over Kakashi. He wondered about it for a few seconds before choosing to ignore it for the time being.
"Ne, Iruka-sensei! What brings you here?" asked Naruto curiously.
Iruka didn't look up from where he was refilling the bedside water flask.
"Hmmm? Oh, nothing much, the semester break starts today and there are no classes to teach, and thankfully, no assignments to mark as well. So I thought I'll just come in here to check on how Kakashi is doing ."
"Heh heh heh~! You needn't worry! I come in to check on him all the time, and he's looking okay so far." Naruto grinned.
Iruka turned off the tap and carried the flask over, as he walked past Naruto, he smiled and ruffled Naruto's hair affectionately.
"Yeah, I know you've been spending a lot of time here, seeing how I've went over to your apartment to look for you several times already and you're always never there."
"Huh~!! Aww man, Iruka-sensei! Were you planning on taking me out for ramen all those times?"
"We-eell, maaaybe~" replied Iruka in a sing-song voice as he tried hard not to laugh at the crest-fallen expression that had etched into Naruto's face.
After a few moments of watching Naruto fall deeper into dismay, Iruka felt bad enough to want to reassure his favourite student.
"Now, come on, stop sulking. I'll take you out for ramen later, how about it?"
"Iruka-sensei!!!" Naruto beamed happily and hurled himself towards Iruka to hug him.
He nearly hurled them both out the window for the second time that day.
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Naruto sniggered silently to himself as he snuck stealthily within the jounin quarters, he knew Iruka might be visiting Kakashi that day and he wanted to creep up on Iruka and scare…no, surprise him. As he neared Kakshi's unit, he heard soft sniffs and low voices talking. Deeply alarmed, Naruto tried to think of all the possibilities of why and how those noises came to be , coming from a comatose person's room. Could it be enemies of Kakshi's who've come to take advantage of his condition?
Anything's possible when you're a well-known ninja, you won't know what sort of enemies you'll get. Feeling his heart race slightly faster, Naruto took even greater care to be silent to advance forward as his hand crept to gain grip on a kunai. The door was only partially shut, like someone had hastily pushed the door and didn't care to shut it properly. This allowed Naruto to push the door slightly to allow him a slit to spy the ongoings within the room.
What Naruto saw made his heart stop and his blood to freeze into ice in that single life-altering moment.
Naruto's mind slowly and distantly acknowledged that as he felt his head struggling for order before it was overrun with the conflict of emotions that Naruto could only half understand. But the intensity was too much, too fast and Naruto's mind did what it thought was for the best. It wiped everything out.
BLANK.
Then it felt like he was observing everything from a different dimension. That he was really, really far away, detached from his body and mind while he slowly processed the scenes displayed before him.
Figures.
Two people.
WHO?
Kakashi….Iruka…..
Noise…noise….what?
Iruka, crying? Crying, crying, in Kakashi's arms. His arms.
KAKASHI?
Sensei… teacher….sleep..coma? No, no, awake. Sitting. Arms holding Iruka close. Close.
AWAKE?
Awake…awake….awake….no….no….NO!!!!!!!!!
Don't, don't DON'T, please don't god, no, don't, don't, no, please, please, PLEASE……
Don't kiss …..kiss Iruka…….
IRUKA?
SENSEI?
NO…NO…..NO!!!!!!!!
DON'T LOOK!!! STOP! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
Turn away…..turn, turn, run, go, run run run run run
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The mental scream in his head was what slammed him back into reality. Naruto backed slowly away from the door willing and dragging leadened feet . Finally, he managed to wrench his eyes away and did what his mind had continuously screamed at him to do. He fled.
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The run back to his was an unconscious decision, taking him back to the one place he thought he could seek security and solace from.
The sharp slaps of his feet on the cobbled ground sounded loudly in the empty alley-the shortest route home. Naruto clutched the front of his jacket tightly as his breath came in loud rasps. He felt like he was suffocating.
More, more, more!!
Forcing himself to breath harder and harder to take in more air worked ineffectually, his efforts causing his head to swim and bright spots to cloud his vision. Naruto faintly recognised that he was dangerously close to passing out, but he refused to fall in the middle of nowhere. He has to make it home.
Slamming the front door of his apartment open, Naruto immediately half ran, half stumbled to his bathroom. Turning the taps viciously, water was splattered everywhere as Naruto ducked his head beneath the gush of water.
Gasping loudly, Naruto finally pulled his head away and blinked the water away from his eyes. His harsh breathing was resounding loudly in the empty apartment. The water did little to cool the heat that seemed to consume him, but he had to try nonetheless.
Staring distractedly at the droplets of water that clung at the ends of his hair, Naruto felt the seconds drag on with excruciating slowness. Slowly he raised his head to the mirror, and found himself looking back at a face twisted in misery and anger. Glaring into his own eyes reflected there, it was as if he could see for himself, the swirls of turmoil battling it out in the alleys of his mind.
How he hated it. Hated this expression on him that always reminded him of how pathetic he was. As if he hadn't made any progress at all, from the time when he constantly wore this expression when facing the rest of the world, when this naked expression was all the defence he had that stood between him and the animosity directed at him from the rest of the world. He's changed dammit!
He should have been stronger than this-than to succumb into these feelings this strongly once again. He was no longer the Naruto that he was before. He has friends now, people he cared for, trusted and would lay his life down for. And…and, he believed they cared for him too. Sakura, Sasuke, Iru-……
The reminder of the man raised anger in boiling waves within him suddenly. Before he could register his own actions, he found himself staring back at the hundreds of fragmented reflections, and his bleeding fist at the epicentre of the destruction done to his mirror. Wrenching his arm away with a low growl, he stormed out of the bathroom.
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Slumped in a corner, he sat in silence, staring at the shadows cast by the sun by his feet sprawled in front of him. His hands remained clenched tightly.
One thing that Naruto realised over the years was how easy it was to fall. Falling into misery, into despair and most of all, falling into the depths of his own mind. Naruto always found it strange how people say that your mind's your own, and the extent of control over it depends on sheer will and determination of the individual. But the mind and in all its complexity and functions, does not always follow where you want it to go. Naruto knows this well, having fallen prey to its onslaughts early on in his life. Its effects leading to the gradual contamination of his heart. The heart that took a long time to heal from betrayal and hate. The heart that thought it knew where to trust.
Bitter betrayal was filling it now.
Naruto knew he wasn't supposed to feel this way. Iruka wasn't doing anything wrong, he didn't know, and he was just kissing….or being kissed by Kakashi.
Why did that have to hurt so goddamned much?!
Naruto clenched his fists tighter.
It was just a kiss.
In that position, Naruto fell into uneasy sleep later on, filled with dreams of tasting himself on hot wet lips , and a hauntingly beautiful face hovering above his own.
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tbc