Disclaimers:

They are NOT mine, or you'll be looking at a manga chock full of homosexuals and tangled relationships.

Author's Ramble:

Uhhhh…..I really have no excuse for my extremely long absence, and this chapter is really sort of a mini-chapter rather than the usual length I submit in ;; (forgive the lame title too) Sorry, but I thought the place where I ended it was more appropriate for the setting of the next chapter (yes, there will be a next chapter). I don't even dare hope the people who were following this before even bother with it anymore. All I can say is that I will try harder from now on to bring this fic into completion, and I ask for forbearance. ;;

Chapter Five: Why.

Groaning, Naruto winced as he pushed himself up from the floor, his head swam at the pain that shot through from his arms, up his neck and down his back in that instantaneous torturous moment.

Great, I spent an entire night on the cold floor, half frozen and waking up to find myself in pain, and now I'm staring at the bed right in front of me, as if its mocking me. Oh for the love of---….why couldn't I just have crawled that two metres to where my bed was?? Then Naruto recalled what kept him from the bed and frowned. He sighed and braced his arms gingerly against the wall and hauled himself up. Geez, his legs felt mangled and he had to wait a while before some semblance of feeling was returned to them, so he could trudge to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

Some moments later, Naruto sat slumped at the kitchen table hunched over, water dripping down the spiky strands of hair. He was never very good with analytical stuff, or dealing with emotions for the matter, which made sorting the scrambled mess of his mind doubly hard.

Fact one: Kakashi-sensei's awake.

Awake.

That's cause for celebration isn't it?

Wasn't that just what everyone was hoping for, especially himself?

Fact two: Kakashi-sensei and Iruka sensei were kissing.

So what? It was just a kiss. People kiss all the time. Couples, mostly. So…Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei were a …couple.

Naruto clenched his fists as he desperately fought down a wave of hurt. This was where he kept getting stuck, whenever he tried to put things into perspective. The hurt that fact caused. He felt it intimately enough, but he just couldn't explain why. Was it because he was feeling shocked and betrayed about the two senseis closest to him were homosexual? Or perhaps because he now knows he isn't all that special to Iruka?

No…no. That isn't it. Naruto gave a low frustrated growl and slumped onto the table, scraping his nose on a rough portion of the wooden table. Hissing in annoyance, Naruto sat up rubbing his nose and glared at what caused his discomfort before his eyes widened in surprise.

Kakashi.

He'd almost forgotten the carving he made on the table.

Kakashi.

Slowly Naruto's fingers reached up to traces the letters. Somehow the feel of rough grain felt wrong. Kakashi…was soft hair, smooth skin and mystery. Strength and deadliness concealed beneath all that. Peace and quiet came with knowing he was there, alive and breathing beneath his fingers, and just simply being there beside him. The happiness. The content.

Naruto frowned as he finally understood a little. It was the loss of that peace and quiet that bothered him. And that he was upset he would not be able to feel the happiness that he felt during the times he sat by Kakashi while he was unconscious. But…why did he feel happy in the first place? Naruto could count the number of times he had been truly happy in his short life with the fingers of one hand. Like when Iruka risked his life to save him…and gave him the recognition he craved above all else then. It was exhilarating, unbelievable, and it made him extremely happy. It never failed to bring his spirits up whenever he recalled that event.

Until now.

Even that happiness failed to dull the pain of the loss of his other happiness, and Naruto couldn't understand why.

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"OI!! NARUTO!!!"

Startled, Naruto almost fell out of his chair where he was seated at Ichiraku Ramen. A glance down at his ramen that had gone cold, he sighed and turned to the voice that jerked him out of his daze.

"What's wrong with you?! I've been trying to catch your attention for the past five minutes and you acted like you were deaf and blind!" Sakura huffed in annoyance.

"Yeah…sorry." mumbled Naruto while he picked up his chopsticks to poke around in his bowl.

Sakura took a moment to get over her initial shock before worry began to tug at her nerves. "N-Naruto, are you sick?" She reached out to feel his forehead.

"Stop it! I'm fine!"

"What's wrong?" Sakura slid into the seat beside Naruto, who was feeling irritated by everything and everyone now for some reason.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Naruto said bitterly.

"I'll have to be terribly stupid to believe you. Naruto, tell me what's bothering you, you're acting funny…"

"Yeah! Everything I do is funny huh! Nothing compared to mighty little Sasuke right? So why don't you do us both a favour and snivel after Sasuke right now instead of degrading yourself by being with me?!"

Naruto knew he had said something very, very wrong as he watched blood drain from Sakura's face, eyes wide and hurt.

"Sa-sakura, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…."

"Anyway, I-I just wanted to tell you sensei's awake. I'm s-sorry for bothering you." Sakura forced out in an oddly hitched voice, as Naruto watched in horror at her struggle to keep her tears at bay. Having said that, Sakura turned and ran.

Naruto sat numbly staring at her retreating back, as guilt ate rapidly away at him.

Crap, what is wrong with me?!!

Depositing his money on the table for his uneaten ramen, Naruto got up to look for the person who may have the answers.

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Author's ending ramble: Naruto-fans are going to protest I expect, but I believe we're all prone to our moments of idiocy in times of anger and frustration. Naruto didn't mean what he said, he's just less able to handle strong emotions than the rest are.