Chapter 10
Elizabeth stood hesitantly in front of her door. Yesterday she'd surprised Jason when she entered the studio, and she didn't want the same thing to happen today. She needed to be completely focussed when she told Jason about her decision. If he was naked or even half naked she didn't think she could keep her mind on what she needed to do. She made a big play of jingling her keys and slowly opened the door. Again Jason was doing something she didn't expect. "What is going on?"
Jason looked up from his seat on the couch. He looked guilty and a little embarrassed. Around him were newly stretched canvases and in his hands was a frame he had just begun. "Well, I'm just trying to keep you from getting another splinter."
She stared at him, dumbstruck. He looked so unsure. Sometimes it was hard for her to put the two Jason Morgans she knew together. One Jason Morgan was sweet and thoughtful. He listened when others didn't want to. He was loyal and allowed the people he cared about to make their own decisions. The other Jason Morgan was hard and unfeeling. He was a mob enforcer.
They had never talked about it but she knew he had killed people. She didn't know how many but knew his name was feared. She remembered when Sorel had approached her and Jason's quick action. How could someone who has killed people still be innocence? More importantly, why didn't she seem to care about what he did for a living?
"Jason, you didn't have to do that," she said as she inspected his work. She looked back to him, "These are perfect. How did you learn to do that?"
He shrugged, "I don't see what's so hard about using a staple gun."
"Well, yeah, but the frames can shift, the canvases can get pulled out of line or buckle." She continued inspecting the rest of the canvases. "Thank you, Jason. These are all great. If you ever need a job, just let me know."
"Just call me when you need more, I'll be happy to do it."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. That's my job. It's part of being an artist."
"Splinters, remember."
She looked around at the canvases. She felt inspired to paint. She could feel her fingers itching to hold a brush. "Do you mind if a paint?"
"Elizabeth, this is your studio. You don't have to ask. Do you mind that I'm here? I could go out for a while."
"What! No, you can't go out. Someone could see you. No, no, stay. I don't mind," she smiled. "It'll be like before." She turned to collect her brushes and paint.
Jason settled quietly on the couch and grabbed a travel book from his bag. She didn't even know he was there anymore. He could tell. When she painted, she was oblivious to the rest of the world. He remembered the Christmas he stayed there. She could be so concentrated on her painting that he thought an earthquake could strike and she wouldn't feel it. He liked that she was that comfortable with him. She had complete trust in him to see her at her most vulnerable and yet most powerful. She radiated joy. He knew she loved painting and that it was what she was meant to do.
Elizabeth was in her own world. Only she, her easel and her brush existed. She knew that Jason was in the studio but she didn't know what he was doing. She couldn't think about anything but the image trying to form on the canvas. She didn't know what she was painting. That was something knew for her. Until now most of her painting were planned. She knew what she wanted, and she set out to create it. But since her dry spell, it had changed. Now it seemed the canvas spoke to her. It told her what it wanted to be not the other way around.
She felt like she was evolving as a painter and it was all because of Jason. Ever since Jason returned her painting had gone to another level. She couldn't believe it was only a few days ago that she thought she would never paint again. Now she seemed possessed. Without even doing anything, Jason had given her the strength and passion back to her painting. Jason was always the one person who believed in her and what she could do. The old Lucky had been that way. But now he was so preoccupied with his own dreams that he didn't seem to really see her anymore. He treated her art like a hobby rather than her vocation. It was more than that; it was her life. Then why are you giving it up for him? I'm not giving it up, she thought. I'm just adding another dimension to my life. It was the right thing to do to make Lucky happy.
She caught Jason looking at her from the corner of her eye. "What? Was I singing?" She laughed.
"I'm glad you're painting again," he said quietly.
She heard the question even though he didn't ask it. She glanced back to the painting before putting her brush down. "I know you knew I wasn't painting. I just wasn't ready to talk about it before." She grabbed a rag and wiped her hands as she sat beside him. "Before you came I had this block. I couldn't paint. I didn't know why. It was hard for me. Lucky and I were back together but I wasn't painting. I think I was trying too hard. I wanted everything to be perfect and my painting suffered. I have you to thank for fixing the problem."
"What?" Jason was shocked. "I didn't do anything."
"Yes, you did," she said insisted. "You didn't push. You knew I would talk to you when I was ready." Before he could reply she continued, "That morning was the first time I had painted something in a long time. When I arrived and you weren't there, I got so worried. I thought you were dead. I pictured you lying in the snow bleeding to death and I didn't know where to find you."
He reached for her hands, "Elizabeth, I'm sorry."
She pulled her hands away and stood, "It's not your fault, Jason. It was just my overactive imagination. I came to my senses when I saw that your stuff was in the closet. I knew you hadn't left me." She stopped. Did she just say that? "I mean the studio."
She turned away from him afraid to look at him, afraid to see his reaction. "I had all these emotions and I needed to release them. I stood in front of the canvas and for the first time in a long while, I just let myself be. I let myself feel. All my fear and worry flowed through me and onto the canvas."
He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. "I didn't mean to make you worried. If I knew letting me stay would cause you trouble, I wouldn't have come here."
She shook her head. "Jason, I'm glad you came to me. You are my friend. I would do anything for you. Besides, haven't you figured out by now, I will always worry about you. Even when you're not in Port Charles, I worry. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and wonder how you are and if you're in trouble. You mean a lot to me. You staying away doesn't change that."
He touched her cheek with his hand. "You mean a lot to me, too," he said softly his voice deep with emotion. He brought his other hand to her face and looked into her eyes.
She saw his unspoken question in his eyes. She knew he was going to kiss her and was looking for her answer. She should have said no. She should have turned away, but she did neither. Her mind didn't seem to have control over her body. As he leaned in to claim her lips, she felt a tingle of anticipation.
What was she doing? Elizabeth turned her head and stepped out of his embrace. "I'm sorry," she quickly grabbed her coat and reached the door. She was out the door before Jason could stop her.
He stood in the middle of the studio staring at the closed door. He wanted to chase after her, but couldn't. Not because people couldn't know he was back in town, but because of Elizabeth herself. He shouldn't have tried to kiss her. She loved Lucky not him – not the way he wanted. He needed to end this. He needed to leave the studio before anything else happened. He dug out this cell phone from his pocket and dialled.
"Sonny, we need a change of plans. I can't stay here anymore."
"Is there trouble?" Sonny questioned.
"No, I just need to leave. I shouldn't have come here and put this all on Elizabeth." He didn't want to say more. Sonny didn't need to know what had just happened or what could happen if he stayed.
Sonny was quiet for some time. Jason didn't know if he would push for an explanation or let it go. He hoped Sonny wouldn't pry anymore than he needed to. Sonny already knew too much about his feelings for Elizabeth. He didn't need to know about the mess he had of it.
"It's time to make a move on Sorel."
Jason sighed with relief, "When?"
"Tomorrow. Valentine's day seems appropriate. Sorel's trial is the next day. He'll want to try something before he gets convicted. I'll call a meeting at the warehouse. The traitor, whoever he is, will tell Sorel. It will be too good to pass up. A pre-emptive strike against me and everybody that works for me except my ex-lieutenant Jason who told me to go to hell and went to Italy. Sorel will never see you coming."
"Okay, that's good. I've got a clear line of sight to the warehouse. When he makes his move, I'll be here to take him out."
Elizabeth didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't stop. She had almost kissed Jason. More importantly, she had wanted to kiss Jason. What was she doing? She had gone there to tell Jason that he couldn't stay at the studio anymore and instead almost kissed him. What was going on? Jason was her friend, nothing more. She loved Lucky. He was who she wanted to be with, not Jason. She'd never even thought of Jason in that way. Liar, said a little voice inside her, you kissed him remember.
Christmas 1999
"I can't believe Nikolas!" Elizabeth slammed the door to her studio shut. She was so angry. "How dare he tell the whole hospital that we are sleeping together? Who appointed him my guardian?" She was so worked up she couldn't sit down. She just paced back and forth across the room. "He had no right. No right, I tell you," she said finally turning to look at Jason, who had removed his coat and was sitting on the couch. "Jason, how can you be so calm about this? Aren't you angry?"
"Elizabeth, getting angry won't change what's happened. I wish he had kept quiet but I can't control him just as he can't control you."
"Well, I'm still angry. Who the hell does he think he is? He can't tell me who I can and can't be with. He's not my father. Even my father can't tell me what to do. I am an adult. If I want to have sex with you that is my decision not his. If I want us to make out in the middle of General Hospital, he can't stop us. If I want to kiss you right now, I can because it is my life."
Before she knew what she was doing, Elizabeth had closed to distance between them and was kissing him. She hadn't meant for the kiss to be anything. She just wanted to prove to herself that she had control of her life. But as soon as her mouth touched his, her anger vanished. All thoughts of Nikolas left her mind. In fact her mind went blank. All she knew was that she was kissing Jason and he was kissing her back. The kiss deepened seemingly on its' own and the next she knew she was lying on the couch under Jason.
She pulled at his shirt and ran her hands across his chest. She didn't know what she was doing just that it felt good. After feeling nothing for so long, she was overcome with it. Her whole body seemed alive. Everywhere Jason touched tingled. Then it was gone. Jason was moving away from her. She grabbed his shoulders to pull him back.
He took hold of her hands and held them in front of her. "Wait, wait, Elizabeth, we have to stop."
Elizabeth didn't want to stop. She just wanted to feel. She wanted Jason to kiss her again. She wanted… She looked up at him. She could see the desire in his eyes. She could see he felt the same way she did. She could feel the desire running through her blood. Where had that come from? Had it always been there? He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity.
What Jason said finally registered. Reality entered her brain. Oh my God! What was she doing? She had wanted Jason to make love to her. She still wanted it. She could feel it. She wanted to give in to that desire. Even with Lucky, she had never felt this way. What did that mean? She moved quickly off the couch and as far away from Jason as possible.
"I'm sorry," she said. It was a whisper. What had she done? She had betrayed Lucky.
"Elizabeth," Jason's voice so calm. Elizabeth couldn't believe it. One second he was kissing her senseless and another second he looked like nothing had happened.
"Jason, this is all my fault. I kissed you. What was I thinking? I can't believe this happened." Elizabeth couldn't look at him. She began pacing the room again, thoughts of Lucky and Jason running through her head. Nikolas was right. Lucky was barely dead and she was having sex with Jason.
"Elizabeth," he called her name again. When she wouldn't turn in his direction, he moved to stop her. "Elizabeth, it's okay."
"No, it's not okay Jason. I'm a terrible person. All the things Nikolas and Carly said about me are true." Even though Jason had stopped her pacing, she still wouldn't look up at him.
Jason gently grabbed her chin with his hand and lifted her chin so she had to look him in the eye. "You haven't done anything wrong." When she would have spoken again, he stopped her. "Elizabeth, it was just a kiss. Nothing more. You haven't betrayed Lucky."
She looked into his eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. "I was crazy for a second. I was just so angry. I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm sorry I took advantage of you." She sounded so calm, but inside she was dying. She didn't know what was worse kissing Jason or the fact that she wanted to kiss him again. She couldn't handle that feeling. "Can we please just forget what I just did a minute ago? Can we call it a moment of insanity and say it will never happen again?"
He looked at her with an expression she'd never seen before. "Yeah, I think we can."
Present
She'd been right. It was a moment of insanity. For the both of them. She'd loved Lucky and she knew that Jason loved Carly. She was sure of it.
She remembered his reaction the day he arrived when she'd brought up her name. Carly had hurt him that Christmas. He never told her what had happened but when she'd heard that Carly was pregnant with Sonny's baby it didn't take much to figure it out. She could just image what it was like for Jason. The only thing she didn't know was if Jason found them before or after he got shot. It really didn't matter. Either way Jason was left bleeding in the snow betrayed by the two people closest to him.
That's all the kiss was. Her longing for Lucky to return and Jason's hurt over Carly. Nothing more. Liar, the voice called her again, it was the beginning of something. Maybe, maybe it was. If Jason hadn't left or Lucky hadn't returned, maybe there could have been something, she admitted to herself. But that didn't happen. Jason did leave and Lucky did return. She loved Lucky. She was with Lucky. She was meant to spend her life with Lucky. What almost happened in her studio was a mistake. She had been right yesterday. She needed to put her whole being to being with Lucky. She needed to forget what almost happened and tell Jason he couldn't stay at the studio anymore. She couldn't be with Lucky completely if she was keeping secrets about Jason from him.