I grab the cell phone off the bar and quickly walk away before my friend
notices, she was supposed to prevent this very thing tonight.
I dial the numbers quickly, my stomach tingling with nerves.
"'Lo?"
Shit, Why couldn't I just get a voice mail? I can hear people and music in the background. Great, I interrupted something.
"Hi." I said, hesitantly. "I can call back if you're busy."
"It's aight. What's up?"
I take a deep breath. " I just wanted to say I miss you."
Silence, I catch my friend looking at me and shrug helplessly.
"Ditto."
"Huh?"
"Ditto."
What the FUCK does ditto mean? I pace nervously around the empty restaurant.
"I mean I really miss you. I miss talking to you, hanging with you, everything." I babble when I'm nervous and omigod I'm nervous now. "I just miss you a lot."
I bite my lip and quit talking.
"Do you need a hug?"
I laugh, he always knows how to stop the tension. "I always need one
of your hugs."
"I'll be by in a few."
I grab my coat and head to the door. I know him well enough to know he won't come in. My stomach is turning flips and I quickly unwrap a piece of gum, trying to kill nervous energy. I can hear his car from miles away and it stirs my nerves up even more. His car approaches and I nervously walk to the parking lot. He gets out with a big smile and shit, he's looking good.
"Fuck, it's cold!" he yells, opening his arms for a hug. I smile and walk into them. I fit so perfectly in them. He rests his head on mine and his cologne travels through the air. This could be my heaven. I resist the urge to pick on him for wearing a wife-beater when it's winter time and try to just enjoy the moment, but my big mouth ruins it in a second.
"I feel so stupid." I confess.
He pulls away to look in my eyes. I can't look away.
"I lose all sense of reason with you. Do you miss me at all? I feel like I'm bugging you when I call."
He shakes his head, stopping my babble.
"I miss talking to you." Is it my imagination or did he stress the word 'talking'???
"I miss you a whole hell of a lot" he sighs. His eyes search mine, "I'm just trying to protect myself-I can't get too close because of this." His fingers trace my wedding band.
I pull my hand away and smile sadly, "I'm already there."
We somehow end up in another hug.
His voice breaks the night, " I'm racing tomorrow night, wanna come by?"
"Definitely."
He pulls me tighter and kisses my cheek. That's a first!
"So not fair. " I say melting into him. How can I go home after that?
"You can give me one." I give him a peck and pull away. "You gotta get back to the team."
He nodded, "Yeah, go on inside and I'll talk to you later."
So, I go. Looking back once as he pulls off. I hear him rev his engine as he pulls out of sight.
What am I doing? It's so wrong, but damn, it feels so right. I can't deny my feelings...I can't deny I'm married...
I dial the numbers quickly, my stomach tingling with nerves.
"'Lo?"
Shit, Why couldn't I just get a voice mail? I can hear people and music in the background. Great, I interrupted something.
"Hi." I said, hesitantly. "I can call back if you're busy."
"It's aight. What's up?"
I take a deep breath. " I just wanted to say I miss you."
Silence, I catch my friend looking at me and shrug helplessly.
"Ditto."
"Huh?"
"Ditto."
What the FUCK does ditto mean? I pace nervously around the empty restaurant.
"I mean I really miss you. I miss talking to you, hanging with you, everything." I babble when I'm nervous and omigod I'm nervous now. "I just miss you a lot."
I bite my lip and quit talking.
"Do you need a hug?"
I laugh, he always knows how to stop the tension. "I always need one
of your hugs."
"I'll be by in a few."
I grab my coat and head to the door. I know him well enough to know he won't come in. My stomach is turning flips and I quickly unwrap a piece of gum, trying to kill nervous energy. I can hear his car from miles away and it stirs my nerves up even more. His car approaches and I nervously walk to the parking lot. He gets out with a big smile and shit, he's looking good.
"Fuck, it's cold!" he yells, opening his arms for a hug. I smile and walk into them. I fit so perfectly in them. He rests his head on mine and his cologne travels through the air. This could be my heaven. I resist the urge to pick on him for wearing a wife-beater when it's winter time and try to just enjoy the moment, but my big mouth ruins it in a second.
"I feel so stupid." I confess.
He pulls away to look in my eyes. I can't look away.
"I lose all sense of reason with you. Do you miss me at all? I feel like I'm bugging you when I call."
He shakes his head, stopping my babble.
"I miss talking to you." Is it my imagination or did he stress the word 'talking'???
"I miss you a whole hell of a lot" he sighs. His eyes search mine, "I'm just trying to protect myself-I can't get too close because of this." His fingers trace my wedding band.
I pull my hand away and smile sadly, "I'm already there."
We somehow end up in another hug.
His voice breaks the night, " I'm racing tomorrow night, wanna come by?"
"Definitely."
He pulls me tighter and kisses my cheek. That's a first!
"So not fair. " I say melting into him. How can I go home after that?
"You can give me one." I give him a peck and pull away. "You gotta get back to the team."
He nodded, "Yeah, go on inside and I'll talk to you later."
So, I go. Looking back once as he pulls off. I hear him rev his engine as he pulls out of sight.
What am I doing? It's so wrong, but damn, it feels so right. I can't deny my feelings...I can't deny I'm married...