Chapter 24
She walked for what seemed like hours. She had no clear destination when she left. She walked for the sake of walking. She needed to clear her head. What had become of her life? How did she get to this point? This was not how she had pictured her life with Lucky being. They were supposed to love and respect each other, but that wasn't the case. She was beginning to think he didn't love her. He certainly didn't respect her. If Lucky felt either, he wouldn't have let today happen. He didn't think of her at all. He only thought of their dream. She was so sick of their dream. It was more like a nightmare. How could she have let this happen? When did she stop making her own decisions?
When Lucky came back.
She'd been so happy. Her prayers had been answered. Lucky had returned to her. Since then she had done everything to make sure he didn't leave her again. She took his rejection. She took his possessive behaviour. She stopped painting. She lied and kept her feelings to herself. She took his insults and blamed herself when Lucky got angry with her. She turned Jason away. Slowly without realizing it, she'd let Lucky control her life. She thought about what Jason and Emily had tried to tell her, but she'd refused to listen. She remembered Emily's question. Did she love the Lucky who he was today or was in still clinging to the Lucky she remembered? A week ago, she'd been confidant of her answer. Now she wasn't so sure. She didn't know anything any more.
Without realizing it she found herself standing in front a door. There wasn't anything special about the door expect for the man she hoped was behind it. She knocked before she could change her mind. She waited for him to answer the door, but he didn't appear. He wasn't home. A feeling of despair washed through her. She wanted to laugh but knew she'd end up crying. What did she expect? Did she really think he would be sitting around waiting for her? She'd told him they couldn't be friends. Why would he even want to see her, anyway?
She turned and ran straight into someone coming up the stairs. She couldn't deal with other people right now. She needed to get out of there and find someplace to go, only she didn't know where. Hands reached out to steady her. She looked up and saw the face that had been in her dreams for two weeks.
"Jason," she cried and wrapped her arms around his waist laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad you're here."
Jason just stood there unsure of what to do. He wasn't even sure if Elizabeth was in his arms. His mind had played tricks on him before. Over the last two weeks, he'd seen her in many places – sometimes at Jake's, or by his bike, or even at the warehouse. She would smile and hold her hand out to him, but whenever he reached out to take it, she would disappear. This time was different. This time she was in his arms holding him like she never wanted to let go. It must be real or else his mind was more brain damaged than he thought. he realized Jason wasn't really hugging her back. This was her fault. She was the one to end their friendship. He was probably trying to figure out what she was doing there in a red evening gown. There was an awkward silence where neither moved. Jason finally decided to open his door and go inside. Once there, he turned realizing that Elizabeth was still standing in the hall a look of apprehension on her face.
"You want to come in?"
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks," she said as she entered. She had never been in Jason's room before. There wasn't much to it. He only had the bare necessities – a bed, a desk 2 chairs and a dresser. Only the travel books on the desk came from Jason. "Doesn't even look like you live here," she commented.
He shrugged, "Yeah, I don't have a lot of stuff." He could see she was upset about something. "You want to go for a ride?"
She smiled, "I can't, not in the stupid dress. I don't mean stupid. It's beautiful. It's elegant. It's suppose to transform me."
He wasn't sure if he heard sarcasm in her tone or not. "Into what?"
She twirled around. "The most beautiful woman in the world. What do you think?"
"You don't need anything to make you beautiful," he said matter-of-factly. "Are you going to a party?" He couldn't understand why she was so dressed up in the middle on the day.
She laughed at his expression. "A costume party? No, I ran out of a photo shoot."
He began to see the problem. "Did something happen?"
She sat on the edge of the bed. "Someone happened, more like it. I let Carly get to me."
"What does Carly have to do with it?"
"You remember the whole Face of Deception thing?" At his nod, she continued, "Well, today was the first shoot for Carly's new campaign. She set the whole thing up. She picked the location, the dress, and the backdrop. It was all her. I knew she was up to something, but I didn't think she would do something so hurtful."
"I don't understand."
"She recreated the night of my rape right down to the bushes and a man coming up behind me." Tears began to form in her eyes. "It was awful. I jumped at each camera flash. I couldn't stop the memories from coming back. It was like I was there. I could feel his hand over my mouth and the cold ground on my back. I could hear my dress ripping." The tears were following. Once she started they wouldn't stop. "Why would she do that? How could she hurt me like that?"
He moved to stand beside her and reached out his hand to her. At first she didn't move, but then she placed her hand in his. He gave her a gentle pull and took her into his arms.
As much as she wanted to stay in his arms forever, she stepped away and sat back down.
"I'm sorry," he said.
She was stunned, "For what? You didn't have anything to do with it."
He sighed, "Carly hates you because of me, because you helped me when I turned her away. I never thought she would do anything to hurt you."
"Jason, this is not your fault. You didn't make Carly do anything. She did this all on her own with a little help from Lucky."
"What?"
"He knew all about her plans. Maybe not the part about the man but everything else. He didn't seem to care about my feelings. As soon as we entered the building I didn't want to go through with it. I knew something was wrong, but I let Lucky talk me into it. God, I only did this modelling thing for him and then he let me go through that. I looked at him today and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. I didn't like what I was seeing. You were right, Jason. I'm not living the life I want. I don't know what I want anymore." She wiped the tears away from her cheeks leaving her gloved hands covered with mascara. "Oh, I must look terrible. My face feels like all porcelain, like they painted on the makeup and then baked it in."
Jason looked to his bathroom. "I'll get you something to wash it off." What did this mean? Was she having doubts about her feelings for Lucky? Why did she come here? What did it mean?
He returned with a washcloth, but instead of handing it to her, he knelt and took her face his in hand. "All right, close your eyes." He placed the cloth on her eyelid and gently began to wipe. She was so beautiful, he thought. He wished he could wipe her pain away as easily as the makeup on her face.
"Don't be afraid. Just scrub because I want this stuff off in the worst way, okay?"
They were quiet while Jason continued wiping the makeup off her face. She opened her eyes to see his blue ones staring back at her. They seemed to look right inside her very soul. She didn't think she could hide anything from him. She broke the connection and let her eyes travel over his face. They rested on his lips. She remember how they felt on hers, how it felt to kiss him. She had dreamed of his mouth on her lips and other parts of her body. She licked her lower lip knowing she was only inches from making her dreams a reality. At that moment she wanted to forget about everything and everyone and just be with him. Before she could think herself out of it, she leaned over and kissed him.
Jason was too surprised to respond. What was happening? He pulled away just enough to look at her. He searched her eyes for an intense moment. He saw the desire in her eyes. She wanted him, forever or just for the night, he wasn't sure. He didn't think she knew. He probably shouldn't. She wasn't thinking clearly. When she was, he knew she would regret whatever was about to happen. He should step away and tell her to leave, but he couldn't. He had wanted this for so long, he wasn't strong enough to fight against it.
He lowered his mouth but not to hers. Instead, he kissed each eyelid before claiming her mouth. It was just like she remembered, even more so. The hunger engulfed them and when she opened her mouth, he deepened the kiss. He kissed her as if he couldn't get enough of her… and she moaned matching him kiss for kiss. But soon kissing wasn't enough. She needed to feel him. She wanted to feel his skin on hers. Her hands moved between them down to his waist. She grabbed his shirt and pulled it up his chest. She caressed his exposed skin while he trailed his mouth down her neck. He continued his oral assault easing the gown's spaghetti strap off her shoulder. When he was done with the one side, he turned to the other then moved back to her mouth.
He gently pushed her back on the bed. She tugged on his shirt forcing him to stop his exploration of her mouth to raise and remove it. He threw it to the ground and devoured her mouth again. He wanted to explore every part of her. He rolled them and reached for the zipper of her dress.
The sound snapped her back to reality. What was she doing? Only hours ago she was fighting with Lucky and now she was about to have sex with Jason. She pushed herself off of him and moved away from the bed. She kept her back to him. She couldn't face him.
"I'm sorry," she cried. "I don't know what I'm doing." Her body was on fire. It screamed for her to rejoin Jason on the bed and give in to the desire ragging through her, but she couldn't. She couldn't use Jason that way.
Jason covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath. He needed to get his body under control. When he spoke, his voice was calm. "Okay."
Elizabeth's emotions were all over the place. How could Jason be so calm, as if nothing had happened? "Okay? That's it? Just 'okay'."
He stood and bent to retrieve his shirt. "What do you want me to tell you?"
"I have no idea." She practically fell into the chair, her legs refusing to hold her up. She buried her head in her hands unable to look at him. "Oh, God, What is wrong with me?"
He knelt beside her and held her chin forcing her to look at him. "Nothing, Elizabeth, nothing. There is nothing wrong with you."
She didn't believe him. "Oh, so it's okay for me to come here after I told you we couldn't be friends. It's okay for me to cry all over you and throw myself at you and then change my mind?"
"Yeah."
"How can you say that, Jason? Ever since you came back all I've done is give you mixed signals. I'm not being fair to you," she said as a lone tear fell down her face.
"I decide what's fair for me," he said wiping away the tear with his thumb.
"I didn't mean for this to happen. I was upset. I ran out not knowing where I was going. I just knew I had to leave. I don't know how it happened, but I ended up here and I knew. I knew this was where I wanted to be. With you. I've missed you so much. I didn't think it would be so hard to stay away from you. Every day I would think about you and wonder what you were doing. If anything happened, you were the first person I wanted to tell. I'm sorry I didn't value our friendship more. I never wanted to hurt you."
"I know you didn't. That's why I've kept my distance. I didn't want to cause you any more trouble with Lucky," he told her softly. "I just want you to be happy."
"Why would you even care after everything I've put you through?"
Jason couldn't speak. He didn't know what her reaction would be if he told her the truth. Would she run from him or take his hand? He had to take the chance. "I love you, Elizabeth. I have for a long time. I would do anything to make you happy."
It was her turn to be speechless. Jason loved her. He loved her. No he couldn't love her, not that way. She waited for the panic and anxiety to hit her, but it didn't come. Where was the impulse to run? Instead of fear all she felt was joy.
Looking into his eyes and seeing the love he felt there made everything clear to her. All the confusion she'd felt seemed to disappear. She loved him. She was in love with Jason. Everything seemed to make sense. She should have seen it before now. There were so many clues – why she couldn't stay away from her studio when Jason was hiding out, how devastated she'd felt when she thought he was going to die, how she thought her heart had been ripped out of her chest in the alley the last time they spoke.
Emily was right. She didn't love the Lucky he was now. She loved the memory. That's why it was so hard to be with him. She had been so caught up in trying to reclaim her lost love that she hadn't realized she didn't love him anymore. She hadn't in a long time, maybe before he even returned. She had let go of Lucky and moved on without knowing it. Had Lucky not returned she probably would have realized it sooner. She remembered when Jason returned the first time. She had run to him full of happiness that he was back. She was probably in love with him then, but Lucky had gotten in the way. Looking up at Jason, she realized she had wasted so much time.
Jason didn't know what to do. The longer she remained silent the worse he felt. It couldn't be a good sign. He stood and moved to the desk. She was going to tell him she wanted to be with Lucky. He wasn't sure he could hear that one more time.
"Jason, I love you, too," she said in a quiet voice.
He was afraid to turn around for fear his ears were playing tricks on him. He flinched when her hand touched his shoulder. He reluctantly turned to face her.
"I love you, too," she repeated her voice was steady and determined.
She sounded sure but still he couldn't quite believe it. "Are you sure?"
She smiled. The pressure and heaviness around her heart lessoned. Yes, this was what she wanted. "More than anything else in my life. I want to be with you, Jason. You make me happy. I love you. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to figure it out."
"It doesn't matter. None of that matters now," he said before claiming her mouth with his.
This kiss was slow and sweet filled with love and promise. When she felt he would deepen the kiss, she pulled away. "We need to slow down," she said gasped breathless. "Everything is happening so fast."
He nodded. He didn't want to rush her. It was enough that she loved him. Everything else would come in time. "Tell me what you want to do."
"I need to talk to Lucky before we do anything."
He sighed to mask his sudden fear. Would she change her mind when she saw him? For a second he felt possessive. He wanted her to stay away from Lucky. He didn't want her to go anywhere near him. He suppressed that feeling. He knew she had to face Lucky. It was the chance he had to take. She needed to stand up to Lucky and deal with their relationship without the lies and the fear. It would either fix their problems and they would stay together, or it would allow her to close that part of her life to begin something with him. He was hoping for the latter. "Okay, I understand. Will you meet me later? We can go for a ride."
She smiled. Jason was so accepting. That was one of the things she loved most about him. "There isn't anything I'd like more than to go for a ride with you."
She fixed her dress and hair while Jason called her a cab. They descended to stairs hand in hand and waited for the cab to arrive. She reached up to kiss him one last time before entering the taxi. "I'll see you later."
Jason waited until the taxi drove away before heading to his bike. He needed to talk to Sonny and Carly. He was so deep in thought he didn't notice the person stepping out the shadows to trail behind him.