CHAPTER 20- GREG'S DECISION
"Omg Jessica did you see Greg yet? He's hot on the TV but he's soooooooo much hotter in person!" Meghan said excitedly to Jessica.
"I hope he fights for our section," said Jessica.
"No way. He's fighting for us!" Jon declared.
"Whether you like it or not," another trumpet player added.
"I heard stupid Mike tried to hit on him so he refused to fight with the saxophones," said Meghan.
"That's excellent!" said Amanda.
"Amanda! MIKE TRIED TO HIT ON HIM! That's not excellent," said Meghan. "That's horrible."
"Maybe Mike was drunk," said Jessica. "I saw him passed out in a practice room."
"Haha what a loser," said Meghan.
"Well whatever, at least Greg's not fighting for the saxophones," said Jon.
"Who said he's fighting for you?" Meghan snapped.
"I did!" said a trumpet player.
"Yeah right," said Schellen, "we're so getting Greg."
"No you're not!" another trumpet player yelled.
The flute and clarinet players and the trumpet players had a fight. The French horn players eagerly joined in. Katie, Nicole and Meghan joined in to help their allies, the saxophone players joined in because they felt it was their responisbility to beat the crap outta the bassoon players and Andy and his friend joined in to help the saxophones. The only people not fighting were the bass clarinetists ("How very violent," they said), the trombone and baritone players and the percussionists. Mr. Reiderer and Greg walked into the bandroom.
"What's going on here?" Mr. Reiderer yelled.
Everyone (who was fighting) stopped fighting each other.
"Now that's more like it," said Mr. Reiderer.
"Greg fights for us!" Andy and his friend yelled.
"What are you talking about?" Mr. Reiderer asked.
"No way! He's fighting for us!" snapped the trombone and baritone players.
"No! We get him!" Erica declared.
"I think that we the honorable members of the French horn section should get him," said Christina.
"Look, how many times do I have to tell you that bassoon players are the best and therefore we deserve the best and Greg is the best so we get him?" Katie asked annoyed.
"Bassoons are not the best and therefore you don't deserve the best. Trumpets are the best so we get him," snapped a trumpet player.
"We're outta this discussion. Greg already decided not to fight for the saxophones of the round table, even though we're better than everyone else," the saxophone players said sadly.
"Everyone shut up!" Mr. Reiderer yelled. "There shall be no more talk of fighting in this band. That is a total violation of law #21 in the 36 laws of concertism! What do I always tell you?"
"We are a peaceful band and there shall be no talking or thinking of war," all the band members said.
"Right," said Mr. Reiderer. "Now, we shall recite the 36 laws of concertism to Greg to show him how outsanding you guys are."
"I'd rather hear you guys play something," said Greg. "That's why I came."
"No, no I insist. This is the only way to show you how smart people are," said Mr. Reiderer. "Once you understand the concepts of concertism, you will be able to play or listen to people play. Ok guys, let's start!"
"Ok," said Andy. "Law #1: Greg fights for us and not the trombones and baritones."
"No no no!" said Mr. Reiderer, "that's wrong!"
"Law #2: We have the exclusive right to kick Andy's butt," said a trombone player.
"Law #3: Law #2 has been overruled," said Andy.
"Law #4: Law #3 has had a 2/3 vote and is no longer overruled," said a baritone player.
"That's enough!" yelled Mr. Reiderer. "I quit! All of you can stay after school and write the 36 laws of concertism 36 times each!"
"That's 1296 times!" said Jon.
"Exactly," snapped Mr. Reiderer.
He walked into the office and slammed the door. Then everyone (except the bass clarinet players, the saxophone players and the percussionists) ran up to Greg and began yelling different things at the same time.
"Fight for the flutes and clarinets!" yelled Karyn.
"Trumpets! Fight for the trumpets!" the trumpet players yelled.
"No. He's ours! Fight for us Greg!" Andy and his friend yelled.
"No you don't! We're better! Greg's fighting for us!" the trombone and baritone players yelled.
"No you're not!" Andy's friend yelled at them.
Soon, a fight between Andy, Andy's friend and the trombone and baritone players broke out. The saxophone players joined in to help Andy and his friend, and the trumpet players joined in to help the trombone and baritone players. Meanwhile, Meghan, Katie and Nicole wrote stuff on the blackboard that favored bassoons (BASSOON PLAYERS ARE THE BEST, FIGHT FOR US. BASSOON PLAYERS RULE THE BAND AND WE'D BE WILLING TO SHARE OUR POWER WITH YOU. etc) and the French horn players were on their knees in front of Greg, begging him to fight for them and the flute and clarinet players and Jackie were parading around the room waving banners that said FLUTES CLARINETS AND OBOES ARE THE BEST.
"Hey guys!" Greg yelled.
Everyone stopped what they were doing.
"I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about this whole band war thing. Give me a few days to make my decision," he said.
"Oh ok," everyone said and went back to their seats and got ready to play.
Mr. Reiderer walked back into the bandroom.
"Wow you're good," he said to Greg. "How'd you keep them so well behaved?"
"I have my ways," said Greg.
"Ok guys, let's play," said Mr. Reiderer raising his baton.
A FEW DAYS LATER.
"Greg's deciding which section he's fighting for today!" Karyn said to Erica. "I have a feeling that it will be our section."
"Yeah right," said Jon, "everyone knows that trumpet players are the loudest instrument in band so Greg will definitely fight for the trumpets."
"No one asked you," Christina snapped to Jon.
"Besides, Greg is so fighting for us," said Amanda. "I hear he likes French horn players."
"Who told you that?" a trumpet player asked.
"I told myself. It gives me more confidence," said Amanda.
"Well then it'll be a real bummer when says he's gonna fight for the bassoons," said Meghan.
"Cuz bassoon players are the best and therefore we deserve the best and Greg is the best so we get him," said Katie and Nicole.
Andy and his friend snorted. "We'll see who's the best when Greg says he's gonna fight for us," said Andy.
"Yeah," said Andy's friend.
"Greg would never go near you," said a trombone player, "what makes you think he'll pick you?"
"Trombone and baritone players are better than tuba players after all," said another trombone player.
"We don't care who he fights for. He hates us," said the saxophone players, who were still in their depression about Greg not fighting for them.
"Was I really that bad?" Mike asked, embarrassed about the whole drunk thing.
"Yeah, so are you really gay with your dad?" a saxophone player asked.
"WHAT?! NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT OUT!" Mike yelled. "WHO TOLD YOU THAT?"
"You told Greg that when you were drunk," said a saxophone player. "We heard the whole thing, but we didn't see anything."
"You really are an idiot Mike," said Meghan trying hard not to laugh. "This is exactly why Greg is gonna fight with me and Katie and Nicole and not with you or your saxophone followers."
"We don't really care who Greg fights for cuz we're not involved in this band war anymore," one of the bass clarinet players said.
Everyone started arguing. Greg walked into the bandroom and everyone stopped talking immediately.
"I don't mind the fact that everyone's fighting over me, but I decided that I'm not gonna fight in this band war at all," said Greg.
"WHAT?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Andy yelled.
"Sorry, but I have a rep. (reputation) to protect and if I fight in a band war then my rep. will be ruined," said Greg. "Besides, I gotta go back to Canada today. Bye."
He walked out of the bandroom.
"That's just great! All that for nothing!" Jon yelled.
Mr. Reiderer walked into the bandroom.
"Ok guys get ready to play," he said. "Oh, I just remembered something. A few days ago, I told everyone to stay after school and rewrite the laws of concertism but you didn't. So now you'll do it today during 5th period."
"Aw man," everyone complained.
5th PERIOD.
Everyone was in the bandroom miserably writing the 36 laws of concertism 36 times each. "Today was the worst day of my life," Jon mumbled.
"This sucks," said a saxophone player.
"My hand hurts," Andy complained.
"Keep writing everybody!" Mr. Reiderer said, sitting in a lounge chair sipping a glass of punch.
*In case you're wondering what the 36 laws of concertism are, read this*
The 36 laws of Concertism
You shall love band. Pray to the gods of your section. The principal player and only the principal player can lead the group in group prayer. If you play multiple instruments worship them all and not your favorite instrumet. All must mourn on Fridays because it is the end of band for the week. The day of worship is Monday. Do not put any other band god before your own. All must worship the band director's god for the deity is above all the rest. Respect all other players. Help your fellow band members. Bring new members into concertism. Practice 20 minutes 5 days a week at least and worship the circle of 4th's. Some time must be spent practicing over weekends. Always strive to get better. The closer to first chair you are, the closer you are to the gates of the stars. Keep instruments well maintained. Keep intstruments in tune. If the instrument gets damaged beyond repair a special burning of the instrument ritual must be held to honor the good instrument. The owner of the damaged instrument and only the owner of the damaged instrument may lead the ritual. Name your instruments. Believe each instrument has a soul. Peace is mighty and a good thing. No foreign language is needed, speak the language of music. Composers shall be held next to the gods. Everyone must obey conductors. Do not disfigure instrument cases. Treat your instrument as you wish to be treated. No one section is better than another. Work to learn new instruments as well as your own. Classical music is prayer music. Meditate before warming up. Listen to all kinds of music to broaden your horizions. Travel for a band group at least once in your lifetime. Pilgrimage to Italy for the heritage of musical words. Be proud of the name band geek or band nerd (aka band nerk) Respect other band members. Compose your own piece to understand the works of your instruments melodies. *my friend and I made these up cuz we're crazy and had nothing better to do so I won't take all the credit*
"Omg Jessica did you see Greg yet? He's hot on the TV but he's soooooooo much hotter in person!" Meghan said excitedly to Jessica.
"I hope he fights for our section," said Jessica.
"No way. He's fighting for us!" Jon declared.
"Whether you like it or not," another trumpet player added.
"I heard stupid Mike tried to hit on him so he refused to fight with the saxophones," said Meghan.
"That's excellent!" said Amanda.
"Amanda! MIKE TRIED TO HIT ON HIM! That's not excellent," said Meghan. "That's horrible."
"Maybe Mike was drunk," said Jessica. "I saw him passed out in a practice room."
"Haha what a loser," said Meghan.
"Well whatever, at least Greg's not fighting for the saxophones," said Jon.
"Who said he's fighting for you?" Meghan snapped.
"I did!" said a trumpet player.
"Yeah right," said Schellen, "we're so getting Greg."
"No you're not!" another trumpet player yelled.
The flute and clarinet players and the trumpet players had a fight. The French horn players eagerly joined in. Katie, Nicole and Meghan joined in to help their allies, the saxophone players joined in because they felt it was their responisbility to beat the crap outta the bassoon players and Andy and his friend joined in to help the saxophones. The only people not fighting were the bass clarinetists ("How very violent," they said), the trombone and baritone players and the percussionists. Mr. Reiderer and Greg walked into the bandroom.
"What's going on here?" Mr. Reiderer yelled.
Everyone (who was fighting) stopped fighting each other.
"Now that's more like it," said Mr. Reiderer.
"Greg fights for us!" Andy and his friend yelled.
"What are you talking about?" Mr. Reiderer asked.
"No way! He's fighting for us!" snapped the trombone and baritone players.
"No! We get him!" Erica declared.
"I think that we the honorable members of the French horn section should get him," said Christina.
"Look, how many times do I have to tell you that bassoon players are the best and therefore we deserve the best and Greg is the best so we get him?" Katie asked annoyed.
"Bassoons are not the best and therefore you don't deserve the best. Trumpets are the best so we get him," snapped a trumpet player.
"We're outta this discussion. Greg already decided not to fight for the saxophones of the round table, even though we're better than everyone else," the saxophone players said sadly.
"Everyone shut up!" Mr. Reiderer yelled. "There shall be no more talk of fighting in this band. That is a total violation of law #21 in the 36 laws of concertism! What do I always tell you?"
"We are a peaceful band and there shall be no talking or thinking of war," all the band members said.
"Right," said Mr. Reiderer. "Now, we shall recite the 36 laws of concertism to Greg to show him how outsanding you guys are."
"I'd rather hear you guys play something," said Greg. "That's why I came."
"No, no I insist. This is the only way to show you how smart people are," said Mr. Reiderer. "Once you understand the concepts of concertism, you will be able to play or listen to people play. Ok guys, let's start!"
"Ok," said Andy. "Law #1: Greg fights for us and not the trombones and baritones."
"No no no!" said Mr. Reiderer, "that's wrong!"
"Law #2: We have the exclusive right to kick Andy's butt," said a trombone player.
"Law #3: Law #2 has been overruled," said Andy.
"Law #4: Law #3 has had a 2/3 vote and is no longer overruled," said a baritone player.
"That's enough!" yelled Mr. Reiderer. "I quit! All of you can stay after school and write the 36 laws of concertism 36 times each!"
"That's 1296 times!" said Jon.
"Exactly," snapped Mr. Reiderer.
He walked into the office and slammed the door. Then everyone (except the bass clarinet players, the saxophone players and the percussionists) ran up to Greg and began yelling different things at the same time.
"Fight for the flutes and clarinets!" yelled Karyn.
"Trumpets! Fight for the trumpets!" the trumpet players yelled.
"No. He's ours! Fight for us Greg!" Andy and his friend yelled.
"No you don't! We're better! Greg's fighting for us!" the trombone and baritone players yelled.
"No you're not!" Andy's friend yelled at them.
Soon, a fight between Andy, Andy's friend and the trombone and baritone players broke out. The saxophone players joined in to help Andy and his friend, and the trumpet players joined in to help the trombone and baritone players. Meanwhile, Meghan, Katie and Nicole wrote stuff on the blackboard that favored bassoons (BASSOON PLAYERS ARE THE BEST, FIGHT FOR US. BASSOON PLAYERS RULE THE BAND AND WE'D BE WILLING TO SHARE OUR POWER WITH YOU. etc) and the French horn players were on their knees in front of Greg, begging him to fight for them and the flute and clarinet players and Jackie were parading around the room waving banners that said FLUTES CLARINETS AND OBOES ARE THE BEST.
"Hey guys!" Greg yelled.
Everyone stopped what they were doing.
"I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about this whole band war thing. Give me a few days to make my decision," he said.
"Oh ok," everyone said and went back to their seats and got ready to play.
Mr. Reiderer walked back into the bandroom.
"Wow you're good," he said to Greg. "How'd you keep them so well behaved?"
"I have my ways," said Greg.
"Ok guys, let's play," said Mr. Reiderer raising his baton.
A FEW DAYS LATER.
"Greg's deciding which section he's fighting for today!" Karyn said to Erica. "I have a feeling that it will be our section."
"Yeah right," said Jon, "everyone knows that trumpet players are the loudest instrument in band so Greg will definitely fight for the trumpets."
"No one asked you," Christina snapped to Jon.
"Besides, Greg is so fighting for us," said Amanda. "I hear he likes French horn players."
"Who told you that?" a trumpet player asked.
"I told myself. It gives me more confidence," said Amanda.
"Well then it'll be a real bummer when says he's gonna fight for the bassoons," said Meghan.
"Cuz bassoon players are the best and therefore we deserve the best and Greg is the best so we get him," said Katie and Nicole.
Andy and his friend snorted. "We'll see who's the best when Greg says he's gonna fight for us," said Andy.
"Yeah," said Andy's friend.
"Greg would never go near you," said a trombone player, "what makes you think he'll pick you?"
"Trombone and baritone players are better than tuba players after all," said another trombone player.
"We don't care who he fights for. He hates us," said the saxophone players, who were still in their depression about Greg not fighting for them.
"Was I really that bad?" Mike asked, embarrassed about the whole drunk thing.
"Yeah, so are you really gay with your dad?" a saxophone player asked.
"WHAT?! NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT OUT!" Mike yelled. "WHO TOLD YOU THAT?"
"You told Greg that when you were drunk," said a saxophone player. "We heard the whole thing, but we didn't see anything."
"You really are an idiot Mike," said Meghan trying hard not to laugh. "This is exactly why Greg is gonna fight with me and Katie and Nicole and not with you or your saxophone followers."
"We don't really care who Greg fights for cuz we're not involved in this band war anymore," one of the bass clarinet players said.
Everyone started arguing. Greg walked into the bandroom and everyone stopped talking immediately.
"I don't mind the fact that everyone's fighting over me, but I decided that I'm not gonna fight in this band war at all," said Greg.
"WHAT?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Andy yelled.
"Sorry, but I have a rep. (reputation) to protect and if I fight in a band war then my rep. will be ruined," said Greg. "Besides, I gotta go back to Canada today. Bye."
He walked out of the bandroom.
"That's just great! All that for nothing!" Jon yelled.
Mr. Reiderer walked into the bandroom.
"Ok guys get ready to play," he said. "Oh, I just remembered something. A few days ago, I told everyone to stay after school and rewrite the laws of concertism but you didn't. So now you'll do it today during 5th period."
"Aw man," everyone complained.
5th PERIOD.
Everyone was in the bandroom miserably writing the 36 laws of concertism 36 times each. "Today was the worst day of my life," Jon mumbled.
"This sucks," said a saxophone player.
"My hand hurts," Andy complained.
"Keep writing everybody!" Mr. Reiderer said, sitting in a lounge chair sipping a glass of punch.
*In case you're wondering what the 36 laws of concertism are, read this*
The 36 laws of Concertism
You shall love band. Pray to the gods of your section. The principal player and only the principal player can lead the group in group prayer. If you play multiple instruments worship them all and not your favorite instrumet. All must mourn on Fridays because it is the end of band for the week. The day of worship is Monday. Do not put any other band god before your own. All must worship the band director's god for the deity is above all the rest. Respect all other players. Help your fellow band members. Bring new members into concertism. Practice 20 minutes 5 days a week at least and worship the circle of 4th's. Some time must be spent practicing over weekends. Always strive to get better. The closer to first chair you are, the closer you are to the gates of the stars. Keep instruments well maintained. Keep intstruments in tune. If the instrument gets damaged beyond repair a special burning of the instrument ritual must be held to honor the good instrument. The owner of the damaged instrument and only the owner of the damaged instrument may lead the ritual. Name your instruments. Believe each instrument has a soul. Peace is mighty and a good thing. No foreign language is needed, speak the language of music. Composers shall be held next to the gods. Everyone must obey conductors. Do not disfigure instrument cases. Treat your instrument as you wish to be treated. No one section is better than another. Work to learn new instruments as well as your own. Classical music is prayer music. Meditate before warming up. Listen to all kinds of music to broaden your horizions. Travel for a band group at least once in your lifetime. Pilgrimage to Italy for the heritage of musical words. Be proud of the name band geek or band nerd (aka band nerk) Respect other band members. Compose your own piece to understand the works of your instruments melodies. *my friend and I made these up cuz we're crazy and had nothing better to do so I won't take all the credit*