A/N: To all whom it may concern: Thanks for waiting so long. I finally got around to updating. I regret to announce that this is the end. I'm going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye. : )

Chapter V

"Well," said Treebeard, "I suppose that means that we're all in this together." Pippin nodded.

"Yes, we are."

"Dang," said Merry, "I was all set to get in a fight with Treebeard. I'd have liked to hear him call me a 'Little Orc' again! Ha!" Aragorn strode past him saying:

"The Ents are going to war!"

"Um…excuse me Mr. Aragorn," interjected Sam, "but who are we plannin' on goin' to war with?"

"Why," said Aragorn, as though it were obvious, "Of course, we're attacking renegade Lembas Salesman and Elven Telephone Repairmen! They're numerous this time of year!"

"You mean you want to go all the way to Lothlorien?" asked Gandalf. "Aren't we being a bit hasty?"

"Hasty?" said Aragorn. "Nonsense! Of course we should go to war with them! They're always knocking at your door, asking if-"

A loud knock sounded on the front door of the palace. Treebeard was near it, so he opened it.

"Please support the Elven Brownie Troop," said a voice. "Buy some Lembas!"

"Just what I always wanted!" cried Treebeard. "What kind of currency do you accept?"

"Oh, anything valuable," said the girl, "firewood and things like that."

"Firewood?" came the collective outburst. The girl nodded.

"Donations?" asked Treebeard, scanning the faces of the crowd of Ents.

"Hmm…well," said Gandalf, "I suppose I could sacrifice an arm…if it would help your Brownie troop."

"Now, that's the spirit!" said Treebeard. "Anyone else?"

"Alright, alright," said Legolas ruefully, "a leg."

"Excellent, excellent," said Treebeard, growing more excited. "Alms, alms for the poor!" In the end, everyone donated something. Treebeard readied his axe and chopped off all of the designated limbs. With these, he made a massive pile outside the door which he presented to the little girl, who in turn gave him the entire box of Lembas.

"Yay!" he cried, eating the whole mother lode in approximately 0.00218 seconds. All of the Ents felt ill-used. Legolas was truly leg-less. He was hopping about on one leg, regretting more every second his donation.

"Just be glad you didn't donate your head, laddie!" chuckled Gimli discreetly to Legolas.

"Aha!" said Gandalf. "I've found the right counter spell: "Tom Squash!" They all turned into Greeks and Trojans.

"AHHHH!" shrieked Legolas, hopping away.

"What's wrong?" asked Gimli, who had turned into Ajax.

"I don't know!" cried Legolas/Paris. "I think I'm a coward. I am a coward!"

"A coward is as a coward does," said Aragorn/Odysseus. "Everyone must play their part. You have your sword, I have my tricks!"

Gandalf/Priam saw a bird flitting gracefully outside the glassless window.

"Ahh!" he cried. "It is a sign from the gods! We're going to win this war!" Frodo and Sam were Tecton and Lysander, while Merry and Pippin were Eudoras and Patroclus. They proceeded to chase each other around the palace with their swords, fighting like crazy cats and dogs. And Treebeard was as pleased as a porcupine in a balloon shop to be Achilles.

"Now, this is more like it!" he said, sprinting after Paris, who climbed the telephone pole. While he was up there, he tapped the line, but no one was on it, so he was disappointed. Achilles paced the base of the telephone pole, glancing up occasionally, guarding the spot like a lion on the Savanna.

"You have to come down sometime, you sack of wine!" he called up to the treed Trojan.

"Ya wanna bet?" said Paris. Then, Achilles found a set of suspicious footprints.

"Mr. Poparoppacosky! Ha ha!" he said. Then, he ran off into the woods.

"Un volitide!" squeaked Priam, trying to catch the bird, but finding his efforts fruitless. Instantly, everyone turned back into their normal selves. Gandalf had inadvertently discovered the real counter spell.

"Who would have known it?" asked Gandalf. "It was in French!"

Legolas finally shinnied down from the telephone pole, hopping on his one remaining leg.

"This is going to cramp my style!" he moaned. But, he was growing rather skillful at hopping already, and his skills would only improve over time.

"Where is my father?" he asked. The closet door creaked open and Thranduil stepped out.

"Did you miss me?" he asked.

"Why were you in the closet?"

"I was hiding from your uncle," replied Thranduil, "but I had to see you again."

"Because you missed me?" asked Legolas.

"No, well, yes," said Thranduil. "But my parents are in town, and they want to meet you, and I want you to meet them."

"I've met them," said Legolas, "but, thank-you all the same." No changes in Thranduil's insanity, that's for sure.

And now, my friends, we've come to the end of this peculiar tale, but perhaps you'd like to know a few things more. Legolas was always one-legged, (That's why he was called Leg-less by his peers thereafter) but he still managed to enjoy all of the pastimes he had before the unfortunate incident with the avaricious Treebeard. Everyone else got along well. (Most had only donated a toe-nail or a little insignificant branch) And then, (Like a thousand years later) Legolas got a peg-leg, changed his look a bit, hopped a ship under the command of Captain Jack Sparrow, and changed his name to Will Turner. His favorite pastime, however, was to visit zoos and talk to the baboons. That was always the greatest for him, though Jack couldn't figure out what the heck he was doing!

Finis