A/N: The title of this story can a bit misleading. Heart in a blender doesn't mean someone is heartbroken and such. A good way to look at the title is to think of something in a blender. At first it's all sorted out, uniform. But when you turn the blender on, everything is mixed up and you can't tell what is what. If you understand what I mean by that then you are much smarter than me cause I barely got it myself. Anyway, if anyone accuses this fic of being a Rae/Rob basher, I will point out the fact that there isn't any actual bashing.
Oh and, I havent given up on my other story. I just had to write this after seeing The End III
Disclaimer - I do not own Teen Titans, nor do I own this computer that I'm borrowing from a friend, or this keyboard that I'm typing on, or this mouse that I'm clicking with. I do own my shirt at least…but not the shorts. (No, my family isn't that poor. I'm just supposed to be 'self-sufficient')
Heart in a Blender
She had thought about it for weeks. Well…okay maybe it was only a day or two, but it was unmistakable. She was in love, or at least it had to be love. No of course it was love. What else could this emotion be? Something like this couldn't be anything other than love, right?
"I have to tell him…"
Raven laid on her bed, constantly trying to convince herself, then unconvinced herself that she had to tell Robin the truth. She had to tell him that she loved him, but there was only one small problem. Okay, maybe one big problem and that was Starfire. It was obvious that he liked her, but did he love her?
"He did everything in his power to help me. He risked it all to save me from my father. That has to mean he loves me more than Starfire, it has to."
What else could it have been besides love? He had literally gone to hell to bring her back. Wouldn't something so drastic as that meant that he was in love with her? Of course it does, he just doesn't want to break Starfire's heart.
"I don't care anymore, I have to tell him the truth. I can't hide it anymore."
Raven glanced over at the clock and read it aloud.
"7:00 in the morning. He'd be up training by now and no one else would be around to interrupt me. Now's the perfect time."
It seemed that just the thought of what she was about to do made her somewhat…happier. She was about to relieve a great burden by just saying three simple words. Yet, with each step she took towards the training room, her feet seemed to get heavier and heavier. Was she really willing to do this? Was she really willing to risk herself being so vulnerable?
"I wont be vulnerable, I wont end up heartbroken. All those things he did prove that he loves me. He just hasn't said it yet."
There it was now. The door to the training room. Raven could already hear the sound of grunts and swings and knew that her journey wasn't fruitless. Who else besides Robin would be up at 7 training? She went to take the next step into the room, but her feet felt almost stuck to the ground.
'Why is this so hard? Why does it feel like I'm rooted to this one spot?'
She had to will herself to continue forward, but instead of walking gracefully in like she had planned, she ended up stumbling in and then tripped over a dumbbell that had been carelessly left on the floor. The punches and grunts abruptly stopped as the occupier of the room turned to look at what had made the earlier sound. Raven cursed her clumsiness slightly as she heard footsteps coming her way.
"You okay there Raven?"
'It really was him, Robin really was the one training. This is perfect!'
Raven's revelation and strange joy were abruptly washed away when she remembered that she was face down on the ground and the boy she thinks she loves standing above her. She mentally cursed herself again and looked up to see Robin with his hand outstretched towards her. Raven grabbed Robin's hand and let him help her up.
"Thanks Robin."
Robin smiled at Raven before noticing that she had yet to let go of his hand. With a quick jerk, he had his hand back in his possession.
"It was nothing Raven, just being a good friend."
Good friend…why did that make Raven feel uneasy? Was it because she was afraid that he didn't love her? No…no that couldn't be it. Why would she be afraid of such a thing? He loved her and showed her with his actions.
"So what brings you down here so early in the morning? I doubt it has anything to do with training."
Raven had half a mind to curse Robin at this moment. Here she was, a nervous wreck and he was acting like nothing was going on. Well…okay maybe he had no reason to be nervous, but still.
"I…I wanted to talk to you about…something. Something important."
Robin nodded slowly at Raven, almost as if he was dreading what was about to be spoken about, but he quickly shook his head of the thought and gestured over to a bench.
"Sure thing Raven. Anything for a friend."
'Why does he have to keep using the word friend? He's making this harder than it has to be.'
Raven followed behind Robin and sat down next to him on the bench. She kept thinking of what words she could say to him, or some sort of action to convey what she felt for him. She had tried action before, but he seemed blind to her affection. Maybe he wouldn't be deaf.
"So what do you want to talk about?"
This was her chance, she wouldn't have the courage to try a second time. No it had to be done now.
"Robin…I…I love you."
He wasn't shocked at all, or if he was his face did not betray the truth. In fact, his face was unreadable, almost as if he was assessing the situation before him. Was that a good sign?
"Do you love me?"
It was at that point that her dreams were shattered because at that exact moment Robin let out an almost mournful sigh. Never in the history of a mournful sigh, was such a thing a good sign.
"I'm sorry Raven, but I don't love you."
What? No, it couldn't be true. All the things he had done…all that he had been through for her…it couldn't be true, he had to love her. It couldn't be anything else besides love! And, like all people confused and hurt, Raven couldn't keep those thoughts to herself.
"But…what about what happened with Trigon? You did all those things for me. You went through hell for me. That has to mean you love me, it has to…"
"Raven, you're…mixed up. Those things I did…I did them because you were my friend. I would have done it for anyone on the team."
It couldn't be true, it just couldn't, but his tone of voice…everything he was saying was pointing to the truth. He wasn't stuttering, or speaking with regret, or trying to hide some secret love for her. He was telling her the truth and only the truth.
"And I really doubt what you're feeling is the type of love you think it is Raven."
That shocked Raven out of her pit of despair and in its wake was something she rarely had directed at Robin, anger…border line hatred even.
"How dare you think you know what I'm feeling."
Robin had not flinched in the face of Raven's growing anger. He maintained his calm demeanor even through the fit of anger that followed. He waited patiently for Raven to finish before he continued his explanation.
"You are right, I do love you Raven."
Raven's heart suddenly stopped working at that proclamation.
"I also love Beast Boy and Cyborg."
Suddenly the feeling she had a second ago was replaced by confusion and revulsion. What was he talking about?
"I love you all because you are my friends, but the love I have for you is different than the love I have for Starfire."
She didn't want it to, but what he said was making sense. She had been having to hide her emotions for so long that maybe she really didn't know what love was.
"But I was so sure…"
Robin put a hand on Raven's shoulder and squeezed it gently, reassuringly.
"It's okay Raven. Love out of friendship and love out of actual love are hide to distinguish between. Sometimes we all get confused."
It was gone. That burden that she thought would only go away after proclaiming her love for him and he returning it was suddenly swept away after he had spoken. She had thought that him not returning her love would crush her, but strangely enough it felt good to know that she was wrong. She was actually a bit relieved in a way. Now she wasn't going to have to worry about Starfire at all. Yet to say she wasn't upset would be a lie. She was so sure that it was love that both of them felt, now she was only sure that she had made a complete fool of herself.
"Besides, I think someone else out there is already waiting for you. You just have to find him."
'I hate it when people talk in code…' Raven looked questioningly at Robin before shrugging off his comment. It was strange to Raven how she had transformed so quickly. Less than a few minutes ago she was a nervous wreck. She thought that she was in love with Robin and that he was in love with her. Plus she was almost devastated that he had not loved her as anything more than a friend. But now after Robin's explanation, she was happier with being a friend of Robin than she would have been being something else.
"I'm sorry about…well all this Robin."
If Robin didn't have a mask on, Raven would have seen him rolling his eyes at her.
"It's okay Raven, I'm just glad you didn't try to send me into another dimension before letting me explain."
Raven did something then that she has rarely ever done, she started laughing. Not hilarious, side splitting laughter, more of a slight chuckle. Yet for Raven that was still something nearly unheard of.
"Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm starving."
Robin stood up and started off towards the kitchen with Raven following next to them. When they reached it, they were immediately assaulted by…nothing. No argument about tofu vs. meat. No Starfire trying to get everyone to eat whatever it is she made. Raven refused to even refer to it as food. The only thing in the kitchen at all was a single green changeling and a plate of tofu…lots of tofu. He looked up and greeted both Raven and Robin with a warm hello and one of his toothy grins.
Raven went to make herself some herbal tea, but when she turned around to ask Robin if he wanted any, he had strangely vacated the area leaving her alone with Beast Boy. Raven paid no heed to it though and went about her business. When she sat down next to Beast Boy after making her tea, something odd happened.
"Hey Raven, want to try some tofu?"
That wasn't the odd thing that happened, no that was normal. What happened next nearly shocked Beast Boy into a coma.
"I'd love too Beast Boy."
With the initial shock over, Beast Boy smiled another toothy grin and handed Raven a plate. Then together they ate and, strangely enough, talked. Nothing deep, but just a normal conversation, which was very abnormal of Raven.
And out in the hallway stood Robin, a small smile painted across his face that was directed at his two teammates. He then said something silently to himself as he turned and walked away.
"The line between love out of friendship and love out of actual love are hard to distinguish between. Sometimes we get confused about which is which, but we all find out the truth eventually and when that happens, we figure out that the line we had so much trouble finding, was always visible. We are just unwilling to see it."
So how'd you like it? Good? Bad? Complete piece of crap? Anyway, thanks for reading, if anyone reads this, and dont forget to review! It gives me the warm fuzzies when people review.