A couple was having its 25th anniversary in an apartment building. The husband, Hank, and his wife, Rose, held up two shirts. "Oh, look! Matching Hawaiian shirts!" "Oh, we love them, kids."
The two put the shirts down, and Rose held up one more gift. "And last but not least, for you, darling."
Hank unwrapped it; it was a cologne bottle. "Possession?"
"Top of the line, and the last one in the store. Here, let me." Rose held up the bottle and sprayed him.
Hank's reaction was not as one would expect. All of a sudden, he got up and started to leave. It was like he was hypnotized or something.
Rose watched. "H-Hank? Where are you going?"
"Must find true love."
Needless to say, Rose was heartbroken, maybe even …
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Green with N.V.
(Leo's Edition)
Author's note: Mat couldn't decide between this one and "Child's Play", so I made the decision for him. I hope I did it correctly. This thing's been stalled for a long time, but I finally got it done.
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Chapter 1: All's Not So Fair in Love and War
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02:00 PM - BEVERLY HILLS HIGH SCHOOL
In the cafeteria, the girls were looking at David, the tender. They let out a synchronized sigh of lovingness.
"There's just something about a guy in uniform," Clover said.
"Yeah," Alex agreed, "it should be illegal to be that cute."
David approached the girls. "Here you go, girls. That's two iced chai teas and one iced decaf mocha frappe with no-fat whip."
"Thanks, David," all three of them said together.
"Don't mention it. Hey, where's Leo? Doesn't he usually hang with you?"
Sam spoke up. "Normally, yes, but he's home sick today with a cold. His nose is so stuffed up, he can't smell a thing."
"So, David," Clover started to ask, "I was wondering if you had plans for Saturday night."
Alex kicked Clover under the counter. "David, could you excuse us? Girl talk."
"Cool. No problem." David walked away from the girls.
As soon as David turned his back, Alex pointed at Clover. "You were going to ask David to the Sadie Hawkins dance, weren't you?"
"Isn't that the point of a Sadie Hawkins dance, Alex?" Clover shot back. "The girl asks the guy?"
"Yeah, but did you stop to consider that this girl might want to ask that guy?"
"Whoa, girls," Sam interrupted, "no guy is worth this stress. Especially when the guy in question is so clearly interested in me."
"What?" "Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry. Look. I say we make a pact. None of us invite David to the dance. Best friends first and foremost. No fighting over guys."
The three girls clinked their glasses (which, for some reason, seemed to be three ice chai teas at that point). Then, they were WOOHP'd.
THUMP! The girls dropped down the usual tunnel, landing in a perfect sitting position. I came down a separate tunnel and landed on a pillow that someone had placed there.
I sniffed a little. Jerry raised an eyebrow. "Impressive."
"That was way too easy," Sam responded as I retrieved my pencil from under the pillow. Then, the girls' beverages came down and landed on Clover's head. I giggled a little as I sniffed again. Sam and Alex joined in.
Jerry handed Clover a towel as we approached him. "Can we get down to business?"
Clover took the towel and wiped her hair clean. "It's always work, work, work with you, Jer. You know what you need? A date!"
There was a moment of silence as Jerry blushed a little before replying. "I have no time to date, and neither do you." I took the towel and blew my nose on it, disgusting Jerry a little.
WOOHP JET
"A recent phenomenon has been happening in New York," Jerry explained. "Men are suddenly leaving their wives and girlfriends."
"Guys can be such flakes," Alex commented.
"Except for David," Sam added. "He's perfect."
Clover got a word in. "And completely Sadie Hawkins-worthy."
Jerry silenced the girls. "Spies, please focus. These men aren't just leaving, they're walking out the door with nothing but the shirts on their backs, never to be heard from again."
"That is odd," Sam decided, finally getting on task.
"Extremely."
"I figure there's some kind of (sniff) connection between the leaving men," I figured. "There's always (sniff) some kind of connection."
Jerry spoke up again. "And it's your job to find it. And now for some gadgets that may help you in your mission."
As he spoke, he showed us the gadgets. "Inside you'll find hoverboards, bungee belts, scanner watches, suction-cup-bottomed go-go boots and sneakers for Leo, and wonder makeover kits. To work the kits, you program the desired look and the automated applicators spring into action."
Alex sat up in her seat. "Spring? But my colors are more of a summer."
"Trust me, Alex," I interrupted, "the (sniff) bad puns are my job."
Jerry sighed. "Just find where these men are and why they're disappearing." He handed me a package of tissues, and the girls a piece of paper. "Here's an address of a distressed wife you should question."
"You sure you don't want to come, Jer?" Clover asked. "With all these newly single women, you might just snag a date."
"… Good luck, spies." Jerry dropped us off, literally. I didn't even have time to blow my nose.
03:00 PM - NEW YORK CITY
We were all standing in the apartment of a woman named Rose. She was awfully sad; heck, she was sniffling even more than I was.
"So, you were celebrating your anniversary when your husband just bolted?" Clover asked, trying to get the facts. (Thanks for giving me the info, Gold Ranger!)
"Hank and I had such a happy marriage," Rose explained. "We didn't even argue over the remote." She pointed at a picture on the wall. "That was my Hank."
Sam got up. "Rose, would you mind if we looked around?"
"Yes," I agreed. "We (sniff) might be able to find a clue about Hank's (sniff) disappearance."
"Oh, go ahead."
"I'll just check behind that lamp," Alex said, walking over to a corner of the room. I glanced at her, and I thought I saw her doing something with her compowder. Was she calling David? No, it couldn't be. The girls had made a pact.
"Nope, nothing behind the lamp," Alex finally concluded. I raised an eyebrow and blew my nose at the same time. "Find anything?" she added.
Clover had found something under the couch. "What's this?"
Rose looked at what Clover had found. "Oh, the gift paper I used to wrap Hank's cologne. Oh, I should have gone with the golf clubs."
"Why?" Sam questioned.
"He left after I sprayed it on him," Rose told us. "Said something about finding his true love."
"Interesting. Where'd you buy it?"
Rose and I sniffed at the same time. "A small boutique on the upper east side."
"Thanks for the (sniff) tip," I told Rose. "We'll be off now."
A LITTLE LATER - UPPER EAST SIDE
The girls and I were not impressed by a commercial we saw on a big TV screen. "Possession. Only from Natalie Valentine."
"Ugh," Alex finally said. "That gave me the heebie-jeebies."
"Yes, the promo IS cheap and bogus," the sales clerk explained, "but successful. In one week, I sold a thousand bottles. Natalie Valentine is a marketing genius."
"Go Nat!" Clover cheered. "I'll buy a bottle."
"Sorry," she responded, "we're sold out. With Valentine's Day coming, it flew off the shelves."
"What about that bottle?" Sam asked, pointing at a bottle on the counter.
"It's a return."
"I don't care if it's missing a squirt," Alex countered.
"Besides (sniff)," I added, "it'd be a little (sniff) silly to return such a successful product."
"Successful is not the word to describe it. Look, I'm doing you a favor. You're too young to get your hearts broken. The product is a total flop."
"Flop? But you sold a thousand bottles."
"And now I have a thousand unhappy customers, myself included." The clerk drew aside a curtain, revealing a whole mess of Possession bottles.
"Whoa," the four of us all said at the same time.
"Yes," the clerk said. "After I gave a bottle to my fiance, he just vanished. Trust me, you're better off without it."
"Was he (sniff) saying something about finding his (sniff) true love?" I asked.
"Yes. How did you know"
"We questioned (sniff) one of your customers, and the same (sniff) thing happened."
"Sounds like men don't just hate this stuff," Clover pointed out, "they run from it."
"Good to know," Sam replied, approaching the large stack of bottles and taking one.
OUTSIDE
"Keep that stuff away from me," Clover told Sam, "or I'll never get a date for the dance."
"We should check out the manufacturer," Sam pointed out. "There's a bar code on the back of the bottle; I'll use my scanner watch to trace it."
"I'll send a few drops of the guy repellent to Jerry for analysis," Alex said, opening her compowder.
"You go, girls," Clover said. "I'll just step over here and check my makeup."
As Clover walked around the corner and the other two girls did their jobs, I sneaked up to the corner and listened. I heard something about the dance and big kisses, but it couldn't be what I first thought it was, since the girls had made a pact against THAT.
"Did you get the location?" Clover asked, approaching us once again.
"Looks like we're off to Paris, girls. And Leo."
We hopped a WOOHP jet to the location.
05:45 PM - POSSESSION DISTRIBUTION CENTER
The girls and I rushed across the roof and crouched on the edge of the roof. Several men were walking in.
"What is that smell?" Alex said, holding her nose.
"Don't look at me," I responded. "I can't smell a thing because of my cold."
"It's coming from down there," Alex told us, pointing at the crowd of men.
Clover was not happy. "What is this, a stink convention?"
"Hold your noses, girls," Sam commanded, "we're going in."
-
Wow, long chapter. But there it is, and it's all finished. I even managed to get "Malled" taped, cutting out the commercials so it'd be sure to fit on the tape, and guess what? Without all the commercials, a "half-hour" episode of Totally Spies is about twenty minutes long. Who'd have thought?