Chapter Seven

Don't Touch Me

Dear God…Woody buried his head in his hands for endless minutes, still processing his discovery. This explained so much…her fearfulness…her clinging to Nigel.

Nigel. Nigel knew…Woody would bet any money on it. Jordan may not have told him directly, but the detective would wager that Nigel had put the pieces of this puzzle together shortly after Jordan passed out during the Sarah Manning autopsy.

And the Brit didn't tell him.

Woody stood and slammed his fist down on his desk with such force that a few stray items near the edge of the surface tumbled to the floor. Then running his hand through his hair again, he began to pace.

Nigel knew….Nigel knew and he didn't tell me. Damn him…did he think he was really the only one left who cared about Jordan?

And Jordan…why didn't you tell me?

He thought he knew the answer to the second question better than the first. Grabbing his coat and slamming the door to his office behind him, Woody made his way over to the morgue and Nigel's office, praying he would catch the criminalist alon

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" he yelled at Nigel, after entering the morgue office and slamming the door behind him.

"Tell you? Tell you what?" Nigel asked innocently, keeping an eye on Woody as the detective began to pace the small room.

"You know what. That Jordan… Jordan…" Damn, the words stuck in his throat. He couldn't get them out around the lump that had taken up residence there.

"That Jordan what?"

"That Jordan has been … assaulted by…"

"The condom rapist?"

"Yeah."

"Because…that's not my call. It's hers."

"But…I should have known earlier."

Nigel sighed. He had actually been expecting this moment for a while. He knew Jordan had turned over her clothing to the police as evidence even though she refused to give her name. He also was aware that when the evidence was examined, and was linked to the rapist, Woody would have to be told. And while Woody had professed for the better part of the last six months that everything was over between himself and Jordan, Nigel knew better. Woody watched her too closely…he was already aware something wasn't right with her. It was just a matter of time before the detective recognized that the clothing that had been turned into evidence belonged to Jordan. "That wasn't my decision, Woody. It was hers. She'll talk to the police as soon as she feels ready…she's almost there."

"I'm not talking about that, Nigel," Woody said, frustration and exasperation edging his voice. "I should have been told because….because…"

"Because you're her friend? Jordan has lots of friends. I'm the only one she's told." Nigel folded his arms defensively across his chest.

"No…she's more than that to me…you know that."

"You've got a funny way of showing it. And for the record, she doesn't think she means anything to you…she believes that it's over between the two of you, even your friendship. You blew it, Woody."

"So now you're filling that place in her life?" Woody stepped forward threateningly.

"No…no…mate…no." Nigel sighed again and slumped against a wall. "Things aren't like that between Jordan and myself…we're friends. Hell, even as hot as she is, I can't think of her in any other way other than my little sister. She's vulnerable and scared and right now I'm the only person she feels she can trust. And maybe she's right." He looked Woody over carefully.

"She can trust me. She always has…she always can."

Nigel shook his head. "She doesn't think so any longer. But you…you still care for her, don't you?"

Woody nodded. "I wish she would have come to me…that night…God, Nigel...I feel so guilty…from what I can tell from the dates on the report, that day was my first day back to work after getting out of the hospital. Jordan had waited for me that morning to help me up to my office and I totally blew her off again. Told her not to make a habit of doing that and that I didn't believe she loved me – it was still all pity. Later, she came back by the station after she got off work. Santana told me she wanted to make sure I had dinner….wanted to take me out for Mexican and a beer. I had already left for the day….she went home alone…the report said she 'had a lot on her mind and wasn't paying too much attention to her surroundings'. She didn't even hear her attacker when he came up behind her….I have a feeling I…we…us…was what was on her mind. Why did I do that to her? Why was I so cold to her?" Woody sat down heavily in a chair and buried his head in his hands again.

Nigel digested this tidbit of information. "Jordan believes you really no longer care about her, Woody. And even if she thought otherwise, I doubt she would have come forward about her rape at that time. You've read the reports. It was brutal. She would never want you to know…at least until she was ready to tell you. And she's not ready for anyone other than me to know, yet."

"I know…I feel so….damned helpless….like there's nothing I can do to ease her pain…help her heal."

"I know she still cares for you….and how you two resolve that issue is up to you. I do know she's not ready for that right now, either. What happened….unfortunately just … happened. Jordan feels incredibly guilty and ashamed…typical rape victim behavior. She didn't remember anything about her attack for a long time…but now it's coming back to her in bits and pieces. I have a feeling she will come forward to the police eventually."

"She's a ME…she knows how important her information could be as the rapist's first victim."

"She's also just that…a victim and a woman…who happens to have a strong emotional attachment to the lead detective on the case. Those feelings have got to be respected, too."

Woody sighed heavily and got to his feet. "I guess I'm glad you're here for her, Nigel…although I admit, I'm as jealous as hell and wish it were me. I understand why it's you, but … I just feel like I need to be doing something more for her."

"Catch the bad guy detective. Then she'll be able to at least know the man won't hurt her again."

If Woody had been pushing to solve the rape/murder cases before, he was relentless in his efforts now. He conned and cajoled two more detectives out of Walcott to work on catching the perp. He worked long hours….arriving early and staying late.

And meanwhile, keeping an eye on Jordan…surreptitiously, of course. But any excuse to get information from the morgue was a valid excuse in his mind for a trip over to the building to retrieve the necessary evidence and check on her. He knew on some days he was making a nuisance of himself.

He really didn't care.

He had to reassure himself that she was okay. Which was what he was doing today.

"Hey," he said, entering trace, where she was working on a body.

"Good morning, Detective."

"What do you have there?"

"Don't worry…this is not your case. It's Lois's. So you won't have to work with me on this victim."

"I don't mind working with you, Jordan. I really don't."

"Oh." She turned her attention back to the body in front of her, effectively tuning Woody out and assuming he had left the room. His hand on her back nearly caused her to jump out of her skin.

"Don't," she said, forcefully turning to him again.

"I didn't mean to startle you, Jordan."

She didn't know how to tell him it wasn't just the fact that he scared her…it was the fact that she hated being touched now….sometimes even Nigel's loving, but platonic, touches nearly drove her out of her skin. Many nights she needed to be held and comforted…she longed for the loving touch of another human being, but had found out the hard way that of all her senses affected by the attack, it was her sense of touch that had suffered the most. She simply couldn't bear to be touched unless she initiated it….she controlled it.

That was the one thing Jordan had to have in every area of her life that she could now – control. She had that ripped from her at one time…in the span of what she was sure was only a few minutes but had seemed like hours – she had her control of her life torn from her.

She vowed it wouldn't happen again. She would never allow her heart to love as deeply as it once had.

And she never wanted to be touched again by anyone…unless she gave permission.

"You didn't scare me," she told Woody as she pushed him away from her. "I just never want you to touch me again. Ever."