Chapter Ten

Scarred

While the revelations of her attack brought new light to the case for the Boston Police Department, for Jordan it brought nothing but more pain and fear.

Fear that the rapist would somehow find out she had gone to the police and come after her again. Fear that she would someday look into Woody's eyes and see that "look" of mixed sympathy and pity that rape victims were often given by detectives.

And pain because now her nightmares were again coming in earnest. With alarming regularity. Some nights they occurred every time she dozed off. She would close her eyes and see his eyes…feel the knife against her throat…hear the rip of her shirt…and wake up gasping.

Nigel usually heard her…and would come into to sit with her until she could muster the courage to close her eyes again. Or on nights she woke up and caught herself before she cried out and aroused him, she'd wrap herself in a blanket and find her way to a window to wait out the sunrise.

She was losing more weight and more sleep and looking a little worse each day.

Which was pushing Woody all the more harder to find her attacker. He knew the criminal would mess up at some point…leave evidence that would point straight to him….or come back to re-visit a crime scene as a lot of serial murderers do.

And Woody was right. One of the former crime scenes under surveillance caught a suspicious man stalking the area. He was picked up for questioning. Fibers from his car that had been transferred to his clothing…and then from him to Jordan and several of the other victims nailed the perp.

Woody ended up solving the case late one night…and when the man was finally behind bars, Woody had to tell Jordan. He made his way to Nigel's apartment, where she was still staying. He came, hoping that his news would do two things…first, put an end to Jordan's nightmares and second, somehow bridge the emotional gap that kept growing between the two of them since she had come forward about her attack.

Jordan was there, and answered his knock…Nigel was on call and out in the field. She came to the door dressed her tank top, shorts, and robe…ready for bed. Warily, she had checked the peephole in the door, only opening it when she was sure it was Woody on the other side.

"Hi," he greeted her, after she had shut the door again and locked it.

"Hi yourself…what brings you here so late?"

"I just wanted you to know before it hit the news…we've caught the condom rapist."

Jordan swallowed hard and looked wide-eyed at Woody. "You did? You're sure it's him?"

"It matches forensically. Bug ran the tests himself."

"Oh…"

Somehow she didn't act as relieved as Woody thought she would. "Don't you understand, Jordan? Your attacker…is in jail. He can't hurt you or anyone else again."

She turned from him walked to the other side of the room. "And if I would have come forward weeks ago, he could have been caught long before now…and another half a dozen girls wouldn't have been hurt."

"You don't know that Jordan. And you can't blame yourself. You did what you had to the way you had to and in the time frame you had to. It all worked out."

She gave a bitter laugh. "If you say so…"

"Jordan…I don't understand. I thought you'd be happy that he was caught."

She sighed then, her shoulders sagging under the weight of her attack…and the changes it had brought in her life. "I am, Woody. I really am. Truly. You've done good work…all of the PD has…and I am happy that no one else will suffer at the hands of this monster. But I will have the scars he gave me for the rest of my life."

"Jordan…you'll be better…in time."

She turned to face him then. "Do you think that given time…I'll forget what happened to me?"

"No…that's not what I meant. I meant that you would learn to deal with it."

"Deal with the fact that the man made me feel less than human? Deal with the fact that he made me feel like a piece of trash ….that after he used me, he threw me away…that I could have died? Deal with the fact that I am scared to live by myself…sleep in an apartment alone….and when I do have to be alone at night, end up sleeping in the closet with a pillow because I'm too frightened to be out in the open? Deal with the fact that I can't stand anyone touching me…even you … that if the time comes when I am alone with a man…I am not sure what my reaction will be?

"Deal with every morning I am reminded what the man did to me…took from me….because every time I look in the mirror, I see this?" Jordan slowly pulled open the front of her robe and pushed her tank top aside to reveal a long, wicked scar that ran from her neck, across her breast and over her nipple.

Woody's gasp was nearly audible. "You never told us he used a knife on you," he swallowed.

"I told you he had one…after looking at the other victims he's slashed, did you think he would let me off so easy?" She readjusted her top and bathrobe. "Did you?"

Woody wasn't sure what he thought. He had tried to put as many details of Jordan's attack as he could out of his mind…relying on her taped statement for record.

Only now he could see how hard it was for her to move forward when getting dressed everyday would set her back. That catching the guy was only a codicil to her recovery. This perp had taken everything away from her.

Or he had at least tried.

It would take time….and probably infinite patience … but Woody was determined to give everything back to her. And more.