Chapter 35
Jason didn't want to open his eyes and see the stark, cold walls of his cell. He was dreaming of Elizabeth. Until now all of his dreams were nightmares where he was forced to stand aside and watch Elizabeth fall to the ground as the bullet entered her body. He tried to move his feet but they were attached to the ground. All he could do was watch helplessly as she died in front of him. The dreams plagued him every night, sometimes even during the day. Today was the first good dream, he'd ever had. Elizabeth was alive and she'd come to him. They'd made love in the warden's office. He'd never had an erotic dream before. It had felt so real, he wanted it to continue. If these were the dreams he would have from now on, he might never want to wake up again.
He felt a small movement under his arms and opened his eyes instantly. He was holding something - someone - in his arms. He reached up to rubbed his eyes only to feel hair covering his face. The person beside him moaned and shifted closer to him. It wasn't a dream, he realized. Elizabeth really did come to see him. They really were lying on the warden's couch naked. How long had they been there? He tried to lift his head to find a clock but couldn't see one. However, the sun coming through the window told him they couldn't have been there very long.
He shifted his attention back to the sleeping woman. He should wake her. He didn't know how long the warden was going to give them, but he didn't want Elizabeth to be embarrassed if Krebs walked in on them like this. He brushed back her hair to whisper in her ear but couldn't say the words. He didn't want to disturb this moment. When Elizabeth woke, they would be forced back to the present where he was about to go on trial for murdering her boyfriend. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend they were lying on the couch in her studio rather than in a maximum security prison but knew he couldn't.
How did she get here? She must have gone to Sonny, but he couldn't believe Sonny had okayed it. He wondered just how long Sonny resisted Elizabeth's stubborn determination. Obviously not long since she was here. He remembered how hard she fought for him that winter when he'd tried to protect her by staying away. Elizabeth got her way then and it seems she'd gotten her way again.
He'd been so afraid she would allow her friends and family to influence her belief in him, but the second he saw her, he knew she hadn't. Her coming to see him told him everything he needed to know. She loved him. He knew that without her having to say the words. He tightened his hold around her. He wished he didn't have to let her go.
She shifted again and brought her hand up to his arm. "Jason?"
"I'm here," he whispered. "Elizabeth, we can't stay like this. We have to get dress before Krebs comes back."
Her eyes flew open. Oh, my God, she thought. She was lying naked on a couch in the warden's office of a maximum security prison with Jason's arms around her. Images of the last hour came to her. She couldn't believe everything she had done. She'd practically attacked him the minute he walked into the office. She remembered Jason pulling back trying to stop things before they went too far, but she wouldn't listen. She'd never done anything like this before. She'd never been the one to initiate sex before. She always thought it was because of the rape she was apprehensive about sex, but with Jason it never entered her mind. In fact, her brain had been empty. She hadn't thought; she just felt. She let herself be taken away to a lace where only she and Jason existed. Looking around the room now she realized they were back in reality.
She sat up and bent over to grab her clothes from the floor. She gripped them tightly in front of her and moved to the chair by the desk keeping her back to Jason. She didn't know what to say. What do you say after attacking someone and having sex with them in someone's office? What could he be thinking? Did he think she was like Carly - ready to have sex anywhere and everywhere? She began dressing quietly never turning to look at him.
Jason slowly sat up and stared at her rigid back. Did she regret what happened between them? Is that why she wouldn't look at him? Was she ashamed of what they had done? He quickly got dresses never taking his eyes from her back. This wasn't how he'd wanted their first time together to be like, but he couldn't wish it didn't happen. He had loved her and wanted her for so long that he couldn't regret it happening. Even if it happened while he was in prison.
Pulling his shirt over his head, he reached for her. She stiffened. "Elizabeth, do you regret what we did?"
She turned around shocked by his question. "No, never." She shifted nervously gripping her hands in front of her.
Jason was worried. He thought coming here proved Elizabeth loved him and believed in him, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe, she came here to tell him she didn't want anything to do with him, that she hoped he would be convicted. No, he thought, that couldn't be right. She wouldn't have made love to him if she believed he was guilty.
"Please tell me what's wrong," he said as he touched her cheek.
She closed her eyes loving the feeling she got when he touched her. She was being a fool, she thought. Jason loved her. He wouldn't think less of her for being the aggressor during sex. 'Do you think I'm a slut?"
"What?" It was Jason's turn to be shocked. "Why would I think that?"
She moved away to stand by the window. It looked out to the prison courtyard. She could see the inmates participating in a variety of activities. "I attacked you, Jason. You wanted to stop and I wouldn't let you. I took advantage of you."
He sighed. Where did she get a crazy idea like that? He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Elizabeth, you didn't take advantage of me. I wanted it just as much as you did, even more so." He took her shoulders to turn her around and face him. "The only reason I tried to stop was because I didn't think you'd like our first time to be in a prison office. This wasn't what I wanted for you. You deserve better than this."
She shook her head. "No, I deserve you. That's all I want, Jason. I love you."
He cupped her face with his hands. "I love you, too," he said before leaning in to kiss her.
This kiss didn't have the passion and desire as the others. Instead it contained all the feelings neither could put into words. Even after everything that had happened and could still happen, they were together.
As the kiss ended, the activity in the courtyard caught his eye. What was he doing? He didn't have a future with Elizabeth. His future was a conviction for first degree murder, with a quiet prison break and private plane trip to Mexico before taking off under a new identity. He and Sonny had already planned everything. Everything, but Elizabeth. He couldn't ask her to give up her life and go with him. It was too much to ask. He tightened his grip around her never wanting to let go but knowing he had to. All he'd ever wanted was for Elizabeth to be happy, and he knew that she couldn't be happy running from country to country always looking over her shoulder waiting for when the police would finally catch up with them. That wasn't a life.
He didn't want her to wake up one morning and realize she had made a mistake in going with him. He didn't think he could handle loving her then losing her. It would be better for her and for him to end it now. Then she could meet someone who she could love and would love her. She could have the happy family with a husband, children and her painting without worrying that one day it would be taken away from her. And he could leave knowing that Elizabeth was safe, protected and happy.
"Elizabeth," he said.
She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. He didn't have to say anything. She could see it. He was going to push her away because of the trial. He was afraid he'd be convicted and wanted to protect her. She wasn't going to let him distance himself from her. They had been through too much to be apart now.
She pushed away from him shaking her head. "I won't let you push me away, Jason. I know you. You think you're doing what's best for me but it's not. You are what's best for me, nothing else."
"Elizabeth, we are standing in the warden's office of a maximum security prison. Outside are thousands of rapists and murderers that are my neighbours in the cellblock. I'm sure you had to be smuggled in here just to see me. Is that what's best for you?"
She nodded. "Yes, if it means I get to be with you. It took me a long time to figure that out, so I'm not going to waste anymore time because you think you're doing the noble thing."
He sighed. "I could be here for the rest of my life. Do you really want to do this every week? Are you really going to put aside your dreams again just to be with me? You already sacrificed yourself once with Lucky. I don't want you to do it again because of me."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You sound like you know you're going to be convicted. You didn't kill Lucky. The jury is going to see that. They won't convict you for something you didn't do."
He loved that she had complete faith in him and his innocence, but he didn't have the same confidence. Someone was going to a lot of trouble to frame him for Lucky's death. He knew Sonny was going through their enemies, but hadn't found anyone with motive, money, and opportunity to pull it off. The longer he thought about it, the more he believed he would be convicted.
Elizabeth took his silence for an answer. He couldn't give up. She wouldn't let him. "Jason, you have to believe you're getting out of here. You're not going to spend the rest of your life in this prison."
"I know I'm not," he said quietly.
She was confused. He thought he would be convicted but wouldn't go to jail. What did that mean? It came to her immediately. "You're going to run, aren't you?" She asked even though she knew the answer. That was why he was pushing her away. "You're going to run and you don't want me with you. I'm so stupid. I thought you loved me and wanted to be with me, but really you were planning to leave me behind."
"No," he said, "it's not like that. Elizabeth, I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you. But not on the run." He ran his hand through his hair. "You deserve so much more than to be looking over your shoulder wondering when the police will be knocking on our door. What kind of life is that? I love you too much to put you through all that. You will be better off staying here and making a happy life without me." He walked away and sat down on the couch holding his head in his hands.
Elizabeth stared at him for a long time before she moved. She knelt in front of him and raised his head to look into his eyes. "Do you really think I could be happy without you in my life? I love you. If you run, I will run with you."
"You don't know what you're saying. You don't understand what it will be like."
"I don't care, Jason," she said adamantly. "I don't care where we go. I just want to be with you. That's all that matters." She placed her finger on his mouth to prevent him from arguing. "For the past month all I've thought about is you and how much I have hurt you. Carly was right when she said I was selfish. I kept running to you when I had problems with Lucky then turned around and kept going back to him. I ended our friendship even though I didn't want to to make Lucky happy. Lucky went after you because of me." She looked around the office. "You're in here because of me."
He pulled her hand away from his mouth. "That's not true."
"It is true, but I'm not going to fight about that. My point is, for a long time I thought the best thing I could do for you would be to leave and never come back. I thought you would be better off without me in your life causing you so much heartache. But then I saw you today, and I knew anywhere I went, I would want you to be there. I can't function without you.
"I know you think leaving me is the right thing, but it isn't. The right thing for me is to be with you. That's the only way I will ever be truly happy," she paused to see if her words were getting through to him. "If you leave without me, then I'll follow you. Is that what you want? Me chasing after you from country to country. Now what kind of life would that be."
"Elizabeth, you're not making this easy," he sighed.
"Did you think I would?" She asked. She could see she was getting to him. "I would have thought you knew me better than that."
"You'll have to leave everyone and everything you love behind without a moment's notice," he said. He needed her to really understand what she was getting in for. "You won't be able to tell them goodbye. No one can know you were leaving until after it was over. Can you do that? Can you leave your grandmother without looking back?"
She frowned. Her grandmother would be so upset if she took off without saying anything. When she realized Elizabeth had run off with a fugitive, Audrey would be worried sick. Could she put her grandmother through that just to be with Jason? She looked at the man she loved and knew the answer.
"Yes," she said with determination. "I know I'll be hurting Grams, but this is my life. I'm not going to let other people dictate how I live my life and who I should love, including you.
"Jason, this isn't like before. With Lucky everything I did was to make him happy. Going with you isn't about making you happy, it's about making me happy." She smiled. "If you're happy, that's just a bonus."
He smiled in return and pulled her to him. He couldn't believe that this woman loved him and wanted to spend her life with him. The heaviness in his heart lifted. He wasn't going to lose her. He silently promised from that moment on, he would do everything in his power to make all of her dreams come true.
She pulled away and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Why are we even discussing this? We won't have to run. You are not going to be convicted. I know it. Alexis will do her magic and show the jury just how stupid the DA and police are. And even if I have to investigate on my own, we will find the person who is doing this to us and then you'll be free and we'll be together."
Jason was about to find out exactly what she meant when Johnny knocked on the door before sticking his head inside. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth, but it's time to go."
Elizabeth turned back to Jason and gave him a quick kiss before heading for the door. "I'll see you next week at the trial." She turned at the door and gave him sultry smile and said, "I love you."
She left without waiting for his reply leaving him standing in the middle of the room stunned. He needed to call Sonny. He wasn't sure what Elizabeth was up to, but he knew he didn't want her to get involved. Whoever was behind this had already killed Lucky. He didn't want Elizabeth to be his next victim.
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