Delicate As Glass

Chapter 4

"Kaworu?" Rei asked with half lidded eyes. "What is it?"

Now, Kaworu knew all too well that it would be easier to lie and run with his tail between his legs, but he felt he could not lie as he gazed into Rei's sleepy face. He almost felt his heart skip a beat. As the chime from the clock downstairs, Kaworu did not realize that he had been standing there looking at Rei for awhile now. Rei must have though he was crazy or something, but she was thinking something else entirely.

"Kaworu? Kaworu, come in...if you want. I am awake now."

'She sounds awful. She must be very sick. Why did she...?' Kaworu's thoughts were on standby as he waltzed into the blue-haired piolet's bedroom. She stared at him with those deep crimson eyes full of lost and wondering.

"How are you feeling?" Kaworu managed to speak in a tone higher than a whisper.

"I am alright, just a little tired." Kaworu knew she was playing him for a complete fool. He, not knowing what was really going on in her head, She, thinking she could play the "sick" maiden.

"Can I get you anything, Rei-chan?" Kaworu smiled.

"Yes, please," she said politely. "May I have a small salad?"

"Would you like a dress with that?" Whoops!

"Excuse me?"

"I meant, would you like some dressing with that? French? Ranch? Vinegar?"

"French please, Kaworu-kun. Thank-you," she said pulling the covers up to her neck. Kaworu just stood there staring at the first child. He wanted to say something to her about the dance but he knew it was none of his business. It was the way she avoided it and how she felt about things like this that concerned him.

'We are all growing up,' Kaworu thought. 'We have to learn to cope with these kinds of things: dances, dates, puberty, working...the real world.'

Taking a deep breath, Kaworu sat next to Rei, pretending to be asleep, and decided to comfort her, even if it made her hate him in the end. Kaworu could not bear to see any one of his friends in such pain and/or denial of what they really want or who they really are.

"Rei-chan, I know this does not concern me, but I know why you are sick." Rei, twitched at this and squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to hear this. She was afraid to see what was right in front of her. "I may be wrong, however it is hard not to see it. You didn't want any one else to thought."

'Stop it!' Rei screamed in her mind.

"You tried to freeze yourself, didn't you? In order to obtain a cold or worst, the flu?"

Silence.

Rei turned halfway over, avoiding eye contact with the fifth child. "How did you know that," she replied in a faint whisper.

"Well, it was a little strange that everyone besides you are talking about the big dance, and most of all, not attending at all. Also, you almost never get sick, Rei-chan and all of a sudden you are more sick that a hospital patient. It didn't add up at first but then-"

"It's none of your business, Kaworu-kun," Rei calmly shot out. "I did this because I wanted to, nothing else. Please leave."

Kaworu couldn't argue with her but simply grant her request. He couldn't simply refuse a request from a pretty girl. He stood up and headed towards the door without a word until he stopped and stared at the hallway.

"Rei-chan?"

"Yes?"

Kaworu tried to organize what he wanted to say into a sentence that won't embarrass him into a complete fool.

"I know being sick is an easy way out if one doesn't want to attend something. However, I do know you, Rei-chan, do not want to go to the dance. I won't force you to. All I felt was worry for you. I didn't want you to get too ill because I wanted you to come and see your wonderful smile. If you do not want to come, I understand. If it would've made you happy, I would have been more than happy to be your date." Rei's eyes widened. Her heart sank to the deep, bottomless pit of her shattered being. She felt like a fool, a selfish fool. All this time she was busy getting Rei what she wanted, and she got it. She was now sick in bed with over an 100 degree fever having a boy she knew felt sorry for her. 'I am such an awful person,' she thought. "It wouldn't be the same without you, Rei-chan. Y'know, I think you are a very beautiful young woman who deserves to be in a pretty dress, dancing with her friends and having a great time. I know I would like it."

With another moment of stillness, Kaworu cast his head down and concluded: "I shall get you a salad now. I wish you a fast recovery." The door shut softly, and Rei could hear Kaworu's small footsteps disappear as he walked further down the hallway.

With tears filling up her deep red eyes, Rei buried her face in her extra-fluffy pillow and blamed herself for her selfishness that was nothing but a burden to Kaworu.

'I am worthless. Nothing but a selfish little brat. I will never be happy, not like this,' Rei thought before she fell asleep.

(A few days later...)

The last four Eva pilots began to get ready the afternoon of the dance with bright enthusiasm. All, except for Rei.

Though she got over her cold, she still claimed that she was still weak and needed more recovery.

Every time she reminded Misato of that, everyone except for Kaworu looked at her in worry. Rei stared at him, feeling like she was watching a person being hanged. The look in his eyes was that of utter bafflement, nothing at all like ignorant dismissal. It was still early, about three o'clock, so everyone decided to relax before heading out.

Luckily, Misato kept everyone busy by telling some jokes that nobody though was very funny, but all listened attentively to mold another joke from a seemingly bad one. Rei, on the other hand, walked back up to her bedroom with a gloomy look on her face.

'I hope they have fun,' she thought with a sad face. 'I do not belong at such a fun event. I am too insecure. So insecure and selfish that I am ugly.' Rei was interrupted by a knock at her door.

"Come in," she said. There was Misato, leaning against the door with her infamous look that means she has suspicions. "Hello, Misato-san. Can I help you?"

"Yes, you can, Rei-chan. I am going to be blunt about this."

"Y-Yes, Of course. What is it you want to say?"

"Rei, how come you are still not going to the dance with everyone else?" Rei tried to answer, but no words came out. She was not just anxious but also very irritated that so many people was that worried about her attending some one night dance.

"Oh my word!" she shouted. Misato cocked an eyebrow at the sudden outburst. "Why does everyone around me say I should go to some stupid dance that I do not even want to go to! I do not want to go! I don't! Doesn't anybody get it! I mean take a clue for once! Yeah, I didn't want to go because I didn't even have a date to begin with! Who would want to go out with me! So, I take the "easy" way out and freeze myself enough to fool everyone into thinking I was really sick , and it worked but not long enough to keep me from the date of the idiotic dance! So, everyone, so very curious about the actions that I surround myself with, keep putting their nose into my own business! No one knows anything! They cannot understand! Not even a little! I am an ugly, selfish, inconsiderate little bitch! And no one, not even you, Misato-san, can do anything about it! I am only good for one thing and that is being a naive Eva pilot who can be pushed around like a sick dog on the streets! Now you know! Are you happy now! Well, are you!"

Rei slouched over and tried to catch her breath as she started to cry. Misato stared at her with both astonishment and sympathy never before experienced.

Misato sighed. "Okay, at least I got a specific answer from you, for once." Rei wept louder. "Rei, is that what's been bothering you for so long?" She gave Misato a faint nod of the head. "Oh, Rei-chan, you should have came and talked to me. I would have listened to you."

"You? Listen to me?"

"Of course!"

"So you would have ALL the answers to my problems?"

"No, no I wouldn't. But I have been a teenager before, and I can relate to what you're going through. Listen, Rei if you had just spoken up and said that you simply didn't want to go, then that would be it, but if you do not speak up for yourself then people would think that you are okay with a situation and wonder why you are not participating."

"Leave me alone." Misato was far from giving up.

"Tell me, Rei-chan, did anybody at school offer to be your date? Did you either turn them down or simply refuse to try?"

There was a moment of nothing before Rei answered the older woman. "Answer me, Rei," Misato said in a serious tone. Twitching in fear and rage, Rei decided to answer her before Misato became more upset.

"Yes. Someone did offer."

"Really? Who?"

Rei blushed and said:

"Kaworu-kun."