A/N: This is pre-Harry.

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Stupid! Stupid me! How could I be so stupid? I ask myself this over and over again, yet no answer seems to come to mind. I'm so naïve when it comes to love. I must not know how to handle myself when it comes to love, then. It's the only answer. I mean, I'm so confident! Normally, anyway. I'm Megrah Harper! The girl who must be the center of attention at all times, who isn't afraid to speak her mind, and isn't afraid to be physical at all. But maybe I'm lacking a different type of bravery.

I'm used to being so outlandish. Maybe I'm okay with being so outrageous all the time because I'm really a coward. I have so many emotions bubbling inside me, and when it comes to expressing them, I'm speechless. I've never expressed myself in such a way that I am completely exposed.

I'm such an idiot. This last time together could have been spend romantically, physically, truthfully, full of lust and desire. But now it's just going to be me, sorting through all the complicated emotions I've never really bothered to sort out before. Myself stumbling awkwardly through what I really want to say to Severus Snape, and how. And if I don't, I'll have nothing left, no time to get out what I desperately need to say. I suppose I could land myself in detention, but I don't want to do anything like that anymore. I don't want to make anyone mad, or frustrate them to the point that they can no longer deal with me, especially if that person I'm frustrating is Snape.

I suppose there are other ways to organize meetings, but the excuses will be much more tricky. I don't even want to think about that right now. Even the slightest puzzle boggles my mind. I have so much to work out, I can't concentrate on anything else.

I came to the decision that I wouldn't think on it any longer until I actually came to my final hour alone with him. But it made everything so much harder for me. I couldn't focus clearly. My eyes were blurring, and I just felt like crying. I don't know why, I just wanted somewhere no one would ever see me, and cry until my eyes burned.

Potions was my next class, but I had twenty minutes before that started. I went up to my empty dormitory and did just as I wanted to. I cried until my eyes were red and bloodshot. It was such a weird depression, so sudden. It was overwhelming, this love. This... propensity. This terrible burning obsession. I felt like I had to prove something. I felt like I had to touch myself, and scream, and bleed. I reached into my trunk and took out a steel blade with a petty hilt, which led to great precision as I slowly began to carve the figure of a snake deeply into my upper thigh. I carved another one beside it, and intertwined an M into both of them. Two snakes. SS. Severus Snape.

All of a sudden, a sudden spasm of pain shot through my leg. It was like I suddenly came back to reality, and I could finally feel the pain I had caused myself. My hands shot to my leg, and I pressed hard, hoping the pain would stop. I was paralyzed with agony. I looked down and saw thick dark red blood seeping through the gabs between my fingers. I grabbed the first shirt I could find, and ripped rapidly at the fabric, wrapping the scraps around my leg to stop the bleeding. I went through three shirts before it appeared as though I had caught up with the bleeding. A took a deep breath, and looked at the clock. Potions started in less than three minutes!

I clenched my teeth as I got up, pulled my pants back on and my robes back down, and limped steadily out of my dormitory. But I wasn't making very much progress. I had only just left Slytherin when my vision began to blur. I just persisted on walking, refusing to stop. I'd be able to sit in a second. No worries. I'd be fine in a moment.

But soon I didn't know which way was which. I couldn't tell if I was turning or if I was still going in a straight line. Maybe I was almost there. I could see a door. There were lots of people. I could feel the heat of their auras on me, watching me. And then everything was black.

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My eyes opened groggily as I saw the side of a dark haired figure. I was flying with him, slowly, but flying. Flying down the hallway to the hospital wing.

I cried. I don't want to go to the hospital wing!

I stopped flying. I took the chance to rub my eyes so I could see more clearly. I wasn't flying. The dark haired figure was Snape, and he was carrying me.

Thank god, I heard him whisper. I thought you'd be out for a while. What is wrong with you, Meg?

I looked up at him. We'd only gone up a few floors from the dungeon, it seemed.

I can walk, I said slowly. It was the truth. I could walk. But I didn't want to. In total truth, I wanted him to hold me forever.

He shook his head. he said, and let me down along the wall. He sat beside me.

What happened? I asked, looking up at him.

I should be asking you! he cried, and wiped his brow. Class was just about to start when a student came running in and said a girl fainted in the hallway. I walked out, and I saw you. On the floor. So I picked you up and was going to carry you to the hospital wing, because I didn't know how long you'd be out. Apparently not long. How are you feeling?Well, for the most part, fine, I said, trying to hide the fact that my whole leg was still burning.

That's good, for the most part, he said, a small smile crossing his face. Then he looked down and saw my leg. Unfortunately, the bondage job I did didn't work as well as I'd hoped. Blood was beginning to seep through my jeans and show on my robes.

What the hell did you do? he asked, touching where the robe was bloody.

Oh... that, I said discreetly. It's just a scratch. Nothing to get worked up about.Well, Madame Pomfrey can have a scratch mended in a minute, he said soothingly.

I said stubbornly. No, I'm fine. Besides, I have to get to class. Your class, in fact. We'd better head back.Well, you'd better at least be cleaned up, he said, taking out his wand. Tersus Macula.

And with a flick of his wand, the blood stains disappeared. I gave him a small half-smile in return, and went to stand up, putting very little pressure on the figuratively burning leg.

He lent me his arm as we headed back to the dungeons. As soon as his hand touched the door, you could here the scurrying of feet as everyone rushed back to where they were supposed to be. I looked at him, and he nodded, understanding that it was time to take his hand away. I grasped the door for balance as I walked in behind the dark and slender potions master.

After class was over, I stayed in my seat. I really didn't want to leave him. I knew it would raise eyebrows, but even if I had wanted to leave, I wouldn't have until the crowd cleared so I could walk undisturbed. I knew the cuts were deep and probably infected by now, and could have been easily mended in the hospital wing, but I wanted them to be my secret forever. Maybe the scars would last. I knew that Madame Pomfrey would clear the scars in a mere few seconds, but I didn't want that.

Finally the room was cleared, and I was about to leave, but I felt five stalky fingers curl around my shoulder.

Now let s really get a look at your wound, said Snape's icy voice. You at least need some new bondage.

My mind wandered onto what he could mean when he said I needed bondage. He noticed my smile, and laughed softly.

For your leg, Megrah. Where is it?

I bit my lip softly. It was quite high up on my thigh. And I didn't exactly want him to see what I wrote. But I found myself hypnotically unbuttoning my pants, and letting them drop under my desk. I was aware to my dismay that my robes would cover anything inappropriate. I could hear him catch his breath, and I got up and sat on my desk like a good patient.

Go ahead, I breathed. I'm in your hands, Doctor Snape. I giggled a little too hysterically at my stupid comment. Or maybe it was because I suddenly felt his hand on my knee.

Then he began to move his hand up my leg slowly. Tell me if it hurts, he said steadily.

I nodded, helping him lift up my robe a bit. Finally I cringed, and he pulled his hand back quickly. It was bloody.

I suppose I found it, he said, surprised at how high up he dared go. I rolled my robe up shamelessly so he could have a look at the wound. It was too bloody to be able to tell exactly where the cut was.

Accio washcloth, he whispered. He took the washcloth, and rubbed my flesh tenderly until all of the dried blood had come free from my skin. There was still some fresh blood forming from the cuts, so Snape just took his left sleeve and wiped it clean. Now the cut was exposed, and every mark was clear.

He just sort of looked at it for a moment. Then he looked back at me. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't face him. His fingers stung against my flesh as he traced the outline of the cuts.

Why did you do this? he asked, not looking at me.

You don't know? I asked tenderly, innocently. I was vulnerable, I knew. I took one great shaky breath, and looked him straight in the eyes. The second our eyes met, his closed, as if it hurt to look into my eyes.

Please, just look at me, I cried softly. Please, if you love me, open your eyes.This isn't real, he said, his eyes still shut. You don't really love me. No one could love me.

I knew I was crying, but I didn't feel as ashamed as I expected. Don't say that, I sobbed. I love you. It's real. It's all real. I promise. You... said you wanted me. Last night. You... you did mean what I thought you did, didn't you?

His face tightened, then relaxed slowly, and his eyes opened. I meant exactly that, he said. I want you, Meg.

I immediately buried myself in his arms. My face pressed against his chest. I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be held, for the first time in my life.

he started.

I tore myself away from his embrace to face him. What is it? I asked, fearing the worst. Afraid he might say this was unacceptable for a student and a teacher.

It's... It's almost time for your next class.

I sighed with relief, maybe a little louder than I anticipated. Right... right, it is. Now, how do I get this damn thing to stop hurting?Resarcio Vulnus he murmured, and immediately, the wound began to close itself, so there was nothing left but a tender pink scar.

I smiled and touched the scar with my hands. I was hoping I'd have a scar, I said, blushing a little.

He laughed in return. Get to class, you little scar-legged bitch.

I rolled my eyes, slipped off the table, and gave him one final touch on his left hand before I left. But this time, I turned to him and said good-bye.

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A/N: I appologize if you have to wait a while for the next chapter. If it's not up tomorrow, it'll either be up Monday, or if not either of those days, a good full two weeks from that. I'll be at ALA in Chicago, then I'm heading off to my island in Canada. But until then, go read Truth Beyond Memory. Hopefully Shadowycat will have her final chapter up before I leave, but if she doesn't... I'll have something to look forward too, heehee.