A/N: I loved this chapter. So angsty. Another side of Theodred; wait, can't give too much away! Read on! We're seriously winding down folks! I can't believe I just said folks. Review numbers are going down. I am sad. I cry. It's probably my fault for not updating as quickly as I used to. I'll try! But uphold your end of the deal and REVIEW! That's all I ask of you! Andrew Lloyd Webber starts playing. I HAD this done Friday night, and have waited THIS long to post it cuz SOMETHING was DOWN.

Nim-mag: You're BACK! I missed thee! Glad you're still crying.

Jen: I LOVED your review… Hehe. Finally new chapter eh?

Larka Vanimedle: Thanks. You will kill me after this chapter.

Roisin Dubh: Ze block is FINALLY gone. I shouldn't say that. It'll come back! AH! Hope all's going well for you. How's Serena? Last I saw she wasn't doing too well.

Elanor-G: An Irish Blessing? Want to send me the lyrics? Yes… get your tissues ready for that last chapter.

UCV3z: Thanks for the advice. That chapter needs to be reworked, but I'm not in the mood to do it. :more tissues:

Kitty: Wow. Long review. I'm glad you get it for once! Hehe!

Chapter 48: Here I Am Falling

Try as he might, he could not get those words out of his mind. They echoed in his ears, in every beat of his heart, in every ion of his being. It was in the horse, his faithful steed. It was in the eyes and faces of the servants that scurried around Meduseld. It was on the tongue of every one of those greedy, corrupt counselors his father had not the strength to banish. It reflected in every blade he saw, it rang in every sound he heard, hid under every rock.

I'm sorry. Those words sounded so hollow, unexplained. What was she thinking behind those wide, melancholy eyes? What were any of them thinking? To his right, he could almost see a sneer on the face of a serving lad as he walked throughout the halls of Meduseld. A peasant sneering at his prince; how dare he? What were they saying about him? Theodred was not a man who cared about the gossip that ranked the court. He was also not a man who cared what people thought of him, except those closest to him; a fact that his father had often chided him for. You cannot rule and not care for the people, he always said. He also did not listen when people tried to poison his mind against those dearest to his heart. But today, today was different.

Today, he wanted to know. He wanted to know what they were whispering as they chopped the vegetables. He wanted to know what they thought as they were saddling the horses. He wanted; needed to know what the women were spreading like the plague to each other as people came and bought their goods.

For not being a faithful wife, she had said. What did she mean by that? She often complained about his absence, or even when she didn't, he could see it in the reluctance of her eyes. Could she? Could she have taken up another to help her endure his absence? Never. He wouldn't let words poison their love.

But these words had come from her mouth, not the tongue of some corrupt opportunist. His eyes narrowed. What had been the subject of gossip lately? The poisonous, idle words of hundreds came to his mind. As weak as she was, why had she gone riding with Eomer? And why had Eomer agreed? Eomer had always grudged Elentari, even gone as far as blatantly disliked. Why?

Theodred was not a man of rash action, nor was he a man to act on nothing but suspicion, but today, with all the cares of his life lying heavy upon him; none of it meant anything to him. He had to find out. He had to know. He would go mad if he did not know what those words meant. There would be no Prince of Rohan if he did not find out the truth.

"EOMER!" He stormed into his cousin's room. The younger man quickly jumped up from his desk, showing respect, but also stunned by his cousin's vehemence.

Theodred was enough of himself to glance upon the desk and see the rough beginnings of a pencil sketch. He could see the outlines of a horse, of the tall grass that swayed in the wind that he knew so well, the flowers that his wife picked and braided into his hair. His wife; his beloved, weakening wife. He could also see, the faintest traces of two people upon the horse, and that did nothing but fan his confused emotions. Emotions he could not place. It was not anger. It was not sorrow. It was nothing he had ever felt before. He wanted, needed, desperately, more than anything in the world; more than the air filling his lungs, needed to know what she meant; needed her to say that she was wrong. Needed to know that she loved him. Needed to know that she loved only him. He could not bear anyone else in her heart. He could not begin to think of Eomer and Elentari, or anyone besides him with Elentari, but the thought of Elentari's constant complaints of loneliness, Eomer's youthful, worry-free, handsome looks, her guilty words; he didn't know what to think.

Eomer's voice snapped him back, "Yes, Theodred? Welcome home."

He turned back, his eyes boring into his cousin's. He tried to calm himself. He tried not to confront Eomer.

"I have heard that you went riding yesterday."

"Yes. I was just about to go after I finished working on this," he glanced at the sketch.

"What is that?" Theodred tried to stay cool.

Eomer smiled, but pretended to be worried, "Can you not tell what it is?"

"Tell me and I'll tell you if I was right."

"Come now Theodred. We've been doing this for years. You tell me first!"

Theodred resolutely refused to answer, until Eomer sighed and said, "Fine. Here's the horse," he traced the paper with his finger, "And the tall grass that's always itchy to lay in. Remember? We used to trick Eowyn with that."

"And? Who are the people?"

"I haven't finished them yet."

"Who are they supposed to be?"

"Who do you think they are?"

Theodred frowned for a moment, as if in deep thought, "Eowyn and you?"

Eomer shrugged, "Could be."

"But it wasn't what you had in mind?"

Eomer shrugged again, "No. I was thinking more of Elentari."

So it was true. A heavy brick fell in Theodred's heart, but he continued to play. The creator cannot forfeit. There would be no game then.

"How would you know what Elentari looks like on a horse?"

Eomer did not know how to respond. He himself saw nothing wrong with telling Theodred, but he was afraid of what Elentari would say. They had, after all, sneaked out. She was not supposed to leave her room. If she became worse because of him, Theodred would damn him. He would tell Theodred if he had to, but only then.

"Don't women always look the same on a horse? You said she was a good rider, so I imagined how Eowyn rides, and added dark hair."

"On the same horse? As I recall, Eowyn hasn't ridden with either of us since she was eight. Said we weren't good enough."

Eomer smiled, and tried to smooth his error, "Why does it matter who I went riding with Theodred? There are plenty of pretty lasses in the village."

"My wife wouldn't be one of them, would she?" Theodred glared at his cousin.

"What do you mean? Of course she's pretty. How could she have you so besotted if she weren't?"

"That wasn't what I was saying Eomer," Theodred's voice rose with the second, "Stop playing the game."

You created it. Why does he have to stop playing it?

So you can win.

"What game?" Eomer began to panic.

"Did you take my wife riding yesterday?"

"Why would you think that?" Eomer was stalling for time.

"Never mind that. Yes or no?"

Eomer gulped, "Yes. She asked me." No matter how he felt, his voice never quivered.

Theodred's voice went down a level, but Eomer could hear the masked intensity, "Why did you take her? I thought she was a worthless Gondorian who did not want anything to do with us. I thought she didn't deserve us."

Eomer shrugged, "She begged me to. You always tell me how women, for all their wiles and charms, are most irresistible when they are distressed. She pleaded with me. She asked me to take it as a request of a dying woman."

As soon as that word left his mouth, Eomer clasped his mouth shut. He knew he had made a mistake. Theodred would never see it, no matter how many healers told him. Theodred would never believe it. Now with this odd behavior, Eomer had no idea what his cousin would do.

"SHE IS NOT DYING!" He screamed, "SHE WILL RECOVER."

Eomer backed into the wall, "Let us all hope she will, but do not fool yourself Theodred."

"I am not fooling myself Eomer, and when she does recover, it will not be you that I thank!" He snarled at his cousin, and before storming out, with one sweep of his hand, crashed all the pencils and paper to the floor.

He stormed the short distance between Eomer's room and his, and practically broke down the door. He found Eowyn chattering gaily to Elentari, who was smiling dotingly and arguing with the girl over Feanorians.

"Theodred," they said in unison. Elentari seemed to note the fury and confusion in his steaming eyes, and said quietly, "Eowyn, will you please leave us? Maglor is still better, though."

After the door closed, Theodred began, "I have just gone to see Eomer."

"How is he?" she smiled meekly.

"Looking better than you are," he said flatly.

She nodded. Why wouldn't she say anything? Where had that outburst gone from earlier?

"You went riding with him yesterday." It was not a question.

"Yes." She held no trace of denial in those clear eyes.

No matter how hard he tried, he could not bring himself to accuse her. He could not bring himself to believe that she could do anything but love him.

"You know you can't. The healers forbid it."

"What the healers say doesn't matter to me anymore. I know better than them."

"Know what?" he could barely hear himself.

There was no sadness about her, "My fate. I've known it since the day I walked on the shores of Dol Amroth."

He couldn't take it anymore. He broke down like a little child. He sank to the floor, his chest convulsing with sobs he had forced down for months. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think. He couldn't feel. He couldn't breathe. He felt nothing but death. He wanted Him to take him instead of her. A thousand knives pierced him, but he could not cry out in pain. He was choking. He was drowning.

Then she came. She, the weak one, the dying one, came to him. She saved him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him out of the water. He felt her lips press gently on his skin. He felt the softness and perfection hold him. She cradled him like the mother he never had. She cradled him like the child they never had.

And she held him. She spoke no word. She sang no song. She just held him, until his sobs subsided and he was no longer drowning.

Why does my heart cry?

Feelings I can't fight

You're afraid to leave me

But just don't deceive me

And please believe when I say

I love you

He summoned enough voice to croak that out. He had enough humor left in him to find it ironic that he was singing to her, instead of the other way around.

She pulled him closer to her, taking in his rich, strong scent, working her fingers through his soft hair. She never wanted to let him go. She remembered a time when she felt the same for another. She had never let him go, and for that she was paying her penance. How could she tell him? How could she break this beautiful, fragile heart that hung so much on her? Yet she had to. She knew she had to.

She could feel his heart breaking with every moment she did not reply. She could not find the words. She had to make him face the truth, but she also had to tell him she loved him. It was always easier for her to sing, than speak.

You hear me shout when no one's about.

You find me where I can't be seen.

I feel the air flowing for life's in full swing.

So tell me why I cannot breathe.

Here I am falling, oh why am I falling,

Take me to where I belong.

I'm standing here falling, before you I'm falling,

If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone.

Time moves on, and time won't be long.

In time I will fear not the day

I'm endlessly knowing that you'll never know

What I might want you to say.

Here I am falling, oh why am I falling,

Take me to where I belong.

I'm standing here falling, before you I'm falling,

If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone.

My back it aches, my body it breaks,

To grow my own wings I have tried

Painless I came. Now aimless remain,

Alone and adrift on the tide

But here I'm still falling, oh why am I falling

Take me to where I belong.

I'm standing here falling, before you I'm falling

If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone.

He finally raised his eyes to hers, and the pain she saw in them she could not bear. The childish, naïve look was gone; she had killed it, and for that she would never forgive herself.

"Theodred," she whispered, "Hold me. Hold me tighter than you ever have before. You won't hurt me."

She pressed her lips against his, drawing warmth from him, strength from him before she broke their hearts.

When their lips parted, she spoke softly, "No matter what I say to you now, I want you to remember that I love you."

She kissed the palm of his hand. "Remember this morning when I asked you to forgive me? I asked you to forgive me for not being faithful."

How could he forget? Those torturous words that drove him beyond madness.

"I know that must have tormented you. I know you must have thought a thousand things, but I know it was not what I am going to tell you now."

"I'm dying Theodred. You know I am. We all do. It's just been a matter of when. I've been waiting only to tell you this. I could never forgive myself if I left you here blinded."

She sighed heavily, trying to summon the courage to tell him.

"I love you. Truly, I do, but I was always holding myself back, because I knew I couldn't give you what you wanted."

"But you have," he protested, "You have given me everything I've ever wanted."

She shook her head, "I couldn't. I can't." She stammered. She couldn't say it. It was on the tip of her tongue, but it wouldn't come out. "To give someone your heart, you have to have it. I don't have it. I gave it away long ago. And he will never return it."

Transparent pearls from separate hosts fell, and met each other on the floor.

A/N: REVIEW! I know the suspense will kill you. Any one want to tell me what the pearls are, as some people I tested it on didn't get it! Theodred's song is a little section from El Tango De Roxanne of Moulin Rouge that I altered a little bit. Elentari's is "Falling" by Kate Rusby.