Disclaimer: The characters and the lyrics aren't mine. They belong to Bright, Kauffman & Crane, and Matchbook Romance, respectively.

Author's Note: This is my first piece of fiction... ever (or the first time since high school). Yes, I do realize that Rachel's not featured as much in this chapter – I've done this intentionally, but she'll definitely be included in future chapters... that is, if you cool people review. Anyways, on with the story...

Off Again?

And just like that, she was gone. Even after the ups and downs, on and offs, close calls that was their relationship, she boarded her flight heading for Paris anyways even after his poignant declaration of love, telling her not to go and how much he loved her. Rachel Green. The woman Ross Geller had fallen in love almost twenty years ago in ninth grade typing. If it weren't for his son Ben, Ross would've followed Rachel to Paris. Hell, he would've followed her to the ends of the earth... as hackneyed as that sounds. Just this morning, he was in reverie of the fact they had slept together the night before, thinking it would've been enough to keep her from leaving and bring them back to being "Ross and Rachel" again just like the magical year when they were going out. Now, he felt as though he were in a sick twisted nightmare where he would wake up any minute, lying next to the love of his life: Rachel. However, this was a cold, harsh reality slapping him in the face, laughing at and mocking him. As the gate attendant closed the door, Ross stood there, clinging on to Phoebe – one of his closest friends and confidant when it dealt with Rachel – as if his life were depending on it.

My eyes burn from these tears
You think I'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever

On the cab ride home, Phoebe drove much more cautiously as opposed to her reckless driving earlier in the evening, simply trying to catch up to Rachel before she left, even stalling the flight with one of the most idiotic excuses: something being wrong with the left phalange. Understanding of his current situation, Phoebe left Ross alone with his thoughts, knowing something was wrong with his aura. After all, she had witness the event firsthand – not that he would've had anything to say to her at the moment anyways. Ironically, it was Phoebe who once referred to Ross and Rachel as lobsters, going as far as to make up a ridiculous theory of lobsters falling in love and mating for life. Yet, it just wasn't meant to be. Well, Ross and Rachel definitely fell in love, whether they had fallen out of love was debatable – he was still in love with her, but she hadn't said anything. They also had mated, producing their beautiful two-year old daughter: Emma, which made things that much worse and difficult for Ross. He'd already lost his first child, Ben, to another ex-wife; now, he was about to lose another child to yet another ex-wife, granted they were temporarily.

So what the hell am I supposed to do?
You only wanted the things I couldn't give to you
And you had it all anyway

Ross was completely engrossed with his thoughts – his mind racing a thousand miles a second, daunted by the "what ifs" and all the "could, would, and should haves" that Ross could have done... anything to prevent this scenario he was faced with now. His mind was playing tricks and games on him. While Ross was glad that he told Rachel and assured himself it was that better she knew he loved her, it still hurt so much, even more than his divorces from Emily and Carol combined. It should've been one of those lame, cheesy and cliché-ridden romantic comedy endings where the guy gets the girl, Ross thought. He had always hoped their continuously dramatic "will they" or "won't they" saga would've had a better, happier ending than this. He had imagined that he would've been married to his high school crush and ex-girlfriend, living in Scarsdale or somewhere in the suburbs, having and raising their children, and basically, growing old together. While Ross had had many different girlfriends after Rachel, they all had one very common characteristic bonding them. They weren't Rachel, nor would they ever live up to those high expectations.

Ross pondered where they went wrong after their now infamous break. Every time they thought they had gotten their acts straight, there had been something there to prevent their reunion, whether it was an 18-page front-and-back letter, a drunken Vegas wedding, the conception of their daughter, an accidental proposal by a friend on the birth of Emma, her moving in so he could help her with the baby, a random bar schmuck's phone number he had hidden, bringing a ditzy woman back to their apartment, the same friend falling in love and eventually going out with her for a millisecond. It was as though fate had been playing a cruel trick on them all along. Suddenly, he was interrupted from these thoughts when Phoebe told them they had finally arrived in the Village.

"Ross, do you want to head over to Monica and Chandler's?" Phoebe asked with such sincerity in her voice. Ross shook his head and almost inaudibly stated, "It's alright, Phoebe. I'm just going to head back to my place and get some rest, but I'll head over there when I'm ready. Thanks for everything though." Ross had questions of his left unanswered. He wasn't prepared for another batch from his friends quite yet, especially his sister.

Ah, Monica – his sister and Rachel's best friend since they were young girls growing up in the same Long Island neighborhood, even when Monica was a tad bit overweight.

"I am truly sorry though, Ross. I thought she was going to stay," Phoebe mentioned as Ross slightly cringed, not even having to mention her name. She then jokingly added to lighten the mood, "Just don't go sticking your head into any ovens. I mean, you're one of my best and closest friends," drawing a brief chuckle from Ross.

So, Phoebe and Ross walked their separate ways. As Ross headed up the stairs to his apartment, his heart remained heavy, like it had been carrying the weight of the world after just being rejected. It wasn't as if it were the first he'd been rejected by Rachel, but why did this one sting the most? He had been the shy nerd in high school; she was the head cheerleader, prom and homecoming queen who wouldn't give him the time of day. Being Monica's older brother was the only reason she would've acknowledged his existence. As he reached his apartment door, Ross opened the door, tossing his keys onto his apothecary table from Pottery Barn. Pottery Barn, one of the many stores she loves, Ross said to himself. Instinctively, he went over to his answering machine, plopping himself down onto his coach, yet there weren't any messages... not from Joey, Monica, Chandler, or Rachel. Hmm, maybe Phoebe told them not to call me, Ross concluded.

Just then, his phone rang, but Ross didn't have the strength or motivation to pick up the phone, letting the answering machine pick it up.

"Hey, Ross, it's me." Ah, not the voice I had hoped for or calling me right now. "Whenever you're ready, just head over, we can talk and I could bake you some cookies or a cake." Monica's way of dealing with stress – by this, usually meaning her mother's harsh, biting, and often undeserved criticism – had been either cooking or cleaning. As Monica continued, Ross heard a familiar voice in the background, "Ooh, Monica, can you bake those cookies anyways... you know, as a going away gift? I mean, I'm not going to able to mooch off you guys anymore." Ah, Joey. He wasn't the brightest, but a great friend nonetheless. After all, he came to me first before going after Rachel, not wanting to ruin our friendship... well, except for that one time after we'd arrived from Barbados. Ross winced at the thought of finding out about his best friend and ex the way he did and the time he told them that he was "fine" at dinner the next night when he was anything but. Despite his attempts to block her out, every single thought went back to Rachel...

Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
I don't know if it's worth me losing sleep over this

"Guys, I've been thinking about surprising Rachel by visiting her in Paris," Ross proclaimed to the group – minus Joey and obviously Rachel – as they occupied the couches of Central Perk for the first time since Monica and Chandler had moved to their beautiful Westchester home. "She told me where she would be staying once she arrived in Paris. I'm not quite sure how she's going to react. Besides, it's been weeks since the whole airport incident. The semester's almost over and I'm pretty much done with the teaching portion. There are just the final exams to grade, but I'm almost done with those, too. Not to mention, I can't get fired due to this tenure. I'll only be gone a week or two, so it's not like Ben's going to miss me that much. Plus, it'd be great to see my little princess."

"That'd be great, Ross. I'm sure Rachel would definitely be glad to see you," the others chimed in supportively.

At almost the precise moment, Joey came bursting into Central Perk, apparently with some sort of news, exclaiming, "I'm going to California! My sister, Gina, got me this great place out in Los Angeles."

Always one to make the sarcastic joke at an inopportune moment, Chandler quipped, "Which would that one be, Joe? Aside from being loud, your sisters aren't the most distinguishable people in New York, let alone the entire universe."

"Yeah, not the one you had sex with," Joey coldly retorted, causing Chandler to turn a light shade of red. "She's this hairdresser to the stars or something. It'd be great, plus I'm so excited about furthering my career... you know, since I've done everything there is to do in New York."

"What? Joey, you can't leave! Didn't you make this huge fuss about Rachel leaving? Wasn't it you that made a scene about Chandler and I moving to Westchester?" Monica said, practically screaming and waking up the twins. "Oops, and now you're going too?" speaking in a much calmer and softer tone while Chandler went to pick up Erica and Monica picked up Jack, and started rocking their children back to sleep. "It's just that Ross..." Monica hesitated, looking at Ross and changing her sentence, "...everything's changing so fast."

Although it really shouldn't have, that last statement struck a chord with Ross; he, being the intuitive 'doctor' with a Ph.D., figured with Joey gone now that he would be the only single person in the group still living in New York. With Monica and Chandler now located in Westchester, they would be busy with their own brand new lives with the twins. They wouldn't want him intruding in, bothering them with his problems while they would have their own. Also, Phoebe and Mike had been planning on having children soon, too. Ross assumed he didn't want them barging in on their lives either. There was pretty much nothing left in New York – other than his son, of course. I'm being phased out... again, Ross reasoned, except my friends are doing it this time and there isn't some scornful British woman forcing me to.

With that in mind, Ross had decided to leave for Paris sooner. Despite being rejected, he still wanted to see her, hoping she'd be excited to see him... being optimistic, of course. He brought the leftover final exams that needed grading; hopefully, he would have left before Joey. He felt guilty about leaving hastily without saying goodbye, but he knew this had to be done – he wanted to hopefully salvage things and start a relationship with Rachel, again optimistically-speaking... realistically, he wanted to at least end on better terms with her. No one asked him why, but merely assumed he wanted to see and missed Rachel, which they weren't entirely wrong about. Regardless, he was ecstatic.

Ross had his flight several times, taking this as a sign that he wasn't supposed to be there. During the delay, he relived, in his mind, the last time been at Newark airport. How could he forget?

"RACHEL!!" Phoebe yelled, not caring about making a scene, which caused Rachel to head back towards the terminal's door. "Oh my God... what... what are you guys doing here?" was all Rachel could come up with. "Okay, you're on," Phoebe mentioned to Ross. "What? What? Ross, you're scaring me. What's going on?" Rachel wondered, speculating something had happened to Emma, the twins, or one of her friends.

"Okay, the thing is..." Ross noted, still trying to find the perfect words to say. Everything always had to be perfect when it came to Rachel, deserving only the best. Fuck it, Ross thought to himself. "Yeah?" she asked, breaking his concentration. "Don't go," he said. "What?" she asked, staring into his brown eyes, and confused now more than ever. "Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go," he replied. "Oh my God," was again all she could muster, the complete opposite of what she was expecting. Ross continued, "I know, I know. I shouldn't have waited 'till now to say it, but I'm... that was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane."

They were curtly interrupted by a gate attendant, yet he was only doing his job. "Miss, are you getting on the plane?" the man uttered. "Hey – hey, I know you love me. I know you do," Ross proclaimed, hoping she would reciprocate. "Miss?" again the nameless man questioned. "I – I have to get on the plane," Rachel stated, not sure to handle the situation. "No, you don't," "Yes, I do," "No, you don't" Ross and Rachel exchanged. Until she responded, "they're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," gradually becoming sure of the decision she had just made. "Rachel?" Ross said, at a loss for words. Rachel apologized, "I'm sorry," showing the gate attendant her ticket and walking towards the plane.

Ross snapped out of his flashback, as the flight attendant over the speaker declared that the flight was now boarding for Paris. After a long flight, Ross finally arrived in Paris – the fashion capital of the world. He asked for either directions to the nearest hotel or where the apartment Rachel had been staying, but was easily lost in the French language being spoken to him. Damn, I knew I should've taken some French lessons from Phoebe before I left, Ross joked. After a couple hours of searching, he luckily found someone who spoke enough English and fluently to tell him where to go, even tipping him a generous amount. Ross was incredibly grateful towards the man. He couldn't wait not only to see the look on her face, but to have her show him around the city – the same way he had helped her almost ten years ago, when she came rushing back in a wet wedding dress into his life.

There was no turning back now. Here he was, outside Rachel's apartment complex. Opening the door, Ross mused, that's weird. The door's unlocked. I guess Paris is a lot safer than New York... either that or some habits just don't change. Walking into what was presumably her bedroom, "Rachel?" he called out. "Joey? What the hell?"

So take, take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place