Author's Note: I was supposed to have this chapter up before Thanksgiving, but it was weaker (but I've tweaked it somewhat). Plus, I've been busy with school-related stuff. As a Ross and Rachel fan, this chapter was somewhat harder to write. Anyways, thanks for the reviews. On with the next chapter…
Three
"So, what do you think Ross wanted to talk to Monica about?" Phoebe asked, trying to break the silence yet already knowing the answer to her own question.
"I bet it has something to do about Rachel," Joey mentioned, "I mean, who better to talk to about Rachel with than her childhood friend, right?"
"Joe, you're still a mystery to me, but I'm going to miss you," Chandler joked, lucky the twins had been napping before Monica left.
"Oh, for the love of God, get a room," Phoebe yelled as she continued putting stuff into boxes. "Yeah, I'd assume it has something to do with Rachel, too. I love Rachel," Phoebe paused as she saw Joey getting giddy as he took what she had just mentioned way out of context then finished, "…as a friend, Joey. Sometimes, she can be a pain in the ass. Besides, with her in Paris, she's totally disproving my entire lobster theory. Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan hates it when she's wrong... that and having to refer to myself in third-person."
"Oh, guys. Before I forget, my sister, Gina, got me an apartment somewhere in Los Angeles. She's also got a son, but I haven't heard much about him since she moved out there. You know, on the other side of the world," Joey disclosed. "I'm itching to further my whole acting career, plus I've got one hell of an agent. She's a shark, but that's not a bad thing."
"What??" Phoebe and Chandler exclaimed, simultaneously.
He announced, "Yeah, I figured with everyone doing their own thing: Rachel's in Paris, you and Monica moving to Westchester, and Phoebe and Mike doing the whole married thing. I felt I should, too."
"What about Ross?" Chandler inquired.
Joey answered, "Well, I think Ross can take care of himself. He's still got Ben, Carol, Susan, and you guys to hang out with."
After Joey's announcement, the room went back tothe eerie silence that had coated it before Phoebe spoke.
XXX
As he was approaching Central Perk, Ross couldn't believe what he was seeing. He hated referring to her by name – the copy place girl. The woman that ruined his relationship to the only woman he'd truly loved… outside of Carol, of course.
"Hey, dinosaur guy, do you remember me?" Chloe questioned.
"How could I forget?"Ross replied bitingly, hoping she'd sense his tone and leave, but to no avail. "Oh yeah, the copy place girl." He still didn't want to refer to her by name. In fact, he hated the name ever since the night of the incident. The thought of that night and hurting Rachel made his blood boil. That night, he was no better than the scum that Rachel had previously been with – Chip, Barry, and Paolo.
"Chloe," she corrected, then asking while trying to sound innocent, "Is there something wrong?"
"You," Ross mumbled under his breath, "Oh, no. I'm supposed to meet up with my sister, but she's running a little late." Just then, Chloe brought up the one thing he didn't want to talk about… at least, not to her. "So, how's your girlfriend? That Rachel girl you keep talking about? I mean, I've seen her around and she's really nothing special," she asked obliviously.
"Um, we're not together anymore," Ross replied casually although the anger in his voice was building up, especially at Chloe's disparaging remark towards Rachel. Even when they weren't together, he still felt protective of Rachel. Sure, he could speak negatively about Rachel if he wanted to. It was one of the "rights" as the ex-boyfriend, but he just couldn't work himself to badmouth Rachel. Plus, she was still one of his best friends, but he wouldn't let someone who hardly knew Rachel say these things about her.
"Ah, I'm so sorry. What happened?" she wondered.
"Yeah, it's complicated. I kind of don't want to talk about it though," lying about the last part. He did want to talk about it, just not to her. She won't just leave me alone, he reasoned, recalling to that night where again she just kept pestering him.
"Again, I'm sorry, but when you do want to talk about it, call me okay," she spoke as she scribbled down her number on a piece of paper and handed it to Ross. As the words came out of her mouth, they quickly turned to gibberish and wondered what he saw in Chloe that made him even think about sleeping with her. He'd only found her remotely attractive because Joey and Chandler kept boasting about gawking at "the 'hot' girl from the Xerox place." Chloe, in retrospect, was less than average in looks and the only redeeming factor about her was that stupid belly button ring. Hands down, Chloe wasn't worth jeopardizing what he had with Rachel. This time, he was a lot more mature, or so he thought, but he definitely wasn't falling into Chloe's little "trap" again.
Just as Chloe left, he'd spotted Monica in the corner of his eye, crumpling the piece of paper he'd just been handed and tossed it into the street. "Not even a whole day and you're already hitting on other women, Ross?" Monica quipped. "Ha-ha, Mon. You know, you're becoming a lot like Chandler." As they walked towards Central Perk, he teased his sister, "You'll never guess who that was." "Who," Monica asked, almost indifferently. "Chloe, the copy place girl," Ross stated emphatically. In an almost Rachel-like manner, Monica replied, "No!" With just the slightest mention of her name, Monica reminisced all the nights and weeks after their break-up she spent consoling both Rachel and Ross, trying her hardest not to choose between the two. She never could: Rachel was her best friend, but Ross was her brother. "You were hitting on Chloe!" she yelled, punching her brother in the arm. "Ouch! No! I ran into her on my way to meeting you," Ross explained defensively, "I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, but she just wouldn't leave me alone. She gave me her number, but I tossed it into the street." Monica answered, "Good, you'd better… or I just might have to hit you, again."
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Monica pondered as they reached their hangout for the past 10 years.
"Well, you know how I have tenure, right?" Monica nodded. Ross continued, "Well, I'm torn between quitting my job, going after her, and moving to Paris," he paused as Monica hung onto his every word, "or keep the job I love and finally let the woman I've loved the past 20 years go. I mean, what good is tenure if I don't have her or Emma around? If I go with the former – which right now sounds much more appealing – I'd have her and Emma, but I'd be leaving you guys and Ben."
Monica understood and reasoned, "Well, summer vacation's coming up. Why don't you pay her a surprise visit? You wouldn't have to quit your job, plus you'd get to still get to see her and Emma." Almost instantaneously like Ross had already prepared this, "Yeah, I've thought of that, Mon, but it's just not the same, you know? But I'd hate knowing that I'd have to leave her, again… even if it is temporarily."
Again, Monica provided, "How about you ask Sandra if you could be the one to take Emma to Paris? However, I can't make that decision for you. You're going to have to decide what's best for you and what you want. I'll understand if you choose to leave, but I don't know if it'll be the same for the others, especially Ben. By the way, Ross, Rachel's a great friend, my best friend and all, but what is it that you see in her that you didn't see in all the others you've dated?"
XXX
Rachel woke up from her nap, still in disbelief that she was actually in Paris now. The boxes wouldn't arrive until tomorrow or the day after and her job didn't start for another week. She'd decided to do what she'd planned on doing before her nap: shop, tour Paris, and hopefully, find a baby-sitter or daycare for Emma. First, she needed to rid herself of the clothes that reminded her of Newark… and Ross. "I'd hate to throw out such a great outfit," Rachel joked with a towel caressing her body. Once the water splashed onto her face and trickled down her chest and body, reality set in: she could spend the rest of her life without seeing Ross or not getting the proper closure that their history merited; worse, she could find and marry another man. God, she'd hate to see the look on his face if and when she'd tell him she was engaged and getting married… to someone else. It pained her when she had found out about him and Emily, namely at how quickly he'd proposed to her after six weeks. While she and Ross had been together for a year, there was no proposal or wedding. At that thought, she felt a slight resentment of how "lucky" Emily was – at least, she was engaged and briefly married, without the influence of alcohol, to Ross even if it turned into the wedding and marriage from Hell. Rachel dried herself off, hair still damp, and covered herself with the same towel. "Well, at least, there isn't anyone to peer in on me," Rachel said aloud, thinking back to the time where Ross had thought she'd wanted sex, which lead to their drunken marriage. She did want to marry Ross, but not that way.
Looking for clothes, she searched through her luggage, finding the last thing she'd packed – her Ross box. She thought it'd been lost in the fire at Phoebe's apartment a few years back; luckily, it remained intact. She opened it, seeing all the contents there, plus some of the stuff she'd added in over the years – a copy oftheprom video, the movie stub from the first date, the egg shell from the first time he had made her breakfast in bed, the bone that Ross had reluctantly let her keep from the first time they made love, the divorce papers from their drunken Vegas wedding, the napkin bearing his name on it from when her and Phoebe had planned their backups, the videotape from the night they'd conceived Emma, the first batch of photos that she'd taken from Ross held Emma at the hospital, various pictures and the video from their daughter's first birthday, photographs from the time they had gone to the park. Stroking her daughter's face on the photo, she weakly mumbled, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry I can't give you the family you deserve." Growing sick of the constant pessimism around her, she threw the Ross box onto the wall, yet regretted it once the box left her hand. "Enough, I've got to start thinking positively and enjoy Paris." Leaving the box there lying on the ground, she put on some make-up, got dressed, and was out ready to explore Paris.
Much like Ross, Rachel looked like nothing was wrong with her to those that didn't know her. To everyone who knew her, it was pretty obvious something was bothering her even though she would never admit it. In Paris, she stuck out like a sore thumb, feeling lost like a tourist in a foreign country. She hailed for a taxi, but wasn't having any success. She mocked, "Shoot, why did I sleep through high school French?" She shouted again, finally as the taxi approached. "Where is the nearest mall?" she questioned. Without further question, the driver – barely understanding her words – steered her in the direction of the mall.
XXX
Monica called and knowing her brother was lost in thought, "Ross?"
"Mon, it's just complicated," his sister nodded as if she were saying her customary 'I know' as he continued, "I mean, with her, it just isn't one specific thing about her. It's everything, actually. When she was here, she and Emma were the two things that made it worth getting up in the morning. They were what I had to look forward to after a long day at work, you know? The gang and Central Perk are great and all, plus you're the best sister anyone would be lucky to have," he paused, "but it's just not the same with Rachel. I don't know what the hell I was thinking with Charlie, but it seemed like we clicked – a little too well. She was too perfect, like there was no challenge or spark after awhile. With Mona, she was attractive and all, but she was a bit to sycophantic even when I disregarded her during Rachel's pregnancy."
He paused, "Hell, the only reason I pursued Emily was because Rachel had done a great job convincing me when she said she was over me while moving on with Joshua, so I figured 'why not give Emily a shot?' I did love Emily, even when she was a bit moody before I said Rachel's name. I'm pretty sure proposing to Emily only after six weeks of dating was the second biggest mistake of my life – even worse than the drunken marriage to Rachel and lying about the annulment. If I had known Rachel found out before heading to China, I never would've left and there would've been no Julie. I loved Carol, too; I truly thought she would've been the one that helped me get over Rachel in college. Of course, being the unlucky guy that I am, she turns out to be a lesbian. Then Rachel shows up in a wedding dress bursting into Central Perk and it brought back all those feelings that I'd buried deep down to the point where I didn't even care that Carol was a lesbian. You know, I just didn't want a divorce that young, but then again, who does? It's seems ironic that the only women I've had children with are the only ones I've truly loved. Imagine if Chandler had taken a job in another country with Jack or Erica, you told him you loved him, but decided to leave anyways. Honestly, it sucks…"
Monica witnessed her brother pouring everything that had been pent up, but could only say, "I'm so sorry, Ross. I mean, you're a great brother too. You don't deserve this."
I'm so sorry. The three words that had floated in Ross's head a lot the past day or so, particularly at the airport when she got back on the plane. Ross assured her, "It's not your fault, Monica. It never was. It's mine."
Suddenly, Monica had this urge, not a good one – although she really didn't want to feel this way. She had a growing disdain for her best friend from the same Long Island neighborhood, realizing that all – with the exception of Carol – of Ross's relationships had ended in part due to Rachel. After all these years of catering to both sides, she'd picked her brother. She griped, "No, it's not, Ross. Sure, you're partially to blame, but you shouldn't have to take all the blame. I mean, she's still my best friend and she's been a great one too, but you're my brother. But hasn't she fucked you over so many times?"
Ross was taken aback with his sister's curse, "What do you mean?"
She explained, "Don't you think she's still selfish? Still living in Rachel-Land, Queen Rachel gets whatever and everything she wants, not giving a shit about who she hurts. She can't forgive you for a stupid list, which was hardly your fault. You willingly accept all the blame for your relationship's downfall after Chloe then blames you for falling asleep while reading it. She sets you up with Emily, but goes jealous when she finds out you're in Vermont with Emily. She gets mad at you for not getting the annulment when the drunken wedding was her fault and only admitted it because of sympathy. She allows you to go out with Jill, but freaks out the second you shut your drapes and tells you to cancel your date with her sister because it made her uncomfortable."
She waited and hoped Ross would be listening to every word she was saying, which he was and continued, "She wanted to use you for sex on mine and Chandler's engagement night. When you do have sex, she tries to say you came onto her, but got caught in a lie she couldn't get out of. You helped her find an apartment, going as far as to kiss the dying woman willing to sublet the apartment to her, but she passed when you finally did get the apartment. She convinced you to stop dating because she'd gotten jealous of Katie. Not to mention, she kisses a co-worker she barely got along with. I know, she's not your property, but still it'd be nice if she could reciprocate on the no dating thing so you both could take care of Emma. She accepts Joey's proposal because Janice scares her about raising Emma alone. When you propose, you guys aren't 'in the same place' or some lame ass Rachel excuse, yet she wasn't in the same place that Joey was in when she accepted. It's hypocritical, Ross. Then you have to find out about her and Joey the way you do and while holding Emma, no less. She impulsively decides to take a job in Paris without at least consulting you first, taking Emma with her. Emma is your daughter too. You had to convince her for a goodbye. Ross, she doesn't deserve you, nor do you continually need to have your heartbroken by her. You'd be a great catch to any woman, Ross. Any woman would be lucky to have you, but Rachel waits until you screw up, so she can get the free pass to do what she wants."
A shocked and baffled Ross could only utter, "Wow, I didn't know you felt that way, Mon."
Monica responded, "Well, I mean, yeah. She's told me all these things, but I could only hold it in… out of gratitude for being a great friend. And I hated when you two broke-up, I hated how she felt and not knowing what to do or say to console her. I hated having to pick between you and her. I mean, I knew you had a thing for Rachel, but when I saw how deep it was, I've wanted you guys together, but I think that her leaving was quite possibly the best thing – for you. I don't want Mental Geller to reemerge again. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love it if you two would finally get your acts together, but it just seems all so masochistic. You know?"
"Mon, I know Rachel can be selfish, self-centered, and sometimes thinking about how the world revolves around her, but it makes me love her even more. If anything, I wish I could take back that night – the night that made things much more complicated than they should be. Hell, I wish things were a lot simpler than they are now. It does sound slightly crazy and masochistic. I mean, you put up with Chandler's constant jokes, his jealousy of Richard, and all his other quirks, right? I don't know about you, but it just seems worth it."
With that, Ross had made his decision. He was headed for Paris.