Disclaimer: Okay those fake author's notes made my eyes bleed. I don't own FF, Yu-gi-oh, Sailor Moon, or anything else I inadvertently rip off. This fic is written for the sheer pleasure of cracking up laughing in the middle of the dead silent corporate office where I work. This fic is not meant to really insult anyone, and I am not pointing fingers, but all of you kids out there writing horrendous crossover high school fics need to take an elementary-level English class before putting pen to paper. Any grammatical errors are done deliberately and in cheerful jest to poke fun at those fics I am parody-ing. Read and review!!!!

Amathera stared at the class, her now-cerulean eyes wide. She hated, positively despised, speaking in front of her peers, and even the small task of stating her name and giving a brief introduction seemed just out of reach. Her palms felt sweaty, and her cheeks were tinted with a fetching pink.

"Come now," the professor said, leering at her. "Don't be shy."

Amathera opened her mouth and suddenly trumpets sounded, blaring an impressive fanfare. A handful of delicate doves flocked in through an open window, one of them alighting upon her shoulder and cooing sweetly. A rainbow shot across the sky, its colors reflecting in her glossy silver hair. Everyone leaned forward intently, no one daring to breathe.

"I am Amathera Serena Crystanya Maeghan Lily de la Fleur II," she said winsomely. "But you can call me Thera for short."

"Man, she's hot!" Tidus said loud enough for the entire classroom to hear, though everyone was too starstruck to react. "She will be my date to the end of the year dance."

Yuugi and his friends stared at her slack-jawed, save for a boy with raven hair and emerald eyes. He yawned and began fiddling with a pair of dice, looking less than impressed.

What's everyone's problem? He wondered as he gazed around at the love-struck students.

Seymour twitched and doodled on his notebook with a gel pen, creating a flowing, eloquent, bright pink "OMG" just above "DEATH". He stared at his creation and his eyes glazed momentarily as visions of explosions and helpless, screaming victims danced through his mind, a thin line of drool escaping from his mouth. It all vanished rather abruptly as he was smacked in the forehead by a die.

He glared at Otogi, who grinned smugly and shrugged his thin shoulders.

"No death in this fic," he mouthed, smirking.

Seymour sighed.

Suddenly, the music to Unbreak My Heart began to play, and Yuugi transformed into Yami no Yuugi in a dramatic display of lights and hearts and floating cupids. No one seemed to notice his extreme change in height and different hairstyle.

"Come back to me, my Queen!" he cried as he launched himself at her. Jounouchi, not wanting his little bird to be taken away by anyone, even his best friend, stuck his foot out and managed to trip the Pharaoh, who landed flat on his face. The music skidded to a stop.

"Keh," Touzoku snorted. His eyes narrowed as he regarded the pretty girl standing up at the head of the classroom. I sense a Millennium Item…

"…and I really like to sing and dance," Amathera was saying, smiling a winning smile and apparently forgetting all about her prior trepidation. "I worked for Kaiba Corp. when I was six as a senior programmer, and I scored a 1600 on my SAT's."

"What are SAT's?" Lulu muttered, brow furrowing in confusion, since SAT's were a strictly American thing.

"Wow, she is so smart!" Usagi gushed, munching on a buttery croissant. She did not know what an SAT was either, but if she had scored a 1600, then she must be bright.

Ami sighed and shook her head, typing at her laptop with one hand.

"I speak fourteen different languages fluently, I'm a black belt, and I really like to go horseback riding and pick flowers," she finished, pausing artfully.

Seymour opened his notebook and drew a giant "WTF" in the middle of his otherwise blank page. Being the outcast, rebellious loner that he was, he didn't take notes. He spent the majority of his time in class composing suicide notes, angst-ridden poetry, and beautiful works of art.

"Very good, Thera," the professor said in an oily voice, eyes trailing up and down her bare legs. "I would like to…speak to you after class."

"Yes, sir," she said humbly – for she knew when to be humble and when to be proud, like any well-bred girl – and she returned to her seat. It was conveniently located to the left of Seymour, to the right of Lulu, in front of Otogi and behind Tidus. She felt rather pleased, as she now had something to look at during the undoubtedly boring lecture that would follow.

Fidgeting and following the prompt of some unknown assailant, she glanced over at Seymour, admiring his gaunt, pain-filled features. "Hi," she said shyly.

"Hi," he said disinterestedly. He didn't even spare her a glance.

She frowned prettily and tried again. "What are you drawing?"

"Oh, this? It's nothing, really." He slid his notebook over to her, and she gasped at what she saw.

It was a beautiful rendition of a meadow filled with flowers and bunnies, a smiling sun shining down on everything. A few creatures that looked vaguely like deer with rhino horns placidly grazed alongside the fluffy bunnies, which for reasons unknown had huge wings. Trees dotted the landscape here and there, and a man hung from one of the branches, a rope around his neck.

"Who's that?" she asked, pointing to the man in the picture, just in case he did not know what she was referring to.

Seymour's eyes gleamed. "Tidus."

"You're a wonderful artist!" she gushed.

Seymour looked taken aback.

"Oh my God, who dares speak in the middle of my lecture?!" the teacher boomed, growing fangs and slavering all over his desk.

Silence. Then:

"It was me," Amathera said meekly.

The teacher returned to normal. "Oh, okay." He then continued with his lecture without missing a beat.

Amathera decided, for the sake of those in the class who wished to learn, to remain silent for the rest of the period. She, of course, did not need to pay attention; she had already taken these classes in her previous schools, and knew all of the material. She had been a very popular tutor in her last school, before she had been kicked out, and the favorite of the entire faculty.

She gave Seymour back his notebook, patted the dove perched on her shoulder, and stared at Tidus.

Fifteen minutes before the bell rang, a girl strode through the door, carrying herself with all the arrogance and self-assurance of a prom queen. She was tall and leggy, with large, dark eyes, choppy brown hair, and plush lips.

Amathera leaned over to Lulu, who was busy filing her nails, filing her taxes, curing world hunger, and looking bored. "Who's that?"

Lulu glanced up, inadvertently causing a poor child in a third world country to miss a meal. "That's Yuna. She's Tidus' girlfriend."

Amathera felt her heart stop. "G-girlfriend?"

Lulu patted Amathera soothingly, eyes trailing down to the girl's low neckline. Amathera took a deep breath, causing Lulu's eyes to widen and a butterfly somewhere to fall off its flower, and sighed.

"I should have known," she muttered, looking crestfallen.

"Don't worry," Lulu said, smiling. Her fingers continued to stroke Amathera's arm. "I'll make it up to you."

"Like, I have an announcement!" Yuna announced, standing with her hands clasped behind her back, head tilted to the side. She winked at Tidus before continuing. "The student government is, like, so totally holding a talent show to, like, raise funds for our end of the year dance, or something!!!!!! We, like, totally want you all to participate, for sure!!!!!! It'll be a blast!!!!"

Otogi barely dodged a runaway exclamation point.

The rest of the class buzzed with interest.

"Like, if you want more information, or something, stop by our office!!!!" Yuna giggled perkily and strode back out after blowing a kiss to Tidus.

"She's the most popular girl in school!" Ami exclaimed wistfully, for Amathera's benefit.

Amathera stared at Tidus' sexy, muscular back, eyes narrowed and desperately trying to keep her imagination out of the gutter. She had already made up her mind to enter the talent show, and with the aid of her Millennium Pocket Watch, she couldn't lose.

I will win him away from her if it's the last thing I do.