Things Unsaid by Sam Carter O'Neill Wagtail JEDI

Started: July 15, 2005

Completed: July 16, 2005

Pairings: Jackson/Fraiser and Carter/O'Neill

POV: Daniel

Post "Heroes"

Spoilers for "Heroes"

It's about 2:36 on a Tuesday morning. I'm at home for the first time since Thursday; the first time since…

I can't believe she's dead. I watched her die.

I should have seen it coming! I should have been watching for the Jaffa!

Cassie's shaken—her mother is dead. Again. But I know Sam will take care of her.

I thought a lot about Bregman. I thought about what he said about Kristophsky, and I thought about why he was here. And I thought… I thought that maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe we were all wrong.

Janet Frasier died doing her job. And it always was the best job she could do. Was it really so wrong to let other people see that?

I swing back another shot of whiskey—a bottle Jack had given me last Christmas but I hadn't touched… he gave me one every Christmas, but that's Jack for you. Jack is one lucky bastard, I think to myself. Last Thursday, when everything went wrong, I thought Jack was going to die too—Sam was terrified because she saw him go down and she thought he was gone too. Sam… there's another reason Jack's a lucky bastard. He still has her, and she's still alive. But he doesn't realize… they're both on the front lines—any given day one of them could be killed… and they wouldn't know. They still left things unsaid.

"Argh!"

I throw the glass to the wall in frustration but the alcohol weakens my aim and the shot-glass hits a picture off the adjacent shelf. I stagger to my feet and retrieve the glass, feeling stupid for taking out my anger by throwing things like a toddler. I notice the fallen frame lying face down. I pick it up and wince to see Sha're smiling up at me. The two women I ever really cared about like that are dead. I feel so powerless, so useless—nothing I do is enough! I feel salty tears threatening to flow for the… God knows, is it the thirtieth time today?

I remember watching her get hit. She was unconscious. I felt for her pulse but it was erratic and I knew from that moment… I knew.

"MEDIC!" I screamed, forgetting momentarily about senior airman Wells, who lay petrified for both his and Janet's lives. "Janet," I call. No… it couldn't end like this… it couldn't end with her not knowing! "Janet! I need a MEDIC!" I turned the camera off and silently cursed Bregman—if I hadn't brought the camera... if I had been looking out for Jaffa instead…

"Dan—"

I looked down and saw Janet struggling for breath. "It's going to be okay, " I assured her through misty eyes.

"No… save. Wells…" she gasped, grabbing my wrist.

"I NEED A MEDIC, DAMN IT!" I screamed.

I feel something moving in my room and it pulls me out of my memory. I look around, frantically pushing myself from the floor and preparing to defend myself. Paranoia floods my veins—did I lock the door? Of course I did, who am I— Jack? No time for jokes.

The curtains billow out as a result of a sudden gust of wind from the open windows.

Then I see it—a bright white light in a familiar shape appears out of nowhere in the middle of my bedroom and it's her.

"Janet…" I manage to say, still in shock.

"Hello, Daniel." She says calmly.

I reach out to touch her but snap my hand back when I remember. "I…"

"I know," she soothes.

"I… we'll miss you."

"I'll be watching you."

"Have you seen Cassie?"

"Not now. It's too soon. Only you, Daniel."

"Janet…"

"I know how hard it was on you to see Wells and me back there. "

I nod, incapable of further speech for the moment.

"I came to you because… I know there were things unsaid between us, and you need to know before you can move on," she continued.

"You're right."

"There was potential," she says.

"I… cared about you a lot more than… than I ever showed… or knew," I admit.

She reaches over towards my face, and I turn away, afraid. But instead of finding her intangible, her hand on my face creates a soft, warm feeling on my cheek and the safety and tenderness of her touch spreads throughout my body; a feeling of serenity and peace eases my mind.

"Love you…" she says.

I lean forward, wanting to kiss her, just once. To my surprise I capture her lips and I open my eyes to see her beautiful eyes staring into mine. Just before they disappear forever.

Maybe I'll feel better when I've slept or maybe I won't. Maybe I won't feel better for a very long time. But I will.

"Love you…" I whisper tenderly to the empty room.