A/N: Argh! I haven't updated for such a long time, and I'm really, really
sorry! I was meaning to update asap, but my evil biology teacher gave us a
huge chapter test at the last second, and after I finished studying, I was
far too exhausted to write anything~ and I had so many bouts of writer's
block I've lost count. . . but once again, I'm REALLY sorry for the long
wait!
And also, I'm trying DESPERATELY not to check fanfiction.net or write fanfiction that much anymore. (sowee Lillia!!) I'VE GOTTA SPEND MORE TIME ON MY HOMEWORK!!! But it isn't working! This stuff is WAY too addictive. However, my next chapter might not come out for a while, that is, if I can restrain myself! Lol! Don't worry~ that doesn't mean much; I have like, less than zero self restrain. Maybe negative 100000? Hehe.
Anyway, onto my thank-yous! ;o)
Killslay: thanks for telling me about Darry being OOC- I'll change that part of the story later when I have time! ;o) and thanks for the ideas! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Lillia E: hey! Whoa~! EIGHT reviews for ONE chapter!!! *jaw drops* You make me feel like such an evil, ungrateful, mean, horrible person!!! But thank you so much!!! You are so nice! And you are NOT sad or pathetic!!! No, I haven't seen The Muse. . . was it good? I'm like the devil? Teeheehee~ *puts on an angelic smile* Lillia's like, YOU'RE NOT TRICKING ME! YOU EVIL GURL!!! Lol. Anyway, thanks for the reviews again! Hehe you're spoiling me! LOL.
Hell-Flame-Narf: WHOA long review!!!! Thank youuuu!!! :o) That was soo hilarious! I was like, rotfl in the computer lab. . . that was all your fault!! *grabs david's green lightsaber and cuts off his hand* yay! Now you're hayden Christensen!! Teeheehee~
Lisa: thanks for your review!!
Ryo Wings: thanks! I hope you enjoy the next one! :o)
Ann: yup I am! Hehe. thanks for your review!
David: updating! Sorry- I didn't really update that soon though!
CrazeLilDreamer: hehe thanks for liking the last chapter!
Porcelain Princess: too short? I'm sorry! I'll try writing longer ones!
Hano Chino: thanks for your review!
Trinity Star and her Muses: lol thanks for your review! Gagged Muses? Rotfl!
Pony's girl: yea, he has been sick for a long time~ aw poor pony! LoL. I'm finally updating! Hehe.
Joce: LoL I'd love to see that! You really hate Kevin, don't you? Hehe. well, who doesn't? THAT BASTARD!!! *Litzy chases after Kevin with huge kitchen knife*
Two-BitGortez: thanks for your review! I hope you like this chapter!
Pigtailed Goth: you owe me a cookie! I'm waiting! Give it here right now!!! *stomps brattily* LOL! Just kidding. Thanks for reviewing! Ps. Have you tried the soft baked dark chocolate chunk cookies from Pepperidge Farm? I'm eating them right now. . . *yum!* hehe.
Happy Me: thank you so much for the compliment. It really made my day. :o) I really hope you like this chappie!
Vaula: yup! I live to torture Pony! *sadistic grin* lol no I'm just joking~ but yeppers, I like to!
Outsiders-maniac: it's killing you? *gasp* oh no! better update faster!!!
Mona: thanks for the review! LoL- another Sandy hater? Don't worry- I wasn't planning any more Sandy stuff! :o)
Curtis4ever: thanks! I hope you like this chapter!
P.S. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY November 8! Yay! I'm finally 15!!!!!!! Hehe. but it SUCKS!!! I'm took my SSATs on the SAME DAY!!! AAAARRRGHHHH!!! Sorry, I just had to complain~
Anyway, onto the story!
CHAPTER 17:
~*~PONYBOY'S POV~*~
I could feel the blood trickling down my back, making the open wounds sting fiercely. My tossing and turning in bed must have reopened some wounds and, against my will, I tensed in pain as Soda put a hand on my back. He instantly took it away, and I relaxed slightly, only to stiffen once again as I heard a small gasp from Soda, and a sudden movement from Darry. Looking up slightly, I caught sight of Soda's half raised hand. Both my brothers were staring at the blood on Soda's palm. I realized with a sinking heart that my blood must have seeped through my shirt. I started shaking. My brothers would find out everything. It was all over.
~*~SODAPOP'S POV~*~
I tried to stay calm, fighting to control my voice.
"Pony, what happened?" I cursed myself as my voice shook. Ponyboy tried to wrench himself out of my grasp, but I seized his shoulders gently, hugging him close to me and speaking to him softly in an effort to calm him down. For the first time, it didn't seem to work. He seemed even more terrified, and I let go of him slightly.
"Honey," I said, as gently as I could, "We wanna help you, but we can't if you don't tell as what's wrong."
~*~PONYBOY'S POV~*~
I wanted to tell them; really I did. I felt like a huge weight was on my chest, and I was almost collapsing under the weight of my long pent-up tears and the doubts and terror clouding my every thought.
But I couldn't tell them. I was just worthless. And once I opened my mouth to tell them, they'd know. And they wouldn't love me anymore. How could they? I was just a pathetic excuse for a human being.
~*~SODAPOP'S POV~*~
"Do you want some chocolate milk?" I asked. I knew how he loved it, and it had always worked calming him down. Still looking down, Pony gave us a small nod. Without a word, Darry got up to get some.
Once we were left alone in the bedroom, Pony scooted a little closer to me, putting his head in my chest. I noticed for the first time the way he clung to me, seemed as though he hadn't been hugged for a long time. I put my arms around him again, and sat with him in silence for a while. I didn't want to ask him again so soon; I just stayed close to him, letting him know I was there for him, and that I loved him.
After a few minutes, the door opened and Darry walked in, holding a cup of chocolate milk. Pony almost jumped out of his skin at the soft sound. He raised his head, his eyes darting around the room again. I frowned. His actions reminded me of someone. . . they seemed so familiar somehow. I pushed the thoughts away as Darry handed me the cup. I gave it to Pony, and he took it in both hands. We all sat quietly as he drank, and I put an arm around his shoulders. I felt his shaking slowly decrease. Finally, he put the empty cup down on his lap, and his fingers played with the thin, cotton bedspread, something he always did when he was nervous. He could never stop his habit of fiddling with whatever was closest to his fingers.
"Pony," I pleaded. "Tell us what's wrong, honey. Please. Whatever it is, we'll help ya through it. We love you Pony, no matter what."
I saw Pony's eyes fill with tears at my words, but he blinked them back, looking down to hide his tears from us. He mumbled something.
"What?"
He sniffled. "He said. . . he said. . . you didn't love me. . . nobody loves me. . ." I had to strain my ears to catch his almost inaudible words.
"Who said that?" I demanded. Pony didn't answer, trying to look away. I caught his chin with a hand, tilting up his head so he had no choice but to look into my eyes.
"Was it Kevin?" Pony stayed silent, but the flicker of genuine fear and near panic that showed in his eyes at the mention of the name was answer enough.
"Pony, we do love you," I said earnestly. "Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise, honey. You know we love ya, right?"
I looked intently into my brother's wide, green eyes. I wanted to start bawling. He looked so small and lost. Suddenly, I realized who he was reminding me of: those wide fear-filled eyes, the way he jumped at every slight sound. Johnny Cade.
"Pony, what happened?" I asked softly. He tried looking away again, but I wasn't going to let him get away with it this time.
"Look, you can tell us everything when you're ready okay, honey? Just let me see what happened to your back." I knew the blood had come from there. In the light, I could see that his dark shirt was wet, and I knew it wasn't only sweat.
Pony turned his terrified eyes toward me again. I looked back at him, waiting. His pupils were slightly dilated, and his slightly ragged breathing told me his was in pain.
"Please," I begged. "You know you can trust us. Come on, Pony. Let us help you." Pony was still for a moment, and then he nodded.
His hands started shaking again as he pulled off his T-shirt. I gasped when I saw his bruised ribs, and the dark fingerprints around his neck, but my surprise turned to horror when I saw his back. His skin was marred with layer upon layer of raw welts, and I could see the red imprints of a belt on his back.
~*~DARRY'S POV~*~
I stared in disbelief, understanding slowly filtering into my brain. With the realization came the guilt. I could feel it settling over me like a heavy weight and something inside me sagged under the load. How could I have let him out of my care? How could I have allowed the state to take him away?
Different emotions whirled around me dizzily, and, not knowing how to react, I grabbed onto one desperately.
"That's fucking child abuse!" I exploded angrily, shaking my fist.
I saw Pony cringe away from me, backing nearer to Soda, looking at me with wide, terrified eyes. My heart constricted painfully in my chest as I realized he thought I was going to hit him. My anger evaporating as fast as it had appeared, I slowly lowered down my hand.
"Pony, I'm not going to hit you." It hurt that I had to tell him that.
He shot me another terrified look, and then Soda enveloped him in a warm hug, careful not to touch his injuries. I could see Pony's shoulders shaking with sobs.
"Let it out baby, just let it all out. . ." Soda said softly. "Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore." He talked quietly to Pony for a while, and his words had a calming affect on all of us.
After a moment, I got up and walked to the bathroom to get some clean water and a cloth. It was the only thing I could think of to do. When I got back into the bedroom, Pony and Soda were in the same position as before. I silently handed them to Soda, my heart tearing a little more as I saw Pony flinch when I got closer. I went back, sitting on the edge of the bed. I hated feeling so helpless. I hated not knowing what to do. And, above all, I was being torn apart inside by the way he was so obviously terrified of me.
"I'm gonna clean this up a little okay, Pony?" Soda said. Pony nodded, sniffling.
Pony tensed in pain as Soda washed away the blood on his back as gently as he could. I had to look away as I saw Pony wince. I couldn't stand to see any of my brothers in pain.
When I looked back, Pony was asleep, lying on his chest. Soda was trying to put a shirt on him without waking him up, and I quickly went over to help.
I pulled the blanket up to Pony's waist and tucked them around him. We watched him sleeping for a while in silence. He seemed so small and vulnerable. I could feel my anger bubbling up to the surface again, but held it down firmly. Surprisingly, it was Soda who cracked first.
"I'm gonna kill that bastard."
The sudden words cut sharply through the quiet night air. I hadn't heard Soda swear for a long time. I looked over at him, a little surprised. His chocolate-brown eyes were blazing in anger and his fists were clenched.
"Nobody hurts my kid brother and gets away with it," he ground out fiercely.
I was longing to burst into anger with him and shout crude obscenities at Kevin, but I knew one of us had to keep our cool.
"Calm down little buddy," I said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?"
Soda sighed. "Okay, Dar. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got mad like that."
I nodded. "It's okay. Go to bed, Soda. It's getting pretty late."
Soda stifled another yawn, but he got into bed without argument, slipping carefully under the covers so as not to disturb Pony's sleep.
"Night, Dar," he called sleepily.
As I closed the door quietly, I took one last peek at my sleeping brothers. I felt the guilt rush through me again as my gaze lingered on Ponyboy.
"I promised I would protect you," I thought. "I've failed you."
I made my way back into my room and lay down on my bed wearily, staring up at the ceiling. But I knew sleep would be a long time coming.
Ack~ sorry. that was a horrible chapter. And a horrible chapter ending. And it took me a horribly long time to write it. but I really had to post up something. And, once again, I'm really sorry for the long wait.
Anyway, REVIEW!!!!!! Please!! *Litzy gets down on her knees and beggs*
And also, I'm trying DESPERATELY not to check fanfiction.net or write fanfiction that much anymore. (sowee Lillia!!) I'VE GOTTA SPEND MORE TIME ON MY HOMEWORK!!! But it isn't working! This stuff is WAY too addictive. However, my next chapter might not come out for a while, that is, if I can restrain myself! Lol! Don't worry~ that doesn't mean much; I have like, less than zero self restrain. Maybe negative 100000? Hehe.
Anyway, onto my thank-yous! ;o)
Killslay: thanks for telling me about Darry being OOC- I'll change that part of the story later when I have time! ;o) and thanks for the ideas! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Lillia E: hey! Whoa~! EIGHT reviews for ONE chapter!!! *jaw drops* You make me feel like such an evil, ungrateful, mean, horrible person!!! But thank you so much!!! You are so nice! And you are NOT sad or pathetic!!! No, I haven't seen The Muse. . . was it good? I'm like the devil? Teeheehee~ *puts on an angelic smile* Lillia's like, YOU'RE NOT TRICKING ME! YOU EVIL GURL!!! Lol. Anyway, thanks for the reviews again! Hehe you're spoiling me! LOL.
Hell-Flame-Narf: WHOA long review!!!! Thank youuuu!!! :o) That was soo hilarious! I was like, rotfl in the computer lab. . . that was all your fault!! *grabs david's green lightsaber and cuts off his hand* yay! Now you're hayden Christensen!! Teeheehee~
Lisa: thanks for your review!!
Ryo Wings: thanks! I hope you enjoy the next one! :o)
Ann: yup I am! Hehe. thanks for your review!
David: updating! Sorry- I didn't really update that soon though!
CrazeLilDreamer: hehe thanks for liking the last chapter!
Porcelain Princess: too short? I'm sorry! I'll try writing longer ones!
Hano Chino: thanks for your review!
Trinity Star and her Muses: lol thanks for your review! Gagged Muses? Rotfl!
Pony's girl: yea, he has been sick for a long time~ aw poor pony! LoL. I'm finally updating! Hehe.
Joce: LoL I'd love to see that! You really hate Kevin, don't you? Hehe. well, who doesn't? THAT BASTARD!!! *Litzy chases after Kevin with huge kitchen knife*
Two-BitGortez: thanks for your review! I hope you like this chapter!
Pigtailed Goth: you owe me a cookie! I'm waiting! Give it here right now!!! *stomps brattily* LOL! Just kidding. Thanks for reviewing! Ps. Have you tried the soft baked dark chocolate chunk cookies from Pepperidge Farm? I'm eating them right now. . . *yum!* hehe.
Happy Me: thank you so much for the compliment. It really made my day. :o) I really hope you like this chappie!
Vaula: yup! I live to torture Pony! *sadistic grin* lol no I'm just joking~ but yeppers, I like to!
Outsiders-maniac: it's killing you? *gasp* oh no! better update faster!!!
Mona: thanks for the review! LoL- another Sandy hater? Don't worry- I wasn't planning any more Sandy stuff! :o)
Curtis4ever: thanks! I hope you like this chapter!
P.S. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY November 8! Yay! I'm finally 15!!!!!!! Hehe. but it SUCKS!!! I'm took my SSATs on the SAME DAY!!! AAAARRRGHHHH!!! Sorry, I just had to complain~
Anyway, onto the story!
CHAPTER 17:
~*~PONYBOY'S POV~*~
I could feel the blood trickling down my back, making the open wounds sting fiercely. My tossing and turning in bed must have reopened some wounds and, against my will, I tensed in pain as Soda put a hand on my back. He instantly took it away, and I relaxed slightly, only to stiffen once again as I heard a small gasp from Soda, and a sudden movement from Darry. Looking up slightly, I caught sight of Soda's half raised hand. Both my brothers were staring at the blood on Soda's palm. I realized with a sinking heart that my blood must have seeped through my shirt. I started shaking. My brothers would find out everything. It was all over.
~*~SODAPOP'S POV~*~
I tried to stay calm, fighting to control my voice.
"Pony, what happened?" I cursed myself as my voice shook. Ponyboy tried to wrench himself out of my grasp, but I seized his shoulders gently, hugging him close to me and speaking to him softly in an effort to calm him down. For the first time, it didn't seem to work. He seemed even more terrified, and I let go of him slightly.
"Honey," I said, as gently as I could, "We wanna help you, but we can't if you don't tell as what's wrong."
~*~PONYBOY'S POV~*~
I wanted to tell them; really I did. I felt like a huge weight was on my chest, and I was almost collapsing under the weight of my long pent-up tears and the doubts and terror clouding my every thought.
But I couldn't tell them. I was just worthless. And once I opened my mouth to tell them, they'd know. And they wouldn't love me anymore. How could they? I was just a pathetic excuse for a human being.
~*~SODAPOP'S POV~*~
"Do you want some chocolate milk?" I asked. I knew how he loved it, and it had always worked calming him down. Still looking down, Pony gave us a small nod. Without a word, Darry got up to get some.
Once we were left alone in the bedroom, Pony scooted a little closer to me, putting his head in my chest. I noticed for the first time the way he clung to me, seemed as though he hadn't been hugged for a long time. I put my arms around him again, and sat with him in silence for a while. I didn't want to ask him again so soon; I just stayed close to him, letting him know I was there for him, and that I loved him.
After a few minutes, the door opened and Darry walked in, holding a cup of chocolate milk. Pony almost jumped out of his skin at the soft sound. He raised his head, his eyes darting around the room again. I frowned. His actions reminded me of someone. . . they seemed so familiar somehow. I pushed the thoughts away as Darry handed me the cup. I gave it to Pony, and he took it in both hands. We all sat quietly as he drank, and I put an arm around his shoulders. I felt his shaking slowly decrease. Finally, he put the empty cup down on his lap, and his fingers played with the thin, cotton bedspread, something he always did when he was nervous. He could never stop his habit of fiddling with whatever was closest to his fingers.
"Pony," I pleaded. "Tell us what's wrong, honey. Please. Whatever it is, we'll help ya through it. We love you Pony, no matter what."
I saw Pony's eyes fill with tears at my words, but he blinked them back, looking down to hide his tears from us. He mumbled something.
"What?"
He sniffled. "He said. . . he said. . . you didn't love me. . . nobody loves me. . ." I had to strain my ears to catch his almost inaudible words.
"Who said that?" I demanded. Pony didn't answer, trying to look away. I caught his chin with a hand, tilting up his head so he had no choice but to look into my eyes.
"Was it Kevin?" Pony stayed silent, but the flicker of genuine fear and near panic that showed in his eyes at the mention of the name was answer enough.
"Pony, we do love you," I said earnestly. "Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise, honey. You know we love ya, right?"
I looked intently into my brother's wide, green eyes. I wanted to start bawling. He looked so small and lost. Suddenly, I realized who he was reminding me of: those wide fear-filled eyes, the way he jumped at every slight sound. Johnny Cade.
"Pony, what happened?" I asked softly. He tried looking away again, but I wasn't going to let him get away with it this time.
"Look, you can tell us everything when you're ready okay, honey? Just let me see what happened to your back." I knew the blood had come from there. In the light, I could see that his dark shirt was wet, and I knew it wasn't only sweat.
Pony turned his terrified eyes toward me again. I looked back at him, waiting. His pupils were slightly dilated, and his slightly ragged breathing told me his was in pain.
"Please," I begged. "You know you can trust us. Come on, Pony. Let us help you." Pony was still for a moment, and then he nodded.
His hands started shaking again as he pulled off his T-shirt. I gasped when I saw his bruised ribs, and the dark fingerprints around his neck, but my surprise turned to horror when I saw his back. His skin was marred with layer upon layer of raw welts, and I could see the red imprints of a belt on his back.
~*~DARRY'S POV~*~
I stared in disbelief, understanding slowly filtering into my brain. With the realization came the guilt. I could feel it settling over me like a heavy weight and something inside me sagged under the load. How could I have let him out of my care? How could I have allowed the state to take him away?
Different emotions whirled around me dizzily, and, not knowing how to react, I grabbed onto one desperately.
"That's fucking child abuse!" I exploded angrily, shaking my fist.
I saw Pony cringe away from me, backing nearer to Soda, looking at me with wide, terrified eyes. My heart constricted painfully in my chest as I realized he thought I was going to hit him. My anger evaporating as fast as it had appeared, I slowly lowered down my hand.
"Pony, I'm not going to hit you." It hurt that I had to tell him that.
He shot me another terrified look, and then Soda enveloped him in a warm hug, careful not to touch his injuries. I could see Pony's shoulders shaking with sobs.
"Let it out baby, just let it all out. . ." Soda said softly. "Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore." He talked quietly to Pony for a while, and his words had a calming affect on all of us.
After a moment, I got up and walked to the bathroom to get some clean water and a cloth. It was the only thing I could think of to do. When I got back into the bedroom, Pony and Soda were in the same position as before. I silently handed them to Soda, my heart tearing a little more as I saw Pony flinch when I got closer. I went back, sitting on the edge of the bed. I hated feeling so helpless. I hated not knowing what to do. And, above all, I was being torn apart inside by the way he was so obviously terrified of me.
"I'm gonna clean this up a little okay, Pony?" Soda said. Pony nodded, sniffling.
Pony tensed in pain as Soda washed away the blood on his back as gently as he could. I had to look away as I saw Pony wince. I couldn't stand to see any of my brothers in pain.
When I looked back, Pony was asleep, lying on his chest. Soda was trying to put a shirt on him without waking him up, and I quickly went over to help.
I pulled the blanket up to Pony's waist and tucked them around him. We watched him sleeping for a while in silence. He seemed so small and vulnerable. I could feel my anger bubbling up to the surface again, but held it down firmly. Surprisingly, it was Soda who cracked first.
"I'm gonna kill that bastard."
The sudden words cut sharply through the quiet night air. I hadn't heard Soda swear for a long time. I looked over at him, a little surprised. His chocolate-brown eyes were blazing in anger and his fists were clenched.
"Nobody hurts my kid brother and gets away with it," he ground out fiercely.
I was longing to burst into anger with him and shout crude obscenities at Kevin, but I knew one of us had to keep our cool.
"Calm down little buddy," I said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?"
Soda sighed. "Okay, Dar. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got mad like that."
I nodded. "It's okay. Go to bed, Soda. It's getting pretty late."
Soda stifled another yawn, but he got into bed without argument, slipping carefully under the covers so as not to disturb Pony's sleep.
"Night, Dar," he called sleepily.
As I closed the door quietly, I took one last peek at my sleeping brothers. I felt the guilt rush through me again as my gaze lingered on Ponyboy.
"I promised I would protect you," I thought. "I've failed you."
I made my way back into my room and lay down on my bed wearily, staring up at the ceiling. But I knew sleep would be a long time coming.
Ack~ sorry. that was a horrible chapter. And a horrible chapter ending. And it took me a horribly long time to write it. but I really had to post up something. And, once again, I'm really sorry for the long wait.
Anyway, REVIEW!!!!!! Please!! *Litzy gets down on her knees and beggs*