Birdie Birdie Birdie

How long can you haunt me?

Sometimes I wonder if I can let go

Let it all flow

Out the cracks it caused so deep

Birdie Birdie Birdie

The deeper you scratch at my skin

The more blood that you will find

Until you've scratched me into death

And fade me into nonexistence

But, little black birdie,

I love you more than you know

Maybe it's the blood that I need to see

I need to see it to survive

Just so I can know I

Cause so much pain, and deep inside

I know I can set myself free

Time will assist me

Let it all go eventually

So I can be free. . .me. . .f r e e. . .

It was Eight o' clock. Shuichi sat in the kitchen. He did not feel like talking to Yuki. He did not want to. To Shuichi right now, Yuki seemed like a hypocritical monkey who flung poo at himself just to see what design it would create on his scarred skin. Monkey poo. The thought made Shuichi giggle a little. It reminded him of how he and Yuki had visited the zoo last year. They had gone to see the monkeys, and the monkeys were doing obscene things. According to the zoo employees, the monkeys had been put on a new distemper shot. Incidentally, the shot was a test. Scientists had created a new formula and the zoo volunteered their monkeys so that the scientist would fund the zoo. The monkeys went crazy that day, and they were picking up their poo and flinging it around, like poo tag or something. One monkey apparently thought Yuki was a lovely target and chucked poo right at Yuki's face. Shuichi remembered that night and how cute Yuki is when he's annoyed. Days were so beautiful back then.

Back when he was ignorant.

Back when he didn't know the truth.

Back when there was no truth.

Time's so far against us

It's running us into a ditch

At eighty miles an hour

Into the hell we've created

Time hates us dead, dear

It's pulling us apart

It's claws pull our ankles

And no matter how hard we try

I feel like we're breaking apart

Is that okay?

Time is okay?

Who's okay?

I don't want to leave you

Not now. . .Not now. . .

"Shuichi."

Shuichi looked up from the kitchen table and the article on cheese he was reading from the paper. Yuki stood in the kitchen entrance from the hall. He looked like hell, but he held a shoebox in his hand. The box was covered in clippings, clippings that had been cut out from various magazines and pasted with great zeal and cheer. It was the box, the memory box of Shuichi Shindou and Eiri Yuki.

And it was the box that could save them from themselves, finally bringing a stop to the turmoil they suffered.

Maybe. Yuki's eyes were forlorn, yet hopeful and asking for forgiveness. Shuichi furrowed his brow with worry. He felt it. He felt what it meant to be somebody's significant other right then and there. Shuichi wanted to be gentle, so he became humorous. "Our box you have. Sit down and reminisce, you will?"

Yuki's usually hard, icey eyes grew relieved and more happy than anyone could ever imagine that Yuki could be. He smiled a small smile and sat down at the table, opening the box of memories. Sweet memories of everything. Hard times, sad times, happy times. That box made it seem like they've been around the relationship world several hundred times.

I love you more than you'll ever know

I'll walk a thousand miles, in the blistering snow

You help me to understand what this is

You let me understand to help myself

You're more valuable than you'll ever know

To me, you're like a rare undersea treasure

That I fell upon when my ship sank

Because I shot it up with bullets and guns

To see what would happen to me

If it sank, and I drowned

But then there you were

And you stopped me

And I love you more than you'll ever know

Yuki appreciated a good black bird. The raven wasn't so bad now that he knew what it said. What it said.

"Yuki, why do you do it?"

Shuichi's eyes were full of concern for Yuki. They had been looking at pictures from the past for around an hour now. Pictures of Yuki and Shuichi on the beach, pictures of Yuki and Shuichi around the city, notes that they exchanged when they wanted to blab a lot but didn't have time to speak, mementos that seemed insignificant unless one considered how much sentimental value it contained between these two lovers.

Yuki was once again the mouse in the corner, even afraid to attack that was how much Shuichi meant to him. But he could do it. He could accept that Shuichi was a god trying to help him with his infinite powers. "I don't know why." Both lovers sighed, one of exasperation and worry and the other because he didn't know how to explain it. "Sometimes, I feel like everything is against me. Sometimes I get a high off the attention, y'know what I mean? A high of other people seeing how. . ." Yuki suddenly had the prospect of looking at himself. Really, truly, looking AT himself. His facial expression shifted uncomfortably into a more hurtful expression. "I guess, seeing how messed up I am." Yuki looked down at the table.

Shuichi lowered his eyebrows, angry that Yuki would continue to hate himself, never changing like a volcano that never moved and continued to explode, hurting itself and everybody around it. Yuki looked at Shuichi's expression, and that was all it took for Yuki to be surprised in his infinite depression.

Shuichi smiled.

"Y'know, once upon a time I hated myself."

Yuki's surprise increased. "I don't understand."

Shuichi looked into Yuki's eyes. "Before I got where I am now, I always was so negative toward my own music."

He shifted his gaze to the ceiling in memory of his problems.

"I would sometimes get so angry at myself I'd yell and scream, and I'd get so frustrated, like a small child. Most of my lyrics I'd burn or tear up and throw away. Some I'd shred in a shredder, and once I even ate it."

Yuki lifted his eyebrows. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The black bird has white spots?

Shuichi looked back at Yuki. "Hiro would always tell me that he loved my lyrics, that there was no reason for me to rip them up. He always supported me." His smile widened, and he looked as if he was about to cry. "One day, I had left my notebook wide open. Some crappy lyric was on the top, and when Hiro and I left the house, that top page left with it. Hiro had it in his pocket the whole time we were out, and when he got home, he posted it anonymously on the internet. I didn't know about it."

Shuichi giggled to himself. "Ten days later, Hiro finally told me about it. At first I was furious, but then he showed me the comments that the lyric received. They loved it. People absolutely loved it. They actually wanted to hear more."

Shuichi looked down. Yuki was still curious, though. "What does this have to do with me?"

Shuichi looked deep into Yuki's eyes. "It means that you're worth more than you give yourself credit for."

Yuki crossed his brow. He shut his eyes in frustration that resided sheerly within himself. "How does that apply to me? How can I possibly give myself credit for something so horribly wrong?"

Shuichi was furious that his boyfriend would think that of himself. He grabbed Yuki's shirt collar and pulled Yuki close to his face, with Yuki feeling very surprised.

First, he glared deep into Yuki's eyes. Then. . .

"It's in the past. It's all in the past. Why can't you let it go? You keep thinking you're so scarred, but it wasn't even your fault. I can't believe you'd think so lowly of yourself." With that, Shuichi pushed Yuki back, releasing him and leaving him in utter awe and realization.

Shuichi stood up. "I don't know how long I can stand to see you like this. You've been like this since you dug up that corpse of Yuki in the garage. You know that was Tohma's fault; it had nothing to do with you."

Yuki widened his eyes. "You saw that? Why didn't you say anything? I never wanted you to see that!"

Shuichi couldn't stand it anymore. He right out and slapped Yuki.

"Didn't you hear a word I said? It's in the past! It wasn't your fault! And until you finally listen to me, I'm leaving!"

He stormed off toward the door.

Yuki tried calling after him, "Where're you going!"

Shuichi just wheeled around once before leaving. "OUT!"

With you I feel so like me

With you I feel just so free

You let me see

Just what I am

And it's just so beautiful

That I have you

But wait-

Where're you going?

Wait-

I thought-

But wait-

What happened?

Spinning out of control

I can't handle it anymore

I wonder where my solution lies

I can't help but hear the black bird's cries

They pierce deep into my soul

They spin me out of control

Where do I go from here?

Where's my cheer?

Only my fear. . .

Is left.