Chapter Two

Cleon went into the great hall and sat down next to Kel. "AAAAAGGGGGHHHH! It's sitting by me!" screamed Kel. She grabbed her food and ran off.

"Oh dearie me! The pearl of my rather disturbed heart is disgusted by me!" whined Cleon, succeeding in sounding even whinier than Jonathan.

"Everyone is disgusted by you on this special day," said Kel, who was standing on the other side of the room. "And I'm NOT the pearl of your heart!"

"You're not?"

"No. And I am sick and tired and fatigued and exhausted and sick and tired of you constantly hitting on me!" She grabbed a bowl of expired avocado sauce and threw it at Cleon's hand.

"Now I smell like expired avocados!" Cleon complained.

"Cleon, you always smell like expired avocados," Merric commented.

Kel stood there and laughed her head off. Literally. "Oops." She picked up her head, screwed it back on, and resumed laughing. "I love National Cleon Abuse Day!"

"Don't we all?" said Neal, who busily poking Cleon with a fork.

"Well, um… I'm going to leave now," said Cleon. He got up oafishly out of his seat and headed for the doorway. Being the clumsy oaf that he is, he managed to trip over a giant metal block, causing it to slide over a few feet, thus defying the laws of physics and logic and all those other crazy laws.

Jon got up from under the giant metal block. "I'm free!"

"Cleon, you fool!" screamed Wyldon. "You moved that metal block off of Jon!" he grabbed a chair and started whacking Cleon with it.

"Uh… Wyldon needs to take his medicine," said Duke Baird, motioning Wyldon away.

"No, not that stupid medicine they gave me at anger management class!"

"So… what did I miss while being trapped under that block?" Jon asked in a complaining voice.

"We've been abusing Cleon," said Kel. "And now that we're once again being plagued by your presence, we can abuse you too!"

"Noooo!" screamed Jon. "But I'm your beloved king!"

Cleon then slipped in a puddle of rainbow colored ink and fell down, putting a huge crater in the ground.

"Cleon, you dented the floor!" cried Kel. "How could you!"

"Hey, this is my beloved floor!" cried Jon angrily. "And since I am the king I say that Cleon has to pay for the damage!"

Cleon got up dizzily and asked, "What do I have to pay?"

"You have to pay me a million dust particles!"

Cleon stared at him in disbelief. "A million dust particles?" he cried. Jon nodded stupidly. "Okay," said Cleon. He went over to a dusty shelf and gathered up all the dust particles in a piece of tissue. He then handed it to Jon.

"Oh goody!" said Jon. "I've always wanted dust particles as pets! Let's see... this one will be named Bob, and this one Bob, and this other one over here Bob, and that one Bobby..."

"I'm bored," said Neal.

Kel karate-chopped him. "PROTECT THE COMMON FOLK! PROTECT THE COMMON FOLK!" she screamed, throwing moldy cabbages at peasants.

"My flower, what are you screaming about?" asked Cleon.

"DOWN WITH CLEON!" Kel yelled through a megaphone.

"How did that megaphone get here?" cried Gary.

"I dunno," said Kel with a confused shrug. "I found it in my pants."

"I found something in my pants once," said Jon stupidly. "Want to know what?"

"NO, WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW, YOU UNINTELLIGENT FOOL!" screamed Alanna.

Fifteen and a half seconds later, Owen sprayed pepper spray in Cleon's face. "AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" screamed Cleon. Owen danced around with glee.

"I'm doing the Jolly Dance!" Owen announced, jumping around like a drunken kangaroo. Cleon screamed in agony, collided with George, and dislocated his forehead.

"How can you dislocate your forehead?" Neal wanted to know.

"You can't," said a disembodied voice.

"I don't get it," said Neal confusedly.

"Of course you don't," the disembodied voice replied. "You're a Neal. And Neals don't get anything."

"DO THE JOLLY DANCE!" cried Owen. He grabbed Peachblossom by the hand and danced around in a circle. "But I don't have hands!" Peachblossom complained.

"Bad horsey!" screamed Kel, whacking Peachblossom with an old carrot. "Complaining is for horses, not goldfish!"

"But I'm not a goldfish!" protested Peachblossom.

"SHUT UP! ANIMALS CAN'T TALK, YOU FOOL!" Kel yelled.

"Kel and yell rhyme," said Jon.

Daine then sprung out of a wine bottle and said, "Um, I guess Peachblossom can talk for the time being!" She then smashed the wine bottle over Cleon's head.

"Ouch," said Cleon. "I must now go visit my grandmother that is ill!"

"Fine then!" said Alanna. "Nobody wants you around anyway!"

And so Cleon, with a basket filled with grass flavored gelatin on his arm, walked out the door.