Chapter Three
Cleon was skipping through the Royal Forest like a happy-go-lucky little girl. "My dearly beloved granny is going to be happy to have this grass flavored gelatin that I made!"
Suddenly, a wolf jumped out from behind Alanna's favorite cardboard box! "AAAAAGGGGHHH!" Cleon screamed. "It's the Big Bad Wolf!"
"I like kissing pigs," said Ralon of Malven, taking off his wolf mask.
"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" said Cleon.
"Yes, as a matter of fact," said Ralon. He suddenly dropped dead and a bunch of little insects gathered around and happily danced in a circle around his body.
"Well that sure was weird," Cleon said to himself. "And what in the world is Alanna's favorite cardboard box doing here in the forest?" Suddenly, Jump the dog jumped out of the box in a jumping jumpy jump and jumped away jumpingly. "I think the author has become fond of the word jump."
Tortall's resident oaf continued to skip along like a pleasantly humored little girl, until he came to a little house sitting in the middle of a field of shoes.
"I like shoes," said Cleon. He picked up several shoes and tried them on, but none would fit his oafish feet. He opened the door of his grandmother's house and screamed, "HEY GRANDMA, I BROUGHT YOU SOME GRASS FLAVORED FOOD!"
Yoda the Jedi master came to the door and croaked, "Thanking you I am, clumsy fool. May the Force be with you!"
"Um... yeah. Whatever, Grandmother," said Cleon.
"Your grandmother I am not!" Yoda yelled in confusion. "Who the heck are you?"
Cleon did reply and turned around to go back to the palace. Yoda put some of the grass flavored gelatin down his robes and then dropped dead because he forgot to pay his house bills.
Cleon arrived back at the palace and went inside. "I'm baaaaaaaaack!"
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME BACK HERE AGAIN UNLESS YOU'VE BROUGHT FIVE MONTH OLD CREAM CHEESE WITH YOU!" screamed Alanna. She took a spoon out from behind her ear and began whacking Cleon with it.
"Haha!" said Jon, pointing and laughing. Alanna then whacked him with her spoon repeatedly. "Fear my spoon of death!" she cackled.
"I'm sorry!" cried Jon. "Now please get that spoon away from me!"
"Jonathan's actually sorry about something!" cried Thayet. She then went into shock and had to go to the hospital.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KEL!" shouted Owen. He threw an armful of pinecones covered in vanilla frosting into the air, which then fell down and hit people on the head.
"IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!" screamed Kel.
"Let's all do the Jolly Dance in honor of Kel's birthday!" said Owen, jumping around like a drunken kangaroo.
Princess Shinkokami then turned into a cricket and Joren of Stone Mountain walked into the room.
"NOOOO! MY GIRLFRIEND IS A HIDEOUS BUG!" cried Prince Roald. He ran around sobbing hysterically and accidentally stepped on Shinko. "Uh... oops."
"I'm here for Kel's birthday!" said Joren.
"IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!" screamed Kel.
Random people pointed at Joren and said, "Is that a boy or a girl?"
Joren started to cry. "I'm not a girl! I'm just pretty, okay!" Alanna whacked Joren with her spoon, just because she felt like it.
"I haven't done anything ever since I walked in here," said Cleon.
"THAT'S BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES YOU!" said Thayet, who had been released from the hospital and was eating a surgical mask that she stole.
"Dove of desire, I've gotten you a birthday gift!" Cleon said to Kel.
"HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY THIS!" screamed Kel. "IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!"
Everyone was silent. Crickets (including Shinko the half-dead cricket) chirped in the background. Kel sat down, thinking that she had convinced them all. Suddenly, everybody shouted, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KEL!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kel screamed. "I HATE YOU ALL!" she grabbed a chunk of plastic and started hitting random people with it.
"Wow. And I thought I needed anger management," said Wyldon, calming one of his twitching veins.
A couple of palace healers grabbed Kel and dragged her away. "NOOOOOOO!" said Cleon. "Where are you taking my pearl?"
"Oh, they're just putting her in a nice rubber room for a little bit," answered Duke Baird. "Don't worry, she'll be out soon."
"Look everyone!" announced Jon. "Look at my pink goldfish!"
"How can it be a goldfish if it's pink?" asked Alanna.
"I DON'T KNOW!" screamed Jon in a painfully high voice. The pink goldfish then dropped dead. "Wh-what happened?"
"It must have died from contact with Jon," said Duke Baird matter-of-factly. "Too much exposure to Jonathan can be hazardous to your health."
"What?" screamed Thayet. "But I'm married to him! NOOOOOO, I DON'T WANNA DIE!" She then had a severe panic attack and had to go back to the hospital.
Numair then dropped from the ceiling and screamed, "PIZZA DELIVERY!"
"Huh?" said random people. Numair then pulled a box out of his shirt pocket and took out some pizza slices and threw them at people.
Jon grabbed a slice of pizza and said, "This pizza shall be the replacement of my dear departed pink goldfish! I will name him... Johnny!" He then ate the slice of pizza.
"Jon, you're an idiot," commented Alanna.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'VE EATEN JOHNNY!" cried Jonathan.
"Jon, you're an idiot," commented Alanna.
"WHY DO ALL MY PETS DIE!"
"Jon, you're an idiot," commented Alanna.
"IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY!" screamed Wyldon.
"Wyldon, you're an idiot," commented Alanna.
"Jolly," announced Owen.
"UP, UP, AND AWAY! TO PIZZA, AND BEYOND!" screamed Numair. He jumped up into the air and disappeared through one of the walls.
"Oh no!" cried Daine. "My pizza's talking to me!"
"Maybe it's Johnny's brother!" said Jon.
"Huh?" said Daine. She ate her slice of pizza and then threw up all over Cleon.
"Why is it always me?" Cleon whined.
"Because today is a very special day in which it is always you!" Alanna answered. "You should feel honored to be so abused!"
"I'm going to go visit my mirage of delight now and wish her happy birthday and stuff," said Cleon. Nobody made any replies, simply because nobody cared.
And so Cleon walked out of the room, and was about to go visit Kel, when he realized that he didn't even know exactly where Kel was.
Hahaha! Yoda was mistaken for a grandmother!