Chapter Five

Everybody stared at Raoul in shock. "NOOOOO! Not organic radishes!" they all screamed. Several people ran away screaming to hide behind the curtains.

"Yes!" said Raoul. "They're trying to destroy the palace! We must do something!"

"Well whatever you do, keep me and Lorenzo out of it!" said Jon. He grabbed Lorenzo the eggplant and hid under a table sobbing in terror.

"CLEON, GET OUT THERE AND FIGHT!" screamed Raoul, kicking Cleon in the shins.

"Why the heck do I have to go out there!" whined Cleon.

"Because no one will miss you if something goes wrong out there."

"Oh," said Cleon oafishly. He then grabbed his handy-dandy eggbeater and walked outside. Fifty thousand radishes were swarming around, throwing poisonous broccoli stems at the palace walls while random people cowered in fear.

Cleon twirled his handy-dandy eggbeater. "Um, go away, or I'll, uh... beat you into an egg?" The radishes ignored Cleon and threw broccoli stems at him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he cried as a broccoli stem struck his incredibly oafish arm.

Suddenly, Jon appeared out of nowhere, grabbed the broccoli stem and cried, "Simon! Is it really you?" he then ran off with Simon the broccoli stem and disappeared. Raoul stuck his head outside the palace door. "Oaf,- er I mean, Cleon! Did you kill the radishes!"

"No," said Cleon foolishly, who had shoved his handy-dandy eggbeater down his pants and was now busy doing a rain dance.

"Fine then!" screamed Raoul in a feminine voice. "You've just lost your speaking privileges, mister!"

"But-" said Cleon.

"YOU CAN'T TALK! YOU LOST YOUR SPEAKING PRIVILEGES!" shrieked Raoul, his voice going even higher. He slammed the castle door shut.

The radishes were still menacingly harassing the area. Cleon, being an oaf with only two-thirds of a brain, had no idea what to do. Luckily, Owen the Jolly was there to save the day.

"COME WITH ME, MY JOLLY FRIENDS!" screamed Owen, as he began playing on a giant flute. The radishes immediately followed Owen, because radishes are attracted to horrible flute plating for some reason. So Owen played his giant flute very badly and led all the organic radishes over the hills and far away...

"...Teletubbies come to play!" screamed some random dude. He was then randomly chased away for being on the wrong show.

"But this isn't a show-" Cleon began to protest.

Raoul then screamed, "NO TALKING, YOU OAF!" Cleon fell silent, and went back inside the palace, where random weirdness was occurring.

Neal, for some reason, had unraveled all the thread in his shirt sleeve. "I need new laundry detergent," he said.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NEAL!" screamed Owen. He reached behind his back and handed Neal some laundry detergent as a gift.

"Hey, thanks," said Neal. "But it's not my birthday!"

"I don't care!" said Owen jollily.

"Hey, Neal and Kel have the same birthday!" said a random person.

"IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!" Kel screamed. She threw a stick at the random person. "I'm getting really sick of having to tell people that!"

"Well too bad," said a disembodied voice. Meanwhile Cleon just stood around like an oaf while everyone ignored him.

"Let's all ignore the oaf!" screamed Jon. Jon had stolen Neal's favorite doll house and was having Lorenzo the eggplant and Simon the broccoli stem play in it.

Cleon wanted to say something, but he had lost his speaking privileges and if he said anything Raoul would scream at him in a high feminine voice.

Neal suddenly burst into salty tears. "Jon stole my favorite doll house!"

"Uh... no I didn't!" said Jon. "Um... Cleon did!"

"HOW DARE YOU!" shouted Neal, hitting Cleon with Numair's left shoe. Numair didn't mind. He just sat there and ate his other shoe.

"Well, I guess I'll be leaving now!" whined Jon. "Since I keep getting yelled at." He grabbed Simon the broccoli stem and Lorenzo the eggplant and ran off.

All was peaceful until Raoul started screaming, "AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! IT'S A WALL!" he started to sob and whine like a frightened puppy.

"I'll save you!" cried Alanna. She ripped down one of the walls, and Raoul immediately stopped crying.

On the other side of where the wall used to be, everybody could see Jon parading in front of a full-length mirror wearing a dress that he had stolen from Thayet. "That's my favorite ball dress!" hissed Thayet, spraying spittle all over Cleon.

Jon felt so beautiful. He didn't think it was fair that only girls got to wear pretty dresses. Suddenly, he heard laughter and turned around. The wall was missing, and everybody in the next room was laughing at him! Jon, blushing like crazy, grabbed a curtain and shielded himself with it. "It's not what it looks like, I swear!"

Thayet looked for a weapon. She saw a rooster innocently pecking at some dental floss and grabbed it and started whacking Jon with it. It was hard to tell who screamed louder, Jon or the rooster. "How dare you steal my dresses!" yelled Thayet.

Jon started to cry. "It was the radishes that were attacking the palace! They made me do it!"

Owen suddenly jumped out of the full-length mirror and screamed "BOO!" Cleon was so startled that he nearly had an oafish heart attack.

"Owen, how did you get into that mirror!" cried Raoul, his voice at the highest note that it could possibly be at. "Answer me right now, young man!"

Owen then jumped around like a drunken kangaroo and said, "I was teaching the people that live in the mirror how to do the Jolly Dance!"

Thayet ripped the dress off Jon and stomped away. Jon then took the dress off of Neal's favorite "life-size" three foot tall Barbie and put it on.

"Why does Neal play with dolls all of a sudden?" wondered Kel.

"My dewdrop!" cried Cleon.

"CLEON, YOU OAFISH FOOL!" screeched Raoul, his voice now so high that it was hurting everyone's ears. "I SAID NO TALKING UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE!"

"Hey, Raoul!" said Owen. "What does o-t-h-e-r-w-i-s-e spell!"

"Otherwise?" said Raoul.

"HAHA!" laughed Owen. "You said "otherwise"! Which means Cleon can speak again!"

"Hooray!" said Cleon.

"I wasn't doing it for your benefit, you oaf," said Owen. "I just wanted to make Raoul look like an idiot." Raoul then stood around looking like an idiot.

"I'm bored, and I'm an incredibly oafish oaf type person who happens to be an oafish oaf," Cleon then commented for no reason.