Of Life and Death
Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.
Chapter Six:
Ramiela felt anxious, and extremely bored as she stalked the lair, she played for a bit with her younger cousins and when that didn't seem to fill the empty space inside of her, she moved out to the kitchen, but her mind wasn't on baking cookies or any other treat as she realized she wasn't in the mood for that. So restlessly she moved on to the living room clicking on the television but a quick scan of channels told her that there wasn't much worth watching.
Don looked at Mike " So it begins," he murmured, softly as he and Mike observed the young ninja from a hallway.
Mike chuckled, " Oh yeah she is missing the routine, hopefully it will be the last thing she needs to bring her around." Mike sighed, " The last few days with her has been sheer hell Donny, with all her temperament changes and the arguments" Mike rolled his eyes.
Don turned arching an eye ridge towards his brother, smiling slightly at him, " Have you considered that some of this recent behaviour, may not be linked to the fact she has killed and has to come to grips with it?"
" What you saying Donny?" Mike asked suddenly, then it dawned on him what his intellectual brother was trying to imply, " You mean Rama is turning into a monster?"
Don laughed smacking his brother lightly on the shoulder, " No, this attitude can be attributed to the hormonal changes that are the onset of puberty."
" Like I said Don she is turning into a monster" Mike repeated, " otherwise known as an adolescent, a teenager and a royal pain in the lower portions of the shell." Mike shook his head " I'm not ready for that Don."
" I could be wrong" Don suggested.
" I'm doomed," Mike declared emphatically, " When have you ever been wrong? Especially under these circumstances?"
Don shrugged, " It is possible I'm not perfect you know. You want to let Leo know she has entered this stage?"
" Aw, knowing Leo he probably is all ready aware of her chafing at the bit." Mike waved the idea off.
…
Rama had been unaware of them she was in such an agitated mood that she would probably have missed an elephant in the room. She instead headed towards the dojo, and walked over to where her katanas hung, she had put them in the dojo the second day, wanting nothing to do with her trusty swords that had seen her through so much.
As she looked at her weapons, still protected in their scabbards, she realized that she missed having them on her, and with her at all times, she missed there familiar weight on her carapace, missed the feel in her hands as she held them, missed the soft sound it made as she sliced through the air.
' Uncle Donatello is right they are only a tool.' She mused to herself as she reached out to caress one of the scabbards that held the lethal weapon. ' I miss going on patrols, I miss the chance to go out topside and scour the rooftops searching the city.'
What Rama truly missed, though she wasn't aware of it, was the adrenaline rush that came whenever she went into action, to stop any number of crimes, or entering a battle.
In many ways she was an addict, she had become addicted to the blood rush that came with such exercises topside. Now she was suffering from withdrawal, and she longed to go out and get her fix.
Of course Leo had banished her to the sewers, and more importantly, she was restricted from leaving a certain area of the sewers until she was back on active duty, as a safety precaution.
Rama didn't know that she was addicted to the adrenaline rush, she didn't know or expect the warrior in side of herself, to long for the thrill of battle, and the life and death struggle, she didn't know any of that. All she knew was she missed being on patrol and doing what had seemed to be so natural to her.
Without even realizing it she took her katanas and pulled them from the scabbard, it felt good, like they belonged there, and in a way they did, for they were as much a part of her as her arms or legs, they were an extension of her body and so much more.
Rama gave a soft sigh of relief, as she closed her hands firmly but comfortably around the sword handles, she took a deep calming breath as she began to move through some katas.
The exercises helped to further relax her and ease the tension that had been building but she sensed that there was still something missing, that she didn't just want, but needed more then what the katas could provide.
Suddenly she sensed someone and turned to block a strike from her Sensei's sword, she looked at him, and he smiled. He moved his second katana around and without even pausing, Rama moved on instinct blocking the second blow and swiping her first katana towards her instructor.
Leo moved to parry the blow, for the moment the two became locked in the intricate dance steps of sparring.
Rama back pedalled as Leo pushed for the advantage, but Rama wisely bided her time waiting and then moved fast striking hard, moving fast and forcing him to give ground to her.
This in it self was wonderful, and intoxicating, the clang of metal on metal was music to Rama's ears, as she spun and skipped nimble to one side to avoid a strike.
The two continued the mock battle for some time, until Rama's chest began to heave ever so slightly from exertion, her breath coming fast, as she did her best to calm and still it. A trickle of sweat rolled down her forehead.
Leo stepped back and bowed to her, and she smiled before returning the bow.
" It is good to see you taking the katana up again," Leo said, as he sheathed his own swords.
Rama dropped to the mats with a contented sigh " When can I get to go on patrol again?" She asked earnestly.
" Are you ready to kill again?" Leo responded.
Rama grimaced and gazed down at the mat falling silent.
" Ramiela you know I can't allow you on patrol until you are ready to face the fact that you are going have to kill again." Leo informed her, his tone was full of sympathy as he dropped one hand on to her shoulder.
" I can see that killing might be all right under some circumstances" Rama allowed, " But I don't know if I am capable of making those sort of decisions. What if I make the wrong choice and actually kill where it isn't necessary?" She looked up at Leo, her eyes full of doubt.
Leo dropped down in front of her, " You won't make the wrong decision," he declared.
" How do you know?" Rama wondered.
" First off because you do value life, you have proven it more then once. You have never used any force that was not necessary." Leo pointed out, " You have also had to kill, and while that choice is a difficult one to make, you regretted your actions. These things will help control you, so you won't make the wrong choice" Leo assured her, " When the time comes and you have to kill, you will do it almost instinctively due to your training."
" What about execution type killings?" Rama inquired, " I know Uncle Raphael is our executioner, but how do we decided if such a punishment is warranted? I mean it is different in battle, then you are fighting for your life, but in executions it isn't like that, is it?"
Leo looked at her face, she was curious about the details now, and that was good for curiosity often lead to acceptance. But Leo knew for her sake he couldn't lie to her, after all she would need to know how to determine whether an execution was warranted or not.
" Executions are different, our clan does them only in special circumstances Ramiela" Leo admitted, " You are correct you aren't in a life or death struggle then. Executions are often done to humans, who sometimes possess little or no fighting skills, and it seems to go against everything we fight for and believe in. But to ignore it, to allow that person to live could mean jeopardizing our lives and safety." Leo explained.
Rama nodded, " That's what I thought" she muttered, " it doesn't seem right." She shrugged.
" No it doesn't but we can only value and respect another's life as long as that person values their own existence as well." Leo confirmed, " After all most people we execute are given every chance to prove to us that they will leave us alone in peace and let us live our lives," Leo paused, " This usually after they have sought to harm or have caused some harm to a member in our family" he stressed.
" You mean like my mom with me, how she kidnapped me when I was four?" Rama hinted.
" Exactly, your father warned her then, that she wasn't to return here or have anything to do with you or us. Shay refused to heed that warning, she turned bitter and came back for you."
Rama shuddered a bit and inhaled sharply as she recalled the second incident her mom hadn't just kidnapped her but had almost killed her with a new street drug known as Buzz.
Leo rested a hand on Rama's cheek " We could have lost you Ramiela, we almost did." He arched an eye ridge and smiled, " But you are a fighter and survivor and you pulled through, but Shay could not be allowed to live. Not after she had proven that she didn't value her own life enough to stay away."
Rama sighed, " At the time Uncle Raphael and dad told me Shay wasn't coming back, I knew Uncle Raphael had done something to her, I just didn't fully understand the concept of death." She confessed, " I knew I could believe them and I knew death was forever I just wasn't …you know sure about everything else."
Leo nodded " It takes killing, or a concept of what death truly is, to fully comprehend the idea of a person being dead, even people we don't care for." He gave a small smile, " You Ramiela have to understand, that as you grow older you will trust your instincts more of who can be trusted and who can't. Also you will be better able to judge who needs to be killed and when, so killing grows less instead of more" he assured her. " Tell me do you think you could kill for the right reasons?" he hinted, " Such as killing to save one of us?"
" I all ready have, haven't I?" Rama said a bit cheekily a smile crossing her face.
" Yes, but then you didn't know what killing was, with the information you have gained can you, would you be willing to do it again?" Leo persisted.
Rama's smile faded as she considered her sensei's words, she knew what the answer was, or felt that she knew, but she wasn't so sure. Of course Sensei would probably sense her hesitation and doubts, so he all ready knew her answer.
" I think, know I am sure I would act to save any of you, or even myself if I absolutely have to, but I'm not so sure that I can." Rama admitted.
" Meaning what?" Leo pressed gently as he watched her.
" Meaning knowing what I do now, I'd want to act but what if I don't? What if I hesitate or freeze up? What if …"
Leo held up one hand " Hold it Ramiela," he chuckled, " You are saying you are afraid? What does a ninja have to be afraid of?" He spoke lightly.
" Losing those I love. I got to thinking that while I don't care to kill, losing Uncle Raphael would have been terrible, devastating. I think I would sooner kill then allow those I care about get hurt." Rama explained, as she bit at her bottom lip. " Is it all right if I still don't like killing?"
Leo shook his head " None of us like killing Ramiela, it isn't a case of enjoying it, rather just doing what has to be done as it needs to be done" Leo corrected.
He knew though that her doubts about whether she was able to come through would need to be answered, and the best way of answering it, was by putting her back into patrols. Eventually, she would get the chance to prove to herself that her training would take over and respond. The more she thought about freezing, the better the odds became of her doing it, and Leo didn't want to give Rama the chance to ponder on such thoughts.
" I guess it is about time for you to go on patrol again." He announced.
Rama gasped bouncing up to her feet " Really but you just said that…"
" I know what I said Ramiela" Leo agreed, " Would you prefer I take it back?"
" No, no that is all right" Rama hastened to assure him, " I thought I was going go stir crazy if I had to hang around here much longer." She cheered as she bounced around her Sensei in her enthusiasm.
Leo laughed, " Get used to it, battle lulls tend to drive us all batty, and put us at each other's throats" Leo muttered ruefully.
Rama giggled, " That's when you and Uncle Raphael usually decided to butt heads with each other." She chortled.
" Ah you have noticed huh?"
" Kinda hard to miss" Rama said pertly, as she strapped her katanas back on her carapace where they belonged.
Right now she wasn't concerned about what might happen on patrol, just the fact that she was going, filled her with excitement as well as some peace of mind. She was ready.
Leo sensed her confidence and assurance in herself, and he knew that it could seep away, not just trickle away but vanish completely when faced with another battle. The whole problem was, that he had no way of testing her or preparing her for it, as with so much of their ninja training it could only be done by throwing her into situation and seeing how well she could handle it.
It had been almost a week, and Leo personally, didn't want to wait much longer before letting her get back into the routine, for soon that bravado could turn to fear and cowardice.
Hopefully the Foot soldiers would oblige and show up. Actually it was a fairly good bet they would, Foot activity was once again on the rise, especially since the initiate had killed. It was almost as if the Foot were looking for her determined to see if the young kunoichi could kill again.
That would be the question on everyone's mind until Rama made the conscious decision to kill and follow through.
…
That night Leo arranged for Ramiela and Raph to accompany him on patrol, since the Foot presence was far more noticeable the turtles had been keeping watch on the city in teams.
The night hadn't been quiet either, they had all ready foiled a mugging/rape and busted up what could have turned into a gang fight between two large groups of teens.
Leo was glad for the everyday crime, though he often grew wearied of breaking up or risking everything to protect innocent people, often from their own stupidity.
However tonight such events helped Ramiela feel more confident about her abilities, with her weapons, and the knowledge that she wouldn't kill randomly, or for little, if no reason.
Leo and Raph kept their senses alert as they moved careful for any sign of being followed, tracked or of shadows that caught the corner of the eye but then became still when you turned to look on them full on. Both the older more experienced ninja were trying to see if they could detect an attack before it happened, so they could pick the most convenient spot for the battle.
Raph smirked as he saw a slight move off to his left; it wasn't the first time the Foot sentry had given away his position. Raph had to wonder if the other Foot members would go after the Foot soldier. He mentally warned Leo of the being. Leo acknowledged his message by giving a subtle nod in reply as he moved out faster.
In moments Leo had found the place and position from, which he was ready to do battle from as the three of them took up position, standing in a small circle with their carapaces touching.
" Ramiela get ready" Leo ordered, " The Foot are near and depending on how many are out there you may have to kill."
Rama trembled slightly and swallowed hard a low strangled whimper escaped from her throat and she turned an anxious pleading look toward Leo.
He smiled softly " You can do it Ramiela" he encouraged her kindly.
Rama braced herself, as she held her katanas, feeling more comfortable with them then her sais, especially in instances where the odds might quickly turn overwhelming. She took a deep breath trying to gain some comfort from the fact that the other two ninja were with her.
A handful of Foot emerged from the shadows; " They finally brought her out to play again" one Foot soldier chuckled.
" Just a freak kid she isn't any threat. Needs a babysitter" another Foot taunted.
Raph growled, " Funny the kids, better then most of you are." He narrowed his eyes and spun his sais, " Trust me we ain't babysittin' her. We are just here to help clean up what she don't want."
Rama shot an uncertain glance at her Uncle, she hated the reference of being baby sat, but she knew she wasn't capable or ready yet to handle large numbers and as she counted the number of Foot that were revealing themselves she realized there had to be over twenty of them here.
" Sensei" she whispered meekly.
" Trust your instincts Ramiela." Leo cautioned, " Don't pull your punches either, and remember that this is war."
The Foot laughed, and the leader smirked behind his hooded mask " He is right and we plan on taking you prisoner initiate, and having fun with you freak."
Rama swallowed the threat seemed far more of a promise then anything, she didn't like the idea of being taken prisoner, and the last part of his threat did nothing to put her mind at ease, her blood began to race and her eyes narrowed.
" You want me you better come and get me" she challenged suddenly, as her mind quickly determined that she would not under any circumstances be taken prisoner by her enemies.
Leo smiled knowing that threat had caused a surge of anger, and in this moment her anger could see her past her fear.
As one the Foot charged towards them with their weapons out and ready, Leo and Raph instantly engaged about six Foot soldiers between them, but the largest group made their way toward Rama.
There was too many of them, and she knew, her ninja senses told her, they wanted her blood, even the first blows they struck out towards her confirmed they were out to kill or severely injure her.
Killing now was not an option, in order to survive she knew she had to kill. Survival was a powerful instinct that could drive any one to do things that they might never do, or consider doing under normal circumstances.
Ramiela knew that Sensei was right she could not afford to hold back and her mind had all ready made the decision to kill even though she knew what such a choice meant. She recalled her Uncle Donatello telling her that this would be the second hardest kill she had ever done.
For a moment she felt a touch of fear and panic rise from within, as she tried to handle the number of Soldiers who clustered around her, but she felt the gentle mental touch of Leonardo, both reassuring her they were near and urging her on.
Rama slashed her katana out seeing it now not as a weapon to take life, but perhaps preserve it, and more. It was nothing more than a tool after all, a truly deadly dangerous tool.
As one Soldier who pressed a little too close quickly found out as she plunged her sword in to him.
She blanched slightly cowering back as she smelled that offensive coppery smell of blood that she hated but another Foot came in fast and she didn't have much time to focus on what had gone before now, just time enough to focus on the incoming attack by turning to block the strike.
By the time the numbers had dwindled, and the Foot retreated Ramiela had killed four times, she stood now with her chest heaving more from exertion then any thing else, even as the Foot vanished into the night around them.
Leo touched her lightly on the shoulder " You have done well Kunoichi, you made the conscious decision to kill and your instincts were not found lacking, but the most important thing is how do you feel now?" Leo reached out probing her carefully with his senses not wanting to miss the slightest hint of disgust, or uncertainty.
Rama took a deep breath and raised her head, as she gazed hard and long at the fallen bodies of those who had sought to harm her and her family. Only this time the death the blood, while still repugnant on some level was also almost freeing, for she knew that if she hadn't killed then perhaps she or her uncles would have died, she had truly only killed in self defence and killing for those reasons was something totally different. It was, to put it simply, a matter of life or death. While she valued her own life and the lives of other beings, that didn't mean she had to jeopardize her life or the life of those she cared for.
All this swirled and chased in her mind and Rama realized the truth of her training, only through valuing life could she kill, for then even death would have its meaning.
Leo waited for her answer; saw Raph shifting uneasily beside him mumbling something under his breath. Leo held up his hand.
As Rama smiled ever so slightly, " I don't like killing and I don't think I ever will." She confessed, " But I understand why it may be necessary and I think, I've found the balance to be able to do it." She said.
Leo sensed that it was true, though he knew that killing would still bother her to some extent she was now over the worst of it and had truly come to accept her ninja birthright, one of honour respect and the ability to fight for what was right.
He clapped her on the shoulder as he announced, " Lets go home."
Rama took one last look back, saying a silent Japanese prayer for the fallen. ' I don't mind killing under the right circumstances, but at the end of the night I have to be able to live with myself and belief that what I did was right.' She gave a soft sigh and a reflective smile, ' I still need to belief that I can be a hero, like Mulan perhaps.'
The End
Lenni: Ah yes the original series where Shredder was only human, and the Foot went clang. Siding with not killing doesn't do a lot of good when you are at war, and you have to kill. Oh by the way Lenni I am thinking of doing up some Rama toddler stories though they probably won't be posted until I can get some other stories done A gratitude for your insight.
Lunar Ninja: Ah to be on vacation and have all the important amenities close at hand. I'm looking forward to my vacation to get lots of writing done, as well as having fun. The poetry part actually popped into my head and it took very little for me to get it from my head to paper. A gratitude for your insight.
Jessiy: My you are reading and reviewing up a storm. I take it you like the Rama series for how quickly you are devouring it. Now to answer some of your questions I noticed you mentioned an I hate Shay fan club, yes there is one. All one needs to do is hate Shay ( Rama's mother) to join. As you saw she got her come uppance. As for Don not being too much in Legacy, well I have a problem writing Don, he is the hardest turtle for me to write so he usually is hiding off somewhere in his lab, however I try to bring him more into my stories now. Plots don't have to be tricky or involved to be intriguing the old saying keep it simple often works best.A gratitude for your insight.
Chibi Rose Angel: It is to be expected for Rama to still be confused and uncertain, this is not an easy decision for anyone to come to grips with. Yet it is still a task that inevitable she must still do. A gratitude for your insight.
Reinbeauchaser: True Leo can't make her do anything, but he can make her life miserable, think of that poem I sent to you the other day about the kid and the mean mom, yeah kind of like that. Besides I wouldn't want someone like Leo lowering the boom on me. Rama at some point has obviously learned it isn't worth incurring the wrath of her sensei. Leo would probably even be harsher with her, on the basis she is the future leader and must learn one way or another. Either way Rama just isn't willing to go there. A gratitude for your insight.