Chapter Ten

Neal knocked on the door of a random peasant's shack. A man answered the door and immediately screamed with fear. "AAAAGGGHHH! Nobles!" He fainted right in the doorway.

Kel prodded the man. "I didn't expect things to be this way."

Neal went over to the man and said, "Hello! We are members of the Help the Peasants Campaign!" He grinned. The man did not react, as he was still unconscious. "We are here to give away-"

Dom hit his cousin in the head with a bottle. "Neal, he can't hear you! He's unconscious!"

"Oh."

"Well this visit was pointless," said Raoul. "Let's all go back to the palace and bemoan our failure and uselessness in the world."

Kel whacked Raoul with a chicken. "NO! WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP!" She waved the chicken in the air. "I swear on this chicken that we shall help the peasants!" The chicken bit her on the nose and ran away. "CURSE YOU, CHICKEN! CURSE YOU!"

The peasant man still lay unconscious in his doorway, and so the Help the Peasants Campaign moved onto another shack. Raoul knocked on the door, which happened to be made out of rooster feathers.

A man and a woman answered the door. "Hello. Do you like our rooster feather door? We can't afford a real door!"

"Well have we got the offer of a lifetime for you!" said Kel. "I happen to have right in my pocket..." She reached into her pocket and pulled something out. "...A door!"

The peasant woman cried, "A door!" and then fainted from shock.

Her husband grabbed a chicken and beat her on the head with it. "Wake up, you fool! This is an offer of a lifetime!" The woman revived and stood back up.

Kel held the door out. "This fine wooden door is yours! For free!"

"Kel, how did you fit a door in your pocket?" Dom wanted to know.

"It was easy! You can fit anything in your pocket when the rules of logic don't apply!"

"Wow, cool!" said Neal. "So that means I could put Raoul in my shoe!" He grabbed Raoul by the arm. "Come on, Raoul, you'll love my shoe! It smells like five-year-old bubble bath!"

Raoul broke free of his grasp and started screaming in a high, falsetto voice. "DON'T YOU DARE PUT ME IN YOUR SHOE, YOUNG MAN!"

The peasant couple looked disturbed. "Um... does he always scream in that high of a voice?"

"Yes, he does!" said Kel. "Now back to business! We are proud members of the Help the Peasants Campaign! We're giving away free stuff and are trying to get the peasants to rebel against the nobles! If you join our cause, you could get a free box of toothpicks!"

"And if you poison a monarch, we'll give you a free new house!" Dom added.

"I'd love a new house!" squealed the peasant woman. "Let's go poison King Jonathan! Nobody likes him!"

Kel bowed to the peasant couple. "Thank you very much for cooperating. We hope to see you again!"

"And take a bath!" said Neal. He pulled several bars of soap out of his pockets and threw them at the peasant couple. The four of them then walked away to go to the next shack.

Dom knocked on the door. There was no answer. Suddenly, someone popped out of the rosebush that was next to the house. "HI!" said Jonathan.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" the others screamed.

"Jon, what are you doing here?" Raoul demanded.

Jon shrugged his annoying shoulders. "I'm just sitting in a rosebush! Is that some sort of crime?" He burst into tears and proceeded to cry very noisily.

Suddenly, the peasant woman from the shack they had just visited came running along, holding a bottle in her hand. "OH BOY! I'M GOING TO POISON A MONARCH!"

"Eek!" shrieked Jon. He jumped out of the rosebush and started to run.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU WORTHLESS KING!" screamed the peasant woman. She chased Jon all the way down the road, until the two of them disappeared from sight.

Neal bent down and picked something up off the ground. "Look, it's Lorenzo the eggplant! Jon must have dropped him!"

Kel cackled an evil cackle. "We can hold his eggplant hostage! That would put the idiot king through extreme anguish!" She started to laugh uncontrollably, and was unable to stop. Everyone stared at her.

Five minutes passed, and Kel was still laughing. Everyone continued to stare at her.

Five more minutes passed, and Kel was still laughing. "Why won't she stop?" Raoul moaned. "What can we do to stop her?"

"I've got an idea!" said Dom. He leaped at Kel and kissed her on the mouth. Kel's crazed laughing immediately stopped.

Dom pulled away from her and stepped back a few paces. "Wow, it actually worked. Okay, well let's move onto the next- Eek!" Kel suddenly pounced on him and started kissing him uncontrollably, and was unable to stop. Everyone stared at her.

Dom shoved her off of him and hid behind Raoul. "What was that for?"

Kel had a crazed look in her eyes. "I'm going to make you mine! MINE! MINE FOREVER!" Kel advanced towards Dom, who was still cowering behind Raoul.

"Kel, I don't like the way you're looking at me," said Dom slowly. "Calm down..."

"NEVER!" She sprang at him, but before she could a hold of him, he ran off screaming. Kel chased Dom all the way down the road, until the two of them disappeared from sight.

Neal scattered the free items for the peasants all over the road. "Well, so much for the Help the Peasants Campaign."

"I never wanted to do this in the first place anyway," said Raoul.

"Hey, do you want to go hit on some hot girls?"

"Sure!" Neal and Raoul headed down the road in the opposite direction that Kel and Dom had gone. Jonathan had unfortunately managed to escape from the peasant woman and went back to the palace. Kel still held Lorenzo the eggplant hostage and was now trying to force herself into a marriage with Dom.

And that was the end of the Help the Peasants Campaign.

Hmm... I don't really think this chapter is as good as the other ones, but it will have to do.