Wow, I actually wrote another chapter of this. Hooray for me. I've just been feeling more creative than usual and came up with some more material for this story. So enjoy!

Chapter Eleven

Cleon was very sad. He was being neglected. He hadn't appeared in the last chapter at all. That is simply because nobody likes Cleon, but Cleon's oafish brain just couldn't comprehend that. Since he had been outlawed from Tortall, Cleon was forced to become a wandering hobo, roaming throughout various lands.

First he went to Scanra but the Scanrans tried to put his soul inside a machine and so he ran away. Then he went to the Copper Isles but Aly and Nawat chased him away with a Spatula of Death that Aly had stolen from her mother. The Spatula of Death was like the Spoon of Death, only better because you can flip hamburgers with it.

So Cleon finally went to the Yamani Islands. "My dewdrop lived here for six years, so this place reminds me of her!" Cleon said, trying to be romantic but only succeeding in sounding lame and oafish.

"Cleon! You found me!" said a voice.

"Yuki, what are you doing here?" Cleon asked. Yuki was chained to the trunk of a tree for some odd reason.

"I got kidnapped and shipped back to my homeland. Then some people chained me to this tree and have set loose a flesh-eating wildcat!"

"But who would do that?" Cleon wondered oafishly. "And why?"

Yuki tried to shrug but was unable to because of her chains. "I insulted a group of peasants and they got mad and ordered this to be done to me. It's all Kel's fault for making those stupid peasants bold and independent!" She tugged at her chains. "Now could you please free me? The flesh-eating wildcat is right behind you."

Cleon turned, saw the wildcat, and screamed the girliest of girly screams. Even the girliest of girlish girly girls couldn't scream as girlishly girly as Cleon did.

The wildcat pounced on Cleon and chewed out chunks of his hideous orange hair. Cleon managed to roll on top of the wildcat, and the poor wildcat was crushed by Cleon's oafish weight. Cleon got off of the animal and bit through Yuki's chains and then ate them. "Yum."

Yuki threw her arms around Cleon. "My hero! I desperately love you, even though you an idiot and an oaf! Let's get married so I can harm you with pointy objects and you won't be able to sue me because you love me!" She took a glaive out from behind a tree and poked Cleon with it.

"OW!" Cleon whined.

Yuki kissed Cleon but it caused Cleon's mouth to fall off. Yuki then grabbed Cleon's arm but accidentally ripped his arm off. "Oops." She got a needle and thread and stitched the parts back on. Since she was so horrible with a needle and thread, she attached Cleon's arm to the top of his head and his mouth onto his buttocks.

"Much better!" said Yuki. "Now let's go back to Tortall!"

"I can't," Cleon said. "I got outlawed from Tortall."

Suddenly, Daine appeared in the form of a giant flying pink. "PIGS MIGHT FLY!" screamed Alanna's voice.

"Hello!" said Daine the flying pig. "I am here to inform you that Cleon is no longer outlawed from Tortall. That rule no longer has any effect since Jonathan is currently unable to rule since he is being chased by crazed peasants. Now get on my back and I will fly you to Tortall. I will probably accidentally drop you in the ocean on the way there, but that's a risk you'll have to take!"

And so Cleon and Yuki got on Daine's back and she flew them to Tortall. Right when they were almost there, Daine dropped them in the ocean and they almost drowned. Luckily, Cleon was large and oafish enough to serve as a raft, and so Yuki climbed on top of him and rafted to shore.

"Oh no!" screamed various Tortallans. "He's back! This is the worst day of our lives!"

"Oh no, she's back!" screamed Neal, pointing at Yuki. "This is the worst day of my life! Since I have put been under a powerful spell, I don't love you anymore, Yuki! Your love of pointy objects really frightens me." He started to cry.

"Cleon is my oafish lover now!" said Yuki. "He is about fifty times my size and is clumsy and has ugly red hair and freckles, but that doesn't matter because I am under the influence of Alanna's tuna sandwich!"

"Heh heh, sorry." Alanna quickly threw her tuna sandwich into the garbage.

"Thank goodness Cleon has found someone new," said Kel. "Now he will leave me alone and I can put all my energy into stalking Dom!"

"Noooo!" Dom screamed. "Get away from me!" He ran up a tree (like a cat) and sat curled up on the highest branch.

"Oh no!" said Kel in distress. "My Dom has gotten stuck in a tree! Somebody call the fire department!"

Owen suddenly came running towards them, making loud beeping noises with his mouth. "I am a member of the Jolly Department! I shall jolly rescue the jolly citizens!" He took an axe out of his pocket and was about to use it, but it slipped out of his hands and hit Cleon in the head.

"Oh," was all Cleon said. People as large and clumsy as him are unable to express themselves properly.

Owen retrieved his axe and chopped the tree down. The tree (along with Dom) came crashing to the ground and Dom broke seven of his ribs and three of his brain cells died.

"Lucky Dom," whined Jon. "Losing three brain cells is nothing to him! He's got a whole brain full of them! I've only got two and a half brain cells!" He burst into tears.

"POISON THE MONARCH!" screamed the peasant woman from the last chapter. A gigantic barrel of poison was in her arms and she started chasing Jon with it.

Anyway, Dom got hurt and was unable to move because a large tree had fallen right on top of him. Kel threw herself on him. "Oh, Dom! Since you are under this tree, you cannot run from me now! Be mine forever!"

"Can somebody please kill me?" Dom pleaded.

"No!" Kel pulled him out from under the tree, breaking four more of his ribs in the process, and attacked him in a giant hug, which broke two more of his ribs.

"At this rate, I'm not going to have a ribcage anymore," Dom said sadly.

"That's all right, I can heal you!" said Neal.

Alanna shoved him out of the way. "No, foolish former squire! I can heal him better!"

Neal pushed Alanna. "I'll heal him!"

Alanna twisted Neal's arm behind his back. "I'll heal him!"

Neal pulled Alanna's hair. "I'll heal him!"

Alanna kicked Neal between the legs. Neal squealed like a girl and crumpled to the ground. "I win!" said Alanna, cackling evilly. Poor Neal. He shall get his revenge.

Alanna then went over to Dom and shot some purple light at him. "There, Dom, your ribs are now healed. There's nothing I can do about your brain cells though. You're just going to have to live with a slightly lower I.Q. for the rest of your life."

Kel quickly grabbed Dom before he could run away. "I'm so glad you're all better now, my sexy sergeant!"

"I don't want to be your sexy sergeant!" cried poor Dom. He tried to wriggle out of Kel's grasp but the strong lady knight held onto him tightly. "Let's elope to some far-off country and be together forever!"

Dom finally managed to break free of Kel and hid behind Cleon. Cleon was so freakishly large that he made a perfect wall. Or shield. Or maybe elephant.

"If I had an elephant, I would name it Cleon," said George. "Elephants and Cleon just have so much in common!"

Kel ran towards Cleon, twirling her glaive around. "Cleon, get out of the way or I will slice and dice you! Actually, if you do move, I will slice and dice you anyway, along with Jon!"

"Why me?" whined Jon, who was still being chased by the peasant woman.

"Just let me poison you!" she shrieked.

"No," Jon whined. "Where's my fool of a wife when I need her? Thayet, save me!"

Thayet slithered around on the ground like a snake. She stuck out her tongue and glared at Jon with red eyes. "Use Cleon," she hissed mysteriously. She then slithered away, but first she bit Cleon on the ankle and Cleon nearly bled to death.

Jon picked Cleon up and threw him at the peasant woman. Cleon's oafish weight landed on the woman and crippled her for life.

"DOM!" Kel squealed. Since Cleon was no longer shielding Dom, he was hers for the taking. She grabbed him and made an attempt to take his shirt off. But before she could do so, Cleon ran towards them. "Hey, Dom! Do you want to trade girls?"

Dom's blue eyes lit up excitedly. "Sure!" He handed Kel to Cleon, and Cleon handed him Yuki.

Cleon gazed at Kel hungrily. "I finally have you, my fanciful blossom flower of eternal delight and expired broccoli. Let us make out passionately beneath the stars!"

"Cleon, it's daytime!" Kel pointed out. "You are the dumbest oaf I have ever had the misfortune of setting eyes upon."

"Aw, I love you too. Let's go find a haystack!" And Cleon shoved Kel into an itchy burlap sack and dragged her away.

Meanwhile, Neal was secretly trailing Alanna. He wanted revenge, and he was going to get it. Nobody kicks Neal in the you-know-where and gets away with it.

When Alanna bent down to pick a poisonous flower so she could crush it up and put it in Jon's tea, Neal made his move. As Alanna was bending over, Neal leaped in the air and gave her a kick right in the buttocks. Alanna went sprawling forward and started rolling. Unfortunately, she was right on top of a hill and kept on rolling, down and down. Actually, she was on a mountain and rolled for a long time. But the mountain really turned out to be a cliff and she landed in a heap on the ground after falling for a couple of hundred feet.

"Wow," was all Neal said.

Alanna got to her feet and dusted herself off. "Well that was quite a fall. Sadly, it has knocked out some of my brain cells and I have forgotten the meaning of anger." She shrugged. "Oh well."

While Alanna wandered around aimlessly and tried to discover the meaning of anger, Cleon had opened up his itchy burlap sack and pulled Kel out of it. "We are now at the haystack, my mirage of daylight! Let us snuggle intimately beneath the hay, even though my oafish body will probably crush you and then your parents will sue me."

"Never!" screamed Kel. She tried to run away but to her horror, discovered that she was handcuffed to Cleon.

"Somebody save me!" Kel cried.

"Stork-man to the rescue!" Numair sang out. He was riding on top Daine the flying pig and shot some black light out of his fingertips. The haystack disappeared and Cleon and Kel were standing right in the middle of a crowd of people.

"Kel, I never knew you secretly loved Cleon and lusted after him forever and have finally got him back!" said Neal.

Kel glared at him, even though all glares are supposed to be reserved for Cleon. "That's not true!"

Cleon hugged her (and nearly crushed her in his freakishly oafish arms). "Of course it is, pearl of my idiotic and cholesterol-clogged heart!"

Neal then looked at Dom and Yuki, who were sitting in a bed of flowers with the sunset right behind them and beautiful music playing in the background. They were looking into each other's eyes and held each other by the hands. The sunset's colors intensified and the beautiful music became even more beautiful. Oh, how touching. Quick, grab a tissue.

"Dom, since when are you romantically involved with the woman who I have rightfully rejected because I have realized I do not love her?"

"Dom and I traded girlfriends," said Cleon smugly. He was trying to hug Kel again. Eew.

"Kel is not my girlfriend!" Dom protested.

Kel grinned at him. "Oh yes you are! You're only using Yuki so you can make me jealous and then I will confess my undying love to you and then you'll dump Yuki and tell me you didn't really love her and then you will pledge your undying love to me and we will passionately kiss and live happily ever after forever and ever!"

Everyone stared at her.

"That was a jolly run-on sentence," said Owen.

Kel took a deep bow. "Thank you. I try my best."

"I'm so proud of you, my sparkling dewdrop that landed on a piece of dirty grass and then got stepped on by some animal!" said Cleon. "I am going to marry you now!"

"Now!" Kel shrieked. "Somebody fetch the king so he can make this illegal and prevent a horrible disaster!"

Jon appeared, looking annoying and constipated, as usual. "What do you want?" he complained.

"I want you to make it illegal for Cleon and I to get married!" Kel said.

"Fine, whatever," Jon whined. He snapped his fingers and some sparkly dust floated over to Cleon and Kel and made them sneeze. "Now you can't ever get married. Happy now?"

"Of course!" said Kel. She broke out of Cleon's grasp and danced around. Sadly, she was a very bad dancer and ended up knocking right into Numair and caused his pants to falls down. As Numair's pants fell off, everybody gasped at what they saw.

It turned that Numair's stork-like height was all a big lie. Numair wasn't tall at all. He was only two and a half feet tall and had been wearing stilts the whole time.

"GASP!" Daine gasped. "Numair, I can't believe you would wear stilts and then hide them with a pair of freakishly long pants!" She burst into tears and punched Cleon so she could let out her anger. "My boyfriend is a midget!"

"Eek!" squeaked Numair. He took off running but couldn't run very fast because his legs were too short.

"Well that sure was jolly disturbing," said Owen.

Cleon cried oafishly. "And I have lost my flower of fragrance!"

"And I have decided to become a man," said Yuki. "You may all call me Yuko now."

Dom burst into tears and punched Cleon so he could let out his anger. "Then all of this was a lie? But what about the sunset, and the hand-holding, and the beautiful music? I hate you Yuki- er, Yuko!"

Kel suddenly pounced on him and grabbed a hold of his wrist so he couldn't pull away. "I will be your girlfriend!"

"Never!"

"What if I pay you ten gold nobles a week? Then will you be my girlfriend?"

"Sure!" said Dom excitedly. Kel gave him a handful of money and he kissed her.

And so everybody lived semi-happily ever after, but not really. Kel was actually the only happy one and everybody else was in deep, agonizing misery. Will their fortunes improve? Nobody knows. And nobody actually cares very much, for that matter.

Wow, this chapter is really long. But that's a good thing. I think. Well, that doesn't matter, just review!