Addict Group 1: The Evil Addict Group

Hello! Another random joke, but this is gonna get a little messier than my other parody House of Mouse... I hope you enjoy it! Now, enjoy the randomness!

"Alright! Welcome to today's group!" Selena, a 10 year old girl with blonde hair and crystal blue eyes smiled. "Now, today we're gonna work on your problems with being evil!"

"Um... I'm not crazy like these other guys, and I don't have any heroes after my head, so why am I here?" Ryu, a boy with dragon wings, long silver hair, and yellow eyes asked.

"Because of that court order."

"Damn!" Ryu growled.

"He's still in the denial stage." Ganondorf muttered to Ansem.

"Really?" Ansem whispered back.

"Anyway! Let's all introduce ourselves!" Selena smiled. "I'm Selena, the councilor, and I'm in charge! I've dealt with Ryu here for a month, so nothing fazes me now."

"I'm Ganondorf, and I'm overly obsessed with Princess Zelda and trying to kidnap her to make her fall in love with me!"

"So, he's like Michael Jackson?" Ryu whispered to Naraku.

"Ryu!" Selena yelled. "No talking when someone else is talking!" Though she was trying not to laugh.

"I'm Ansem, and I possessed Riku, tried to take over all worlds, claimed to be the king of darkness..." He took a deep breath. "Controlled the Heatless, stole from that deli across the street, am secretly in love Riku, ran around the city naked, ate lots of beans and went to a wedding, stole the bride's wedding ring, kicked the priest in the-"

Selena covered his mouth. "That's more information than we needed, Ansem."

"I'm the great power Naraku and I have an obsession with trying to kill Inuyasha and I've murdered many people."

"Um... I think you should come next week for our talk to murderers." Selena turned to Ryu. "You have any problems?"

"You suck, but let's see... My name's Ryu, King of everything evil, killed helpless farm animals, stole from pirates, stole swords from samurais, stole a shot gun from a Teddy Bastard and shot them to death... Um... Need I continue?"

Selena shook her head. "Anyway, Ganondorf, we'll all help you first. What makes you love Princess Zelda so much?"

"Because she's beautiful and kind and dreamy..." Ganondorf started drooling like a madly in love shoujo character.

"Err... OK... Um... Anyone know any single girls who fit that description?" Selena had an anime sweat drop.

Naraku raised his hand. "I know Kikyo. She's single and we need to get rid of that bitch."

Ryu raised his hand. "Isn't she dead and trying to kill Inuyasha?"

"Oh! I can help her!" Ganondorf smiled.

"No! Anyone else know any girls?" Selena shouted.

Ryu raised his hand. "Let's see... How about Quistis? As far as I know, she's single." He pulled out a SeeD year book. "This is her!" He pointed to a picture.

"Perfect!" Ganondorf took the picture.

"Anyway... Naraku... Why are you overly obsessed with yourself and why do you want to kill Inuyasha?"

"I'm the strongest demon ever, and Inuyasha gets in the way of my tea parties! Every time I get close to pouring tea for my little dolls, they challenge me to a fight!" He burst into tears. "Why can't I ever with Fluffy the teddy bear?"

Ryu stared. "Can I kill the gay bastard?" He asked.

"No Ryu! He's just really girly! We all know Ansem's the gay one here." Selena frowned. "So, how can we help Naraku with his problem?"

Ansem raised his hand. "He could invite Inuyasha and friends to a tea party."

"I like that idea! I'll do that!" Naraku nodded.

"Anyway... How can we deal with Ansem's problems?" Selena sighed.

"Hmm... We could deal with his crush on Riku by getting him a different boyfriend..." Ryu sighed. "Or we could destroy him."

'We could tie him up and put him in an insane asylum.' Selena thought out loud. She picked up the phone next to her. "Hello? Church or Apris? I have a person here needing spiritual help. Yes. Yup. Thanks!" She turned to Ansem. "We have some professionals coming to help."

"Without the code, she called Insane We Is, the nearby insane asylum." Ryu muttered to Ganondorf and Naraku. "That's what she calls it so no one catches on until you're in a straight jacket."

The guys came, put Ansem in a straight jacket, and started dragging him away. "Come on! We'll help you spiritually!" One muttered.

"Hey! This isn't the Church of Apris! It's an Insane Asylum! NOOOOO!" Ansem was pulled into the van and they drove off.

Selena smiled. "Anyway, let's handle Ryu's problems now! Why do you steal?"

"Because I don't like wasting my damn Munny." Ryu frowned.

"Um... OK? Why'd you shoot the Teddy Bears?"

"Teddy Bastards! It was a war! I had to!"

"Um... Why do you kill helpless farm animals?"

"Because they won't be any use to steal because they can't hurt anyone!"

"True... OK! I think we handled all of the problems. Now, Naraku, I don't think you'll have to come to the murderer discussion. Good bye!" Selena smiled.

Disclaimer:

Ryu is my brother, Black Ryu Lord,

Ganondorf and Zelda are from the Legend of Zelda games.

Naraku, Inuyasha, and Kikyo are from Inuyasha

Quistis is from Final Fantasy 8.

Selena is me.

Ansem and Riku are from Kingdom Heart.

The Church of Apris is from Star Ocean: Til the Ends of Time.

Insane We Is is making fun of Toys R Us.

The Teddy Bastards are from Conker's Bad Fur Day. My brother's idea here...

Do I really need to explain where Michael Jackson's from?

I hope you thought this was funny. I'll update this when I come up with whom to put in the murderers discussion besides Ryu and Sepheroth... Later everyone!