Jim's mental diversionary tactics courtesy of "Man and Superman" by Bernard Shaw and "A Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens
Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking, or if they are at all. I mean the second the first drop of rain hits the pavement people start driving like maniacs and idiots. I think, maybe, there should be a yearly competency exam for drivers past a certain age. This lady in front of me is so small that I can't even see her head. She's probably looking right through the steering wheel. Agh, let me get around her. Yeah, I was right, she's a tiny one. Maybe she's an elf orpossibly even a sprite. One thing's for sure, the way she's hugging the wheel like that, if she gets into an accident, she's toast.
Its raining harder now, but I've got things that I need to do before my double date with Sara tonight. She fixed a friend of hers up on a date with another friend, but the girl said she wouldn't go out unless Sara went with. I've got my best come hither suit dry cleaned along with the accompanying shirt; all I need to do is double check everything and I'll be "Good to go and ready to launch", as the G Man says.
Truth be told, I'm a bit nervous. I mean, I've had countless meals with Sara, but this is different, in that its more structured than our group meals. Here, tonight, we're playing chaperone and I wonder if this is such a wise idea. I like Sara, maybe more than I should, but...,Agh, hell. Who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?
Ok, I've got my keys, wallet, baby Glock and ,condoms and breath mints. I've even gone so far as to release some "tension" so my mind and body don't clash tonight. Am I forgetting anything? Hey, I can dream, can't I? I look F-I-N-E, fine, if I do say so myself; and I do. My tie is on straight and my shoes are polished to the highest shine; I'm ready to go. The only thing I need do is stop by the florist and then I'll pick Sara up.
Surprisingly, Sara only lives a couple of blocks from me; I just never thought of it before. All the nights and mornings I've spent wondering what she was doing, if she was alone or if she needed someone, and she was there all along. Some detective I am, huh? Her apartment building is nice enough and as I walk the stone path to her landing I check my breath and smooth down my hair; what hair I've got, that is. My hand trembles a bit as I raise my balled up fist to knock on the door, but almost as though she knew I was there, the door opens before I make contact with it. Uh-oh, brain fart.
Jim looks amazing in his dark blue suit and blue and silver striped tie. I've always thought that he looked best in blue. Kind of gives all new meaning to "boy in blue", huh? The last time I saw him in this particular suit was during the Kleinfeld case. He and Grissom were in the break room sharing coffee over some brainstorming session. I stood just outside the door out of sight and listened to Jim as he talked about the vigilantes knocking off the black-jack dealers. He and Grissom had clashed earlier that day and truth be told, I thought that maybe Grissom had finally grown some balls,
but I was wrong.
But tonight isn't about Grissom, its about Jeneane, Stuart, Jim and myself. I know everyone thinks I've got a thing for Grissom, and in a way I guess I do, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I am attracted to him, but not as a lover anymore; more like a friend. He's got an amazing brain, some really interesting quirks and he's like some great Earth-locked cosmic vending machine; a quote or analogy for just about anything. However, if I were to be honest with myself, as I'm trying to do more of lately, I'd have to admit that I'm interested in Jim, and not just as a friend.
The way he's standing there right now, all wide eyed and mouth gaping., he looks like some freshman on his very first date without a parental chaperone. He's sweating a bit and maybe I'll have some fun with him, or more likely at his expense. Looking down at the hem of my dress, I remember Pretty Woman.
"Aww, man. I've got a runner in my pantyhose." I say slowly lifting the hem well above my knee, exposing a whole lotta thigh "Oh, I'm not wearing any pantyhose"
She's teasing me, the she devil. Ooh, naughty thoughts...very naughty thoughts. Take your mind off it Jim. Don't let her get to you. Think of something else..."Roebuck Ramsden is in his study, opening the morning's letters. The study, handsomely and solidly furnished, proclaims the man of means. Not a speck of dust is visible: it is clear that there are at least two housemaids and a parlourmaid downstairs and a housekeeper upstairs who does not let them spare elbow grease. Even the top of Roebuck's head is polished: on a sunshiny day he could heliograph his orders to distant camps by merely nodding"
Ok, he's gone cross-eyed now and if I didn't know any better I'd say he was thinking of something else entirely other than my gown. Looks like I might have my work cut out for me tonight, but given his reaction right now, I'd say that he's far from oblivious to who and what he'll be spending the evening with. Grabbing my keys from the small table by the door, I hold out my hand to him.
"In no other respect, however, does he suggest a military man. It is in active civil life that men get his broad air of importance , his dignified expectation of deference, his determined mouth disarmed and refined since the hour of his success by the withdrawal of opposition and the concession of comfort and precedence and power"
"Hello? Anyone home?" I ask
He blinks several times and as his eyes move over my body I can hear him mumbling something about a respectable man, an alderman and a mayor. He's remembering books again. This isn't the first time I've seen him do this. He seems to do it only when he's confronted with something mind bogglingly uncomfortable to grasp. He did it when he watched that lady from Heather's Domain walk down the hall and out the door down the hall, he did it when he walked in on me in the shower at the lab, he did it when I asked for a towel and he handed me a paper towel instead and he's doing it now. He's so damn cute when he's sexually frustrated.
"Helloooooooooooooooo?" I say again
"Huh, what?"
Oh, God, I've gone and done it again. I'm seeing flashes of Sara in the lab shower in all her naked glory, I'm seeing her asking for a towel and almost as though I've stepped outside myself, I see myself handing her the first think I set fingers on...far too small. Keep your head, Jim. She's only Sara, you work with her everyday, you see her everyday, you share coffee and dinner with her frequently. She's only a woman...a perfect woman with soft skin, long shiny hair, big brown eyes, luscious lips that beg to be kissed and breasts that stand up proud and...Oh, God. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of incredulity it was the season of Light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of disrepair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of it's noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil in the superlative degree of comparison only"
Ok, this is cute and all, but its really time to go.
(reaches out her hand and gives a love pat to his face)
"Come on, Jim. Lets go"
"Huh, what?"
Thank God for that slap. Had it not been for that I might have very well spent the next half hour ogling her. She's so beautiful. Who would have thought that the very same Sara Sidle that I see at work nearly everyday in jeans and cotton tops would clean up so well. By the looks of it her gown is made of silk and the way it hugs her curves is pure eye candy. I suddenly remember that I've got a rose for her. Trying to make my thoughts register physically, I'm having trouble presenting her with said flower. Finally, after a few long seconds, my hand responds, but not how I would have liked.
Almost like another out of body experience, I see my hand come into view and virtually hurl the rose at her as if it were some dart in a pub. I see the look on her face and I can only imagine what I must look like right at this moment. I know I'm sweating, I know I'm breathing hard and I know that I'm making a fool of myself. I manage a few words.
"Um...yeah...let's rock."
Ok, maybe not the swiftest thing to say, considering that my pre-date tension relief is proving very ineffective. I'm ready to rock alright.
He's just so cute. I lean in and gently place a kiss on his cheek, to which he just stands stock still and I wonder if he's gonna start reciting books again. Thinking to myself, I wonder if it would be such a great idea for him to be behind the wheel of a large vehicle given his current state.
"I'll drive, but not my car."
No response
"Jim, your keys?"
I can see that I'm going to have myhands fulltonight, so hazarding a glance at his pockets, I see the protrusion created by his keys in his right pocket. Ok, all I've got to do is just reach in and pull them out; sounds simple enough. I step a bit closer and with my left hand I reach in and gently take two fingers...those aren't his keys. Oh, my God. I just assumed a large protrusion in his pocket, it must be his keys...boy, was I wrong. Looking up into his eyes, he gives a lopsided smile and lets out a nervous cough.
"My, what a big..."
Why is her hand in my pocket? And that most certainly isn't my key fob. Ok, Jim. Think on your feet. Just reach into your left pocket and pull out your keys. Mission accomplished. Keys delivered. I try not to make any sort of eye contact with her as I drop the keys into her waiting hand...there's only one hand...the other one is still in my pocket. Why? Shit, like I have to ask. This night is proving more frustrating that I had anticipated.