CHAPTER 3: WHO AM I?
"Buffy?" a familiar voice asked, breaking through the haze surrounding the blonde.
"Are you okay?" a more masculine voice interjected, concern evident in his tone.
Buffy was sitting on an unfamiliar couch in an unfamiliar place, but it went unnoticed by her, as her eyes seemed to be focused on a far-off place.
"Buffy!" Giles said sharply, snapping his fingers in front of her eyes.
"That only works in the movies, Giles," Xander said. "Or not," he corrected as he saw bright green eyes focus on the fingers and then slid upwards to the face hovering in front of hers.
"Giles?" Buffy asked in a small, confused voice.
"Buffy, are you okay? What happened?" he asked his younger charge.
"I remember," was her answer, her voice wavering slightly.
"You remember what?" Willow asked from her left side.
Buffy's hand went up to her phoenix pendant and she looked down at it amazed. "Who I am."
"Yes. You're Buffy. The Vampire Slayer, or technically A Vampire Slayer now that Willow's spell worked and all the potentials became slayers."
"Anya," Xander interrupted her ongoing rambling. "You're getting off topic."
"No," Buffy said, shaking her head slightly. Her hands were trembling slightly, her voice was unsteady and tears were building in her eyes.
"She's not getting off topic?" Xander asked confused.
"No, I mean, I'm not Buffy. I mean, I am Buffy, but I'm not the Buffy you know," Buffy said.
"Is this supposed to make some sense that I'm missing?" Xander asked after he attempted to understand.
"What do you mean not our Buffy?" asked Willow.
"I think she's just delusional. War sometimes does things to people. I've seen it happen," Anya said. Turning to Buffy, she continued, "You're name is Buffy Summers, you're 25, your birthday is January 19th."
"Actually it's not," Buffy interrupted her softly, mounting more confusion upon the already confused group. "My real name is Elizabeth Potter. Buffy was a nickname my friend gave to me."
Buffy didn't know what to think. Her whole life was a lie; everything she thought she knew was wrong. She had a family, she had friends, she was happy. She had been utterly content, something that she had not yet experienced in her life since then. It was taken away from her with one order.
Buffy didn't know whether to hit Moody or hug him. But ultimately, it was only one person's fault. 'Fudge,' Buffy thought angrily.
She could remember everything like she was fifteen again; she even felt the same emotions that she had related to her memories. Everything was clear and strong in her mind; with fifteen years of suppressed memories forced into her deep subconscious, her mind had to replay events over and over again in order to ease the pressure. It took a lot of power to keep her memories at bay, but now they were out and they were overwhelming her.
It was giving her a headache.
She rubbed her temples slightly, trying to ease the tension. She tried taking a deep breath, focusing on something other than her memories. As she did, she realized she felt different. She felt more powerful; her body was humming.
'The magic,' Buffy thought with awe. She hadn't realized that it felt different to have magic in one's blood, she had always been a witch, and so she never had anything to compare it to until she lived like a muggle. But she missed it; it felt good to have the power running through her again. One of the spells Moody had put on her had locked her magic away, trapped like her memories in a remote corner of her mind, so that she wouldn't draw any attention to herself, whether by doing accidental magic or not. She was to live like a complete muggle, totally unaware of the magical life. 'Guess that plan backfired,' she thought bitterly.
She needed to take some time and get her thoughts together. She needed to adjust and process everything that happened. One minute she defeated The First Evil, sinking a whole city, and the next she discovered that she had a whole other life.
One thought kept running bitterly through her mind, 'The Powers That Be have been screwing with my life even before I was called. No happiness for Buffy. It' s much more fun to watch her suffer.' The more she thought about it, the more she started to think that maybe this was their way of rewarding her. She hadn't been happy and she had no family left, but now was a chance to reclaim her lost family, her lost friends, her lost life.
Meanwhile, her friends were trying, and failing, to make sense of what she had said.
"Huh?" Xander asked eloquently.
"I'm a witch," Buffy said, still absorbed in her thoughts and not paying much attention to what she said, or her friends' reactions.
"Buffy, are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked. "You didn't hit your head did you?" She started looking over Buffy's head, checking for visible damage.
"Stop that," Buffy protested, lightly swatting the redhead's hands away. "I'm fine."
"Then what's with the whole, I'm not Buffy, but I am Buffy, but you don't know me, but I know you, stuff?" Xander questioned.
"I was kidnapped on my 15th birthday, which is in August, not January,"
"Oh, we missed your birthday. Happy birthday!" Willow automatically said, giving her friend a hug before realizing that she still had no idea what was going on. "Continue."
"Anyway, a wizard saved me from another wizard and then brought me to America instead of killing me like this other wizard ordered."
"Again, I say, HUH?"
Buffy then explained to them what little she knew about the night she was taken. The more she thought, the more she remembered. She recalled going to L.A. because, as Moody had muttered to himself, "It was the farthest place away he had ever visited."
He was taking her to an adoption agency when a couple walked by them. Moody overheard the woman saying, "I just want a daughter, Hank."
"I'm sure there's another agency we can check out," the man said tiredly.
Moody saw this as his chance, and with a few well-placed spells, Elizabeth Potter became Buffy Summers, with no one any wiser. He didn't realize that the last adoption agency had rejected the couple as candidates because their marriage was "unstable."
When Buffy finished her tale, she looked at her friends to see their reactions.
"Wow," Willow said with wide eyes. "That..."
"Sucks," Anya interrupted. "If I were still a vengeance demon, I'd grant you a wish. Maybe two."
"Are you okay?" Giles asked.
"Yeah, it's just another day in the life of Buffy - one more person who has played with my memory. I really wish they'd stop. Do you think it can cause brain damage?" Buffy lied easily. In truth, she wasn't okay. It was hard and confusing, but in time she'd be okay. She had to be. Her fake memories were fading, just like they did with Dawn, the real memories charging to the front. She didn't want them to be gone because it had felt real for so long. She knew they weren't real, but she didn't want to think her mom, Joyce, loved her only because of a spell. Even if she wasn't blood, she was still her mom for several years. Buffy loved her and didn't want to think it was a lie.
"Who was kidnapping you in the first place?" Willow asked the question that had been nagging on everyone's mind. "And why?"
"Death Eaters attacked my house, so it must have been Voldemort who wanted me. For what reason, I have no idea."
"Voldemort? That name sounds vaguely familiar." Giles mused.
"I remember Voldemort's reign. It ended some years ago, I can't remember how. Anyway, I used to get so many calls from women who wanted revenge on Voldemort. But I wouldn't go near him - he would have found a way to kill me, or make me wish I was dead," Anya said, shuddering at the memories.
"That's right!" Giles exclaimed. "Two slayers were sent up against him, separately of course, as the Watcher's Council believed him to be a threat to both worlds. After the two slayers died, with no hope of defeating him, they decided that the wizarding world created the monster, therefore they had to find a way to defeat him."
"Kinda like, it sucks for you, we're outta here?" Xander asked. Giles just glared.
"You knew about the wizarding world?" Buffy asked surprised.
"Just in mentioning; it's all a bit vague. I believe the wizarding world kept to itself as much as it could, and the Watcher's Council had a hand in everything, but they weren't big on details."
"But why would the Minister want you dead if they stopped you from being kidnapped?" Willow asked, still trying to solve the mystery.
"I have no idea, but I can't wait to show up at his door, alive and very much kicking."
There was silence in the room while they each mused over the reasons why. They didn't have much to go on, as Buffy herself had no clue.
"Perhaps they knew you were a potential, and Voldemort wanted a powerful ally. Perhaps the Minister was afraid of that happening," Giles suggested.
"I guess that could be it," Buffy said, shrugging her shoulders. "But not even the Watcher's Council knew I was a potential. I mean, they didn't find me until after I was called."
"Yes, well, this Voldemort fellow sounds quite powerful. It's possible that he had access to some magics that pointed you out - namely the dark arts."
"Speaking of magic," Xander said, "what's this wizarding world like? And why does it have a world to itself?"
Buffy smiled as she thought back on her old home. "The wizarding community is much smaller than the muggle world and they are very secretive."
"Say what?"
"Oh, sorry. Muggles are non-magic people," Buffy explained. "Wizards and witches, like me, use wands. Wiccas, like Willow, use the power from the earth." Buffy continued on for a while, explaining the world of magic to her friends. She explained the school, the moving pictures, the methods of travel, the game of quidditch, everything she could remember.
"Can I see your wand?" Xander asked excitedly, bouncing slightly on his toes.
Buffy frowned as she thought about her valuable possession. "I don't have it, obviously. I don't know where... I dropped it," she remembered suddenly. "At my house. I got stunned and I didn't have it with me when I woke up. If I did, I think I would've done something to help myself."
"So we can't see any magic?" he pouted.
"Hey!" Willow exclaimed indignantly. "I can show you magic. I just did magic! I'm a magic makin' mama! I can show you so much magic you'd be begging me to stop!" At everyone's incredulous looks, Willow added much softer, "Not that I would."
"Theoretically, I believe it is possible for a wand witch to do wandless magic. You have the power within you, you just need to learn how to harness that power and control it. With practice you could easily perform just as well as Willow. And it would undoubtedly prove useful sometime." Giles said.
"How about it, Will?" Buffy asked, turning to the redhead. "Do you want to teach me?"
Willow became very excited, reminding Buffy of her high school self who had found the answer to a really challenging problem, or had drunk coffee.
"Of course! I would love to. It'll be fun, but not too much fun, because it's a serious matter and we can't be fooling around. Something will happen and you'll lose control and..."
"Yes, ma'am!" Buffy said jokingly. Willow continued to babble, ignoring Buffy's interruption.
"When can we start? Can we start now?"
"Willow," Giles said, calming the excited Wicca. "I think we may need to wait a while before the first lesson."
"Why?" Willow asked, her expression falling. Giles looked pointedly at Willow, indicating the blonde on the couch slightly. He had on his 'We have more important matters to discuss at the moment' look. "Oh. Right," she said softly.
"What are you going to do, Buffy? About your memories and everything?" Willow questioned her best friend with concern.
"I don't know," Buffy answered. "I mean, I want to go find my family and see my friends."
"But you're scared," Willow said, and her guess was confirmed with a small nod.
"It's just… it's been so long. What are they like? Are they married?" Buffy's stomach clenched painfully at the thought of Sirius married. Although it had been so long, she still wouldn't forget him. They say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder,' and she's been absent for a long time. She still carried her pendant around wherever she went, even though she had no idea where she got it until a couple of minutes ago. "Do they have kids? They're completely different people; I still know them as 16 year olds in school. What if..." Buffy's voice trailed off.
"What if what?" Xander asked.
"What if they've forgotten all about me?" Buffy voiced her fear.
"No one could forget the Buffster. No one would want to."
Buffy smiled slightly at Xander's comment. Of course they would be happy to see her. They had fought with their lives to keep her from being taken.
"I hate to interrupt this touching moment, but where are they?" Anya asked. "I mean, it's been over a decade. People move. Do you have any idea where they live?"
"They won't be too hard to find," Buffy said dismissively. "There are places that we could go that are only for wizards, and if someone doesn't know, I can always owl them."
The group nodded, having been previously informed about owl post.
"So, where exactly are you from Buffy? We've got nowhere to go, and nothing to do except find your family." Xander said. "I've never been to New York. Please say you're from New York. I've heard great things about it!"
"Actually, I'm from..." Buffy trailed off, her eyes growing wide with the realization.
"From." Xander prompted, moving his hands apart.
"Oh bloody hell, I'm English!" Buffy exclaimed, her true English roots showing through during a time of great distress. When Buffy realized what she said, she clamped her hand over her mouth.
There was a moment of silence and then Xander started laughing, pointing at her with one hand and leaning forward slightly. Willow grew excited at the prospect of going to England, and Giles said, "Oh dear Lord," before removing his glasses and polishing them.