I'm terrible. Horribly, terribly bad. You should all go buy rotten stuff to throw at me. But besides that point, things are going to start picking up a bit. At least for Hermione, Draco is going back to life and classes. Ron will be around him a bit more, and Ginny will be back too (she was with her friend while Hermione was in Hogsmeade). Harry will continue to be Harry, just the Harry without the Ron. And a few more things might be explained. All depends on my insane muses. Ok, enough babbling, here we go!

Chapter 33

Survival

Hermione's POV

The grass I landed on when the pulling stopped was wet. And it was raining. I didn't care. I had left Draco, the person who had kept me alive for the past few months. The one who gave me a reason to get up in the morning and face the day. I loved him with all my heart and that love scared me. I tried to ignore the problem, act like everything was fine. But the nightmares wouldn't stop. I woke up every night in a cold sweat breathing heavily. Draco didn't always hear me. After I woke, I would sit and watch him sleep. He looked so innocent with the moonlight illuminating his features and silvery blond hair. He was beautiful and I wondered how I came to be blessed with such a companion. Eventually, I'd fall back into a restless sleep to be wakened by Draco in a few short hours. The days were quiet and torturous. Draco would let me sit and think for hours, or we would talk about meaningless subjects. I spent every day in terror. Draco didn't see it. I wouldn't let him. He tried to fight my demons for me and I couldn't let him anymore. Because each time he tried he failed without realizing it. I couldn't tie him down any longer.

The rain continued to pour down in the darkness around me. I didn't know what time it was or even where I was. The pain in my heart and soul had sent me beyond caring anymore. My heart was aching and no one knew, much less cared.

A bright light flared into my eyes making me flinch and raise my arm to shield them. A worried sounding man's voice came from the shadows beyond the glare.

"Miss Granger? Miss Hermione Granger?" I merely nodded. "Thank goodness!" the relief in the man's voice almost surprised me. "I'm Benjamin Hurlberlen. Albus just flooed to let me know you were coming." He stepped into the wand light but his outline was oddly blurred. "Would you like to come inside? Betsy is fixing up a room for you right now." I could hear a smile in his voice and it made my heart ache. "Miss Granger, are you hurt?" he sounded worried again, but I made no move to stand, only nodded. My legs wouldn't let me move. The tiny man looked me over for a second, then walked over and scooped me up easily. I didn't bother protesting, merely turned my face to his shoulder and surrendered to the quiet blackness…

Draco's POV

After leaving Dumbledore, I stumbled back to our common room, numb. She had left and I didn't know where she had gone. I had spent the past two and a half years falling for this girl. The past month had been a beautiful dream with Hermione always at my side. She had seemed to be improving daily. The nightmares had almost stopped. Hogsmeade had been liberating for her, her spirits were up.

Then everything came crashing down around my ears.

I knew she still loved me, but when she left, it hurt. I stumbled away from the window and over to my trunk, rummaging to the bottom of it. My hand wrapped around smooth, cool glass. I pulled it out and smiled bitterly at the early 19th century Firewhiskey. I had taken it from my father's private stores. It had been meant for an after-ball party to loosen a few morals. Now I could drown myself in it.

Pulling out the cork, I took a hearty swig. It burned and I could feel the heat in my stomach that didn't quite reach to my freezing heart. I sank into the big chair in front of the fireplace and took another swig. To forget is a joy in and of itself.

My head was throbbing and I hadn't even opened my eyes yet. An insistent tapping in the back of my skull was driving me insane. I carefully opened one bleary eye and cursed a blue streak at the offending sunlight streaming through the window. A window at which a large black owl perched, glaring at me. I rose unsteadily and opened the window. The owl perched painfully on my arm while I clumsily untied the scroll. It nipped my hand before it flew out the window, drawing blood. I cursed at it and slammed the window shut. Bad idea. The sound echoed in my skull. I cursed again and threw the scroll on the table and myself back into the chair, rubbing my sore head. Re-opening my eyes after a few moments, I looked around for the bottle. It lay against my chair, empty. That explained the headache, but certainly not the owl.

Pulling myself out of the chair, I stumbled into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I tried to ignore my aching head and the answering echo from my heart. I laughed bitterly to myself, I knew it was hopeless.

The hot water soothed the aching muscles in my neck and back from sleeping in the chair all night. My mind also defogged a bit, but not enough to properly function. Wrapping myself in a towel, I went back to my trunk and pulled another, smaller bottle from the lining. A quick swig had me coughing and ready to throw up, but most of the hangover was gone. My head still throbbed, but I could deal with that. I dressed swiftly in black and walked over to the table where the scroll lay innocently.

Innocent and my father didn't belong in the same sentence and I almost laughed at the irony of it as I read.

Draco,

            I have heard reports of you missing classes for most of the year, and appearing in Hogsmeade yesterday in the presence of Potter's mudblood and a Weasley. You had better hope this report was a lie. You will be coming home to the manor for the winter holidays. Bartholemew will meet you at the station.

Don't be late.

                        L. Malfoy

My headache resumed back to its previous levels, along with my anger. I was not going to the manor for the holidays. I put my head back in my hands and just sat there. She had gone and taken my heart with her. My life was worthless.

A knock on the door startled me out of sleep a long while later and I threw a curse at the door.

"Draco Malfoy! What is your problem?" an infuriated girls voice met my ears. "Come open this door before I curse it down! Come on! I know you're in there!" with a muttered curse, I yanked the door open.

"What do you want." I tried to sound furious, but only ended up with a very tired-sounding annoyed.

"Wow. You look like crap." Ginny Weasley pushed past me into the room and a haggard looking Ron followed her. He gave me a sympathetic look and sat on the couch. Ginny stood near the fire and surveyed the room.

"What did you do to this place?" I looked around the room and took in her meaning. The beds were rumpled, clothes sat in various places around the room, there was shredded paper along with the empty bottle in front of my chair. Ginny picked up the bottle and gave me a look. "Did you drink this entire thing by yourself?"

"Yes. Now stop yelling." I rubbed at my head again.

"Then you deserve the headache." I glared at her but she didn't back down. "Get your cloak, we're going for a walk."

"What?" I was thoroughly confused.

"I said, get your cloak, we're going for a walk. You need to clear your head and I need to know what's going on." I didn't move, merely looked at the short, fire-haired girl who stood near my fireplace. Her composure crumpled, a pained look contorting her pretty features. "Mal-Draco, Hermione is my best friend. Now Dumbledore tells me she's not in the castle and that he can't tell me where she is. I know something happened to her at the end of this summer but she never told me what. I'm worried, and I'm scared. You're the only person she's had contact with since school started. I need to know. Please." She wiped at a few tears, but didn't drop her gaze. "Please, Draco." Her bright brown eyes were full of unshed tears, but there was still a determination in her gaze that wouldn't back down. I nodded and retrieved my cloak.

"Let's go."

Yes, I know. Quiet, angsty, hangoverish, but pivotal. At least, that's what my muses say. Anyway, I'm going on vacation for the next 3 weeks, so updates will be a no show. But that also means I'll have time to write now that my muse has decided to come along. Wish me luck! And thanks to all you wonderful reviewers for sticking with me. I know I have update issues, but sometimes a review will pull me back into the game. Thank you all soo much.

K