By Shin Sankai
Author Notes: Dah, I've been absent for sooooo long, makes me sad as all hell. I'm still not back, won't be fully back unless I own a laptop, which of course I have no money, no job for, so this is just real sporadic and stealing of best friends computer. Anywho, its totally random, no idea where it came from, so yeah, apologies to all.
OoooooooooooooooooooO
My fingers are so fucking cold, I wouldn't be surprised if they dropped off at any minute. I'm sure others have had that feeling before, either reading or typing away. While the rest of your body is nice and toasty warm, your poor fingers are stuck frozen as you speed over the keys on the keypad to try and end the suffering quicker or hurry to finish off a chapter in a book.
Of course there is always the decision to not type or read and instead curl in front of a heater, fire or under an electric blanket and remain there for the rest of the evening, but me, I'm intent on typing.
Why you might ask, because at the moment, in this cold creepy city, I've no one to keep me company. Ha! How ironic it is that me, genki Makimachi Misao is thoroughly depressed about moving to a new town. Thus to keep up "disguises" that I'm happy with life and Toudai, I write to Jiya (Okina) my adoptive grandfather telling him what has been going on for the past week or so. Time is money on the Internet sending an email…and I've got none. He's sent me all he could lend me and so I'm doing the best I can, while waiting to see if I can gain a student allowance while I begin my new life trying to gain a Bachelor of Arts.
And so here I am, blanket over my shoulders, fingers tips numb as I send an email to Omasu to actually pass onto Jiya. Like the old fool would sit in front of a computer. I wouldn't even want to know what he'd look up if he did ever work out how to get onto the net. Good old Omasu and her dial up connection still…and her passwords as well. I don't think she wants perverted Jiya spamming her computer with…ahem…naughty pictures.
I sigh aloud in my small one bedroom unit as I type "its cold, but the heater works great" when I don't even have it on. The electricity bill is high enough without needing me to add to it on the non-allowance that I have. And my stomach must be able to read the monitor as I type "yes, I'm eating well, just had yakitori and yasai yakisoba" as it begins to grumble away knowing that the instant ramen I had wasn't sufficient enough for it.
So why didn't I stay in Kyoto, where I could have gone to Art School and where I could have still been living above the Aoiya, doing part time work and eating and drinking happily, rent free and all that.
Two simple, yet so damn complicated it always makes me squirm, words:
Shinomori Aoshi.
Just that name alone makes me swoon.
He's been the Aoiya's accountant for many years now…hmm say about 5 or so…I don't know I never pay that much attention. In fact, I only stupidly stare at him as stupid Makimachi Misao does. Argh! Just thinking about all the times I've been caught, all the times I've blushed, stuttered, made a stupid nose like 'geh, huh, meh, ooooh' in his general hearing range makes me want to curl under my blanket and remain there for the rest of winter.
Can Makimachi Misao really hibernate? I frown as the answer instantly pops into my head. No, because she's too darn boisterous, energetic, playful and all those stupid adjectives that sometimes I wish I didn't have!
With the email finally complete by signing off with "much love, miss you heaps and come visit sometime" with of course the underlining meaning of "I'm lonely as hell", "save me from my boredom", "I need someone to take me out to get shit faced so I can forget about the misery I am in at the moment" and "don't you dare tell me anything about you-know-who". I'm not sure if they'll actually read into that, but hopefully someone will take the hint I don't need anymore information of "this is what Aoshi-san had to eat yesterday evening as he popped round to ask Okina some questions".
Though I have to admit in the past couple of emails that have been sent Aoshi had actually asked about how I was doing in Tokyo and whether I was actually okay. It of course, even though it could be a lie for all I know, made butterflies jump throughout my stomach. It made me happy to think that tall mysterious accountant actually asked about ME! Me of all people, the person who would not leave him alone and annoy him everytime he stopped by for his favourite green tea. I don't know if I truly did annoy him, but it seemed he liked peace and quiet more then me rambling away like a lunatic as I would invite myself to sit in front of him and chat about this and that and he would sip quietly at his tea and then murmur the occassional 'aa'.
That was one thing you could never tell about him, whether he liked your company or hated it. In fact it pissed me off at times that he just didn't open up his mouth, tell me to piss off and be done with it. I must have wasted so much oxygen as I spoke at the speed of lightning and yet sometimes, glimpses of his eyes almost made me think he was actually taking it all in. Ha! Fat chance Makimachi, that man is waaaaaay out of my league.
Why?
Well…actually I never really thought about it before. I mean there is that stupid cliché saying of opposites attract and all and I definitely know that he and I are as opposite as people can get. He's tall and I'm a bloody shrimp. He's gorgeous and refined and dignified and I'm plain and klutz prone as all hell. He likes quiet, he likes tea, he's sophisticated and looks damn good in a suit…and I'm happy with skipping about, not acting my age of 20 and looking like a complete bum. I don't wear expensive clothes, I'm not one on going out, but only for the fact I have no money to do so and no friends. Funny about that…since I kind of did leave them suddenly and move to a whole new city.
Were my friends sad that I actually moved away, hard to tell really? I think they never thought that I would ever leave the Aoiya altogether. My entire family lived there, even though we aren't related by blood, I'd known them since my parents had left me in Okina's care when they died at about the age of 5 or 6 or…something.
So of course when one grew an infatuation with the said accountant whose name I even flipped over at the mention of and had drunkenly confessed how sexy he was one New Years evening/morning, one really needed to escape the humiliation of hearing about this all the next day and weeks to come. Hell it didn't even stop when I was a whole city and several villages, towns and mountains away from them. So of course with that proclamation having been sing-sung to me with Aoshi in the same area I decided to blush ten shades of red (or was it twenty) and rush up to my room, transfer to Toudai from Kyoto University and would leave my home town with at least a little dignity (if I had any left to begin with).
Now with that over…and me not being able to thrust my stupid babbling self into Aoshi's general direction, I was now free to mope around depressingly without fear of Jiya going all teary eyed and making a complete ass out of himself…and also me in the process! Argh! The humiliation in front of that gorgeous man just NEVER ends!
Finally I log off the Internet, after checking the fact I've already been on for over an hour (argh) and decide its time to make a cup of cocoa and then sink into my mattress under three layers of blankets and try and think up inspiration for my practical art piece that I actually haven't started and its due in like 1 week! It of course is a charcoal semi-naked portrait picture and I'm trying to decide on 1) who the hell to draw, 2) what position I want them in and 3) they have to have some form of prop with them.
As I stand in the small kitchen that would only just fit two people within it, I listen to the kettle whistle as I poor the hot water into my Jiji look-a-like black and white cat mug and with blanket still looped over my shoulders I zigzag past the still unpacked boxes towards one of two doors in the unit - one being the bathroom and the other my bedroom.
Entering the disaster zone (thus being the bedroom) I flip on the light where my sketch board lives next to the very small window and climb over more boxes and dirty clothing and stand on my futon style bed and walk across it so I can place the mug onto the only cupboard like piece of furniture I have in the room. Its just a two drawer set that holds essential crap…meaning clean underwear and socks as well as a secret picture of the man I don't wish to name for fear of blush rushing to cheeks and then of course a photo of Jiya, Omasu, Okon, Shiro and Kuro as well. Somewhere else I have a photo album, which contain high school pictures, which frustratingly enough I haven't changed at all and also ones of friends and my parents as well.
As I settle into my unmade bed, where I have no electric blanket and stare blankly at the white page of my artbook, my mind was ready to wander back to the good old Kyoto days of bumming around all the time and not worrying about bills, when there is a sudden knock at my front door.
The hell…?
Is there some fire in the building and I haven't been told my fire alarm phone in the bathroom doesn't work or something? Groaning frustratingly and not giving a rats ass if the hall is on fire I trudge down the small hallway in purple knitted slippers, a pair of men's black track suit pants and red zip up jumper, I finally get the security chain off the door (my hands are frozen after all) and unlock it and finally push it open as I stare with narrowed eyes up at the intruder (who has their back to me) and who was just interrupting my "lazy time". They didn't have to know that lazy time for me was every day.
"So you are home. That is a relief."
And I do nothing but stare stupidly up at my tall intruder (who finally turned around) as my mouth opened and closed very much like the goldfish I had once owned before they died thanks to Jiya cleaning the bowl and absentmindedly forgetting to take the fish out when he poured the water down the sink and watched as Flip and Flop (hey I was like 10 when I got them!) went straight down the drain in the kitchen.
"A-A-Aoshi-san, what are you doing here…and at this hour!"
I'm completely stumped for words, but at least something came out even though it was pathetic. Though it was better then my first initial reaction, which happened to be 'glomp the sucker senseless'.
"Is 7pm too late for you?"
I quickly look back at my hallway clock and feel like an old grandma getting ready for bed at 7pm since Aoshi had been telling the truth after all. Well, excuse me for not having a life. And the real reason, it gets dark rather quickly in winter and I never look at the time and the simple fact that I never tell anyone, I have no good jackets to go out in so I don't freeze my scrawny butt off.
I laugh nervously as I stare down at my purple slippers and finally take note that Shinomori Aoshi is not in a suit! It's quite surprising really and then it stupidly hits me that he's standing in the hallway, two bags over his shoulders and I haven't even invited him into my home yet.
"Ah, sorry, come on in. Its rather…err…messy, I didn't expect company at all…so…err…yeah…" With that hopeless explanation I open the door wider for him and watch him step inside and only stand in the hallway, as it's the only part of the place with some light available.
"Ah, wait there, I'll turn the lights on."
I do as I said, shuffling past him and getting a nice musky whiff of his aftershave and can't help but breathe deeper before stumbling over some storage boxes and straight into my two seater couch.
"Are you alright Misao?"
God I love how he calls out my name. Wait, I must answer him…
"Ah, yeah, just stupid clumsy me being…err…clumsy."
I flip on the lamps, since they have energy saver bulbs in them and watch Aoshi breeze through my messy belongings and place his bags near the small coffee table I got for 50 bucks from an op-shop. After that he carefully sits onto the only seat available, the couch.
"So, ah, what brings you to Tokyo? Holidaying?"
Why did that sound so stupid? Mainly for the fact that Aoshi and holidaying didn't seem to fit. It seemed he liked working…a lot…a little too much as I always saw him with a laptop or briefcase or folders when at the Aoiya. So why did I ask such a lame question? To begin a pointless conversation, so I could take in his deep sultry voice for I had been missing it for the past 6 months. Six months without seeing Aoshi and he hadn't changed at all. He was still as beautiful as ever, manly beautiful that is.
"You haven't changed at all."
Damn, could he read my mind?
"Ah, I was thinking the same about you." I nervously voice and practically sit right on top of the couch arm for fear if I moved any closer to Aoshi, smelled his aftershave again, I'd probably end up throwing myself at him…sober…and that would be worse then drunk…err…I think.
"Aa…"
I sighed lightly, hoping he didn't hear it for fear that he was annoying me, far from it actually, but it still felt weird. I was in my own place, with Aoshi in my place and no Jiya around to embarrass me.
"Are you going home for New Years?"
Wow, Aoshi had evolved somehow, having actually started a conversation with me.
"Err…no, I can't. I haven't been able to get Student Allowance yet, so money is tight. Besides I don't know if I can afford another scary New Years of everyone having bets on me as to what I'd say to you next if I got overly drunk again."
Argh, why the hell did I say that for!
The room fell silent at once. There was no sighs, no 'aa' no…nothing. This was worse then the 'aa' remark I always received. Quick, think of another icebreaker.
"Ah, would you like tea? I have tea!" And before he can answer I'm in the kitchen in a flash, cheeks beginning to burn. As I potter around in my kitchen, feeling very self-conscience as I'm still in my male tracksuit ensemble and purple slippers (very unflattering), the awkwardness is not broken by tea, but in fact Aoshi speaking once more.
"I bring gifts from Okina and the others."
This drags me from the kitchen, cheeks down to a normal pinkish tone as I venture into my messy all-in-one lounge/dining/living room and stare at the bags Aoshi is pointing too.
"All this is from Jiya?"
Aoshi has waved me to the couch as though it belongs to him, inviting me to sit down and yet I find myself doing exactly that before he bends slightly over and in front of me so I catch a profile shot of him (perfect) as he hands me one of the bags. Slowly I unzip it, as though waiting for something to come popping out right into my face. Once I figure out nothing is going to do that I lift the flaps apart and begin pulling out the goodies within.
My favourite peppermint tea, loads of pocky, several packets of ramen as well as some soumen noodles for when summer comes back. There is also some gloves, another scarf, but this one seemingly matches the pair of slippers I've just pulled out. It feels like Christmas and of course I'm smiling childishly into the "black hole" bag as I pull more and more stuff out of it. Notebooks, pens, letter writing paper (hint from Jiya not to use the Internet so much), stamps and general stationary crap. There is also a wind chime stashed in there and finally in the dull light I pull out the last item to happily dump it onto the coffee table along with the rest of the goods I have received, only this is far more embarrassing.
Condoms…flavoured ones no less and also to my complete horror suited for "larger" sized men as well.
With my face tomato red or is it beetroot red? Who knows…? I (as calmly as I could) scoop everything back into the bag and zip it back up. As I try to look over at Aoshi without him noticing too much I find that he is in actual fact still staring at the coffee table where the condoms had been sitting. Argh, the embarrassment of it all! Damn you Okon and Omasu and your scheming ways!
"Here…"
It's the only thing Aoshi seems to think he can say and hands me the other bag and I open it up, not caring if something flies out and hits me in the face this time and notice this bag opens up like a laptop carry case. I place it on the coffee table and pry it apart to see art supplies, beautiful, pretty and quite expensive brand art supplies staring up at me.
"Ah, I loooooooove you Jiya!"
I couldn't help but scream aloud as I picked up the tin of charcoal knowing I had just used the last one I borrowed from the art studio at Toudai with random bubbles and stars and fantasy pictures of anime bishounen swepping a lame picture of myself off my feet. Yes I know, I'm a sad, sad, girl…and I don't care what they say. Not that loads of people would actually know of this infatuation of mine (especially the man before me) as my laptop is hidden away with hundreds of pictures on it. I'd gotten it from everyone at the Aoiya as a high school graduation present.
"Actually…"
I look up at Aoshi, having just been practically drooling over the watercolour paints within this little artsy style carry case (complete with paint brushes, pencils of all sizes and colours as well) to find him looking directly at a random sketch I'd done hanging up on my wall above the very small television I owned.
"Those are a gift…from me."
And I'm completely and utterly speechless. He did what…?
"You always talked about this particular store in the CBD and once I realised how much you loved art, I decided that since I've known you for so long and I was coming here for work, I felt compelled to bring you a gift."
"But…but…this is too much! I can't possibly…"
I shut up instantly by Aoshi's green-grey eyes staring pointedly down and into my ocean blues ones.
"Though I'm sure you wish for money from Okina and the others then random stationary and perhaps even condoms, I wanted to bring you something I know you'd truly desire."
You mean…other then you that is?
"Ah, thank you so much!" I could feel an appreciative flush crossing my cheeks as I beam a thousand watt smile at Aoshi and observe with baited breath as his thin lips form a small curve as he half smiles at me.
Kawaii…I carefully place the charcoal back into the perfectly packed case and smooth my fingers over it. So, in the end, after all the mindless chatter he listened to me babble to him, he was truly listening all along.
"Yattaa!"
"Eh?"
Oops…
"I…I mean…um…thank you…for…err…listening to me I guess."
Damn that feels rather odd to say to him. And by the expression on his face, just the little screwed tips of his eyebrows I don't think he truly understands what I meant…and thus in try Makimachi Misao fashion I ramble away.
"Well I always bothered you at the Aoiya, ranted about this and that, pointless things about art and junk and you just took it all in. I thought several times that perhaps I was annoying you while you quietly sat and sipped your tea and didn't have the heart to tell me to piss off for being damn annoying and yet nowadays I know you aren't that kind of person…so…yeah thanks."
Oh great, now he's just looking quietly down at me.
"Please don't do that. Please don't stare at me when I've no idea what's roaming around in that head of yours."
I hear myself mutter and fidget within my seat. I feel a pressure on my head and puppishly (hell I doubt that's even a freaking word) look up at Aoshi through my thick messy bangs as I find his hand is resting atop my head.
"You never annoyed me Misao. Its quite refreshing actually."
Refreshing…? What did that mean?
"Um, did I ask what you were doing here?"
I hope that doesn't come off as damn rude, but I can't even remember if I asked what he was doing in Tokyo.
"You asked, but I never got around to answering…properly that is."
"Well…?"
"I've actually transferred to Tokyo for awhile."
Transferred…to Tokyo? I do nothing but blink up at him, as though this information hasn't registered within me and yet it has, because a little Misao within my head is leaping for joy and screaming: "I have a friend in Tokyo!".
"The accountant branch has sent me here for several months, temporarily as an offer to move up the rankings in the business…or something."
"Or something…? That's not like you to forget vital information Aoshi-san. You always remember everything…unfortunately. Anyway if you truly did forget, it means something else is clearly on your mind."
Woah, was that…a look of surprise on his face?
"You never cease to amaze me Misao."
I blink up at him, Aoshi still standing proud and tall and looking very nice in his black jeans, slightly baggy and leather jacket. Underneath that jacket I'm sure it's a grey button down shirt. Can't be too sure and can't be too obvious in my spying either. And me, I'm still dressed in the most hideous baggy clothing ever, covering every curve I supposedly have on my body and looking non-sexy at all. See, total opposites.
"I did come for another reason. Okina kept talking about you, missing you, worrying about you, thinking you were not eating right and when I told him I was heading to Tokyo, he asked me to come check up on you."
My heart sank instantly. So, it was all Jiya's idea.
"However, as time passed, as I sat by myself in the Aoiya, with no Misao bustling about and then sitting to chat with me, I realised perhaps I too…missed you."
Whaaaaaaaaaat? I watched Aoshi rake a hand through his hair, carefully following the long silky smooth jet-black strands as they fell back into place. Was this a sign of…shyness, maybe nervousness for Aoshi? Where those even within his character?
"So when I made my final decision to come to Tokyo I did it on a professional and personal basis."
"I…see…"
Well, how else was I supposed to react? The ever unemotional, enigma that is Shinomori Aoshi had just confessed he missed me…perhaps…and that is surprising enough to render me into un-genki Misao.
"So what your trying to say is you transferred because…"
I had begun, but stopped when Aoshi fidgeted in his prone spot and then began to pace the carpet. It was rather…cute actually.
"I transferred because I wanted to see the person who seemed to understand me the most…in a weird sort of way because we weren't exactly regular friends. I wanted to make sure she was okay as well. I hoped that she was thinking of me, perhaps…a little…and maybe, just maybe still thought I was a mystery to try and solve. Not only that I hoped she still had the same thoughts that I was tall, quietly sweet and…sexy."
I felt the flush appear again…and this time bit my lip as Aoshi stopped pacing and once more turned to face me, his eyes seemingly brighter then what I first thought they were as his long bangs had been brushed away from them. It was all true, everything he spoke, as hard as it seemed for him to choke out, was right in his eyes, for me to do with as I pleased. The "colder" side of Aoshi had been suppressed slightly, to see what I would do. This was vulnerable Aoshi and all I could come up with was,
"Kawaii…"
"Ah, Misao, have you been listening to…"
He never could finish as I stood up on my couch, stepped onto the coffee table and engulfed him in a hug, one that literally surprised him as his arms remained at his sides while I clenched mine around his shoulders, my head tucked into the side of his neck. God he smelt even better up close.
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to solve the mystery of you, but, I'd like to be with you anyway."
I guess my positive answer from Aoshi of "yes, lets try this out", "thank you" or "I'd like that very much too" came in the form of his arms moving around my petite form.
"I thought perhaps there was no chance for you and me."
"Why?"
"Well I thought I annoyed you remember? And then I thought I was being too obvious with always bouncing over to you serving you tea and trying to strike a conversation with you…and lets not even go into the New Years saga."
I beamed a smile into his neck as I felt his masculine chest vibrate softly against mine. The very first Aoshi chuckle I'd ever heard…and it was now forever treasured.
"And here I thought I was being obvious at always having dinner or tea at the Aoiya, wanting to see your face, wanting to hear you talk, laugh and smile in my general direction."
So, we had been missing each other all along. I wonder just how long for as well, but instantly dismiss it because here I am, my arms around him, his around me and yet all I can think of (embarrassingly enough) is that damn packet of condoms in the other bag!
"I wonder how long we've been missing each other?"
Aoshi "expertly" ponders aloud while I feel his tender lips brush softly against my ear. Damn, why do I have to feel like the perverted one here?
"Ah, yeah, I was thinking that too."
I "convincingly" reply back, arms strengthening around Aoshi's shoulders even though he's grip is slowly loosening from my waist, as he wants to place me back onto the carpet. I finally let go after a long few minutes, like a child not wanting to release their toy to let others play with it and stare up at Aoshi, who in fact has eyes elsewhere. I follow his vision and come upon the other black bag.
"Say Misao, about those condoms…"
Oo The Next morning oO
I stretch in my cramped futon, which generally isn't cramped and blink my eyes open to find it like this because a certain beautiful naked man is occupying it with me.
Aoshi is lying before me, head pillowed on his right arm as he lies facing my general direction with the blankets conveniently arranged around his most satisfying package. Of course just thinking of that makes me blush instantly and I have to tare my eyes away and now stare at my blank artbook sitting prominently on my sketch board.
And like a heart attack, inspiration hits me square in the chest and I carefully and as quietly as possible leave the bedroom to get my new art supplies of charcoal before entering once again, stepping over strewn clothing and turning the sketch board awkwardly to half face the sleeping Aoshi.
Sitting naked at my sketch board, with not an inch of embarrassment (unless Aoshi awakens and just stares at me with that hungry stare which always gets me groaning) I pencil away the outline of him with my prop as crinkled blankets and my portrait assignment is of course him.
Ah, gomen ne my new lover, but you are soooooo what is needed in the world of semi nudity art, but I promise never to draw you awake or your…ehehehe…package. I'm selfishly keeping that to myself.
As I start outlining his chest I pout slightly when Aoshi moves out of position and place the charcoal down. Hmm, perhaps if I spend more time there…in bed…feeling his form I'll be able to draw him from memory. Hm, I like this idea. And with that thought set in place I wipe the charcoal off and crawl back into bed, lifting the blankets over my now chilly naked self, but I guess I don't have to worry about cold anymore as in sleep Aoshi moves once more and this time practically engulfs me with his larger build and decides to bury his head into my neck.
Ah, what do I care if I'm being slightly crushed under his build, he's definitely what I need to ride out the winter.
Oo The End oO