17.6.05

"But she's going out with that Ravenclaw, what's his name? Jonas? Finch. That's the one. Finch. He's huge."

"Yeah, but he's a loser. She'd be much better off with you, Prongs."

"Well, I know that, Padfoot. It's just that, there are, you know...rules...with this kind of thing. Aren't there?"

Remus glanced at Sirius to see how he would respond. "He might have a point there, Padfoot."

Sirius waved his hands dismissively. "Well, rules were made to be broken, weren't they?"

"Is that what your mother taught you, Sirius?" James joked. Remus and Peter shot him a Look and the smile quickly disappeared from his face.

"My 'mother'," Sirius replied, "taught me that anyone other than a Pureblood was filth and I had no right to associate with anyone that she didn't approve of." The hardness left his expression as he nudged James in the ribs and tweaked Peter's nose. "And that, my friends, means you lot." He winked. His friends let out the breath they had been holding. "But did I listen to the woman? No. Here I am, breaking the rules. So yes, you might say that my mother did teach me that, Prongs. And it's the only good thing she did," he muttered.

Remus took it upon himself to lighten the mood. "So, presuming you can get within a ten foot radius of Lily and her troll-like boyfriend, what are you going to do?"

Groaning, James buried his face in his hands. Sirius kicked Remus lightly on the shin.

"Now what did you have to go and say that for? Eh? Leave romantic matters to me."

"Because you're just a wealth of knowledge, right, Padfoot?"

"Indeed, Wormtail, I am. And please note that sarcasm will not be taken kindly. Especially from you, unskilled as you are in the ways of love."

"Oh, but he isn't!" Remus butted in with a grin. "Are you, Peter?"

Pettigrew stuttered and shrank in his chair. Sirius gaped and drew closer. Even James had crawled out of his self-pitying reverie and was winking at the blushing young man. Remus sank comfortably into his chair and folded his arms behind his head, a self-satisfied smile coolly covering his face.

"Come on, now, Wormtail, do tell about the lucky lady."

"Where did you meet? Potions? The library? The dungeons? Did you sweep her off her feet?"

"Peter?" Remus nudged lightly. "Aren't you going to tell? Perhaps James could do with the advice."

James shot Lupin a glare before returning his astonished gaze to Pettigrew, now sinking lower and lower into the armchair. He covered his face with a cushion and mumbled something unintelligable.

"What was that, Pete?" James smiled. "The Giant Squid?"

"Nooooooo," Peter gave out a muffled groan. "Leave me alone."

Sirius turned. "Moony? Enlighten us?"

"With pleasure... well -"

"Don't! If you do I'll tell them about..." Peter mouthed a name at Lupin. "You know..."

Remus blanched suddenly.

Sirius rubbed his hands together. "Oh, I do like this," he said. "Scandal, eh, Prongs!"

"Talking of Prongs," Remus managed through gritted teeth. His voice seemed to be breaking somewhat. "Weren't we talking about Evans?"

"Oh yes, but Lily can wait!"

James opened his mouth to protest but Sirius kicked him sharply. James winked. "Oh, yes. Evans can wait. This is far better. Wormtail and Moony...who knew, lads, who knew?"

During this quick exchange Lupin and Pettigrew had been mouthing threats at each other violently. Peter was rising out of his cushioney hideout, smiling wider as Remus squirmed. Remus drew his finger across his throat sharply and then pointed at Pettigrew, narrowing his eyes. Peter pursed his lips in return, mimicking kisses. James and Sirius looked on, amazed. Remus folded his arms and glared. Peter smiled. Remus turned away for a second.

"Peter fancies a teacher," he said suddenly. James and Sirius burst out laughing. Pettigrew turned a dangerous shade of pink.

"Remus is going out with a Ravenclaw!" Peter retorted desperately.

"Peter's given her a nickname!"

"Remus sits next to her in..." he paused for dramatic effect "Charms!" James let out a screech. Remus' eyes narrowed.

"Peter mumbles her name when he's sleeping," he said in a low voice.

"Remus sneaked out of the castle to meet her and kiss!"

"Peter writes her love poems! They're under his bed!"

"I caught them together only last week! She plays for the Quidditch team and they sneak into the changing rooms together!"

Remus glared at Peter pointedly, drawing himself up fully in his chair. "Her name is..."

"Jennifer Henson!"

"Professor Jillis. Or should I say 'Love-Pigeon'!"

Peter gasped and faltered. Remus smiled viciously and turned away. Peter hid beneath his cushion once more. James and Sirius broke the tense silence by laughing uncontrollably. Tears were running down Sirius' face and James slipped out of his chair.

"Funny, you two?" Remus snapped. "Can we get back to the point now?"

"And that was?" Sirius asked between shouts of laughter.

"Lily Evans," Remus stated.

James stopped laughing and climbed back into his seat. "He's got a point, Padfoot. What am I going to do? She can't stand me. She'd probably prefer Remus."

"And why wouldn't she; he's a fine stallion of a man!" Sirius giggled, punching Remus on the shoulder.

"Don't make me hex you," Lupin threatened.

Sirius breathed and put on a straight face. "Alright, alright, we'll discuss your little Chaser later, Moony. And as for Love-Pigeon...Peter, I am truly disgusted. But, yes, Prongs and Evans. Just...kiss her."

"That's it? That's all you can come up with? And what about Finch? He's a giant, for God's sake!"

"Well, it's always worked for me," Sirius shrugged. "And Moony too, apparently. You old fox, you."

Remus pulled out his wand. "I warned you, Padfoot." Peter sniggered. "Shut it, Love-Pigeon." Peter was suddenly quiet. "Why don't you just talk to her? Finch can't mind her having a friend. Besides, he won't be able to see you; you're so small...alright, alright, not helping. But I've got a point, haven't I?"

"You know, he might, Prongs," Sirius nodded.

"So if I just talk to her..."

"...you can win her over with your manly charms at a later date."

"Just plant a few thoughts in her head about what an imbecile Finch is," Peter added. "You'll be away."

"She'll be yours in no time," Remus smiled.

"And then you can double date!" Sirius grinned. "Remus and Jenny-Wenny. Potter and dear Lily. Bless. So, explain, Moony, Wormtail; how this incredible turn of events took place."